To Live as a Doll

Since my mother and I have been discussing my human doll career, I wanted to post about being a human doll and my plans. It's not only about looking like a doll, but being a human doll is also about living as a doll. I collect dolls and things that fits my lifestyle, wear doll clothes, decorate my bedroom like a dollhouse and most importantly, wear doll makeup.

I have been viewing more kawaii makeup, hoping to practice again soon. My mother and I agreed to later on to start a few blogs in Japanese, Korean and Chinese. I noticed my living doll career is perceived better by Asians, and since we were doing business in Japan anyway. I will tweet and make YouTube videos in Japanese as well.

I will keep this blog for my living doll career and the Tikaani Moon brand. The reason I decided to combine the brands is because I will be showing who I am, which is the real life doll.

Also, I have decided to become more of a versatile living doll. Yes, I am mostly an Ellowyne Wilde doll only because I happen to sort of resemble the doll already. However, I love the classic Hollywood, Audrey Hepburn, Evelyn Nesbit, and other vintage styles. I like wearing Victorian dresses everyday. Later I will post about the Victorian style because I think it's beautiful.

I admire my mother's style, which comes from the Indian side of my family's heritage. She takes a little bit from our Russian trait. I think the traditional clothing is beautiful. Mainly I love Russian, Syrian, Turkish, Filipino, Balinese, Brunei and Moroccan. So that is why I prefer to mostly be labeled just a human doll. That way, I wouldn't be stuck being an existing doll. I would love to become a human doll from my own style. Also a mixture of things I like.

Anyway, I have been practicing doll poses, of course the makeup, vintage and Gyaru hairstyles, talking, and being a human doll. I currently say, "I am a living doll" with a weird accent coming out. I can't seem to talk without an accent. I guess it's no big deal though. The only thing that matters is that I am becoming a real life doll. I'm extremely grateful for my family who has supported me and helped me fulfill my dream to become a living doll.

So I am now working on studying the Japanese language and sticking to a diet. I will post about a diet suggestion from a Chinese woman. It really helps me fit into the Asian clothing sizes.

Serious Topic About Doctors and Mental Health

My family was discussing the issue of mental illness after watching something on the topic. I wanted to discuss this because it's a serious problem what humans face with mental illness, depression and doctors. I think people don't address it properly and enough. First thing, mental illness and depression is not a joke. I have witnessed many people who treat mental illness like a crime, joke, and a shameful disgrace.

My family heard a man ask why people with mental illness never get help. The fact is even in the United States, they are unable to receive the proper help they need. Like what I have said, it is treated like a dangerous crime. When I watch the news, I always overhear reporters say how lawmakers being more aggressive, and the offensive assumption about terrorists are the same as people with mental illness.

My family has been victims of doctors and therapists. It's a good thing my mother knows the system and is familiar with the game of the doctor's traps. Her knowledge has spared us from countless trips to the psych ward. This started my distrust of doctors, and that is why I don't go to the doctor anymore. Doctors I feel lack understanding, respect, and proper professionalism. They can be rude, uppity, arrogant and plain unprofessional.

My mother wasn't allowed to leave a doctor's appointment only because she got a new tattoo. The doctor, like always take words out of context, and out of proportion. A woman was brought in the room and tried befriending my mother to gain our trust. Then she wouldn't let us leave the room, saying we are a danger to ourselves and others. It was upsetting because this woman pretended to simply have a conversation with us. She used our like for tattoos out of context. You know how it feels when someone tells you, you aren't going home? I will share because doctors and everyone don't understand until it happens to them. It can be a scary and hopeless feeling to know you are going to a hopeless, dooming and prison like place. That is if they don't send you to prison. Psych Ward's, prisons they are the same. However, it is true you can be sent to straight prison.

They trap you in a room and then police are called to remove you. Then the police handcuffs you, dragging you out the clinic or hospital, where the court will be involved. If you think you can run, you can't. The police would even take you from your house. You are next drilled like you are a criminal who had just committed a heinous crime. They starve you for hours until you tell them all they want to know. Everything you say however is used against you. It can be humiliating when you are forced to share your most personal things, only for everyone in the courtroom to know your business. No matter how private or embarrassing it is. To me at least, mental illness is humiliating and embarrassing. No one is able to do anything to get you out of the system and out of the psych ward or jail.

I get annoyed by those who tells you, you can get help, and why haven't you seeked for help. Unfortunately, doctors treat celebrities differently than normal people. They wouldn't give them electric shock treatment like they would us, and celebrities have the privilege of leaving whenever they wish. We don't. Most likely, we stay in the psych ward for years. Most importantly, they are not abused and mistreated. I read many stories and even from my mother working on the psych floor, it's like an orphanage and prison. I will give more details in a few books where I mention the real treatment in psych wards.

My mother and family was depressed because our dog just died and other things, but the doctor took it wrongfully out of context. This was the time a therapist tried trapping us again. Plus, she called the gun range my mother purchased her guns from. Then she encouraged us to visit the gun range. My family wasn't stupid. This was only because they knew we owned guns, and so they treated us like terrorists or something. I know they were racist about this issue. The doctor personally sent us a letter, encouraging us to return to him. There was no way my family would let him fool us. My family has many more stories like this.

I haven't gotten any help because for the simple fact, you can't tell anyone, and there is no real help. They pretend like they want to help you, they understand and care about you, but it's nothing but a lie. Also most people, especially in the medical field doesn't believe in ghosts. They wouldn't have believed that my haunted house was responsible for my depression. Most of religious people don't believe in ghosts neither. I learned ghosts can cause depression, mental illness, self harming, fatigue and other things.

The other thing is ruining your record for life. The law would fix it so people with mental illness are unable to get jobs. They label them a danger to themselves and others, and is unable to be around the general public and society. So that is shunning them, and excluding them from everyone. Why is it a heinous crime to become depressed a few times? Why is it dangerous to be emotionally broken? I lived with a secret for awhile of mental illness, knowing I wasn't able to get help. Mentioning ghosts would have put me deeper into the hole. Once you are in the psych ward, I feel your life is gone and hope is gone as well.

My family didn't want to be treated like nothing, every 2 hours flashlights in our face at night, being yelled at, someone always watching you and even having someone standing in the bathroom each and every time. Also you get privileges, meaning you can't talk to anyone until a long time when they feel you deserve it. That is if they feel you do deserve it. I wouldn't want to be beaten, shocked with electricity, chained to a bed and sedated all day. Who wants to always be drugged too? Who wants to always feel like a vegetable so you are never aware of anything as years past you by? As your life is being drained from you? The annoying thing is that the therapists force you to face what triggers you to self harm or anything associated with mental illness. My family sure doesn't want that for our life.

I wish to address the serious annoyance and misunderstanding. Everyone falsely claims, especially doctors and therapists that those who self harm are an even bigger threat to society. They are considered dangerous and will most likely harm others. It's annoying and offensive. The truth is, most who self harm do not desire to harm others. That is a ridiculous statement. Self harm is not only about cutting, but burning, pinching, punching/hitting and a lot of other ways.

This is a serious problem that I feel needs to be addressed and fixed. My mother and I thought due to our experience, I should speak out against the mistreatment of those like my family. 

Working in Japan (What I Learned)

During this time, I have been learning more about my real culture and also reading about living in Japan. This post was to discuss what I learned about working there. Obviously once moving to Japan, my family will be looking for jobs. I learned the importance of being able to speak and read Japanese, but also writing it manually. Not always on a computer or phone. Specifically, I looked into the healthcare jobs to perhaps continue my healthcare career. I read of an application and test that is hand written and it's only in Japanese. I also realized how important to know how to read and write the dates (time, month, day, year) on paper. Japanese is written differently than how you see it on a screen. This is also for Kanji, which can make things a bit more complicated. There are over 200 Kanji characters to know.

I have been practicing my Japanese calligraphy to not make any mistakes. It's incredible about the importance of writing identically the same as shown in tutorials. One little difference, and it can be saying something entirely different.

It is required that those who usually seek for a healthcare job worked in the field at least 3 years or more. I learned having work experience outside of Japan really has little relevance for the job you're applying for. 

It seems also that new workers are usually paid not at the full salary. You have to be there for awhile. I also learned it can be expensive living in Japan. The mortgage can be the same amount as your salary. That is why it seems best for more than one person in the household to provide income. 

However, I was given a warning to never give your passport to an employer. If you do, they do not give it back. This is a scheme to trap people at the job and in the country. Also, someone told me it wasn't best to become an English teacher. The reason is that it can be difficult and almost impossible to switch fields or to get another job doing something else. Not sure if that is credible, but I never had an interest in teaching English anyway. 

I am not saying being in Japan will be some great, fairy tale dream. No country is perfect. I just like Japan's publishing options and business opportunities. 

Inspiration From Around the World & Cancelled Travel Plans

Since researching about my family's heritage, I have found inspiration for my living doll bedroom. For my living doll career, I will take from my following cultures: Persian, Russian and Turkish. Oh most importantly, Moroccan. I learned my backgrounds happens to be the perfect style for the Ellowyne Wilde doll.

About the cancelled travel plans, due to events, my family decided to cancel our plans to visit countries. Turkey will always be one of my favorite countries, but I am unsure how safe it is to visit. I feel unsafe about Middle Eastern countries. So even if there was a time my mother's real family wanted to meet us, I would be too scared to visit. 

To me and my family, Russia has some of the most beautiful architect. My family has always wanted to see it in person and see the beautiful country. However, I am really uncomfortable now with the US and Russia not being on good terms, or speaking terms. I will continue to purchase clothing, accessories and food from Russian stores. That's about it unfortunately. It's even more complicated being half Turkish and part Russian due to the recent incident and tensions. 

Well, at least I found decorating ideas. I will give more updates on how I will incorporate my cultures into my living doll career. That is with keeping the Japanese dollie style as the main theme.

What I Learned About Adopting Dogs

Anyway, it took awhile but my family finally purchased a new puppy. He is a Yorkie Maltese mix named Scotty.


I took this on my phone. He is cute, but mischievous. The purpose of this post was to share what I learned about dog adoptions. After searching for a dog, I am iffy about animal shelters. Here's why...

In September was when my family decided to look for a new puppy. Yes, everyone, including experts lecture you on how it's better to adopt from shelters. From my research, I believed this to be right. However, I soon learned animal shelters can put you through unnecessary trouble just to adopt a dog. My family filled out adoption applications, but I don't see why shelters need to know so much personal information about you before they determine if you should adopt a dog. I fully understand that sometimes these animals don't go to right homes. This doesn't mean they should ask the following questions:


  • Detailed information on everyone in the household. 
  • List all previous and current pets
  • Do you live in a house? How long have you lived at your current address? Do you own or rent?
  • If you rent, give out your landlord's full name, age, occupation and contact information.
The list goes on. Most of the questions on the application I feel have no relevance to adopting a dog.

One experience with an animal shelter was the worst. So I will share. First, I don't recommend the shelter homeward Bound. My family filled out an application for a puppy we were interested in adopting. Along with the application, we were asked a thousand questions which was unnecessary. The company said they determine if they want you to have the dog or not. After waiting for an approval, they said the dog had been adopted. We accepted the news. The most pointless thing about this, is that the company kept giving us the run around, saying either the dog had been adopted or they will allow someone else to see the puppy first. We are not dumb. The second reply meant they had no interest in giving us the dog. Each time they rejected our application, they forced us to refill it out. I'm unsure how many times we sent in the same information, which was again irrelevant. It was also a waste of time sense they kept this information on file from the first application. Well, they kept telling us the dogs were either in the process of getting adopted or they feel we shouldn't have the dog. This is when we decided to not adopt any of their dogs.

Second trip, we went to Petco for their adoption day. Every time my family held the dogs and walked around with them, they would shake in fear and wished to return to their temporary owners. I feel many of these dogs are too attached to the previous owner, that when someone comes to adopt them, it's almost impossible to end their attachment to them. My family have adopted many dogs who whined all day and night, and never learning to like their new home.

This is why my family purchased our new puppy from the mall. He never whined, showed he wanted to return to his previous location, and he immediately took to us. 

A Short List of American Civil War Sites

I was given a short list of recommended American Civil War sites from a Civil War reenactor. With the aggravated division and hate crimes of minorities and women, I was a bit nervous traveling to any historic sites now. He assured me however that although he can't speak for everyone, staff members are welcoming to a variety of backgrounds and cultures.

I'm still not sure if my family will visit them now. Some, but not all American Civil War enthusiast can be a bit racist as I came to discover. Not all because I connected with many who understand studying the American Civil War is not only for White Americans.

Here is the short list the reenactor and staff member gave.

  • Fredericksburg/Spotsylvania National Military Park, Virginia. His notes: (I worked there and know the staff pretty well. They are good folks)
  • Gettysburg National Battlefield, Pennsylvania
  • Chickamauga National Battlefield, Georgia
  • Andersonville Prison, Georgia
  • U.S.S. Monitor Museum, Virginia
  • Museum of Civil War Medicine, Maryland 
I think many of these I saved already, but some I haven't. I have been particularly uncomfortable about Georgia and Virginia although racism is all across the country. Despite of my uncertainty, I would love to visit these sites being an American Civil War researcher.

The DNA of a Mexican

Most people are unaware the actual DNA or the ancestry of a Mexican. I have heard humans think Mexicans are just Mexicans. This is why I wanted to share my discoveries about their DNA.

They are actually descendants of the Aztecs and Mayans, Indigenous people of Brazil and Mexico. So technically Mexicans are Indigenous people. The most well known Indigenous kind. A bit different and more exotic than the North American Indigenous people. Their DNA does not only contain Indigenous. Many can trace their ancestry back to Spain, which technically makes them White Spanish. You may notice Mexicans who have more of a Caucasian appearance. These most likely descended from Spain. However, through the years, they could have been crossbred with Mexicans of Indigenous ancestry. European traits are often found in their DNA as well. This means they are European mix. Not 100% European though. Some however can be surprised they can have more European percentages than they think. It can be a bit complicated. I have even seen people argue over this (not Mexicans themselves). Some argue they do not have Aztec or Mayan DNA. They fail to realize, no, not all Mexicans have these traits. Some do who are in Mexico and even the United States. I am sure many are unaware of their exact ancestry.

There are different tribes they can actually descend from. My point is that not all Mexicans are the same. Many think their DNA and ancestry is just the same, put them all in one circle. If this is the case, that some Mexicans have Indigenous traits, they deserve to be respected a lot more. When you speak of the historical tribes of Mexico and Brazil, you could be talking about their ancestors.    

I have also heard that many of Hispanic's DNA are of Native American descent. So that is my findings I wanted to share about Hispanics. This is why also I think it's important that Hispanics know about their heritage completely and know who they really are. I also believe in preserving their ancestral background and respecting Hispanics as the descendants of the First Nation.

A Supportive Family to a Human Doll Career

Being a human doll, it's nice to have a family who supports your decision. I would like to share my appreciation of my own family and how they have supported me.

First, most family members are not supportive of the decision to become a human doll. Instead they criticize and bully them, which I believe is unfair. There is always insulting comments like those who criticize us online.

I guess since my mother is already into body modification, she approved of my desire to become a doll. I never told the adoptive family to avoid criticism. They will find out eventually. The first time my step-grandma found out, she was saying how it's so much of a waste of money and it's stupid to transform myself into a doll. She backed off but still throws out hints she disapproves. For the most part, my family have been the most supportive in my pursuits and change.

I wanted to give a public thanks because no one has supported me. Oh yes, I have ran across the criticism. You can even find them on Twitter, YouTube, or anywhere. Like I said before, we get more bad comments and feedback than good. That is why I really do prefer no comments, likes or any interaction with my posts, tweets and other things. I just prefer not to hear or see the comments, even though you can't completely avoid them.

Well, next I want to discuss my lifestyle change for my career.

Human Doll Blog with Tikaani Moon Blog

The blog upgrade is still a working progress, but until the completion, I will continue to blog.

I have decided to use the Proud Land blog to blog about my family's haunted house. I will also use this blog. My human doll and Tikaani Moon blog will remain combined. I will not separate that because I had to redo my entire brand, and I branded myself with the real me. I don't care if others still complain that I am still not being real enough for them. This was my problem with my old brand.

Anyway, I will not however change the theme of Tikaani Moon, which is the dark, mysterious wolf. My human doll theme will only show through posts and a few artwork. I have blogs on Tumblr for my living doll career. Humans say you shouldn't have multiple blog platforms, but I found them useful for my own brand. I even have WordPress for when my books are published. This will be a platform to actually purchase products and download PC games.

So until the upgrade, I don't know I guess it will remain like this.

Teaching the American Civil War to Minorities & the Newer Generation

A while back, I read an article about why less African Americans and other minorities study the American Civil War. After hearing the view of a civil war reenactor and others who study the war, I wanted to discuss this. Many wonder why there aren't many minorities like myself, who researches the Civil War. The article suggested that it is being presented to minorities, but they are not interested in learning about it. I do agree. This is from personal experience. I cannot really comment on stuff I did not witness for myself.

Anyway, when I ask African Americans, they tell me they don't know and they don't care. Here is some pretty weird answers; some thought it happened in the 1700's, and Abraham Lincoln was president in the 1900's or 1600's. There is other weird answers. I was just laughing.

I am unsure about those of Middle Eastern descent or Indians. East Asians can be more interested. Then again, I came across those who also gives me strange answers. I get a lot that most thinks the American Revolutionary War is the same as the American Civil War. They shrug their shoulders and say, they don't care. I can excuse the immigrants, but those who have been here all their lives is kind of interesting.

A Civil War researcher said also the newer generation lacks interest. I agree with this as well. I noticed throughout the years, people have became less interested in learning, well, majority of things. History is the number one topic no one cares about anymore. When I observe those my age, they say pretty much the same thing. They don't know, nor do they care to know. It's quite entertaining to listen as they guess things. This is what I admire about the Japanese and other East Asians. Some people believe East Asians are more interested in technology and other things. However, compared to Americans, almost every country has the United States beat. They take the time to learn their country's history and culture.

I did run across one reason why minorities will not study American history. The article suggested they are more interested in Teen Pregnancy than learning. In a way, I believe this is true. Another thing is that, most believe it is degrading to learn about slavery. Although some may argue I wouldn't feel that way, but I don't think it is degrading. It's nice to know your own country's history. More minorities and the newer generation should take the time to learn about history, especially the American Civil War. Most wonder why things are the way they are today, but they fail to realize, history has shaped the country into what it is now. No one should try to hide or cover up what happened. I am aware slavery was an ugly incident. However, it's still nice to be educated. Honestly, it can be a little embarrassing how so many Americans don't know the basic things about their own country. Also, they don't know much about other countries as well.

I am unsure what should happen, but I am currently trying to promote history especially the American Civil War to the minorities and newer generation.
   

Working with Body Modifications

Excuse me for posting so much about racism. I didn't intend for that, but recent events including Donald Trump has annoyed me terribly. Plus, I feel humans don't address it as much as they should. I realized I have gotten way off topic. Anyway...

The definition of body modifications is altering the natural appearance or anatomy of the human body. This includes tattoos, piercings, implants, plastic surgery and other body altering procedures. It is beautiful art and a form of decorating the body. I wanted to discuss what happens during work situations. I discovered my human doll pursuance is considered extreme body modification. The reason is that I am altering the anatomy and appearance of my body to look like a doll.

Sometimes we face discrimination at work because of our modifications. People with tattoos and piercings can be turned down jobs, or asked to cover or remove mods like piercings. My mother having her cheeks pierced ran into this problem a few times. When people tell her to remove her cheek piercings, she actually refuses to. She has no problems not being hired. Most of times, employers accept due to my mother's work experience.

I haven't been wearing my doll clothes because all of it is packed and in storage. When I was, I noticed that other business professionals often thought I was a misfit in the corporate world. That was until I showed I'm a no nonsense, professional individual. On LinkedIn I also noticed the same thing. They can assume I have no place in the business industry. Being a living doll can be a professional job if you know how to conduct yourself.

Some suggest I shouldn't wear doll clothes but like my mother, I will refuse to change who I am. This is a part of having body mods. What many misunderstand is, body mods doesn't change your work capabilities, your skills and your professionalism. Business people can also assume I am only wearing costumes, not realizing this is my everyday attire. Yes, at times I do wear more corporate clothing. They still have my living doll style but it's a bit more preppy. We are required of proving to other professionals that we can be businessy. Also that we belong at these jobs. I dislike having to prove to them. So like my mother, I prefer to make them accept me as I am. I tend to refuse to change who I am to please others.

Like most of us, it can be complicated entering the work and business world with body modifications. You just have to ignore stares, comments, and discrimination. I am preparing myself for more of this.

Getting Advice & Information About Japan

During my studies, I have taken the time out to learn more about Japan and the Japanese language. The purpose of this post was to discuss what I came across through studying.

When getting personal advice and information on Japan, I noticed a common pattern between Japanese people and non-Japanese. Americans have given me useful advice, but mostly they make sure to discourage me from moving to Japan. I got it that Japan Reference and other informational sites and sources was a racial issue. I felt Japan Reference never deserved a proper review. It turns out like a lot of Americans who has visited Japan, their goal is to turn others away from Japanese people, Japanese culture and Japan altogether. One man told me how I better learn Japanese, and commenting on how 'us Arabs' always come to a country and tries to take over everything. This made me realize that not only do I have to worry about racist Americans in the US but in Japan as well. This is not fair to say when they are also immigrants. I am not saying all Americans are this way. I'm just saying I get more insolence from them than from actual Japanese.

The Japanese have been extremely helpful with my research. They gave me unbiased advice; their information is always according to law and regulations, and truth.

What I learned is that tattoos in Japan is prohibited. Humans are required to cover them. I was told those with tattoos can be refused service and kicked out of establishments. I read how a woman with a small tattoo on her arm who was chased out of a store by an elderly Japanese man.

Speaking of the elderly, I admire how the Japanese treat the elderly. They even have a festival celebrating them. It's a lot different than how Americans view and treat the elderly.

My step-grandma loves Japan's smoking law. Unlike the US, Japan has more lenient laws for smokers. They are allowed to smoke in most of locations, in public and in establishments. There are even vending machines selling cigarettes.

I was told by diplomatic Japanese guides on the Japanese visa. To migrate to Japan, my family would need to fill out for a long-term residence visa. A few other things I learned:


  • Never write someone's name in red ink.
  • Never point at someone
  • Never eat in public
  • If on an elevator, the closest to the buttons is usually the last to get off elevators.
  • It is common that men don't hold doors for women. They're not being rude, it's just natural.
  • Japanese toilets are confusing and seems hard to work.
  • Always take off shoes before stepping into a house.
  • Learning how to eat with chopsticks is essential.
  • Never use your chopsticks to point, grab food from others, or never stick chopsticks upright in food.


See, I have gotten a lot of information from Japanese people. I hope to not have too much trouble from Americans. My move to Japan is not immediate, for my family plans to gain a fluent status in the language. I feel this is what is best. I have also seen how essential avoiding language barriers for the Japanese. Not from personal, but they tend to have a low tolerance for those who are incapable of speaking and reading Japanese. Many state their refusal to learn English. Most of times, Japanese people can insist that you learn Japanese and refuse to do further business until you learn their language. For this, I am not saying all Japanese are nice but not all are this way. In fact, I see many Japanese are distant and can be slow to opening up to you. I noticed if you sincerely express genuine interest and respect, they will give you the same respect. It's kind of interesting but when some Japanese find out I am part Asian, they assume I am already fluent in Japanese. I'm like, no not yet, but getting there.

I have learned about publishing in Japan as well. I will discuss this soon; I just wanted to address and acknowledge this as another important issue.

Living in Columbia Heights Minnesota

This is my family's experience living in Columbia Heights Minnesota. It's located in Anoka County of northeast of the State. I will add pictures later. Well my experience wasn't entirely good. I prefer to share how bigoted Columbia Heights really is.

Back in 2003, my family moved into our house, which is the haunted house I write about. I will not put emphasis on the town too much in the book. So, first I would like to say, the part I liked about the town was that it was small, quiet, had city ordinances, calm and had an old fashioned theme. It's like traveling back to the Retro era. Believe me in every way. There was no diversity and the town however still seemed segregated. I was always uncomfortable going out because my family were the only minorities and everyone stared at us strangely. Yes, of course there was also racism. We were often refused service; subjected to eyes rolling, rude behavior and yelling. One time in particular, my family sat at a restaurant. The owner of the place did not take our order nor did she cook anything for us. She actually refused to. This wasn't the first time we visited, so I guess they got sick of us coming there. We noticed we couldn't order at any of the restaurants. I already posted about the church, so yeah, the church was also bigoted.

It was the same when going to school, before I was homeschooled. I was one of few minorities attending the schools. What I was taught I believed to be sort of abusive to minorities and girls. We were often told how Whites are superior, bad events to keep minorities down, and girls were taught we are inferior, worthless and our roles are only to breed and be a housewife. Girls were excluded out of things related to jobs, careers and leadership. Minorities were always described as poor victims who never accomplished anything. Today, this reminds me of the teachings of the extremists, White Supremacists. How can someone not become depressed over hearing that? Also teachers never gave me good grades only because of my race. I never followed what they said about girls. Instead I wanted to do something with my life. I was redirected that I belong in the house. This is another reason they lowered my grades, because I would not say what they wanted me to say.

Well, years past, diversity was slowly moving in. You know how much bigots love this. Of course some of our neighbors blame us. It never changed anything. Racism remained. Actually it increased the extremists in the town. There are a lot of angry and violent bigots who tries to keep minorities out, in control and wants their town less diverse. My family was too much for them. We often sneak out of our house and sneak to work in the yard. This is due to the KKK members that live in the town. When they say they are peaceful and nonviolent, this is not true. Many places we are unable to go to because of ill-treatment. This includes the many events they hold in the town. We work in the only diverse job. Yes, most are Muslim, or are of Middle Eastern descent. However, now I see a few more African Americans and Europeans who were hired recently. Not many though. It's bad though. If you work at Pro-Health Care, they automatically assume you are Muslim because only Muslims work there. Also the false assumption that all Arabs are Muslim. I learned it is impossible looking for jobs in Columbia Heights as a minority unless you are hired by other minorities. We are directed to stay with our own kind, no diversity. This leaves us working with Muslims, ordering only Halal foods, and associating with Muslims. Indians as well. My family tends to stick to the Chinese community more.

We were just looking for a job awhile back. People would not hire us because of our race. Some were not as straightforward while others made it perfectly clear of that. One man for example told us he didn't want to hire us because of ISIS, terrorists attacks and terrorist groups. We didn't understand this until realizing he suggested he doesn't want to hire terrorists.

This reminds me of one of the most embarrassing moment in the town. My family was filling out forms for a passport; then some woman told me I am going to blow up the plane. Making sure I heard her correctly, I asked, "what did you say?" She loudly repeated, "You're going to blow up the plane." Everyone turns to look at me. My mother talking with an Arabic type accent didn't make things any better. Pretty awkward. Only because I was wearing a Salwar Kameez. My family is unable to wear certain clothing in Columbia Heights for this reason. We don't purposely wear these clothing. I found out we happen to have the same style as our Indian heritage.

I thought the Columbia Heights police was good until failing us many times. They have not helped us, even when Klan members harassed us. People have put sugar in our gas tank, released their dogs to attack us and have threatened to kill us. I loss all trust in the police, especially due to the police shootings. The worst time was when they told us a KKK member has every right to bust down our door. That did not make sense. Everyone always tell you to call the police, but calling the police is the last thing I would do.

The funniest thing about Columbia Heights though, there is food and restaurants everywhere. I never got the chance to properly count the establishments, so here I go:


  1. MCDONALD'S
  2. 2nd McDonald's
  3. Sonic
  4. Taco Bell
  5. Denny's
  6. Burger King
  7. Dairy Queen
  8. White Castles
  9. Ember's
  10. Starbucks
  11. LeeAnn Chins
  12. Noodles and Company
  13. Pizza Hut
  14. Papa John's
  15. Domino's
  16. Jimmy John's
  17. Chipotle
  18. Fish and Chips 
  19. Applebee's
  20. Beagle shop
  21. Halal Restaurant
  22. Halal Pizza
  23. Flame Burger
  24. Dragon House
  25. Cub Foods
  26. Mexican Restaurant
  27. 2nd Mexican Restaurant
  28. Jewish Food
  29. Subway
  30. Target store
  31. 2nd Chinese Restaurant
  32. Indian Restaurant
  33. Halal Food Market
  34. Tasty Pizza
  35. Pizza Man
I just can't count them all, it ends at 35. It's hard not to become obsese with food on every inch of the town.

So yeah, I don't have much nice things to say about Columbia Heights. My family will look forward to moving. Then I will share which city we decided to move to next. I am hoping Blaine. Let us see how this goes. I will add more later. I'm still practicing writing on a phone. 

Statement for my Living Doll Career

I wanted to make this statement because there are a lot of misconceptions and stereotypes about being a human doll. Also I think humans worry too much about other's opinions.

What many may misunderstand is that, my motives are different. I am not into that society where I am obsessed in pleasing people, obsessing over what men want or obsessing over being accepted by society. If I was and if I cared about other's opinion, I wouldn't transform myself into a human doll. The reason is, we get more bad comments and more bad criticism than good. That is why I disabled comments. I learned to drown out the opinions of others.

Feminists have became enemies with Barbie for years. This is not recent disapproval. It goes back to the mid 1960s. Of course the criticism never changed. Now since we have human dolls, feminists have also made it their priority to criticize us. They measured Barbie, saying it's impossible for someone to become a doll; it gives girls and women impossible and hopeless dreams of becoming perfect, look like a Barbie, live in a fantasy dream as so they think we're doing; girls are being taught to become depressed over their weight, appearance and they are taught to become passive, or what society expects. I'm not going to explain what we are. They are always going to find fault in us, even when you try to let them understand. Then there are comments like this (by Demi Lovato):

"I don't have the body of a model or Barbie. My main thing about being in the spotlight with my fans is, I want to be real to them. I have my problem areas, but I'm happy in my own skin. I'm not going to sacrifice my mental health to have the perfect body."

I respect everyone's opinions, but most people don't give you the same respect. That doesn't matter to me. Really this is something I am doing for myself, no one else. I will transform myself because this is how I define beauty. Like I said before, everyone has their own views of what they think is beauty. I respect it, even if I don't agree. I don't care what society expects and I don't care to live up to society's expectations.

Staying Out of the Sun



I don't have a favourite season, they all are equally beautiful. What I like about Summer is gardening, beach pictures, the weather (not humid weather), reading and writing outside, and watching trees blow in the wind. I like observing many things in the Summer. My favourite observations are humans, animals and lakes. Usually I have my phone or notebook to write down my favourite moments to add in books.

Recently, these past summers I have done extra steps to make sure no sun touches any skin. Have you noticed the skin complexion of a standard Barbie? Yes, as a living doll, the goal is to maintain that. My skin is a bit on the pale side. However, the lighter you are, the better your living doll career will be. At least for me. It's better if you already are light skinned, you keep that complexion. Getting a tan is a big no-no. Some can say I'm old fashion about this. In the old days, being lighter skinned meant youth and wealth. No, I'm not that extreme in those views. I still wish for a porcelain complexion. The other valid reasons for staying out of the sun, is avoiding skin damage. I noticed the amount of damage it could cause. Also, this is to avoid skin cancer. We have to be cautious not to ruin clear skin. The way to do this, is less outdoor activities in the summer, always staying in the shade and wear as much clothing as possible.

These are sacrifices I make to turn myself into a real life Ellowyne Wilde doll. The results make it worth everything. 

Photography and Haunted Houses Don't Mix

Have you ever wondered what's it like to try to take pictures in a haunted house? Well living in a haunted house, photography can be the most annoying activity. This means your photos are often in low quality. Also, those times when the ghosts wants to make themselves known. I have one picture as example. I tried taking a photo of my new clock. Not only did they take the quality, but demon faces appeared. Here is the photo:


Do you see on the left? Strange demonic faces in the poster?



This is the demon face you see on the top



This face looks more like a dog/cat demon.

You see, this is what I go through everyday. I need to take more pictures for my living doll career, but how can I when this keeps happening? My favourite locations for photography are historic places, for a antique feel. I just wish to exclude the ghosts. Hopefully, I will move to a house with larger space and no spirits. When moving, I'm sure the photos will be of better quality. 


Buying Circle Lenses

Circle Lenses is essential for a living doll. Instead of getting plastic surgery, we use these special contact lenses to make our eyes look larger. Yes, there is such cosmetic surgery. I don't think that is wise thinking for long term. I question, would I want larger eyes for the rest of my life? No. I found many stores from South Korea, China and Japan. Circle Lenses are common in these countries. You can't find anything close in the United States. These are Circle Lenses:


As you can see, the eyes are enhanced with eyelashes. They give our eyes more of an anime, doll type appearance. People think our eyes are the most creepy. I don't think so. It's amazing, it's beautiful. Anyway, I will be purchasing Circle Lenses soon. My favourite colours are pink, green and purple. I love Circle Lenses with kawaii designs the most. These I will collect.

My purchases will start when I move. I will make sure to take pictures... 



Am I The Only One Who Hates Unicorns?


It seems natural that a living doll would like Unicorns, but for some reason I do not. That is why I do not purchase any clothing, accept gifts or share anything with Unicorns. For the rest of the world, they are mere benevolent mythical creatures. For a living doll, Unicorns become a part of our career. I do not feel the same. There is something menacing about Unicorns.  

It all started when I had an encounter with a real demon resembling a Unicorn in my family's haunted house. I began to wonder were Unicorns actually demonic spirits? I know what I experienced, so no one can tell me it wasn't real or it wasn't a Unicorn. Unicorns are horses with a horn on their forehead. After that encounter, I find myself loathing Unicorns. Who even started the illusion Unicorns were cute anyway? 

I began studying mythical creatures, demons and hell. I learned these mythical creatures aren't actually what most think they are. That is why I decided to write a book of a list of demons. Also, all of my books features real demons, even my manga and games. I give insights of their true forms and nature. Later, I will share my findings on these so called mythical creatures.

Human Dolls: A Never Ending Trend!

I came across many people who wonder when will this human doll trend come to an end. When will young women stop transforming themselves into real life dolls? I hope never. Some say it only teaches us to be superficial and vain. They believe so, because our goal is to maintain a perfect and beautiful appearance. We wish to reach perfection like a Barbie doll. Is this too much of an expectation for women? On the contrary, it never taught me that. The major thing I see it teaches living dolls, is to become more self confident.

Most people criticize and judge things they don't understand. The living doll world is one of them. No one would truly understand. While other girls wanted a Barbie, we are the ones who wanted to be Barbie. People think this is strange thinking and fault our parents. Some criticize our family for supporting such "Weird" behaviour. I believe more family members should support this decision.     

I disagree when they say it's creepy, scary and not normal. Tell me, what is "normal"? I don't know anymore. When will everyone realize it's beautiful, not creepy? People have tried convincing me to not proceed with my transformation. Here's a hint, no one can change my mind. After being introduced to the living doll world, I'm never going back. I think it is fun to dress like a doll, dress in cosplay type styles, and wear doll makeup everyday. Many don't realize it's practically the same as the Japanese Sub-Culture. Well, people even thinks Japanese culture is abnormal. I strongly disagree.

I think we get too much criticism, so I will try to post more about living dolls. If no one thinks we're in reality, then allow us to stay in our fantasy world! 

Nenets Herding Laika: Russia's Rare Beauties


Nenets Herding Laika is an Arctic Breed that originates from Russia. Much like the Samoyed, they were used for herding Reindeer and transportation by the Nentsy tribe. This was an ancient Nomad tribe, much like the Inuits. Their history and temperament is basically similar to the Samoyed. Many may argue they are the same as a Samoyed. Samoyeds are considered the white Laika of Nenets dogs. It is said Laika is a Russian word meaning "barking dog."

Their colors are black and white, tan, grey and black. The ideal environment is in the Russian, Canadian, Alaskan or other Arctic regions. Like many of these breed types, Nenets Dogs are not designed to be an average pet type dog. This means a musher would be a better fit. They behave similar to the Greenland dogs, also can survive in harsh conditions in low nourishment. Also, Nenets are known to be loyal, loving, but boisterous.

The Nenets Herding Laika is one of few dogs I always wanted to own. They seemed easier to find. Also breeders in Russia were more willing to sale my family a puppy. The breeder insisted that we take all of puppies. If there wasn't a two dog limit in Anoka County, I would have. The only catch is travelling to Russia. There can also be an issue of that language barrier if you don't know Russian. Also, the US and Russian relationship is not good.

In the United States, the Laika dog is almost nonexistent. In fact, no one has heard of this breed before. I believe however all of the beautiful Laika breeds deserve more recognition...   

Sled Dog Sports

I know, this is a bit random, but I have compiled a list of sports to do with an Arctic Dog Breed. These are sled dogging related sports.

Sled Pulling

Sled pulling is one of the oldest and well known sled dog sport in the world. Originally discovered by Indigenous people, and used for transportation. It is when a dog pulls a traditional dog sled, most often in the winter. 

Skateboard-Joring

When a dog pulls a person on a skateboard. I personally like this one due to its flexibility. Skateboard-Joring can be done in all seasons. It takes a lot of balance and practice though. I had many falls and busted knees before mastering this. The worse thing is falling off and the dog is still running. Also it will not obey your command to stop. I ran after my dog plenty of times. 

Bike-Joring

Second most popular mushing sport; The dog is pulling a person on a bike. I always wanted to try this one. 

Skate-Joring

A dog is pulling someone on roller skates. This sport is a great spring, summer and fall activity to do with a dog. 


Snow Mobile-Joring

Obviously a winter sport. This is when a dog pulls someone on a snow mobile. 


Ski-Joring 

Another most common dog sport that is done in the winter. A dog pulls a person on skis.

There are millions of other ways your dog can pull you, these are just the most common ones. I think people can always come up with creative ways to enjoy letting their dog pull them on a trail. Such as on a scooter as well.

Living Dolls' Confidence Level


Artwork Done by selene-bunny

The self confidence of a living doll can vary. I ran across a valid question, what happens when we remove our doll makeup, clothing and wigs? Some (not all) living dolls may have an issue with this. Others though, it is obvious of their self confidence. Then there are those who put on a facade. No, I am not trying to criticize, but to make a point. I think it is important while loving the person you become as a living doll, you still like yourself. My mother discussed this with me. She made great points that I would have to also like myself.

Eventually, living dolls remove their living doll gear. What happens then? I think it is kind of sad for those who dislike themselves, and only like the living doll they portray. These types often get cosmetic surgery, buy the clothes, makeup, accessories, wigs but never feels satisfied with themselves. People are insensitive about this. Being a new living doll, I completely understand. I am also a good listener. To combat this is trying to also find something you like about yourself. I mean, the reason living dolls will not be happy are that they are still this person they dislike. The thing they like in reality is the doll, figurine or character that is portrayed. My mother told me even if others say I'm pretty, I have to believe this for myself. Do I personally think so? Good question.

It doesn't help when you are receiving constant criticism and when someone tells you, you are ugly or not pretty enough. Humans just don't realize and care how damaging that can be. This is especially to someone who feels they are not pretty enough to be a living doll. Often this can also be another issue. Some question am I living doll material? Am I pretty enough to become a living doll? Am I pretty at all? They can even get intimidated by other very beautiful living dolls. The ones in the media can be even more intimidating. You ask, am I pretty enough to upload my pictures? When you see many gorgeous living dolls, this can discourage some from pursuing a living doll career/lifestyle. I have even seen those who become envious. My mother is straightforward and honest. This is something I admire about her. She makes a point that there is always someone who will be prettier than you. I believe she is right. If comparing yourself to others, it can decrease your low self esteem fast. Also create a jealous person.

I think those around them should kindly assure they are pretty. However, the living dolls must do their part. No, I don't believe in consulting with a therapist. All they want to do is throw everyone in a psych ward and drug them. I have seen also how insensitive therapists can be. They are so phony and backstabbing. This is not the correct solution. I think therapists shouldn't get involved in anything.

I shall end this with exercises my mother shared with me. This is something my family often practices. For a start, make a list of things you like about yourself. I also believe in bringing things into existence. No, this is not being delusional but positive. I repeat the goal I want, as if I already achieved it.    

Why I Prefer no Comments

Recently, I remembered my request I made to humans. Many share the benefits of having others to like and comment on your blog, shared post and Youtube video. However, I tend to disagree. I don't mind hearing other people's opinions, although I dislike living for their opinions. There will always be someone to disagree and who will be negative. I learned to have a disconnection with all comments. I care not if others do not believe me when I say I have started the amount of projects, I'm mixed with all the backgrounds I have said, others think being a living doll is insane and other opinions. Becoming a living doll, I am more prone to harsh criticism. The comments are ridiculous. I feel I can do whatever I wish. It is ludicrous how people try to tell others how to live their life, what to do with their own body and money. That is double for those who never accomplished anything themselves.

I may not even read reviews for my projects. There is always someone who will negatively try to discourage you.

I am more of an observer than someone who will interact. That is what I prefer. I'm not use to doing anything social. Being introverted is not a negative trait as many claim. It has been my advantage in many things. With that stated, that does not mean I am unapproachable.

 Well that's just my thoughts on comments...       

The History of the House is Restricted Information?

My final attempt to find something about the history of my family's house, nothing came up again. However, I discovered something strange. In the historic archives, it told me that I reached restricted information. Every source to get the history of the house, I came across this. How come all information about the house is restricted? This seemed suspicious.

I spoken with many from the Anoka County Historical Society. They told me how they have no evidence of property built prior to the late 1800's. Actually, it was illegal for those of European descent to build before the early 1900's. Everyone I speak to however, they all seem like they are withholding information. Could this mean our house was built illegally? What happened that it had to become restricted information? When bringing this to the historian's attention, they never have an answer for that. There are many signs the house was built much earlier. In addition, it is quite obvious the house was built on important Native American grounds. I read about the 1851 Treaty of Traverse des Sioux for the Dakota Tribe and the United States.


My family discovered something odd about the property as well. We found a small shed underneath the house, a slave house. This seemed out of the ordinary in Minnesota. That was until I found a document, telling of rare trading of slaves by soldiers, lawyers and doctors. These men had a huge involvement with Fort Snelling, from 1700's-1800's. When names and faces were found, they looked and seemed familiar. We recognized them as one of many spirits in our house.

Recently someone told my family it could have been built in 1893. Another document estimated it was built in 1819. That is all we know. I suppose that's all we'll know.

Animal Lives are Important Too

After the death of my family's dog, I felt compelled to write about the injustices for animals. It is not fair to treat animals like they have no value. Also, when they die to be insensitive and say, "It was just a dog." I'm not talking about different countries, but the United States. Americans are so quick to point out animal cruelty and disconnection, but fail to notice their own cruelty. Most fail to realize it's not just an animal. A pet becomes a part of your family. It is more than just an animal, it is a family member. If you cannot grasp that, then maybe you should not have a pet. That is just not fair to them. They all should be treated like they have worth.

My mother wished to take action for animal rights. I agreed to help. In so many ways, our dog's death was an injustice for animals. I can't do anything to a ghost, but the people who failed Tangie, something can be done about them. The CEO of Unity Hospital just showed her bigotry and heartlessness. My mother and I met Helen Strike. I suppose her and the Allina workers were doing this famous "Minnesota Nice" act. You know, some Minnesotans will not make their racism evident. After Trump's presence, majority are not hiding it as much. Our dog was a service dog and he helped for hospice care. At the hospital, my family was kicked out because of Tangie. This wasn't his first time visiting. The law is not withheld that a service dog is not suppose to be refused. However, they didn't care, not even the police cared. I believe service dogs are not honored and respected as they should be. Many human beings decline these service dogs. I think they deserve better respect for the service they give. My family believes it is an injustice. For the president of a hospital to give false accusations that the dog was dirty, diseased and had no shots was an insult. Only because the dog belonged to a minority. That is not a fair statement to claim we do not take good care of our animals. 

Also, there is another issue that greatly offended me. White supremacists claim only Europeans (100% white) genuinely care and are the only to truly treat animals with respect. They are the only kind to love animals. With their time, bigots find videos, photos and reports of animal cruelty from minorities. The most guilty are Arabs, Turkish, Russians, Armenians, Indians (India), African Americans and of course Asians (East). Arabs, Turks and East Asians are the worst. Those of Middle Eastern descent are considered as sadistic and enjoys torturing animals. I mentioned this because I'm not going to allow them to continue on with that nonsense. Not how my family nurture animals like they are our own. Also, not how much the family cried over our dog. It is a daily basis and we became depressed. We loved our dog. If I hear another one of those uppity, prissy, racist girls say this again, I won't hold back pulling them by the hair and knocking the hell out of them. Excuse me, I just take this issue seriously. My family are sensitive when it comes to animals.

I will try to narrow my topics. For my cause, I will write more about Native Americans, animals, writing and the issue in the United States. Since I believe living dolls get too much criticism, I will include them as well. 

Covering the Misunderstanding of Living Dolls

Many people I noticed have a misunderstanding of the concept living doll. The first reaction is confusion and then misconception. I would like to fully explain what is a living doll.

No, we are not running some brothel business here. This is the first misconception. Many people have confused living dolls with the whores you see online. That is completely different. Not even in the same category. Although I am a living doll, I do conduct myself still as a business professional, and professional, well respected nurse. Also recently, I became an entrepreneur. I am offended when people compare my living doll career to some porn star.

However, I see how some people can confuse us with whores. Yes, there is a pattern where living dolls wish to make a profit out of their lifestyle. Some (NOT ALL) do choose to go into adult entertainment. With that stated, please don't believe this is all living dolls. There are very classy living dolls. My favourite in particular is Venus Angelic, Dakota Rose and the others who doesn't conduct themselves as such. There are also thousands of classy living dolls on Tumblr and Instagram. People can get this assumption as well due to some living dolls wear provocative clothing, and take racy pictures. This shouldn't be the stereotype for all living dolls.



The Real Motivation of Living Dolls (and Information about my career)

 

Being a living doll is a way of life, a lifestyle. We wear kawaii, cute, dollie, lolita or whatever suits the living doll's lifestyle. For us, this is our daily attire. My motivation at least is innocent, like many living dolls. Our only motivation is to express ourselves, feel more confident, beautify us and to prove to the world someone can become a real life human doll. Literally. The definition is someone who wants to look like a doll, anime character, cartoon or a figurine. Merely, I am not seeking attention or anything. I think the living doll society is beautiful, elegant, unique and incredible. In our world, there is no racism or discrimination. It is a society where living dolls are not judged by their race, background, religion or anything. 

Don't get me wrong, the living doll society is not perfect. You may run across others who turn it into a competition. This is why I try to be wary of many other living dolls. Also, there are those who can become envious of each other. 

For me, my goal like earlier is to look like an Ellowyne Wilde doll. Why? Because being a living doll is beautiful. I think the Ellowyne Wilde doll is also beautiful and elegant. It is a beauty not everyone can understand. Let me try to explain our beautiful world. I think it is amazing how people can look so pretty and exactly like a barbie. It gives the world the illusion we are perfect. I comprehend we are human, but it makes us look so perfect without flaws. 

An interesting discovery, but I found out I am one of few of my kind to pursue an extreme living doll career. Of course there's Russian extreme living dolls, but not many Turkish, Arab, Indian ones. Especially the countries that makes up my DNA. Living dolls are kind of like beauty pageants. We represent our native country and ethnicity. These things are constantly brought up. Yes, and your age. Being mixed, I represent innumerable races. It is so annoying what others expect out of me as a living doll only because I'm so "Exotic". 
Just because of my heritage, I will not be a provocative living doll. This shouldn't mean exotic and trashy. I'm classy, professional, business oriented and respectful. If any cleavage is shown for any occasion, it is pure accident. I notice it happens occasionally, but I am not a trashy living doll. I hope to end the misconception of our perfect world.   

 

Let's Bring Back Vintage Scarf Wear


In the Retro era (and Victorian era), it was most common that women wore headscarves such as this above. Also such as this below:




Audrey Hepburn collage wearing different headscarf styles. I love Audrey's style more because she often wore Turkish patterns. That is why I have been purchasing scarves and patterns from Turkey and other Middle Eastern countries. I also found many vintage scarves (from Victorian to 1990's). However, don't forget the beautiful patterns from Native American culture. Here is another style I love:





Audrey Hepburn again! Unfortunately, I am unable to wear any of these vintage scarf fashions. Just the other day, a man gave me one of most evilest looks. No doubt a bigot. My mother and I were ready for a fight. He clinched his fist and was stretching his arm out to punch me in the face. Man or woman, I never back down from a fight however. For some reason, the racists think I'm Muslim and treat my family worse than they already treat us. No matter which of these styles or what I'm wearing, it is the same reaction. My family was thinking for our safety, it is best not to become Muslim. There has been a tad of curiosity, but I can't.

With that note, I would like to argue about this assumption. Obviously if you research vintage fashions, anyone can see that this was a popular trend. I also love this accessory because many dolls wear them. Due to my facial features I suppose, there is an automatic assumption I'm Muslim. People even think this when I wear bonnets. Only people who think this are the racists. No one else does. It is quite ignorant of anyone to treat people so ill because of their religion, or fashion choice. My other argument is, I believe it is unfair to have so much hatred. I don't comprehend how they come up with their assumptions anyway; especially the most recent incident.  

Despite of my experiences, I think more women should bring back all of these retro fashions. Where I live, I believe Anoka County, Minnesota and even most of Minnesota is becoming the most racist places in the U.S. I doubt other people would get the same reactions as me. They are beautiful and if I could, I would wear these scarves everyday.

The Future of Tikaani Moon Brand and Blog

I have been playing with ideas for the blog header. The new blog design is still being thought over. Plus the artwork and theme. It can be a little tricky what sort of theme to pick. I suppose going kawaii would be too cutesy. That is the reason I decided to have a more Victorian style. However, I am trying to keep my original theme, the wolf.

I am kind of unsure about the theme. In a way, I miss my old theme with the dark, mysterious black wolf. This brand would suit the projects I am writing. Dark has always been beautiful to me. Some thought of me as a reserved individual with a dark soul. Obviously, I'm not although others opinions does not concern me too much. That is why my logo and header will continue with the wolf. However, I am uncertain about my blog design. A company is discussing things with me.

I have hired artists from DeviantArt to custom draw art for my blog (even postings).

I will continue working on upgrading my blog...

Proud Land, The House of Death




July 19 was when my entire perspective of the house changed. This is the day, our dog Tangie was killed by the spirits. The family is not taking it well. We are a bit angry. I mean, I don't think it was fair to make our dog gravely ill and suffocate him to death. Yes, the house was known for killing our pets, but I believed from what I was expected to believe, Tangie, our dog was protected. Obviously this wasn't true.

Tangie never deserved to die in a manner that he did. We were trying to move out of the house as soon as possible, but unfortunately Tangie did not make it. He was only 3 years old, but we spent merely one whole year with him. After killing our dog, I no longer feel the same way about the house. This is especially after giving us pneumonia. That is how Tangie died. The Vet said there was no explanation to his death, even if he was sick. They are trying to kill us next.





I will continue the book about Tangie, unfortunately it will have a sad ending. After his death, the spirits continue to torment us by mimicking him. What more do they want? They already killed him. My family is leaving the house. I don't think this was necessary at all. Now we know what it's like for an entity to kill a pet. I mean we already did. The spirits were killing many of our exotic pets. Never did I think that the ghosts would kill our dog however.

We will all miss Tangie. In fact, the entire family is depressed again over the lost of a dog. I feel he was taken from us too early. His death was by far the worse event that occurred in the house. Now the ghosts are trying to kill my family, it suits the title House of Death. Also, for some reason the ghosts is targeting me for the worse physical harm. Not only me however. My mother has been targeted as well. I was shocked on the amount of physical damage they are capable of doing. With me though, they scratch me, leaving ugly scars. This is why I have to avoid entering my bedroom and the basement. It is upsetting because I cannot have scars being a living doll. These events caused us to question our religion a bit. It is harder when we don't have a church to go to. I am disappointed, but I'm afraid to leave Christianity. I just don't understand why so many things were allowed to happen for years (Not all about the dog or the house. A part of it though). My family can't fully comprehend that.

We have never gotten support but criticism for living in a haunted house. It isn't like we specifically searched for a haunted house. Christians I've spoken to told me it was a sin to even be in the house. Were they going to pay for us to leave the house? My family put a lot of money into the house; we couldn't just up and leave. They say that like it's that simple. Also, ghosts do not exist. I believe the only ones who truly say that are those who never experienced it.  

My family will be happy when we are able to move out of the house. Still, nothing will bring Tangie back to life. He was the best dog my family had. I am unsure what occurred in the past in the house, but whatever happened, this is the result.                                                                                                 










  

Cosmetic Surgery in Japan

I have decided to wait until my family's move to Japan to have my cosmetic surgery. My mother is also holding it off until then. It's something about Japan being the world's capital of cosmetic surgery that interested us. I have watched many programs and read information which labels Japan the world's capital. I am going through with my living doll appearance. In Japan, wishing to look like a doll is not as abnormal than in the US. Here in the United States, I have came across plastic surgeons who refuse to perform these sorts of surgeries. They also are quick to send you to a therapist. I don't need a therapist analyzing me. Their views in the US are that this is taboo and unrealistic goals, we already look fine and so they see no need in getting reconstructive type surgery, and maybe we need serious help. Some living dolls however say incorrect things to a plastic surgeon. The worse things you can suggest is you feel insecure about how you already look or you are depressed. I've made up my mind however, and I am 100% sure I want to look like an Ellowyne Wilde doll. No one can discourage me from my goal. Plus since I know it isn't abnormal, Japan is familiar with these surgeries. I do not have to worry if I would receive my desired results.

However, I do comprehend the risks and also the habits of many living dolls. Often living dolls are not satisfied with their results, and always believe they need more surgery to actually look like a doll. They end up getting a ton of surgeries done. This is when the living doll life becomes dangerous. However, I am a rational human. Plus I have my manager who would disallow this behaviour. The typical living doll surgery involves rhinoplasty. We want our noses to match a doll, as small as possible. The danger would be having too many nose jobs. When going smaller, you face the problem of not being able to breathe. Secondly, I have seen many who no longer has nose bones due to the multiple surgeries.

Rib removal is another important surgery for a living doll. My manager approved getting a few ribs removed for a doll type waist. She did warn me not to get too many removed. Yes, ribs are purposely there to protect organs. Living dolls risk organ vulnerability when doing this more than once. So I'll do it only one time.

There are a few others, but many do not realize cosmetic surgery is equivalent to being in a bad car accident. Having too many is extremely dangerous. I will never become obsessed in wanting to look like an Ellowyne Wilde doll that I have a thousand surgeries.

Anyway, for doll surgery, in my opinion Japan is the best country to travel. Why I think this? Due to my research. Since my family will live in Japan, this makes it even better for me to have these surgeries done.

Of course there are other countries that will also perform living doll surgery. They are...

  • South Korea
  • Singapore
  • China
  • Russia

Our Haunted House Updates

My family can no longer endure the activity that continues in the house. I decided to cancel the registration with Smithsonian due to the length of time it will take. If Smithsonian wishes to register the house, they must continue with someone else. I apologize because I know how many historical societies wanted the house registered. However, my family is looking to move out as soon as possible. We are moving out next month hopefully.

The house has affected me negatively and I see myself going downhill if I stay in the house. My family is still under debate if I should share everything. I am not ready to talk about my experience yet. At least not that part. Later on, I may share it.  

There is no hope in removing spirits out of the house. My family just decided to give up. I know the end is near, but in a way I do not want this to be the end. Although a false sense of peace, I still enjoy the peaceful moments. For my family's safety, we must leave. 

United States Returning to the Civil War Era

Studying the American Civil War and the 1860's, I see a strange similarity about the US today. Like over 150 years ago, the country is becoming divided with Republican and Democrat. This is basically the same division Americans had. In the 1860's and prior to that, the real division was between north and south, modern and old fashion, rich and poor. Do you see the similarity? Republican and Democrat? There were many conflicts and disagreements which led up to the American Civil War. Like today, the country seemed disorganized and in chaos. Of course then, they had Abraham Lincoln (a Republican), but there are many things most Americans does not know about him.

I found documents stating of Abraham Lincoln's conflicting speeches and decisions. He never actually stated he was against slavery. It may seem this way due to some of his speeches. His main concern was ending the division in the United States. In fact, I have came across documents and other readings that reveal Abraham Lincoln could have been for segregation. One time, he made a speech saying anyone of colour (term for African Americans and other minorities) can be killed. Also he disallowed them to enlist. Later on, he comes back stating he would allow the coloured to enlist into the Union army (with more contradictory statements). That is when the general Robert Gould Shaw comes into the picture. This is one example where Abraham Lincoln would even contradict against his own rules. Actually, Lincoln set out to ship the African Americans back to Africa. However John Wilkes Booth cancelled that plan. By the way, Booth was an interesting character I would like to make another post about.

Another document in 1862 also says in Anoka County, Minnesota, Abraham Lincoln ordered that the Dakota Native Americans would be massacred. Many were outraged over his decision. Abraham Lincoln was not as favoured and liked by everyone as most assume. Even after his death, many showed a strong dislike of him. No, I am not saying Abraham Lincoln was not a good president. However, no one can really speak for someone they never met and wasn't present during the 1860's. Abraham Lincoln was one of the most interesting presidents in American history I do believe however. Although many speak of his presidential failure, Ulysses S. Grant was also kind of interesting. Most believe he was a better general than president. Perhaps with his scandals, it made an impact on the United States today. Oh yes, I read the long list of scandals. He was the president after Abraham Lincoln. Not right after, for he became president in 1868. The scandals arrived in 1869 and continued from there. Grant was another Republican. I believe today, the United States wishes to return to being a Republican country.  

During the time of Abraham Lincoln mentioned above however, the United States was divided so much that Jefferson Davis became the president for the south. The Civil War era may be gone, but what it left behind remains. Several things still exists. For instance, there is still some sort of division, racism and nearly 200 years later the Klu Klux Klan is still an active group. You may call it the United States, but this country is not United. It never really was even when it was founded, and I am uncertain if it ever will live up to its name "United". In fact, I read many documents stating how the conflict goes as far back as the Constitution. It only escalated during the 1820's. Due to this, many predict a second American Civil War is possible. Yes, anything is possible I believe. Out of over 200 years of American military service, the American Revolutionary War and the American Civil War seemed to be the only in relation to Americans. The first attack started in Fort Sumter, North Carolina on April 12, 1861. The Republican party was the first to fire at this harbor. At this time, Jefferson Davis and the south was already seceding from the United States. The south gathered muskets and said they were only keeping them for safe keeping. They knew there would be war however.

So, due to this, I do believe history can make a big impact for the future. It indeed has.             

Ahiska Turks

I recently learned more about my family's heritage of Ahiska Turks, also known as Meskhetian and Akhaltsikhe. What was discovered caused some sort of frustration and relief at the same time. We were glad to have found out about one of many of our heritages. Still, a bit frustrated we weren't told before.

I read about Ahiska Turks originating from Georgia, and between the border of Turkey. Many are unaware their exact origins and history prior to 1926. Also, about these individuals being refugees. Prior to this information, I was oblivious to this race and confused when my step-grandma gave us hints that we have Russian traits. We were like, what did you say? She of course denies telling us this after sharing information about Ahiska Turks. Sometimes my family has Russian accents, but it changes. It now makes sense. I read Ahiska Turks' languages are Turkish (different than in Turkey), Russian and Uzbek. Their presence in Russia, although perhaps not entirely welcomed also is making things more clearer.

Due to the reading I have done, so far I have found out of discrimination and dislike of Ahiska Turks. 2004, was when the US started allowing refugees into the country. They were treated differently than in Russia.

I mentioned this trait due to the race being kind of rare. The pure Ahiska Turks are even rarer. Our family are ones the 100% was not preserved well. Yes, it does seem however they are some sort of a mixed race. The other reason was that there isn't much information on Ahiska Turks. I am still trying to learn more though. All I did learn is their civil rights progress, where they are located and the cultural combination of Turkish, Russian and others. Also similarity in behaviour and habits.

The Ahiska Turks seem nonexistent to me and went through quite a lot throughout history. My mission is to help those such as this. However, I feel a particular race has been given the most injustices, indignities and mistreatment, Native Americans or Indigenous people. Of course I am sure most knows what a Turkish person is. With a simple explanation, it can be understood. However, it is sad when everyone doesn't know what a Native American or an Indigenous person is like they do not exist. When trying to explain, confusion remains. In a way, my family feels a connection to these people; even more now due to our Ahiska heritage. I will continue this later on.      

Spirit Sensivity

Having a sensitivity to the spiritual realm means those that are capable of seeing, feeling and hearing into the spirit world; and things many cannot see. Also this can mean too that the person has the ability for spiritually sensing another person's motives and thoughts. Children are more sensitive to the paranormal than adults, because they are more open minded and they are not considered clouded with the world. However adults can have this same special ability. Spirits tend to target them because they are capable of seeing them. I do not believe in calling it psychic, but others have their own opinion. They are free to call it whatever they wish.

My family has this rare ability, and even more. It was far before we moved into the haunted house. We just were capable of experiencing far more after our move. Our personal abilities:

My mother is capable of seeing spirits, demons and holy spirits. Only being focusing and not focusing, she is able to see into the past of a location and also into the future. My mother is even capable of getting names by focusing on the past. She can know what will happen, even in the far future. The most helpful ability she has is seeing and sensing fully someone's motives, what they are going to do and what they are thinking. She can also look into people's lives by focusing, and can tell how they will die.

My ability grew stronger by the house. I am actually able to see spirits, demons and everything. If someone asks me or if I am curious, I am capable of seeing what happened in any location. My method is closing my eyes and I kind of tune out of my surroundings. No spirit has ever been able to fool me. Beforehand, I can see their true form and their true motives by pretending to be nice and friendly. Like my mother, by focusing as well, I can see into hell and heaven. Hell is frightening, because it is like I am actually there.

My sister is able to see, hear and feel spirits. The creepiest thing I find is her ability to know what someone is thinking. Even if you are silent, she can know what you are saying in your mind.

Unfortunately this ability runs like a facet. Without our control, spirits appear and becomes attracted to us. When seeing them, it is like being tormented by them. It is against our religion to speak to spirits. Therefore, we asks them to leave us alone or just ignore them. However, they seek for someone who can see them and tries to communicate. Also, we can see any crime that is occurring, have insight in someone's life and see what happened in the past without us focusing. That is why I call it a curse. We never wished for this ability. It is like a facet because these events continue, and they cannot be turned off. We try to just deal with our abilities the best way we can. Unfortunately, like what many say, it won't go away.

The Mystery of the Haunted Dodge Durango

Although the chapter seems over for this vehicle, in a way it feels like it is not. Everyone remains haunted by the events that occurred. Also the spirits haven't went anywhere. I looked up the VIN number of the vehicle and discovered many accidents that happened. Hesitation stopped me from knowing if any were fatal accidents. I will continue where I left off though.

Okay, I shall explain the incident with Mark and Debbie. Yes, they were interested in the vehicle when they heard of the bizarre activity that was happening. Our bosses' cousin who happens to be a mechanic examined the vehicle. This was due to our issues. Little did we know this was the beginning of the end. Actually the entire mishap was caused by the roofing company we hired. One man gave us misinformation that the vehicle needed to be moved from the back. Since it could barely be driven, it was towed to the mechanic. He suggested that the vehicle is not worth fixing. We were given ominous warnings not to destroy the vehicle. It was too late however. He had already took it to a junkyard and the vehicle was no more.

This was the wrong time Mark and Debbie performed a seance to communicate with these spirits. History repeated itself. One of the previous owners of the vehicle also had similar problems they started experiencing. The man was hostile, abusive and dominant, even to his wife and daughter. There were fatal car accidents and also a homicide that occurred years ago. My family are also sensitive to the paranormal. I will make another post with details. Many label us psychic and say this is a gift, but I see it as a curse. Anyway, history repeated because the previous owners were shot to death in the same manner, only in the vehicle. All I have to say is the vehicle was attracted to death, fatal car accidents and murders.

Other Reasons I Will Not Take Pictures Yet

I would like to take a few pictures. I mean, that is kind of required being a living doll. Some even asks why I never upload any photos. However, my living doll appearance is not complete. I am not use to taking pictures of myself also, and dislike bringing attention to myself. Soon I will get over it, but I won't over do it with the pictures.



Makeup Perfection

 

Did you know living doll makeup was the biggest part in looking like a doll? If living dolls remove their makeup, they no longer look as porcelain. Even though we do have natural doll appearances, the makeup will enhance it. No longer looking normal, but an actual doll. There is normal makeup, and then there is living doll makeup. No, I have not yet perfected this. While trying to perfect this, I have been looking at Arabian makeup. I will include this into my living doll career. Unfortunately, I do not have a steady hand yet. Since I discontinued wearing false eyelashes, I am also depending upon the Younique mascara to grow my lashes. It works, but the irritation it causes has forced me to take a break applying the product. Plus pink eye is not very cute for a living doll.




Motivation to Wear Doll Clothing

 

Lately, I have only been wearing Indian/Pakistani clothing. The scarves are my favourite piece to wear. I even get scarves from every part of the Middle East. Also, I wear Native American scarves. Although it is nothing wrong with this (living dolls can wear anything pretty much), I understand I need to wear more doll clothing. Sometimes, living dolls wish to take breaks from wearing this; including the makeup. However, it can be time consuming wearing them. Indian sizes is not the same as Asian sizes as well. I am able to wear Asian sizes, but some things can be tricky to take off afterwards. I find myself yelling for help. Anyone, just help me take this outfit off! The most problem I have issues with are clothing that come from Korea. China, Japan anywhere else, no problem; Korea is where I find major problems. Even the Victorian clothing seems like some of them came from Korea.



Plastic Surgery

 

The second or first important step to look like a doll is plastic surgery. Many living dolls deny having plastic surgery. However, the truth is surgery is required to look completely porcelain. Also to get responses like, I can't believe she's a real person. No, I have not done this step yet. The plastic surgeons in the US are just refusing to perform living doll surgery. Although not typical, those of Muslim belief are more accepting of this tasks. This is only from my personal experiences, nothing else. In order to complete my look, I must travel outside of the US, Japan. 


After getting these three steps down, I will start taking pictures. Not for attention or for anyone else. It would be that I am satisfied with my results for myself.      

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