Monday, May 22, 2017

Just Watched Botched (Plastic Surgery Show)

I know I said the next post would be about my music interests, but something that I watched greatly interested me even more. I will discuss writing and music soon.

My mother was watching tv when she called me into the living room. I took a break from working to find out she wanted me to see the human Barbie on Botched. This is a tv show my family often watches due to our interest in getting plastic surgery. My mother told me it's the living doll who got six ribs removed for a small waist. This is a person who got plastic surgery to look like a real life cartoon. I have heard of this woman before prior to the show, but this was the first time I watched her in real time. I thought she was really beautiful and she greatly inspired me. Although I have ran across so much criticism about her, I don't think of her as weird and dumb for wanting to look like a real life cartoon. It's nice seeing that there are others who thinks like me, and who wants the same as I do. It's also very nice to have a mother who supports my decision in becoming a living doll.

My mother then was discussing with me about my plastic surgery goals. She was concerned about the number of ribs I wish to have removed. I confirmed I am 100% certain I want 4 or 5 ribs removed on each side, to have a dollie waist. She approved still, but what displeased us the most were the scars in the back. I worried about how big or much of a scar would it leave me as well. I am still certain I want the ribs removed in the back as well. Still, I'm thinking about the scar it will leave. The only two things I won't get done, and I agree with my mother is getting bigger lips and bigger boobs. I don't think it suits me. For my face however, I plan to get a little bit of rhinoplasty. My mother explained to me that the plastic surgeon is actually breaking the nose in order to do this. I am accepting that for my desired dollie appearance. My mother recently discussed getting the ribs removed in the back, and despite the risk of a scar, I will proceed. Some wear corsets too, but I'm not sure about that.

The human cartoon girl who got six ribs removed, she did inspire me and my mother on my goals. For me, I want to look like an Ellowyne Wilde doll or Anime character. I recently heard that there are many plastic surgeons in Turkey who has performed living doll surgery. If I would travel though, I would select Japan. However like what I said before, I am settling to get started with my appearance in the United States. Like the human cartoon, this is my dream as well. To look beautiful and porcelain and dollie. I want to look like a real life doll because it's beautiful to me.

I guess that's all. I just wanted to post about how this woman who is a real life cartoon or Barbie inspired me even more to pursue my own dream to become a human doll.

Sunday, May 21, 2017

Trying to Get Back Into Writing

Again due to how random my mind is, I gotten off topic a bit. As originally an author blog, I will try to start posting related topics. I will continue to post about my living doll career and other random things that comes to my mind.

After a year or two of taking a break from my writing projects, I am recently trying to get motivated again. Since I have countless projects, I rarely go through writer's block. I however go through daily distractions and interruptions. For me, I concentrate better when things are mellow, quiet or semi quiet and when I'm able to hear my music. It can be hard finding those times where I can really get into my research and writing without distractions. My house is hardly ever quiet, especially for hours. There's always some loud noise or something to tear me away from my concentration. After I lose it, I may lose my motivation to continue working. Sometimes I can ignore the loud noises in my house, but if they are constant (most of times they are), I cannot ignore them. It's pretty funny, because there is almost always loud talking, shouting, loud music, singing, excessive dog barking, someone asking me a question, especially quite often which bangle matches a Salwar Kameez outfit or something. The house gets quiet briefly during 1:00 p.m. This is for about 30 minutes. I take advantage of the quietness.

I am currently working on my six book Fantasy series. This is the series I plan to publish first. Now I'm continuing my research and rereading the second to final draft. It's nice to remember I have to rewrite everything one last time. Through the years, my first series underwent over twenty revisions and rewrites. So I'm glad when I finally finish this up. My next step for research is learning French. I have pushed all other language learning aside to study Japanese. This I felt was necessary since my family plans to move to Japan, and I understand the importance of knowing Japanese. Also, Japanese will be one of the main languages I will use for my career. So I soon will get back into learning French. Also, I am currently learning about France and the French culture.

However, my biggest step is getting pass distractions. I am usually able to work better around 2:00 a.m. until sunrise or about 4:00 a.m. This is usually when everyone else is asleep, and it's semi quiet. That's unless everyone is still up or someone wakes up. My family tends to go to bed pretty late. So this means I am often wide awake working on my projects during as what the paranormal investigators call it, "witching hour". This is a time between 1:00 a.m. until 4:00 a.m., when spirits are most active. Yes, this means my house is most active during this time with paranormal activity as well. It can get quite unnerving, but I have gotten use to this. If I see, feel or hear something, I just write it down and resume to my other work. I have a paranormal log from the years of my family's experiences in the haunted house. I will share this later in another post. During the witching hour, there is a cold breeze, the feeling of being watched and a dark eeriness throughout the house. Sometimes I even witness ghosts or a lot of times demons walking about. This doesn't scare me, but I tend to shrug it off. This is normal to me. Sometimes at night, I watch to see what sort of weird things I would see walk through the back door. During these times, I'm up trying to get work done. I do find this time however the most inspiring.

After staying up all night, when the sun is coming up, I take a nap. When my family is up and wide awake, I'm dozing off. Sometimes it can be hard to sleep due to the noise in my house as well. However recently, I have found inspiration during the day even if I stayed up all night.   

So now I am gradually getting back into writing. I read some piece about how to actually do this. Many authors suggest even if you don't feel like writing, write anyway. So this I've been doing or trying to do. I will be interested in sharing more about my music inspirations and my music taste soon.

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

Living Doll Transformation Progress

The more days pass, the more I wish to have my complete living doll transformation. Since moving back into our house, my dollie clothing, accessories, wigs and makeup returned. I have to now sort the boxes out to find all of my things. The movers did not handle my items with care, which I'm not too happy with. I'm currently trying to repair my damaged wigs.

I began purchasing and collecting dolls, kawaii decor, plush things, and anything I can collect that fits my living doll lifestyle. If people are wondering, yes, I actually live my life like a real life doll. I practice this everyday by decorating all my surroundings like a dollhouse. Every inch of the house must be kawaii. Also, I am required to always wear dollie clothing, accessories and makeup. Most importantly, I'm never caught out of character. This is a 24/7 lifestyle that I love. Of course there are always room to improve. My goal is to finally complete my appearance and to live wholly kawaii. I have to become completely cute. I find it fun and it most fits me to live as a real life doll. I will further share how I actually live as a doll. Many other girls express interest and amazement, and also that they are certain their parents would never allow them to do something like this. This makes me even more grateful my mother is heavily into body modifications, and that she approves of me to live like a real life doll. One has said I remind them of the song Barbie Girl. This seemed interesting to me.

I have purchased a lot of clothing, but I must make more clothing. Currently, I am designing original outfits for my official living doll brand. Most of my designs are Lolita or Victorian. The item I mostly need are more shoes. When looking at kawaii styled shoes, most of them have heels. No, I cannot walk in heels, but I'm willing to practice.

Pretty soon, I hope to find a plastic surgeon who can help with my doll appearance. I believe the most invasive procedure is getting 4 or 5 ribs removed for a doll waist. To most it sounds really painful and extreme, but it's not as bad as it sounds. Of course, I need other procedures done. I'm 100% sure I will be satisfied with the results. I'm not deterred by pain or price. Yes it is all necessary to look completely porcelain. Pretty soon, I hope to purchase an Ellowyne Wilde doll to start my Ellowyne collection, and for plastic surgery reference. I now am settling for a plastic surgeon in the United States only with exceptions. The plastic surgeon must be willing to give me what I want, and what I'm paying for. Recently, I have been reading other living doll's stories about how much they paid to look like a doll. The answer is yes, I'm also willing to pay thousands to look like a real life doll; well any amount to get the results I want.

I may give a plastic surgeon an anime character or doll as reference or a neutral reference. That's because I just remembered I really would love to become an anime typed living doll. It is an original brand and character, but it's anime themed.

Like I said I would mention, since I like different cultures, I plan to use different cultures for my clothing and decorating. So far, I have incorporated the Native American culture into my decorating. Soon I hope to add the Moroccan, Turkish and Russian themes. I just love vivid colours, attention to detail and originality that some of these cultures have. My favourite though is the Japanese and Korean culture and decor for obvious reasons. The more quirky, whimsical, kawaii, vivid and unique the better.

Although I may understand the reason, I notice there aren't too many extreme living dolls who are of Middle Eastern descent. I don't mean the ones who just wears Lolita clothing, but ones like other extreme living dolls; transforming themselves into real life dolls and living as a doll. I noticed this observation after deciding to become a living doll. I shrugged it off, not really concerned about this though.

Soon I will further explain my daily routines and my daily preparations to having a life as a living doll. I just find this world fun, whimsical, stress relieving and something not everyone understands. However, it is my form of expressing true beauty and art. It becomes more so like art when culture is included into the lifestyle. It will be interesting to be one of few Arab Iraqi/Syrian and Taiwanese Aborigines to become an extreme living doll.

Sunday, April 9, 2017

Living Doll Plans: Favourite Styles

I learned of the few required steps taken in order to become a living doll. It can be a process, in which some things can take longer than others. The end results make the process worth it. My step is continuing to plan out my living doll brand. This is especially important to me since I'm using my living doll lifestyle for my writing projects too. I have written down notes of the type of living doll I wish to be, my clothing and style selection and other things. While I was discussing things with my mother and viewing dolls, I noticed there are too many styles to select just one.

For instance, I reflected upon the memories I have of Barbie. Also Barbie is the doll to begin the trend of girls transforming themselves into dolls. Most importantly, I remember always being obsessed with Barbie. However, I don't want to become a human Barbie. I will sometimes dress like Barbie because I love her style. I also love the theme of the color pink. The other I remember are the Bratz dolls. Although some clothing is a bit too plain for me, there are styles I would love to wear. I discussed being a Bratz doll with my mother, but she didn't think it was a good idea. When I thought about it I agreed; to look exactly like a Bratz doll I would need much larger lips. That is one procedure I would regret. Recently, I found the vintage doll Madame Alexander. I really liked the dresses, and not really the face of the doll. I mean not to look like. With that stated, I wanted to become an Ellowyne Wilde doll. Well I will portray as the Ellowyne doll until I am able to reveal my own dollie style. I am still working on it. I realized now I would be actually transforming myself into more like an Anime styled doll.

No, I don't really remember watching Anime. I remember it, but I never watched Anime until recently. However, I stopped watching Anime in 2015. I lost interest in watching Anime and reading manga. Although I am not interested in Anime that way, I love the cosplay, the appearance of many girl characters and the style of the Japanese fashion. I became more interested in Japan, Japanese culture and the Japanese language. So I am currently designing clothing for my lifestyle. My favourite is lolita and also Decora. Decora is when girls wears multiple hair accessories in their hair, buttons, often too stickers on their faces and other whimsical accessories and clothing. The key is to wear almost as many accessories as you can. I love Decora because I'm drawn to things that are different and unusual. In my opinion, this fashion is whimsical, fun and a great way to wear your accessories. It's also a good excuse to purchase and make more accessories.

Lolita is one of my favourites to wear everyday because this style mostly fits dollie wear. I love the dresses with lots of lace, layers and details. My other favourite style is the gothic Lolita and plain goth. Black is a beautiful color and lolita goth is a beautifully unique style. I own a few lolita goth dresses, tops and skirts. I love lolita goth because it's dark, but yet has a whimsical, dollie and fun twist to traditional goth. I recently discovered a style called pastel goth. Instead of black and dark colors, whimsical and colorful things are worn.

For makeup and fashion, I love the Gyaru look. The makeup perfectly matches living doll makeup. This is why I only wear Gyaru makeup. I don't mean the style where girls sort of make their skin look orange, but I mean the cutey, dollie style of Gyaru. I recently discovered the Korean makeup style, Ulzzang. Like Gyaru, Ulzzang looks dollie and this is why I also practice this type of makeup. I have lots of clothing and accessories from South Korea. This let me discover Korean fashion. I find it sort of similar to Japanese fashion, cute, but it has its own style. Purchasing these items has started an interest in Korean culture, fashion and music. My sister was obsessed with South Korea and everything Asian way before I liked Asian culture. No one can be more obsessed than her. I always had an interest in England.  

My second favourite style is vintage. I love wearing clothing from the Retro and Victorian era the best. There are many styles and themes I like. They all have to be interesting, whimsical and doll styled. Lastly, I am interested in traditional dresses, and I will start making these outfits soon. My favourites is Ukrainian, Russian, Bulgarian, Latvian, Native American, Korean, Japanese, Chinese, Mnong and the most favourite is Czech. I will wear traditional dresses from my family's culture as well. I have been mostly running across burkas, but found a few clothing that I can make fit my lifestyle. Mostly I found Portuguese, Indian, Turkish and Russian traditional clothing. I will also make and wear Native American accessories and clothing to honor my step-grandma's culture. I also think the Native American traditional clothing is beautiful.

So these are my preferred styles for my living doll lifestyle. I hope soon to get back to wearing the clothing I love, and I hope to make a lot of clothing for my collection.   

Thursday, April 6, 2017

New Plans

As you probably notice for those who viewed our house, my family decided to remove it off the market, as I mentioned before. We have many people calling and visiting to see the house, but no one was brave enough to purchase a haunted house. My family felt it was fair to disclose that information to be honest. If I knew that the house was haunted when my family purchased it, I wouldn't have wanted to move into the house. However yes, we received a flow of people wanting a tour of the house. There were many Russians coming from Russia just to see the house. I never met a Russian, so it was an interesting experience meeting one, two to be exact. There was a man and a female realtor who came into the house at night. The introduction was a bit awkward and weird though. Every time my mother would tell them her name, they both greeted us in Arabic. They thought we were Muslim for some reason. They kept repeating the greeting, which became awkward. It was even more awkward that everything we said, they thought we were speaking in Arabic. Weird. It's kind of funny now, which is the reason why I'm sharing it. At the time though it was confusing and awkward because everyone was obviously confused about the whole thing. Other than that, despite of the stereotypes about Russians, these two sure smiled alot. Also they were friendly, interested and the opposite of cold and distant. After that strange greeting, my family had a weird connection to them. They treated us as if we were one of them, seemingly knowing then of our connection to Russians. The two realized my family had Russian accents, we liked the same things that people in Russia likes and oddly had the same color choices and styles. Anyway, that was one story of when I first met Russians. Everyone who made a connection to the house expressed a great fear, and did not return. So I am uncertain if I will reconsider registering the house in the historic records.

Since my family has no plans to move now, I will begin my process of transforming myself into a real life doll. Although not original plan, I am considering turning my bedroom into a dollhouse. I just have to compact my ideas into a smaller space, that's fine. I will update my progress of my transformation. This is something I really want, and believe me, I thought about it before proceeding with my transformation. My mother even warned me that if I transform myself into a doll, I couldn't go back. In reality, I wouldn't want to go back. Although most of the world criticizes, being a living doll is beautiful art to me. I want to be a doll, a real life doll. For years, I have wanted this, and I cannot wait any longer. My living doll career also is a part of my author career/brand as well. During plastic surgery, yes, I will proceed with the removal of a few of my ribs. This is to have a Barbie sized waist. I will get 4 or 5 ribs removed. My goal is not to become only one type of doll, but a versatile living doll. I shall further explain this in another post, with my diet plan I am following.

I was dormant on DeviantArt due to my busy schedule. I didn't have time to check on the artists too much or start another project. However, I will make sure to assure everyone I haven't forgotten about the projects. This is art to upgrade my blog anyway. The projects will be put on hold unfortunately a bit longer. I am in the process of gathering my research for writing projects, which I have returned to. I haven't been able to work on anything for a long time. It was a bit difficult getting anything done in a haunted house, but I'll get it done. 

I look forward to pretty soon showing my complete transformation. I just have to master the dollie makeup, dollie dressup, and dollie lifestyle. I will get back to planning my projects, especially my living doll transformation. Soon, I am going to post about my other plans for that. This is especially now that I am considering becoming an Anime type living doll.   


Saturday, March 18, 2017

Blog Upgrade Update (and More)

Due to the long process and work moving, I decided to wait until I move to upgrade my blog. After the move, I will resume with the art projects on DeviantArt and other sites. I am now just writing down notes for later.

Recently, I am getting back into learning Japanese. My schedule has been too busy to squeeze in language learning and working on projects. I was even forced to take a break keeping up with my living doll appearance. Mostly, I am writing a lot of ideas down for my living doll career, books and the new business. I continue to view Gyaru tutorials. I have planned enough, now all I need is my makeup, clothing and accessories. As soon as I move, I will be in the process of my transformation to become an official living doll. The transformation process mainly involves makeup, eyelashes, doll like clothing, circle lenses, dieting and plastic surgery.  

The Tikaani Moon blog will have to be planned out a little more for a cohesive design. This blog will be the English version for my living doll lifestyle. So, somehow, I will combine the two designs. I felt it was better to continue writing in English, since I have been doing so all this time. Soon, I will have a Japanese, Korean and Chinese blog. This is when my transformation is complete.

For other projects, I have been doing a lot of reading and studying. My first novel series will be rewritten as soon as I finish unpacking. The series requires that I learn French. For the business, I learned quite a bit about owning a business. Now, I am currently just writing down a plan to begin.

So, currently I am still in the process of moving and planning my projects. I hope to upgrade my blog soon. 

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

Escalating Hate in America

Recently, the harassment and hate is escalating ten times worst than ever, than I had ever seen in my life. I wasn't going to post regarding this topic anymore, but it's so bad my family are prisoners in our home. We cannot go outside without increased harassment and confrontation with an extremist. Now, they are beginning to become more violent and hostile. No matter how we try to avoid this, it's impossible. It's like now just sitting in our vehicle is illegal, we can't go into the stores or even stand in our own yard. I mean, this is an everyday, all day agenda which I wish would end. I will list all of the incidents that my family has experienced to let everyone see how things has changed during and after the election.

I read on many sources that the Neo Nazis are badly targeting Indian people. With my mother's and sister's appearance giving it away, they have targeted us as well. I'm targeted because also of my foreign appearance. Now that my hair is currently black (not dyed), I have an even more Turkic and Asian look. My family all looks foreign born, which made us doomed to be targeted. I have mentioned the bigotry in Columbia Heights Minnesota before. However, it has gotten worse since Trump became president. I can't completely understand this bigotry when this is a fairly diverse community now. Yes, it wasn't diverse when my family first moved into the town, but now it is. Yet fascism grows stronger here than ever. I thought since people of my kind lives in the community as well now, that I was okay, but how wrong was I. Since the new president, there are many from the older generation who feels empowered and feel as if they can get their town back from people like us. Although the racism is from the older generation, meaning older (maybe in their 60's and up), I see racism among younger people. They are around the ages maybe of college student ages, even teenagers and even children. I will share this because things have gotten really bad, it has been taken far back to the 1960's, and my family's encounters are frequent and becoming dangerous. I fear it could easily escalate even to violence, leading to someone dead. The Neo Nazis said they wished to start a race war, and here it is.

For the weekend, Saturday and Sunday, the KKK had a massive rally celebrating their leader. I lived close to where the rally was, in Saint Paul, Minneapolis, Saint Cloud and Sauk Rapids. I noticed most Whites were either not in town or wreaking havoc. This is when I learned of their rally. I also learned this KKK rally happened all across the country. My family had gotten a warning to stay away from the cities above, and to stay inside our homes for our own safety. This I thought was going back so far. There were many reports of non-Whites being randomly attacked and even killed. Since we are surrounded by racist neighbors, my family stayed inside for the weekend. We couldn't even be in our yard, knowing our neighbors were celebrating as well and armed. Yes, my family is also armed, but all we want is peace and we rather stay out of this race war.

I noticed news channels are being blocked and censored. I also noticed how many movies they show related to slavery, racism, fascism and honoring patriotism. Recently my family gave in and watched Glory, Freedom, Imitation of Life, Hate Thy Neighbor and a few others. I even watched a few movies about Hispanics. It made us realize how far did America go back.  

Here is the list of incidents:

Neighborhood Harassment: First I would like to share how our neighbors band together to harass us, and to let us know we are not welcomed here. We are trying to sell our house, but the neighbors are making things difficult. I don't understand why because, don't they want us to leave? The neighbors next door are the epitome of old fashioned racism. These are the ones who has been on the town's committee, and who has lived in the neighborhood since 1952. They are an elderly couple who is also a good example of Minnesota Nice. They are the ones who would smile in your face, and sabotage you behind your back. I say sabotage, because that's all they have been trying to do. These neighbors deserves a paragraph alone, so I will only tell about the other neighbors. When we just sit in our vehicle to wait until a showing is over, they all come outside and behave like they are suspicious and have to watch us. The neighbors gather around from different houses and stare hatefully at us and talk among themselves. They even bring their large dogs outside I think to intimidate us. The neighbors even release their dogs off their leashes so they can walk freely around us. The neighbors shout at us, asking what are we doing sitting in our vehicle. They act like we are doing something illegal. They even show us that they are carrying weapons and threaten to kill us. Recently, they also had no parking signs by the police in front of their house. My family called the police to tell them they are harassing us, and we are only trying to sell our house. This was the only police officer who was on our side. Recently the police signs were removed from the yards.

Elderly Neighbors: With the next door neighbors on the committee of the town, this makes things worse. They try to band together with others to drive us out of the town. Many times they would turn on racist shows, radio talks and music so we can listen. I would look at them as they laughed and smiled over the racist stereotyping in the programs they showed us. They expected us to laugh at those comments. It's not funny to see and hear someone tell us how uncivilized non-Whites are, and how we should behave. We should be respectful and behave more like White people. The comments were offensive and unfair. They gave us old left over food, expecting us to be grateful for it. Never would they buy and make something fresh and new for us. Whenever we have showings, they would prevent non-Whites from buying the house. They would even demand that we repair things on their house and work for them, like modern day slavery. I found it offensive when one said they have nothing against "our kind". Also, when they would always comment on how they hope to never get as dark as Indian people from India. However, I think the worse was when they were angry my family didn't fix their garage roof. They drew a Swastika symbol on the door of their garage. This was a threat. After this, the couple both give us hateful looks. Everyday now, they mention how many guns they have and how the man is a World War 2 veteran. He knows how to shoot someone, threatening to shoot us. It's unnerving.

Driving: Just driving around and sitting around in our vehicle, and even parking has turned confrontational and dangerous. People for no reason swear at us, flick us off, roll their eyes, stare at us and call us racist names. They call us Sand N- (term for Arabs), plain N-, and other offensive names. The worse encounter was when my mother had to pull out her gun on a man who was yelling at the top of his lungs at us. We were only parked in front of the store, which is now forbidden to do. He was swearing and telling us to park somewhere else. He made a scene, everyone turned around and looked at us yell back at each other. We had been arguing for awhile, but the last straw was when he called us whores. When my mother stepped out of the vehicle to confront him, he challenged her, asking was she going to fight him. He tried to intimidate us like he wanted to beat us up. My mother then told him she has a gun and was pulling it out, when he was raising his hand to hit her. It wasn't like my mother couldn't have fought him though. The man then said we are suppose to make America great again (he backed off, intimidated by the gun). This was when we found out he was a Trump supporter. People ran away and took cover, thinking it would be a shoot out. The store manager pleaded fearfully for my mother to not start shooting. He had a phone in his hand to call the police. We saw how everyone was visibly afraid, and so we decided not to. The manager told the man to leave. That is an example of how things are getting serious. I mean, we will stay out of this, but that doesn't mean we will let bigots treat us any kind of way or kill us.

People chase and follow us, and write down our license plate. The worse I've encountered was when my family was parked at our favourite Turkish restaurant. There were two women wearing hoods over their heads, the KKK hoods. They drove through the parking lot and wrote down our license plate and was watching us. They then drove off. We learned the two women were staying around close by though. We try not to be seen at Halal restaurants, but we cannot eat from the other restaurants. They spit in our food, throw things in our face, give us old food, yell at us and refuse to serve us. That is why we can only order from our own kind. The most offensive incident was when a construction worker, yes a construction worker was rude to us. He didn't want us sitting in our vehicle in his presence. My mother asked did he have a problem sitting on our own block. He behaved like he couldn't stand the sight of us, he didn't want to be near us; as if we are like disgusting, unclean or we are lepers. I even saw a woman with two girls walking passed our vehicle. One girl spit on the vehicle and did a Nazi salute at us. The mother didn't correct her, but smiled and encouraged this behavior. The most shocking incident was when my family saw our neighbors wearing full KKK robes in the street. It was board daylight, and they didn't care who saw. My family watched as they stepped into their white trucks and drive away. No matter how many times I see that, it always shocks me to see people wearing KKK robes in public. This is every single time we are in our vehicle.

Stores or Other Public Facilities: My family cannot go to stores or anywhere without facing extreme racism. People roll their eyes, stare at us, speak rudely to us, don't want to touch anything we have touched, don't want to touch us and they even tell their children don't touch something because we touched it. Personally at times, it can be hurtful to be in public and see someone refusing to touch something you have touched or refusing to take something out of your hand. At some facilities they don't allow us to enter. Like recently, I really don't like going into the local Petco because the manager and everyone are very racist. The manager always talked to us like we were children. It was obvious he did not like us. The most offensive time was when he reluctantly returned an item for us. Walking away, I heard him say in a low key how we always come to America and think we can take it over, and run everything. He was sick of us being in the country. We ignored his comments. One time I remember, just recently though, when the workers saw us walking into the store, they turned off the lights like they weren't open. My step-grandma who mostly walks into the stores for us, went inside and they told her they don't open until 3:00 p.m. However, we saw them opening the door only for Whites.

Police: Last I wanted to mention the police. I am not anti-police, but I'm disappointed how the police changed so much after Trump became president. They were okay at first, but they suddenly changed. The police now rolls their eyes at us, talk rudely and engages in racial profiling. Almost all the time, the police forces us to prove we paid for items in the store when they don't require this from White customers. They even look all through the bags, our purses, pockets and examine the receipt. We are always followed around in stores by guards. Apparently, we are banned from being on the park or any public premises. Every time my family are sitting in our vehicle, they always treat us like we're trying to cause others harm. How cold, detached and biased the police have gotten, my family avoids them. We just stay out of their way, not wanting them to shoot us. The most annoying problem is when the police always suspects we're trying to steal or we already stole something. I read how the extremists are becoming police officers which would explain everything. However, they make all of the police look bad.   

This is an example of the things we go through as minorities. We cannot speak in different languages, wear ethnic clothing, in the hospitals and clinics they refuse to treat us, we cannot wear anything that can be mistaken as a hijab. I like to get in touch with my own culture and wear Indian clothes, but I cannot wear it in public. Also the most annoying harassment is from the false assumption that all Arabs are Muslim. What people don't understand is that there are many Arabs who are Christians as well. I dislike this race war that has started. I appreciate and respect everyone from all cultures, religions and backgrounds. I actually like getting to know different cultures. I also like meeting people from different countries.

Last, I have to mention the Native Americans who are invisible to America. It's a beautiful culture and I have been witnessing when Native Americans are getting beaten by Neo-Nazis only because they are Native American. Also, their history, heritage or culture is not being respected at all. The treaties about the land is also not being honored. Please preserve their culture.            


Thursday, March 2, 2017

Biggest Inspirations

It would seem most writers have at least someone who they've admired and who has inspired them for their career. Although the only support I received was from my mother and sister, there are a few I have admired. Mostly I took inspiration from music and different songs. Some songs can seem like the lyrics were written for you. At the end of this I will share the artists and songs who have inspired me. Now I would like to mention the individuals who have gained my admiration.

Since I am a writer I will first share other writers who I admire. My favourite writer is Sir Author Conan Doyle, the author of Sherlock Holmes. Unfortunately, there are not many modern day authors I really admire or modern books I enjoy reading. The classic authors like Charles Dickens and Jack London are the authors I admire for their writing styles and stories. It amazes me how they were capable of writing works that have outlasted their time, despite of their age.

I don't admire many actors or actresses, but there is one who has always inspired me. I'm sure Robert Downey Jr. won't wish to remember his past, but it's his beginning and present success that inspired me. Yes, he made a lot of mistakes in his past which led him to trouble. Many doubted the future of his acting career due to these mistakes. However, it inspired me how Robert Downey Jr. was capable of pulling himself out of the rocky start and become a successful actor. I am just drawn to those who are labeled as underdogs and who the world underestimates. If someone like Robert Downey Jr. or anyone else can become something, I feel as if me, someone who has the world against me can prove everyone wrong and actually become a success myself. This is another reason I loved the Shounen Anime like Pokemon, Naruto and others. I also admire the young people who make something of themselves. Me being young, people always are disdainful and tries to convince me someone my age cannot write over 40 books and start as many projects I have started. I have had old men harass me online telling me how there's no way I can write over 40 books, 100 manga and get published by my age. Before I even start, they are already counting me out and saying I cannot become a successful writer. As a lone wolf, I need not the acceptance or approval of anyone else. My family supports me and that is all I need. Also, the people who proves the negatives wrong that underdogs can become great. We are not delusional, but ambitious.

I also have a favourite film director/producer which has to be Tim Burton. His style is whimsical, original, quirky, weird, but yet brilliant and captivating. I love the uniqueness of Tim Burton's movies, which is why I admire him. Because of Tim Burton, it makes me feel like my weird and my different style can also be accepted. I always strive to be different, interesting and original. I won't publish anything until I have created a perfect masterpiece. This is why I've worked so hard for years on all of my works. Even my living doll career he has inspired me for. I wear clothing that people perceives as taboo and not normal for them. I find it nice to be different. I love wearing Victorian, Lolita, whimsical and vintage clothing. This is why I also admire Kyary Pamyu Pamyu, who always wears whimsical clothing. Most of society believes becoming a real life doll is too strange, but these are the people who inspires me to believe it's fine to be quirky. Actually, it is possible to make anything out of a career, even as something as whimsical as being a living doll.

Okay, lastly I will share which music artists and songs that inspires me. Music is an essential part of my writing and living doll career. I will share the full playlist for each of my projects soon, but now I will only share the most inspiring artists. They are Paramore, Red, Breaking Benjamin, and a few others. The songs are:

  • Back for More - Five Finger Death Punch
  • I Will Not Bow - Breaking Benjamin 
  • My Turn - Hoobastank
  • High Heels - Brave Girls 
  • Now or Never - Digital Summer
  • The Pride - Five Finger Death Punch 
  • Aggression - Palisades 
  • Stronger - Through Fire 
Later I may add to this, but these are just my inspirations. 

Saturday, February 11, 2017

What Happened to America?

This will be probably my final statement and post about the country, the United States. After this, I will stay out of this problem until I become established. With the new stricter laws in place, my hands are tied with many things. Recently, I spoken to the company who helps me with my blog regarding the reversal of free and anti-discriminating laws. I wasn't for sure if this was the best time to upgrade my blog. I know it is now I face jail time (seriously prison) and/or more harassment by White Nationalists for speaking of this topic. Laws were changed that the police can discriminate, torture and kill minorities and women. They are also more militant. Now guards are everywhere you turn. This is why my family wants no trouble, and we avoid the police. Yes, they say the police is suppose to protect you and be fair, but not how I've seen the police choke, stomp and punch minority women in the street. Also, not how poorly the police have treated my family. These are things the news are now forbidden to cover and report, or they face prison and the wrath of Klan people. So, I told the company how I am affected by the new laws. Only because I am not White and I am a woman, the laws limits how many people can view my blog. I am being monitored even more, and if it is an unfavored viewpoint (meaning anything Anti-Trump, Anti-Fascist, Anti-Police), it can be blocked and cause visitors to have difficulties with the site. It can even be flagged as inappropriate and removed. My entire Google account can be removed, which would not be good for me since I write all of my books on Google Docs. So I will remove them off Google. There are many things I will not mention because I'm not allowed to discuss it unless I want the Ku Klux Klan torturing me and my family. That or the police. Yes, they can find you, and it's not fun to be surrounded by a mob and then having a bunch of bigots beating you in the street. No one will help.

I just wanted to share how my family believes the NAACP is a joke. I am aware this is suppose to be an activist group for people of color, so I mean no offense. I am aware this is a group African Americans takes pride about. Our freedom of speech, having a voice and having someone fighting for you is nothing but a lie. Everyone in authority and the media tells you this, but in reality, Americans doesn't have freedom of speech anymore unless you are an extremist. First, my mother called the NAACP and the senators, including Al Franken and others. We even contacted CNN and local news channels. I am not trying to sound racist by saying this, but I have no respect for the leaders of the NAACP. My mother called and was directed to the Rochester, Minnesota office to that branch. We were genuinely wishing to help regarding the rising issue in the United States. We shared how the harassment is increasing and the threats are growing.

I mean, we have been ran off the road, cursed out for no reason, we've seen people wearing KKK robes in public, people wanting to fight us, chasing us and always giving us the middle finger (again for no reason). We cannot even make eye contact or they feel they should swear at us or beat us up. These racists behave like they are above us, and they can say and do whatever they wish to us only because Donald Trump is in office. They feel like now this is their time to get their White America back. So we also told him about our neighbors, who harasses us, threatens to shoot us, plays Klan music, invites their racist friends to threaten us, trying to stop us from selling our house and treats us like we are their slaves. The man got very annoyed and rude with us. He was defending the Klan people, saying they are law abiding citizens and we are not. He told us it made no sense to avoid the neighbors who swears and yells at us in the yard and pulls out their guns at us, and the other neighbors who releases their dogs to jump the fence and attack us. He told us we are just paranoid like racism doesn't exist, and no one can stop you from moving, it's something that we are doing to cause this. I mean, this is exactly what the racist people wants you to think; that you are the problem. He told us not to defend ourselves, but to allow them to kill us. He defended the police, saying we are ridiculous for saying the police will not treat us fairly or shoot us too. Wait until the Klan people kill us, and then it's justified to have said that.

I was thinking he is an ignorant person who shouldn't be a leader of the activist group. Excuse me for using this term, but it's fair to say he's like an Uncle Tom/Jim Crow who kisses up to Donald Trump and his followers. They no longer have my family's support. I thought we can band together or have someone with a greater power to help, we wanted to also get involved. I was about to band together to help the Native Americans, but the Native Americans doesn't need help like that. They tell us to unite, but they are helping divide America. There is no justice and help for allowing White Nationalists to torture and kill us. It's unfair to state we should be like a slave, keep our mouth shut, keep our head down and allow them to rule us, and obey what the White Nationalists command. The harassment however comes from non-Trump supporters and Trump supporters. I mean, you can get harassed, beaten, tortured or killed for supporting or not supporting Donald Trump. I would like to say also that the NAACP leader in Minnesota seemed prejudice because of my family's appearance (he thought we were Muslim). He didn't believe me when I said I'm not White when he asked, which increased his frustration. One good example of how my blonde hair makes people automatically assume I'm White and was adopted, or either I'm half White. It shouldn't have mattered how my family looked or what race we are. I thought it shouldn't matter too that we're not African American.

In the United States now, all non-Whites are considered colored or Black. So they put us in the same category. It's law in the US that the government is suppose to allow people to select which race they wish to identify with. However, this law is not followed. The constant comments online doesn't bother me, nor does it bother me for someone to yell at me in public. I ignore their comments. However, they also throw things at my family and threaten to kill us. They even threaten us because they hate Arabs and Turkish people. What am I kidding? They hate everyone who is not White. This bothers me a lot because now my family is poorly treated everywhere we go. We can't even be in our own yard. So we are all in the same boat as you can see. I thought the NAACP wanted to unite for a cause, but I see they don't. My family knew Rev. Jerry Mcafee and believed he was unfit to be the leader of the NAACP; however neither is this new leader. White Nationalists around the world is joining the American extremists for their cause, why can't everyone do the same for a good cause?  

When trying to talk to senators, they avoid us and ignore us. This was the reason my family recently quit as politicians. No one is speaking up for us, and if no one is, what can we do when you don't have a voice? What am I talking about? Talking is all they do, but they don't get up and actually do something. Just today too, my family tried talking to CNN and channel 5 news. A guy named Tim picked up the phone for channel 5. He told us he is careful about what he covers. We said we wanted to discuss hate crimes against minorities, and he asked with excitement, "hate crimes against White people?!" He was only interested in hearing about and covering something regarding Whites. I don't want to be treated like I don't matter, my life is of no value and because I'm a non-White woman, I don't exist. CNN I have asked them for a long time to cover and show more Native Americans. This was way before reporters were being beaten, tortured and imprisoned for covering Native Americans. It was way before Donald Trump was in office. Even now, I believe they are able to, but they just ignore us. They cover what they want and censor us, and silence us. That Smerconish is the worst, purposely ignoring and censoring us for mentioning Native American rights. Freedom of speech, fairness and democracy is gone.

In the Freedom Report, the United States has been ranked now at 48, and it's considered not a free country anymore. This is completely true. It's a shame after all of this progress, that America went back so far to like the Civil War and Civil Rights era where race is such a big deal. I just have to say, there are genuine sadness and tears for the mistreatment of the Native American people. This is literally. When my family sees a Native American crying, heartbroken because the government evicts them off their own land, erases what little culture they have in America, or they are treated not like human beings, it can be hard not to cry yourself. I wish I could wrap my arms around them, letting them know someone sympathizes and understands. Looking at the carnage in Syria, it can be sad to know a part of my family's heritage has been destroyed. I find culture important. Like how everyone is not concerned about my culture because they are not Syrian; it's the same as people who doesn't care about Native Americans. They again feel oh, it's just a Native American, and they are nonchalant because they're not Native American. It doesn't matter if my family are not Native American. It's unfair to attack them with dogs, shoot them, torture them, put them in metal cages and to remove them off their own land. I'm sorry no one will not end the injustice. It's also a shame that unless you are a celebrity or a rich extremist, your words means nothing. You can speak, protest or whatever how long you wish, but it's in vain. I'm also disgusted how the American publishing companies changed to fit this fascist world. It also doesn't make any sense how social media networks allow these Neo-Nazis to rule and govern the internet. It has badly affected my vlogging, blogging, living doll and my writing career. That's all I have to say about this.       

Saturday, January 14, 2017

Making More 2 Player Games

As new games are being made and developed, less are 2 Player Games. I wanted to share my projects and share my opinion about the game industry.

I began writing ideas for new video games years ago, maybe back in 2006 or so. I even wrote ideas for consoles, but with the competition, I am unsure if I will develop the console. For sure though I will get my games professionally developed in Japan. 

I noticed there aren't many offline full co-op games anymore. Now, the trend is online options for a 2 Player mode. Even older consoles like the PlayStation 2 has limited 2 Player Games. Majority of games however are 1 player. If it does say 2 Player, it is actually the cheap, short multiplayer mini games. I believe there should be more offline, couch co-op games. I really like to do something about it, or create something that is missing. 

I read how some players prefer to play alone, online, but I also read many who likes couch co-op games. I feel developers should at least give players that option of choosing one of the 3. So I am presenting this to developers, while I am currently working on games. These are games I have worked on for a few years, but I improved them. Hopefully I will continue after I move. 

To give a little bit about the games, I am a game writer for Anime roleplaying games. I also have worked on a Korean game. I will give another post about that project. However, this is the reason why I am learning fluent Korean. So people misunderstood on what I thought about the relation between Japan and South Korea. I feel no one should criticize without knowing the full story. Anyway, the game is based upon my Korean series I am starting. That is another crucial reason to learn Korean. 

Although I work on Japanese and Korean games, I may expand my interest in other types of games. So that's my plan and proposal to game developers. Currently my family is discussing this. I just think there should be more full offline video games.

Thursday, December 29, 2016

To Live as a Doll

Since my mother and I have been discussing my human doll career, I wanted to post about being a human doll and my plans. It's not only about looking like a doll, but being a human doll is also about living as a doll. I collect dolls and things that fits my lifestyle, wear doll clothes, decorate my bedroom like a dollhouse and most importantly, wear doll makeup.

I have been viewing more kawaii makeup, hoping to practice again soon. My mother and I agreed to later on to start a few blogs in Japanese, Korean and Chinese. I noticed my living doll career is perceived better by Asians, and since we were doing business in Japan anyway. I will tweet and make YouTube videos in Japanese as well.

I will keep this blog for my living doll career and the Tikaani Moon brand. The reason I decided to combine the brands is because I will be showing who I am, which is the real life doll.

Also, I have decided to become more of a versatile living doll. Yes, I am mostly an Ellowyne Wilde doll only because I happen to sort of resemble the doll already. However, I love the classic Hollywood, Audrey Hepburn, Evelyn Nesbit, and other vintage styles. I like wearing Victorian dresses everyday. Later I will post about the Victorian style because I think it's beautiful.

I admire my mother's style, which comes from the Pakistani side of my family's heritage. She takes a little bit from our Russian trait. I think the traditional clothing is beautiful. Mainly I love Russian, Syrian, Turkish, Filipino, Balinese, Brunei and Moroccan. I will further discuss my discovery about my Syrian heritage I found. I know it's a lot, but I am getting things together now. So that is why I prefer to mostly be labeled just a human doll. That way, I wouldn't be stuck being an existing doll. I would love to become a human doll from my own style. Also a mixture of things I like.

Anyway, I have been practicing doll poses, of course the makeup, vintage and Gyaru hairstyles, talking, and being a human doll. I currently say, "I am a living doll" with a weird accent coming out. I can't seem to talk without an accent. I guess it's no big deal though. The only thing that matters is that I am becoming a real life doll. I'm extremely grateful for my family who has supported me and helped me fulfill my dream to become a living doll.

So I am now working on studying the Japanese language and sticking to a diet. I will post about a diet suggestion from a Chinese woman. It really helps me fit into the Asian clothing sizes.

Just Watched Botched (Plastic Surgery Show)

I know I said the next post would be about my music interests, but something that I watched greatly interested me even more. I will discuss...