Thursday, December 29, 2016

To Live as a Doll

Since my mother and I have been discussing my human doll career, I wanted to post about being a human doll and my plans. It's not only about looking like a doll, but being a human doll is also about living as a doll. I collect dolls and things that fits my lifestyle, wear doll clothes, decorate my bedroom like a dollhouse and most importantly, wear doll makeup.

I have been viewing more kawaii makeup, hoping to practice again soon. My mother and I agreed to later on to start a few blogs in Japanese, Korean and Chinese. I noticed my living doll career is perceived better by Asians, and since we were doing business in Japan anyway. I will tweet and make YouTube videos in Japanese as well.

I will keep this blog for my living doll career and the Tikaani Moon brand. The reason I decided to combine the brands is because I will be showing who I am, which is the real life doll.

Also, I have decided to become more of a versatile living doll. Yes, I am mostly an Ellowyne Wilde doll only because I happen to sort of resemble the doll already. However, I love the classic Hollywood, Audrey Hepburn, Evelyn Nesbit, and other vintage styles. I like wearing Victorian dresses everyday. Later I will post about the Victorian style because I think it's beautiful.

I admire my mother's style, which comes from the Pakistani side of my family's heritage. She takes a little bit from our Russian trait. I think the traditional clothing is beautiful. Mainly I love Russian, Syrian, Turkish, Filipino, Balinese, Brunei and Moroccan. I will further discuss my discovery about my Syrian heritage I found. I know it's a lot, but I am getting things together now. So that is why I prefer to mostly be labeled just a human doll. That way, I wouldn't be stuck being an existing doll. I would love to become a human doll from my own style. Also a mixture of things I like.

Anyway, I have been practicing doll poses, of course the makeup, vintage and Gyaru hairstyles, talking, and being a human doll. I currently say, "I am a living doll" with a weird accent coming out. I can't seem to talk without an accent. I guess it's no big deal though. The only thing that matters is that I am becoming a real life doll. I'm extremely grateful for my family who has supported me and helped me fulfill my dream to become a living doll.

So I am now working on studying the Japanese language and sticking to a diet. I will post about a diet suggestion from a Chinese woman. It really helps me fit into the Asian clothing sizes.

Tuesday, December 27, 2016

Serious Topic About Doctors and Mental Health

My family was discussing the issue of mental illness after watching something on the topic. I wanted to discuss this because it's a serious problem what humans face with mental illness, depression and doctors. I think people don't address it properly and enough. First thing, mental illness and depression is not a joke. I have witnessed many people who treat mental illness like a crime, joke, and a shameful disgrace.

My family heard a man ask why people with mental illness never get help. The fact is even in the United States, they are unable to receive the proper help they need. Like what I have said, it is treated like a dangerous crime. When I watch the news, I always overhear reporters say how lawmakers being more aggressive, and the offensive assumption about terrorists are the same as people with mental illness.

My family has been victims of doctors and therapists. It's a good thing my mother knows the system and is familiar with the game of the doctor's traps. Her knowledge has spared us from countless trips to the psych ward. This started my distrust of doctors, and that is why I don't go to the doctor anymore. Doctors I feel lack understanding, respect, and proper professionalism. They can be rude, uppity, arrogant and plain unprofessional.

My mother wasn't allowed to leave a doctor's appointment only because she got a new tattoo. The doctor, like always take words out of context, and out of proportion. A woman was brought in the room and tried befriending my mother to gain our trust. Then she wouldn't let us leave the room, saying we are a danger to ourselves and others. It was upsetting because this woman pretended to simply have a conversation with us. She used our like for tattoos out of context. You know how it feels when someone tells you, you aren't going home? I will share because doctors and everyone don't understand until it happens to them. It can be a scary and hopeless feeling to know you are going to a hopeless, dooming and prison like place. That is if they don't send you to prison. Psych Ward's, prisons they are the same. However, it is true you can be sent to straight prison.

They trap you in a room and then police are called to remove you. Then the police handcuffs you, dragging you out the clinic or hospital, where the court will be involved. If you think you can run, you can't. The police would even take you from your house. You are next drilled like you are a criminal who had just committed a heinous crime. They starve you for hours until you tell them all they want to know. Everything you say however is used against you. It can be humiliating when you are forced to share your most personal things, only for everyone in the courtroom to know your business. No matter how private or embarrassing it is. To me at least, mental illness is humiliating and embarrassing. No one is able to do anything to get you out of the system and out of the psych ward or jail.

I get annoyed by those who tells you, you can get help, and why haven't you seeked for help. Unfortunately, doctors treat celebrities differently than normal people. They wouldn't give them electric shock treatment like they would us, and celebrities have the privilege of leaving whenever they wish. We don't. Most likely, we stay in the psych ward for years. Most importantly, they are not abused and mistreated. I read many stories and even from my mother working on the psych floor, it's like an orphanage and prison. I will give more details in a few books where I mention the real treatment in psych wards.

My mother and family was depressed because our dog just died and other things, but the doctor took it wrongfully out of context. This was the time a therapist tried trapping us again. Plus, she called the gun range my mother purchased her guns from. Then she encouraged us to visit the gun range. My family wasn't stupid. This was only because they knew we owned guns, and so they treated us like terrorists or something. I know they were racist about this issue. The doctor personally sent us a letter, encouraging us to return to him. There was no way my family would let him fool us. My family has many more stories like this.

I haven't gotten any help because for the simple fact, you can't tell anyone, and there is no real help. They pretend like they want to help you, they understand and care about you, but it's nothing but a lie. Also most people, especially in the medical field doesn't believe in ghosts. They wouldn't have believed that my haunted house was responsible for my depression. Most of religious people don't believe in ghosts neither. I learned ghosts can cause depression, mental illness, self harming, fatigue and other things.

The other thing is ruining your record for life. The law would fix it so people with mental illness are unable to get jobs. They label them a danger to themselves and others, and is unable to be around the general public and society. So that is shunning them, and excluding them from everyone. Why is it a heinous crime to become depressed a few times? Why is it dangerous to be emotionally broken? I lived with a secret for awhile of mental illness, knowing I wasn't able to get help. Mentioning ghosts would have put me deeper into the hole. Once you are in the psych ward, I feel your life is gone and hope is gone as well.

My family didn't want to be treated like nothing, every 2 hours flashlights in our face at night, being yelled at, someone always watching you and even having someone standing in the bathroom each and every time. Also you get privileges, meaning you can't talk to anyone until a long time when they feel you deserve it. That is if they feel you do deserve it. I wouldn't want to be beaten, shocked with electricity, chained to a bed and sedated all day. Who wants to always be drugged too? Who wants to always feel like a vegetable so you are never aware of anything as years past you by? As your life is being drained from you? The annoying thing is that the therapists force you to face what triggers you to self harm or anything associated with mental illness. My family sure doesn't want that for our life.

I wish to address the serious annoyance and misunderstanding. Everyone falsely claims, especially doctors and therapists that those who self harm are an even bigger threat to society. They are considered dangerous and will most likely harm others. It's annoying and offensive. The truth is, most who self harm do not desire to harm others. That is a ridiculous statement. Self harm is not only about cutting, but burning, pinching, punching/hitting and a lot of other ways.

This is a serious problem that I feel needs to be addressed and fixed. My mother and I thought due to our experience, I should speak out against the mistreatment of those like my family. 

Thursday, December 22, 2016

Inspiration From Around the World & Cancelled Travel Plans

Since researching about my family's heritage, I have found inspiration for my living doll bedroom. For my living doll career, I will take from my following cultures: Persian, Russian and Turkish. Oh most importantly, Moroccan. I learned my backgrounds happens to be the perfect style for the Ellowyne Wilde doll.

About the cancelled travel plans, due to events, my family decided to cancel our plans to visit countries. Turkey will always be one of my favorite countries, but I am unsure how safe it is to visit. I feel unsafe about Middle Eastern countries. So even if there was a time my mother's real family wanted to meet us, I would be too scared to visit. 

To me and my family, Russia has some of the most beautiful architect. My family has always wanted to see it in person and see the beautiful country. However, I am really uncomfortable now with the US and Russia not being on good terms, or speaking terms. I will continue to purchase clothing, accessories and food from Russian stores. That's about it unfortunately. It's even more complicated being half Turkish and part Russian due to the recent incident and tensions. 

Well, at least I found decorating ideas. I will give more updates on how I will incorporate my cultures into my living doll career. That is with keeping the Japanese dollie style as the main theme.

Saturday, December 10, 2016

What I Learned About Adopting Dogs

Anyway, it took awhile but my family finally purchased a new puppy. He is a Yorkie Maltese mix named Scotty.

I took this on my phone. He is cute, but mischievous. The purpose of this post was to share what I learned about dog adoptions. After searching for a dog, I am iffy about animal shelters. Here's why...

In September was when my family decided to look for a new puppy. Yes, everyone, including experts lecture you on how it's better to adopt from shelters. From my research, I believed this to be right. However, I soon learned animal shelters can put you through unnecessary trouble just to adopt a dog. My family filled out adoption applications, but I don't see why shelters need to know so much personal information about you before they determine if you should adopt a dog. I fully understand that sometimes these animals don't go to right homes. This doesn't mean they should ask the following questions:

  • Detailed information on everyone in the household. 
  • List all previous and current pets
  • Do you live in a house? How long have you lived at your current address? Do you own or rent?
  • If you rent, give out your landlord's full name, age, occupation and contact information.
The list goes on. Most of the questions on the application I feel have no relevance to adopting a dog.

One experience with an animal shelter was the worst. So I will share. First, I don't recommend the shelter homeward Bound. My family filled out an application for a puppy we were interested in adopting. Along with the application, we were asked a thousand questions which was unnecessary. The company said they determine if they want you to have the dog or not. After waiting for an approval, they said the dog had been adopted. We accepted the news. The most pointless thing about this, is that the company kept giving us the run around, saying either the dog had been adopted or they will allow someone else to see the puppy first. We are not dumb. The second reply meant they had no interest in giving us the dog. Each time they rejected our application, they forced us to refill it out. I'm unsure how many times we sent in the same information, which was again irrelevant. It was also a waste of time sense they kept this information on file from the first application. Well, they kept telling us the dogs were either in the process of getting adopted or they feel we shouldn't have the dog. This is when we decided to not adopt any of their dogs.

Second trip, we went to Petco for their adoption day. Every time my family held the dogs and walked around with them, they would shake in fear and wished to return to their temporary owners. I feel many of these dogs are too attached to the previous owner, that when someone comes to adopt them, it's almost impossible to end their attachment to them. My family have adopted many dogs who whined all day and night, and never learning to like their new home.

This is why my family purchased our new puppy from the mall. He never whined, showed he wanted to return to his previous location, and he immediately took to us. 

Friday, December 9, 2016

Hard Being Biracial or Mixed

I wanted to further discuss the truth about being mixed with personal experience. The reason to this specific topic is the past and growing issues biracial or mixed humans like myself go through. Also I don't find much dedicated for the problems mixed people face in their lives. This is especially when I don't find much for my quite unique mix and adoptive background.

I read all the time about non-Whites being adopted by White families. It has interested me about their experiences, but no one ever mentions people like my mother, sister and myself being adopted by a Black family. Although I shared some of my experience, I wanted to discuss this again due to recent growing racial tensions and it's not talked about much.

From the past few months, I have been extensively studying about my real family's true heritage. I started a board on Pinterest to learn more about my family's background. The people I pinned are related to my family:

We have natural proper etiquette habits, but imagine being adopted by a family the opposite of manners. Most importantly, it can be hard to connect or to fit into a particular cultural society. My family have not learned to blend in. I personally can be easily embarrassed by certain behavior. Most of the family happens to have a dislike of Whites and Arabs. Being mixed can be complicated. There is one side of my DNA the family likes, but then the other parts they are racist against. For example, the family loves Asians, but they dislike Arabs. The adoptive family especially alienates me due to my pale skin. I am often called offensive names, which indicates the family dislikes light skinned people.

Obviously I am biracial and multicultural. It can be difficult dealing with people who are strongly against mixing races. This is even when I am not White. However saying this is hard as well when you are someone like me, who is often mistaken for White. I never knew why until looking at my mother's real family pictures. Because of the annoying issue, I have been lectured by Whites and others how they feel it's betraying your race for being mixed.

As you can imagine, it's hard connecting with your races when your physical appearance doesn't match. I find the hardest race to connect with is my Asian culture. Often Asians don't accept you if you are not 100% Asian or you do not look Asian. I'm introverted, which spares me of most criticism. However, I can't avoid all criticism. These negative comments and jokes about mixed people is offensive and not funny. It can be difficult living as a mixed person for the following reasons:

  1. Everyone treating you like your not a human or you are less of a human. 
  2. When people asks your ethnicity all the time, and especially when they don't believe you when you tell them.
  3. Guessing your race and almost always guessing it wrong. 
  4. Feeling as though you can't fit in with any of your ethnic backgrounds. 
  5. Having an accent but unable to speak a different language. 
  6. People who are against race mixing. 
It can be strange, but I notice my family has accents. I wonder if others have unexplained accents without knowing another language. This was way before my family began studying languages. The accents change from Arabic type accent, Turkish, Russian, Indian and at times German. 

There are a lot of things us mixed people go through. This is just a bit more insight of how difficult it can be being adopted and plus being mixed. I just feel we should not be treated like only half a human. We deserve the same respect as pure people; it isn't like we chose to be mixed. 

Monday, November 28, 2016

A Short List of American Civil War Sites

I was given a short list of recommended American Civil War sites from a Civil War reenactor. With the aggravated division and hate crimes of minorities and women, I was a bit nervous traveling to any historic sites now. He assured me however that although he can't speak for everyone, staff members are welcoming to a variety of backgrounds and cultures.

I'm still not sure if my family will visit them now. Some, but not all American Civil War enthusiast can be a bit racist as I came to discover. Not all because I connected with many who understand studying the American Civil War is not only for White Americans.

Here is the short list the reenactor and staff member gave.

  • Fredericksburg/Spotsylvania National Military Park, Virginia. His notes: (I worked there and know the staff pretty well. They are good folks)
  • Gettysburg National Battlefield, Pennsylvania
  • Chickamauga National Battlefield, Georgia
  • Andersonville Prison, Georgia
  • U.S.S. Monitor Museum, Virginia
  • Museum of Civil War Medicine, Maryland 
I think many of these I saved already, but some I haven't. I have been particularly uncomfortable about Georgia and Virginia although racism is all across the country. Despite of my uncertainty, I would love to visit these sites being an American Civil War researcher.

Thursday, November 17, 2016

The DNA of a Mexican

Most people are unaware the actual DNA or the ancestry of a Mexican. I have humans think Mexicans are just Mexicans. This is why I wanted to share my discoveries about their DNA.

They are actually descendants of the Aztecs and Mayans, Indigenous people of Brazil and Mexico. So technically Mexicans are Indigenous people. The most well known Indigenous kind. A bit different and more exotic than the North American Indigenous people. Their DNA does not only contain Indigenous. Many can trace their ancestry back to Spain, which technically makes them White Spanish. You may notice Mexicans who have more of a Caucasian appearance. These most likely descended from Spain. However, through the years, they could have been crossbred with Mexicans of Indigenous ancestry. European traits are often found in their DNA as well. Mestizos would be the correct term for this race. This means they are European mix. Not 100% European though. Some however can be surprised they can have more European percentages than they think. It can be a bit complicated. I have even seen people argue over this (not Mexicans themselves). Some argue they do not have Aztec or Mayan DNA. They fail to realize, no, not all Mexicans have these traits. Some do who are in Mexico and even the United States. I am sure many are unaware of their exact ancestry.

There are different tribes they can actually descend from. My point is that not all Mexicans are the same. Many think their DNA and ancestry is just the same, put them all in one circle. If this is the case, that some Mexicans have Indigenous traits, they deserve to be respected a lot more. When you speak of the historical tribes of Mexico and Brazil, you could be talking about their ancestors.    

I have also heard that many of Hispanic's DNA are of Native American descent. So that is my findings I wanted to share about Hispanics. This is why also I think it's important that Hispanics know about their heritage completely and know who they really are. I also believe in preserving their ancestral background and respecting Hispanics as the descendants of the First Nation.

Thursday, October 20, 2016

A Supportive Family to a Human Doll Career

Being a human doll, it's nice to have a family who supports your decision. I would like to share my appreciation of my own family and how they have supported me.

First, most family members are not supportive of the decision to become a human doll. Instead they criticize and bully them, which I believe is unfair. There is always insulting comments like those who criticize us online.

I guess since my mother is already into body modification, she approved of my desire to become a doll. I never told the adoptive family to avoid criticism. They will find out eventually. The first time my step-grandma found out, she was saying how it's so much of a waste of money and it's stupid to transform myself into a doll. She backed off but still throws out hints she disapproves. For the most part, my family have been the most supportive in my pursuits and change.

I wanted to give a public thanks because no one has supported me. Oh yes, I have ran across the criticism. You can even find them on Twitter, YouTube, or anywhere. Like I said before, we get more bad comments and feedback than good. That is why I really do prefer no comments, likes or any interaction with my posts, tweets and other things. I just prefer not to hear or see the comments, even though you can't completely avoid them.

Well, next I want to discuss my lifestyle change for my career.

Human Doll Blog with Tikaani Moon Blog

The blog upgrade is still a working progress, but until the completion, I will continue to blog.

I have decided to use the Proud Land blog to blog about my family's haunted house. I will also use this blog. My human doll and Tikaani Moon blog will remain combined. I will not separate that because I had to redo my entire brand, and I branded myself with the real me. I don't care if others still complain that I am still not being real enough for them. This was my problem with my old brand.

Anyway, I will not however change the theme of Tikaani Moon, which is the dark, mysterious wolf. My human doll theme will only show through posts and a few artwork. I have blogs on Tumblr for my living doll career. Humans say you shouldn't have multiple blog platforms, but I found them useful for my own brand. I even have WordPress for when my books are published. This will be a platform to actually purchase products and download PC games.

So until the upgrade, I don't know I guess it will remain like this.

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Teaching the American Civil War to Minorities & the Newer Generation

A while back, I read an article about why less African Americans and other minorities study the American Civil War. After hearing the view of a civil war reenactor and others who study the war, I wanted to discuss this. Many wonder why there aren't many minorities like myself, who researches the Civil War. The article suggested that it is being presented to minorities, but they are not interested in learning about it. I do agree. This is from personal experience. I cannot really comment on stuff I did not witness for myself.

Anyway, when I ask African Americans, they tell me they don't know and they don't care. Here is some pretty weird answers; some thought it happened in the 1700's, and Abraham Lincoln was president in the 1900's or 1600's. There is other weird answers. I was just laughing.

I am unsure about those of Middle Eastern descent, Indians or Russians. East Asians can be more interested. Then again, I came across those who also gives me strange answers. I get a lot that most thinks the American Revolutionary War is the same as the American Civil War. They shrug their shoulders and say, they don't care. I can excuse the immigrants, but those who have been here all their lives is kind of interesting.

A Civil War researcher said also the newer generation lacks interest. I agree with this as well. I noticed throughout the years, people have became less interested in learning, well, majority of things. History is the number one topic no one cares about anymore. When I observe those my age, they say pretty much the same thing. They don't know, nor do they care to know. It's quite entertaining to listen as they guess things. This is what I admire about the Japanese and other East Asians. Some people believe East Asians are more interested in technology and other things. However, compared to Americans, almost every country has the United States beat. They take the time to learn their country's history and culture.

I did run across one reason why minorities will not study American history. The article suggested they are more interested in Teen Pregnancy than learning. In a way, I believe this is true. Another thing is that, most believe it is degrading to learn about slavery. Although some may argue I wouldn't feel that way, but I don't think it is degrading. It's nice to know your own country's history. More minorities and the newer generation should take the time to learn about history, especially the American Civil War. Most wonder why things are the way they are today, but they fail to realize, history has shaped the country into what it is now. No one should try to hide or cover up what happened. I am aware slavery was an ugly incident. However, it's still nice to be educated. Honestly, it can be a little embarrassing how so many Americans don't know the basic things about their own country. Also, they don't know much about other countries as well.

I am unsure what should happen, but I am currently trying to promote history especially the American Civil War to the minorities and newer generation.

Saturday, October 15, 2016

Working with Body Modifications

Excuse me for posting so much about racism. I didn't intend for that, but recent events including Donald Trump has annoyed me terribly. Plus, I feel humans don't address it as much as they should. I realized I have gotten way off topic. Anyway...

The definition of body modifications is altering the natural appearance or anatomy of the human body. This includes tattoos, piercings, implants, plastic surgery and other body altering procedures. It is beautiful art and a form of decorating the body. I wanted to discuss what happens during work situations. I discovered my human doll pursuance is considered extreme body modification. The reason is that I am altering the anatomy and appearance of my body to look like a doll.

Sometimes we face discrimination at work because of our modifications. People with tattoos and piercings can be turned down jobs, or asked to cover or remove mods like piercings. My mother having her cheeks pierced ran into this problem a few times. When people tell her to remove her cheek piercings, she actually refuses to. She has no problems not being hired. Most of times, employers accept due to my mother's work experience.

I haven't been wearing my doll clothes because all of it is packed and in storage. When I was, I noticed that other business professionals often thought I was a misfit in the corporate world. That was until I showed I'm a no nonsense, professional individual. On LinkedIn I also noticed the same thing. They can assume I have no place in the business industry. Being a living doll can be a professional job if you know how to conduct yourself.

Some suggest I shouldn't wear doll clothes but like my mother, I will refuse to change who I am. This is a part of having body mods. What many misunderstand is, body mods doesn't change your work capabilities, your skills and your professionalism. Business people can also assume I am only wearing costumes, not realizing this is my everyday attire. Yes, at times I do wear more corporate clothing. They still have my living doll style but it's a bit more preppy. We are required of proving to other professionals that we can be businessy. Also that we belong at these jobs. I dislike having to prove to them. So like my mother, I prefer to make them accept me as I am. I tend to refuse to change who I am to please others.

Like most of us, it can be complicated entering the work and business world with body modifications. You just have to ignore stares, comments, and discrimination. I am preparing myself for more of this.

Friday, October 7, 2016

Getting Advice & Information About Japan

During my studies, I have taken the time out to learn more about Japan and the Japanese language. The purpose of this post was to discuss what I came across through studying.

When getting personal advice and information on Japan, I noticed a common pattern between Japanese people and non-Japanese. Americans have given me useful advice, but mostly they make sure to discourage me from moving to Japan. I got it that Japan Reference and other informational sites and sources was a racial issue. I felt Japan Reference never deserved a proper review. It turns out like a lot of Americans who has visited Japan, their goal is to turn others away from Japanese people, Japanese culture and Japan altogether. One man told me how I better learn Japanese, and commenting on how 'us Arabs' always come to a country and tries to take over everything. This made me realize that not only do I have to worry about racist Americans in the US but in Japan as well. This is not fair to say when they are also immigrants. I am not saying all Americans are this way. I'm just saying I get more insolence from them than from actual Japanese.

The Japanese have been extremely helpful with my research. They gave me unbiased advice; their information is always according to law and regulations, and truth.

What I learned is that tattoos in Japan is prohibited. Humans are required to cover them. I was told those with tattoos can be refused service and kicked out of establishments. I read how a woman with a small tattoo on her arm who was chased out of a store by an elderly Japanese man.

Speaking of the elderly, I admire how the Japanese treat the elderly. They even have a festival celebrating them. It's a lot different than how Americans view and treat the elderly.

My step-grandma loves Japan's smoking law. Unlike the US, Japan has more lenient laws for smokers. They are allowed to smoke in most of locations, in public and in establishments. There are even vending machines selling cigarettes.

I was told by diplomatic Japanese guides on the Japanese visa. To migrate to Japan, my family would need to fill out for a long-term residence visa. A few other things I learned:

  • Never write someone's name in red ink.
  • Never point at someone
  • Never eat in public
  • If on an elevator, the closest to the buttons is usually the last to get off elevators.
  • It is common that men don't hold doors for women. They're not being rude, it's just natural.
  • Japanese toilets are confusing and seems hard to work.
  • Always take off shoes before stepping into a house.
  • Learning how to eat with chopsticks is essential.
  • Never use your chopsticks to point, grab food from others, or never stick chopsticks upright in food.

See, I have gotten a lot of information from Japanese people. I hope to not have too much trouble from Americans. My move to Japan is not immediate, for my family plans to gain a fluent status in the language. I feel this is what is best. I have also seen how essential avoiding language barriers for the Japanese. Not from personal, but they tend to have a low tolerance for those who are incapable of speaking and reading Japanese. Many state their refusal to learn English. Most of times, Japanese people can insist that you learn Japanese and refuse to do further business until you learn their language. For this, I am not saying all Japanese are nice but not all are this way. In fact, I see many Japanese are distant and can be slow to opening up to you. I noticed if you sincerely express genuine interest and respect, they will give you the same respect. It's kind of interesting but when some Japanese find out I am part Asian, they assume I am already fluent in Japanese. I'm like, no not yet, but getting there.

I have learned about publishing in Japan as well. I will discuss this soon; I just wanted to address and acknowledge this as another important issue.

Friday, September 30, 2016

Living in Columbia Heights Minnesota

This is my family's experience living in Columbia Heights Minnesota. It's located in Anoka County of northeast of the State. I will add pictures later. Well my experience wasn't entirely good. I prefer to share how bigoted Columbia Heights really is.

Back in 2003, my family moved into our house, which is the haunted house I write about. I will not put emphasis on the town too much in the book. So, first I would like to say, the part I liked about the town was that it was small, quiet, had city ordinances, calm and had an old fashioned theme. It's like traveling back to the Retro era. Believe me in every way. There was no diversity and the town however still seemed segregated. I was always uncomfortable going out because my family were the only minorities and everyone stared at us strangely. Yes, of course there was also racism. We were often refused service; subjected to eyes rolling, rude behavior and yelling. One time in particular, my family sat at a restaurant. The owner of the place did not take our order nor did she cook anything for us. She actually refused to. This wasn't the first time we visited, so I guess they got sick of us coming there. We noticed we couldn't order at any of the restaurants. I already posted about the church, so yeah, the church was also bigoted.

It was the same when going to school, before I was homeschooled. I was one of few minorities attending the schools. What I was taught I believed to be sort of abusive to minorities and girls. We were often told how Whites are superior, bad events to keep minorities down, and girls were taught we are inferior, worthless and our roles are only to breed and be a housewife. Girls were excluded out of things related to jobs, careers and leadership. Minorities were always described as poor victims who never accomplished anything. Today, this reminds me of the teachings of the extremists, White Supremacists. How can someone not become depressed over hearing that? Also teachers never gave me good grades only because of my race. I never followed what they said about girls. Instead I wanted to do something with my life. I was redirected that I belong in the house. This is another reason they lowered my grades, because I would not say what they wanted me to say.

Well, years past, diversity was slowly moving in. You know how much bigots love this. Of course some of our neighbors blame us. It never changed anything. Racism remained. Actually it increased the extremists in the town. There are a lot of angry and violent bigots who tries to keep minorities out, in control and wants their town less diverse. My family was too much for them. We often sneak out of our house and sneak to work in the yard. This is due to the KKK members that live in the town. When they say they are peaceful and nonviolent, this is not true. Many places we are unable to go to because of ill-treatment. This includes the many events they hold in the town. We work in the only diverse job. Yes, most are Muslim, or are of Middle Eastern descent. However, now I see a few more African Americans and Europeans who were hired recently. Not many though. It's bad though. If you work at Pro-Health Care, they automatically assume you are Muslim because only Muslims work there. Also the false assumption that all Arabs are Muslim. I learned it is impossible looking for jobs in Columbia Heights as a minority unless you are hired by other minorities. We are directed to stay with our own kind, no diversity. This leaves us working with Muslims, ordering only Halal foods, and associating with Muslims. Indians as well. My family tends to stick to the Chinese community more.

We were just looking for a job awhile back. People would not hire us because of our race. Some were not as straightforward while others made it perfectly clear of that. One man for example told us he didn't want to hire us because of ISIS, terrorists attacks and terrorists groups. We didn't understand this until realizing he suggested he doesn't want to hire terrorists.

This reminds me of one of the most embarrassing moment in the town. My family was filling out forms for a passport; then some woman told me I am going to blow up the plane. Making sure I heard her correctly, I asked, "what did you say?" She loudly repeated, "You're going to blow up the plane." Everyone turns to look at me. My mother talking with an Arabic type accent didn't make things any better. Pretty awkward. Only because I was wearing a Salwar Kameez. My family is unable to wear certain clothing in Columbia Heights for this reason. We don't purposely wear these clothing. I found out we happen to have the same style as our Indian heritage.

I thought the Columbia Heights police was good until failing us many times. They have not helped us, even when Klan members harassed us. People have put sugar in our gas tank, released their dogs to attack us and have threatened to kill us. I loss all trust in the police, especially due to the police shootings. The worst time was when they told us a KKK member has every right to bust down our door. That did not make sense. Everyone always tell you to call the police, but calling the police is the last thing I would do.

The funniest thing about Columbia Heights though, there is food and restaurants everywhere. I never got the chance to properly count the establishments, so here I go:

  2. 2nd McDonald's
  3. Sonic
  4. Taco Bell
  5. Denny's
  6. Burger King
  7. Dairy Queen
  8. White Castles
  9. Ember's
  10. Starbucks
  11. LeeAnn Chins
  12. Noodles and Company
  13. Pizza Hut
  14. Papa John's
  15. Domino's
  16. Jimmy John's
  17. Chipotle
  18. Fish and Chips 
  19. Applebee's
  20. Beagle shop
  21. Halal Restaurant
  22. Halal Pizza
  23. Flame Burger
  24. Dragon House
  25. Cub Foods
  26. Mexican Restaurant
  27. 2nd Mexican Restaurant
  28. Jewish Food
  29. Subway
  30. Target store
  31. 2nd Chinese Restaurant
  32. Indian Restaurant
  33. Halal Food Market
  34. Tasty Pizza
  35. Pizza Man
I just can't count them all, it ends at 35. It's hard not to become obsese with food on every inch of the town.

So yeah, I don't have much nice things to say about Columbia Heights. My family will look forward to moving. Then I will share which city we decided to move to next. I am hoping Blaine. Let us see how this goes. I will add more later. I'm still practicing writing on a phone. 

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Statement for my Living Doll Career

I wanted to make this statement because there are a lot of misconceptions and stereotypes about being a human doll. Also I think humans worry too much about other's opinions.

What many may misunderstand is that, my motives are different. I am not into that society where I am obsessed in pleasing people, obsessing over what men want or obsessing over being accepted by society. If I was and if I cared about other's opinion, I wouldn't transform myself into a human doll. The reason is, we get more bad comments and more bad criticism than good. That is why I disabled comments. I learned to drown out the opinions of others.

Feminists have became enemies with Barbie for years. This is not recent disapproval. It goes back to the mid 1960s. Of course the criticism never changed. Now since we have human dolls, feminists have also made it their priority to criticize us. They measured Barbie, saying it's impossible for someone to become a doll; it gives girls and women impossible and hopeless dreams of becoming perfect, look like a Barbie, live in a fantasy dream as so they think we're doing; girls are being taught to become depressed over their weight, appearance and they are taught to become passive, or what society expects. I'm not going to explain what we are. They are always going to find fault in us, even when you try to let them understand. Then there are comments like this (by Demi Lovato):

"I don't have the body of a model or Barbie. My main thing about being in the spotlight with my fans is, I want to be real to them. I have my problem areas, but I'm happy in my own skin. I'm not going to sacrifice my mental health to have the perfect body."

I respect everyone's opinions, but most people don't give you the same respect. That doesn't matter to me. Really this is something I am doing for myself, no one else. I will transform myself because this is how I define beauty. Like I said before, everyone has their own views of what they think is beauty. I respect it, even if I don't agree. I don't care what society expects and I don't care to live up to society's expectations.

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Staying Out of the Sun

I don't have a favourite season, they all are equally beautiful. What I like about Summer is gardening, beach pictures, the weather (not humid weather), reading and writing outside, and watching trees blow in the wind. I like observing many things in the Summer. My favourite observations are humans, animals and lakes. Usually I have my phone or notebook to write down my favourite moments to add in books.

Recently, these past summers I have done extra steps to make sure no sun touches any skin. Have you noticed the skin complexion of a standard Barbie? Yes, as a living doll, the goal is to maintain that. My skin is a bit on the pale side. However, the lighter you are, the better your living doll career will be. At least for me. It's better if you already are light skinned, you keep that complexion. Getting a tan is a big no-no. Some can say I'm old fashion about this. In the old days, being lighter skinned meant youth and wealth. No, I'm not that extreme in those views. I still wish for a porcelain complexion. The other valid reasons for staying out of the sun, is avoiding skin damage. I noticed the amount of damage it could cause. Also, this is to avoid skin cancer. We have to be cautious not to ruin clear skin. The way to do this, is less outdoor activities in the summer, always staying in the shade and wear as much clothing as possible.

These are sacrifices I make to turn myself into a real life Ellowyne Wilde doll. The results make it worth everything. 

Photography and Haunted Houses Don't Mix

Have you ever wondered what's it like to try to take pictures in a haunted house? Well living in a haunted house, photography can be the most annoying activity. This means your photos are often in low quality. Also, those times when the ghosts wants to make themselves known. I have one picture as example. I tried taking a photo of my new clock. Not only did they take the quality, but demon faces appeared. Here is the photo:

Do you see on the left? Strange demonic faces in the poster?

This is the demon face you see on the top

This face looks more like a dog/cat demon.

You see, this is what I go through everyday. I need to take more pictures for my living doll career, but how can I when this keeps happening? My favourite locations for photography are historic places, for a antique feel. I just wish to exclude the ghosts. Hopefully, I will move to a house with larger space and no spirits. When moving, I'm sure the photos will be of better quality. 

Being Mixed: When Family Members Don't Look Related

One of the most issues of being mixed may be the uncertainty. No one is 100% of how they will turn out, or which of their races they will take after. That is appearance wise. This includes facial features, eye colour, hair colour, hair texture, and also skin tone. I find the Black mixes a bit more interesting than my own. I have seen humans with darker complexions, but blonde or straight hair; also those with lighter skin complexions but with African American hair texture. You'll never know. That is an example of this uncertainty. Also keep in mind, those single digits in a DNA can make a huge impact.

I have even seen others (speaking of all crosses now) where their siblings never resemble each other. There may be siblings who have lighter skin tones, but others have darker tones. Also, when they look nothing like their mother or father.

My family have this issue. My sister took after our Balinese and Indian trait. Balinese is referring to the Bali location in Indonesia. They are considered as Islander people. She also resembles Egyptian women, along with Tamil Indians. My mother also takes after her Indian/Pakistani trait. Other times she looks like women from Qatar. Me on the other hand, looks completely different. I took after our Turkish trait. Then sometimes, I resemble Libyans, Egyptians, Persians in Iran and Pakistani people. The light-skinned ones of course. I suppose my blonde hair came from the Irish, British, Russian trait. For years, my step-grandma tried convincing me I resemble Native Americans. I actually do when I braid my hair or put feathers in my hair. I learned Uzbek, Tajik and Turkmen humans can resemble Native Americans a lot. Anyway, any mixed person would know this gives you issues. Often people questions if you were adopted. Plus, they don't believe you when claiming your family is really related. Sometimes, they continue to say you were adopted.

One time for example, a girl kept asking was I adopted. Even when repeating, no, she didn't believe me. This is just one example of what we go through everyday.

I recently discovered my exact traits. For reference, I can share it. I also would like to share about being a living doll in the summer. The upgrade is still being worked on. Until the upgrade for the blog is done, I will continue to blog. This is my source to perfecting my writing skills.  

Friday, September 2, 2016

Reasons Being Mixed is not Easy

A mixed person is someone you would label a multi-heritage or multi-cultural human. Most when thinking of mixed, they think of Black/White mixture. Yes, this is most common. However, there are different crosses human beings don't recognize as much. I have heard many assume being mixed is not difficult at all. In fact, it can be the opposite. I've even overheard humans who wish they were mixed. Going through life as a mixed individual may not always be easy. Well, not as easy as others assume. Here are the most common issues:

Being Called Mulatto or Other Names


Mulatto is not necessarily for Black/White mix. This is a term used for anyone who is mixed, especially multi-heritaged. There are also more names. Purebreds often consider mixed humans as "half-breeds" or "mutts". Also, many of our own race often don't accept us, because we are mixed. Then this statement, "if you can't speak the language, you don't count as one". This is quite offensive. It's like, you think I like being mixed? Not entirely. I would love to be a purebred.

People Who Don't Believe You & Having to Explain Your Mixed Issue


The minute you truthfully share what you are mixed with, most assume you are lying. Also, many can believe you have misinformation. It can be quite annoying. I say, I'm Turkish, Arab, Russian, Asian, Indian, and Indonesian mix (South and Central Asia, amoung other mixes). It can get confusing, because then Iranian, Pakistani and Uzbek are not Arabs. The reaction is, "you can't be mixed with all of that". What they fail to look at are the percentages. Then sometimes I try to shorten the list. I identify with the race I mostly take after. A revised version; I'm Turkish + Arab + Indian + Russian mix. Of course, most assumes you're referring to Native American when hearing Indian. I have to explain, no, I meant India. I can never go into details about which Arab heritage I'm referring to. Actually, I never mention my Arab trait. I know many humans who are unaware I'm Arab (also Turkish). No one ever believes me when I tell them anyway. I get lectured how the Middle East is not the same. I study maps and countries, so I am aware of that. Also, I must be confused and why am I giving them such a broad generalization? To be safe, I share only one or two. I just say Saudi + Egyptian mix. The real problem is when I don't remember saying another trait. They tell me, "But you told me you have Iraqi traits". The Middle Eastern mix is the most complicated. It's even more complicated when you're mixed with multiple Middle Eastern countries. Only those of multi-heritage can understand this.

What Race Do You Identify With 


At first, my family were unaware of our race. Now it can be difficult to choose which race in the box for applications. I get stuck about that section or that question. When there is no mixed or other option, I pick which race I am that is listed. Some people can claim I lied to them because I said I was another race somewhere else. Then I have to explain I'm mixed. It's extremely difficult to figure out which race to identify with, without being inconsistent. To be safe, I select my Pacific Islander mix. I identify with my Indonesian and Filipino trait. For years though, I selected African American and identified with that race. No one bought that. My family was raised by an African American family. So I was told to do this. It's actually a complicated story behind that.  

Other Mixed People Who Are Jealous


I didn't realize this, but many mixed people would love to have more "exotic" mixes. They claim we have the most beautiful eye and hair colours. This is to the point they become envious. I have problems mostly with those who are Black + White mix. To them, their mix is not special enough. It is not a competition. Some complain how our hair texture must be the best. I would like to address this. Actually, a Turkish + Arab + Indonesian mix can give you the same curly hair. This is especially when the Arab mixes consists of Libyan and Egyptian. The most interesting eye colours originates from Middle East + European mixes. I also love the Indian + Asian mixes. The women are very beautiful. Regarding eye colour, I learned it's not always easy having abnormal eyes. People were often afraid of me because of my blood red eye colour. My eyes tend to glow in the light. This is when people would get alarmed. It can be awkward and annoying. For years, I wasn't sure why I had red eyes. That was until I learned humans in the Middle East can get these eye colours. However, I never flaunted anything or bragged how better I am. I think all of the mixes are equally unique.

Taking From Each Culture


Mixed humans often picks up cultures, habits and customs from a little bit of all of their backgrounds. I would love to post different culture habits my family relates to the most. It can be quite interesting. Many can't understand how we can take these habits when we are not in those countries, nor do we have any connection to our cultures. As strange as it seems, this can happen.  

Since this is a long list, I will continue this soon... 

Buying Circle Lenses

Circle Lenses is essential for a living doll. Instead of getting plastic surgery, we use these special contact lenses to make our eyes look larger. Yes, there is such cosmetic surgery. I don't think that is wise thinking for long term. I question, would I want larger eyes for the rest of my life? No. I found many stores from South Korea, China and Japan. Circle Lenses are common in these countries. You can't find anything close in the United States. These are Circle Lenses:

As you can see, the eyes are enhanced with eyelashes. They give our eyes more of an anime, doll type appearance. People think our eyes are the most creepy. I don't think so. It's amazing, it's beautiful. Anyway, I will be purchasing Circle Lenses soon. My favourite colours are pink, green and purple. I love Circle Lenses with kawaii designs the most. These I will collect.

My purchases will start when I move. I will make sure to take pictures... 

Thursday, September 1, 2016

Human Dolls: A Never Ending Trend!

I came across many people who wonder when will this human doll trend come to an end. When will young women stop transforming themselves into real life dolls? I hope never. Some say it only teaches us to be superficial and vain. They believe so, because our goal is to maintain a perfect and beautiful appearance. We wish to reach perfection like a Barbie doll. Is this too much of an expectation for women? On the contrary, it never taught me that. The major thing I see it teaches living dolls, is to become more self confident.

Most people criticize and judge things they don't understand. The living doll world is one of them. No one would truly understand. While other girls wanted a Barbie, we are the ones who wanted to be Barbie. People think this is strange thinking and fault our parents. Some criticize our family for supporting such "Weird" behaviour. I believe more family members should support this decision.     

I disagree when they say it's creepy, scary and not normal. Tell me, what is "normal"? I don't know anymore. When will everyone realize it's beautiful, not creepy? People have tried convincing me to not proceed with my transformation. Here's a hint, no one can change my mind. After being introduced to the living doll world, I'm never going back. I think it is fun to dress like a doll, dress in cosplay type styles, and wear doll makeup everyday. Many don't realize it's practically the same as the Japanese Sub-Culture. Well, people even thinks Japanese culture is abnormal. I strongly disagree.

I think we get too much criticism, so I will try to post more about living dolls. If no one thinks we're in reality, then allow us to stay in our fantasy world! 

Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Nenets Herding Laika: Russia's Rare Beauties

Nenets Herding Laika is an Arctic Breed that originates from Russia. Much like the Samoyed, they were used for herding Reindeer and transportation by the Nentsy tribe. This was an ancient Nomad tribe, much like the Inuits. Their history and temperament is basically similar to the Samoyed. Many may argue they are the same as a Samoyed. Samoyeds are considered the white Laika of Nenets dogs. It is said Laika is a Russian word meaning "barking dog."

Their colors are black and white, tan, grey and black. The ideal environment is in the Russian, Canadian, Alaskan or other Arctic regions. Like many of these breed types, Nenets Dogs are not designed to be an average pet type dog. This means a musher would be a better fit. They behave similar to the Greenland dogs, also can survive in harsh conditions in low nourishment. Also, Nenets are known to be loyal, loving, but boisterous.

The Nenets Herding Laika is one of few dogs I always wanted to own. They seemed easier to find. Also breeders in Russia were more willing to sale my family a puppy. The breeder insisted that we take all of puppies. If there wasn't a two dog limit in Anoka County, I would have. The only catch is travelling to Russia. There can also be an issue of that language barrier if you don't know Russian. Also, the US and Russian relationship is not good.

In the United States, the Laika dog is almost nonexistent. In fact, no one has heard of this breed before. I believe however all of the beautiful Laika breeds deserve more recognition...   

Review: Oakhill Baptist Church

Oakhill Baptist Church is located in Columbia Heights, Minnesota. The pastors are David Briley and pastor Widen. Originally, it was a school and later became the church we know today. A photo will be added later. Now, it's heavily occupied by people of the Klan. I will take a photograph when no one is outside.

Oakhill Baptist would be a nice church for a selected few. If you are of European descent (100%), old fashion and dislikes diversity, this is the church for you. You can say whatever racist comment you wish without any repercussions. I believe this church is also for the older generation. They have no room for flexibility or changing with the times. Believe me too, they are bold. Let me give some personal examples of how. A group of people were walking past saying, "We don't want any zipper eyes, N******, or savage reds in our church." Later I learned their last comment was referring to my family, Russian people. It is referring to the communist revolution. At the time, I didn't know we had any Russian traits. How did they know that? Anyway, I was shocked how loosely they used the N word. They are hesitant about accepting gifts and food from minorities. The church staff even told us to stop bringing things. That was until they found out our food was great. Then they told us when, how and where to bring our food. We were instructed what to cook and how to cook it. I felt like saying, "oh yes 'em boss." The pastor however boldly told us we are not members of the church, and we never will become one. No one is interested in having our kind join. Before we even stepped foot into the church, they did some extra screening. My mother was a Sunday School teacher for Oakhill Baptist Church, for no pay of course. We got sick of being monitored and questioned if we were teaching the children the same as their kind is taught. Also, being treated like their slaves.

It's like going back to the Jim Crow days. Minorities are gathered together and placed in the back. One time my family sat in the middle of the pews during a sermon. Then people started coming to the staff, "They are not sitting in the back." We would be asked why are we sitting there. I was thinking, seriously? My family was directed to sit in the far back.

When trying to suggest how to expand their church, they whether not hear it. I think the church is stuck in their old Jim Crow ways. They are biased, doesn't believe in equality, hates change, and their main priority is money. There is no way for diversity with their music as well. I find it strange how a pastor avoids talking about God. Seriously, the pastor would quickly tell you he doesn't want to hear anything about religion. Everyone there is extremely hateful. When bringing this to the pastor's attention that we won't return, he told us leave then, bye. He wanted us to continue sending money to the church though (without entering the church). I was like, wow. He told us also it didn't make any sense for us to stop attending church because people are racist, and don't want us there. Why go somewhere obviously no one accepts your presence? You can just feel intense hate.

I am aware I posted an answer by David Briley about ghosts. However, I don't believe this much hate should exist, still exist. Well, that's about all of my review. I just don't recommend this church to anyone. 

Saturday, August 27, 2016

Living Dolls' Confidence Level

Artwork Done by selene-bunny

The self confidence of a living doll can vary. I ran across a valid question, what happens when we remove our doll makeup, clothing and wigs? Some (not all) living dolls may have an issue with this. Others though, it is obvious of their self confidence. Then there are those who put on a facade. No, I am not trying to criticize, but to make a point. I think it is important while loving the person you become as a living doll, you still like yourself. My mother discussed this with me. She made great points that I would have to also like myself.

Eventually, living dolls remove their living doll gear. What happens then? I think it is kind of sad for those who dislike themselves, and only like the living doll they portray. These types often get cosmetic surgery, buy the clothes, makeup, accessories, wigs but never feels satisfied with themselves. People are insensitive about this. Being a new living doll, I completely understand. I am also a good listener. To combat this is trying to also find something you like about yourself. I mean, the reason living dolls will not be happy are that they are still this person they dislike. The thing they like in reality is the doll, figurine or character that is portrayed. My mother told me even if others say I'm pretty, I have to believe this for myself. Do I personally think so? Good question.

It doesn't help when you are receiving constant criticism and when someone tells you, you are ugly or not pretty enough. Humans just don't realize and care how damaging that can be. This is especially to someone who feels they are not pretty enough to be a living doll. Often this can also be another issue. Some question am I living doll material? Am I pretty enough to become a living doll? Am I pretty at all? They can even get intimidated by other very beautiful living dolls. The ones in the media can be even more intimidating. You ask, am I pretty enough to upload my pictures? When you see many gorgeous living dolls, this can discourage some from pursuing a living doll career/lifestyle. I have even seen those who become envious. My mother is straightforward and honest. This is something I admire about her. She makes a point that there is always someone who will be prettier than you. I believe she is right. If comparing yourself to others, it can decrease your low self esteem fast. Also create a jealous person.

I think those around them should kindly assure they are pretty. However, the living dolls must do their part. No, I don't believe in consulting with a therapist. All they want to do is throw everyone in a psych ward and drug them. I have seen also how insensitive therapists can be. They are so phony and backstabbing. This is not the correct solution. I think therapists shouldn't get involved in anything.

I shall end this with exercises my mother shared with me. This is something my family often practices. For a start, make a list of things you like about yourself. I also believe in bringing things into existence. No, this is not being delusional but positive. I repeat the goal I want, as if I already achieved it.    

Friday, August 26, 2016

Why I Prefer no Comments

Recently, I remembered my request I made to humans. Many share the benefits of having others to like and comment on your blog, shared post and Youtube video. However, I tend to disagree. I don't mind hearing other people's opinions, although I dislike living for their opinions. There will always be someone to disagree and who will be negative. I learned to have a disconnection with all comments. I care not if others do not believe me when I say I have started the amount of projects, I'm mixed with all the backgrounds I have said, others think being a living doll is insane and other opinions. Becoming a living doll, I am more prone to harsh criticism. The comments are ridiculous. I feel I can do whatever I wish. It is ludicrous how people try to tell others how to live their life, what to do with their own body and money. That is double for those who never accomplished anything themselves.

I may not even read reviews for my projects. There is always someone who will negatively try to discourage you.

I am more of an observer than someone who will interact. That is what I prefer. I'm not use to doing anything social. Being introverted is not a negative trait as many claim. It has been my advantage in many things. With that stated, that does not mean I am unapproachable.

 Well that's just my thoughts on comments...       

Thursday, August 25, 2016

Restricted Information?

My final attempt to find something about the history of my family's house, nothing came up again. However, I discovered something strange. In the historic archives, it told me that I reached restricted information. Every source to get the history of the house, I came across this. How come all information about the house is restricted? This seemed suspicious.

I spoken with many from the Anoka County Historical Society. They told me how they have no evidence of property built prior to the late 1800's. Actually, it was illegal for those of European descent to build before the early 1900's. Everyone I speak to however, they all seem like they are withholding information. Could this mean our house was built illegally? What happened that it had to become restricted information? When bringing this to the historian's attention, they never have an answer for that. There are many signs the house was built much earlier. In addition, it is quite obvious the house was built on important Native American grounds. I read about the 1851 Treaty of Traverse des Sioux for the Dakota Tribe and the United States.

My family discovered something odd about the property as well. We found a small shed underneath the house, a slave house. This seemed out of the ordinary in Minnesota. That was until I found a document, telling of rare trading of slaves by soldiers, lawyers and doctors. These men had a huge involvement with Fort Snelling, from 1700's-1800's. When names and faces were found, they looked and seemed familiar. We recognized them as one of many spirits in our house.

Recently someone told my family it could have been built in 1893. Another document estimated it was built in 1819. That is all we know. I suppose that's all we'll know.

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

When People Take the Time to Adopt Children

If people are looking to adopt a child, I feel there are serious issues in this process. After my family's experience, I would like to share my concerns. I have been thinking about this topic for awhile now. This is another reason I will mention it.

Adoptive family's should make sure that everyone of the family accepts the child. I think also putting the child through abuse, neglect and mistreatment defeats the purpose in adopting. Ask yourself, what is your motive behind adopting a child anyway? I am strongly against those who adopt for sinister reasons. It is wrong to especially adopt from foreign countries if the child will not be treated right. The first assumption is that you plan to give the child a better life in the United States. If your plan is not this, then I feel the children should be left in the country. How would living in your country be better if they are abused? Well, I say this because of my own family's horrible experience.  

1. Acceptance 


Again, I think accepting the child whether they are the same race you are or not is essential. It is also emotionally healthy for them. For the life of me, I cannot comprehend the reason someone would adopt someone of an ethnic race you loathe. What is the purpose? Don't just adopt because you think the child is beautiful for a second. 

I believe no one in the family should treat adopted people as if they don't belong in their family. Being adopted can be difficult and depressing enough. The family doesn't realize how depressing it is for constant remarks that you're not their family, racist statements and making it obvious you don't belong. No matter if there is no physical abuse. Psychological and emotional abuse is the worse to put up with. Majority of adoptive families are insensitive about this. Instead, I believe these people needs to be assured that they do belong in the family. Also adopted people do have worth.

Just keep in mind, it is the worse feeling when you know someone gave you away. The situation sort of doesn't matter. There was a possibility a family member of the adopted person could have taken in the person. However, no one stepped up to do so. It is hurtful to feel you don't belong anywhere and you are out of place. Also, you are unwanted. The most depressing and unshakeable thought is someone throwing you away like you're worthless. 

2. Religion

Although this may not be a common issue, it remains to be a serious problem. If people cannot properly deal with possible religious differences, it is best not to adopt. I understand that adopting Muslim children can be even more challenging. That is especially if the adoptive family is Christian. No matter. The child I feel should be given a choice. Even if you plan to convert, I don't think using all forms of abuse is the correct way in forcing the child into your religion. No child should be forced, but gently directed.

3. Knowing Where They Came From


Adopted families should grant the adopted person of knowing their origins and their own background. It is most upsetting going through life not knowing these things. Many people take for granted being aware of their race, heritage, real family and where did they originate from. In my opinion, it is abusive to be dishonest; this is especially when the adopted person is fully aware they were adopted. However, I do understand concerns with telling the person. Many are uncertain about their reaction of being adopted. Still, I feel the person has a right to know. If they ask, tell them.    

I believe adopted people are not getting the proper respect they deserve. If people are taking time away to adopt a child, at least give them the best life you can. 


Monday, August 22, 2016

Animal Lives are Important Too

After the death of my family's dog, I felt compelled to write about the injustices for animals. It is not fair to treat animals like they have no value. Also, when they die to be insensitive and say, "It was just a dog." I'm not talking about different countries, but the United States. Americans are so quick to point out animal cruelty and disconnection, but fail to notice their own cruelty. Most fail to realize it's not just an animal. A pet becomes a part of your family. It is more than just an animal, it is a family member. If you cannot grasp that, then maybe you should not have a pet. That is just not fair to them. They all should be treated like they have worth.

My mother wished to take action for animal rights. I agreed to help. In so many ways, our dog's death was an injustice for animals. I can't do anything to a ghost, but the people who failed Tangie, something can be done about them. The CEO of Unity Hospital just showed her bigotry and heartlessness. My mother and I met Helen Strike. I suppose her and the Allina workers were doing this famous "Minnesota Nice" act. You know, some Minnesotans will not make their racism evident. After Trump's presence, majority are not hiding it as much. Our dog was a service dog and he helped for hospice care. At the hospital, my family was kicked out because of Tangie. This wasn't his first time visiting. The law is not withheld that a service dog is not suppose to be refused. However, they didn't care, not even the police cared. I believe service dogs are not honored and respected as they should be. Many human beings decline these service dogs. I think they deserve better respect for the service they give. My family believes it is an injustice. For the president of a hospital to give false accusations that the dog was dirty, diseased and had no shots was an insult. Only because the dog belonged to a minority. That is not a fair statement to claim we do not take good care of our animals. 

Also, there is another issue that greatly offended me. White supremacists claim only Europeans (100% white) genuinely care and are the only to truly treat animals with respect. They are the only kind to love animals. With their time, bigots find videos, photos and reports of animal cruelty from minorities. The most guilty are Arabs, Turkish, Russians, Armenians, Indians (India), African Americans and of course Asians (East). Arabs, Turks and East Asians are the worst. Those of Middle Eastern descent are considered as sadistic and enjoys torturing animals. I mentioned this because I'm not going to allow them to continue on with that nonsense. Not how my family nurture animals like they are our own. Also, not how much the family cried over our dog. It is a daily basis and we became depressed. We loved our dog. If I hear another one of those uppity, prissy, racist girls say this again, I won't hold back pulling them by the hair and knocking the hell out of them. Excuse me, I just take this issue seriously. My family are sensitive when it comes to animals.

I will try to narrow my topics. For my cause, I will write more about Native Americans, animals, writing and the issue in the United States. Since I believe living dolls get too much criticism, I will include them as well. 

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Covering the Misunderstanding of Living Dolls

Many people I noticed have a misunderstanding of the concept living doll. The first reaction is confusion and then misconception. I would like to fully explain what is a living doll.

No, we are not running some brothel business here. This is the first misconception. Many people have confused living dolls with the whores you see online. That is completely different. Not even in the same category. Although I am a living doll, I do conduct myself still as a business professional, and professional, well respected nurse. Also recently, I became an entrepreneur. I am offended when people compare my living doll career to some porn star.

However, I see how some people can confuse us with whores. Yes, there is a pattern where living dolls wish to make a profit out of their lifestyle. Some (NOT ALL) do choose to go into adult entertainment. With that stated, please don't believe this is all living dolls. There are very classy living dolls. My favourite in particular is Venus Angelic, Dakota Rose and the others who doesn't conduct themselves as such. There are also thousands of classy living dolls on Tumblr and Instagram. People can get this assumption as well due to some living dolls wear provocative clothing, and take racy pictures. This shouldn't be the stereotype for all living dolls.

The Real Motivation of Living Dolls (and Information about my career)


Being a living doll is a way of life, a lifestyle. We wear kawaii, cute, dollie, lolita or whatever suits the living doll's lifestyle. For us, this is our daily attire. My motivation at least is innocent, like many living dolls. Our only motivation is to express ourselves, feel more confident, beautify us and to prove to the world someone can become a real life human doll. Literally. The definition is someone who wants to look like a doll, anime character, cartoon or a figurine. Merely, I am not seeking attention or anything. I think the living doll society is beautiful, elegant, unique and incredible. In our world, there is no racism or discrimination. It is a society where living dolls are not judged by their race, background, religion or anything. 

Don't get me wrong, the living doll society is not perfect. You may run across others who turn it into a competition. This is why I try to be wary of many other living dolls. Also, there are those who can become envious of each other. 

For me, my goal like earlier is to look like an Ellowyne Wilde doll. Why? Because being a living doll is beautiful. I think the Ellowyne Wilde doll is also beautiful and elegant. It is a beauty not everyone can understand. Let me try to explain our beautiful world. I think it is amazing how people can look so pretty and exactly like a barbie. It gives the world the illusion we are perfect. I comprehend we are human, but it makes us look so perfect without flaws. 

An interesting discovery, but I found out I am one of few of my kind to pursue an extreme living doll career. Of course there's Russian extreme living dolls, but not many Turkish, Arab, Indian ones. Especially the countries that makes up my DNA. Living dolls are kind of like beauty pageants. We represent our native country and ethnicity. These things are constantly brought up. Yes, and your age. Being mixed, I represent innumerable races. It is so annoying what others expect out of me as a living doll only because I'm so "Exotic". 
Just because of my heritage, I will not be a provocative living doll. This shouldn't mean exotic and trashy. I'm classy, professional, business oriented and respectful. If any cleavage is shown for any occasion, it is pure accident. I notice it happens occasionally, but I am not a trashy living doll. I hope to end the misconception of our perfect world.   


Sunday, July 31, 2016

Let's Bring Back Vintage Scarf Wear

In the Retro era (and Victorian era), it was most common that women wore headscarves such as this above. Also such as this below:

Audrey Hepburn collage wearing different headscarf styles. I love Audrey's style more because she often wore Turkish patterns. That is why I have been purchasing scarves and patterns from Turkey and other Middle Eastern countries. I also found many vintage scarves (from Victorian to 1990's). However, don't forget the beautiful patterns from Native American culture. Here is another style I love:

Audrey Hepburn again! Unfortunately, I am unable to wear any of these vintage scarf fashions. Just the other day, a man gave me one of most evilest looks. No doubt a bigot. My mother and I were ready for a fight. He clinched his fist and was stretching his arm out to punch me in the face. Man or woman, I never back down from a fight however. For some reason, the racists think I'm Muslim and treat my family worse than they already treat us. No matter which of these styles or what I'm wearing, it is the same reaction. My family was thinking for our safety, it is best not to become Muslim. There has been a tad of curiosity, but I can't.

With that note, I would like to argue about this assumption. Obviously if you research vintage fashions, anyone can see that this was a popular trend. I also love this accessory because many dolls wear them. Due to my facial features I suppose, there is an automatic assumption I'm Muslim. People even think this when I wear bonnets. Only people who think this are the racists. No one else does. It is quite ignorant of anyone to treat people so ill because of their religion, or fashion choice. My other argument is, I believe it is unfair to have so much hatred. I don't comprehend how they come up with their assumptions anyway; especially the most recent incident.  

Despite of my experiences, I think more women should bring back all of these retro fashions. Where I live, I believe Anoka County, Minnesota and even most of Minnesota is becoming the most racist places in the U.S. I doubt other people would get the same reactions as me. They are beautiful and if I could, I would wear these scarves everyday.

The Future of Tikaani Moon Brand and Blog

I have been playing with ideas for the blog header. The new blog design is still being thought over. Plus the artwork and theme. It can be a little tricky what sort of theme to pick. I suppose going kawaii would be too cutesy. That is the reason I decided to have a more Victorian style. However, I am trying to keep my original theme, the wolf.

I am kind of unsure about the theme. In a way, I miss my old theme with the dark, mysterious black wolf. This brand would suit the projects I am writing. Dark has always been beautiful to me. Some thought of me as a reserved individual with a dark soul. Obviously, I'm not although others opinions does not concern me too much. That is why my logo and header will continue with the wolf. However, I am uncertain about my blog design. A company is discussing things with me.

I have hired artists from DeviantArt to custom draw art for my blog (even postings).

I will continue working on upgrading my blog...

Friday, July 22, 2016

Americans Are Becoming Too Paranoid, Some Are Just Plain Cruel

Due to the terrorist attacks, everyone has been giving my family a hard time. An even harder time than usual. First the clinics and hospitals. Doctors have forced psychotherapists on my family. They redundantly asks if we feel like harming others. The therapists and doctors are worried that we might harm someone and is keeping a close eye on us. This is only because of my family's race. They are still trying to place us into a psych ward. We know how the system works. I also know what happens in mental institutions.

I heard that a law was recently passed for mental illnesses as well. My family discovered this when watching Paul Ryan on CNN. Anyway, the mental institutions are horrible and mental illness is frowned upon in the U.S. It is also treated like a crime. I write about psych wards and that is how I was able to get a closer look into the facilities. Chains are used to restrain the patients. There is also severe abuse, mistreatment and torture that continues. I was shocked, but they even use shock treatment. Without the fancy words, I will explain how horrible shock treatment is. This is a primitive method where the patient is shocked multiple times until saying what the therapist wishes for them to say. This is not helping anyone. It is sad for those who truly are hurting and need real help. You call that help America? I don't. They are beginning to separate non-whites from whites in the facilities.

With that in our minds, my family is afraid. We have lost all trusts in doctors, nurses, therapists, clinics and hospitals. I have even stopped being seen because of it. That is even if I believe to have a serious injury. I would rather sit at home, than to be interrogated like I'm some terrorist. I don't think it's fair to subject people to this only because they are of Middle Eastern descent. Doctors and therapists are more brooding because my family is mixed. Also, yes my mother does own 2 guns. We have never used them or plan to. However, I feel no one wants us to protect ourselves. The recent psychotherapist called the gun seller where my mother purchased the guns from. She questioned us, sounding like she is paranoid we would copy the Orlando massacre or something. We have told them we have Ku Klux Klan on our block, the next block and all around the town. They have threatened us plenty of times. The KKK is protected, but where is our protection? We have none. However, we have no intentions on harming anyone. We are just scared for our safety. That is another reason we are moving. They are trying to keep all minorities under control. Throwing us in a psych ward is not the solution. With that psychotherapist calling the gun seller, we are not even sure if she placed us on some list. Facebook is also involved in this as well.

I mean, having Google and possibly the government to question if I am a legal immigrant; plus almost getting deported to Afghanistan is the reason I loathe Facebook. I was fully aware someone's information is never 100% secure online. Therefore, that wasn't the main reason I disliked Facebook.

I understand they are scared, but we don't want to harm anyone. In a way however, I don't understand why. It is unfair, profiling, stereotyping and plain racist to examine our mixed heritages and treat us so poorly. They have told us about violence done by the Turkish, Iranians (most recently American soldiers being held hostage), Iraqis, Egyptians, Russians and the others. However, the therapists listed all of our mixes. This is not fair, especially bringing up Turkish violence. Turkey has also been a victim of terrorist attacks. We have nothing to do with any of those things anyway.

I wanted to also mention the Vet, animal clinics and hospitals. The truth was when Tangie, our dog was ill, they had no interest in helping him. They even boldly told us to stop coming to their facilities. Everyone was so mean and prejudice. I don't think it was fair to allow a dog to suffer only because the owners are not 100% white. Even if they didn't like us, they could have taken care of our dog. It was their job; plus if they loved animals as they claimed. This was all of the clinics and hospitals we have taken Tangie to. Some Vets were even bold, saying they refuse to see our dog again or ever. We researched about the requirements for taking a pet to Japan. When trying to set this up, everyone at the clinic refused to help us with that. When Tangie died, that is when they felt guilty for being cruel to us and our dog. I mean, that didn't make any sense. Our race shouldn't have hindered them from taking care of our pet. It is too late now.

This is not only for our race, but all minorities/non-whites. Just because of our race, that doesn't mean we don't deserve respect and kindness. No one should be mistreated because of something done by someone else of our race. We have emotions and feelings too. Most of times, it doesn't affect us. However there is so much we can take. My family sometimes would be in tears after someone yells at us; refuses to shake our hand; arrogantly refuses to touch something we have touched or uses hand sanitizer after handling something we have touched; throwing things in our face and other hurtful things. Cut us, we bleed the same; although it is a disgusting concept to the White Nationalist, but we have the same organs and body parts as they do. We should not be treated less of a human because of our race.

I heard some bigot say we should be grateful that we were even allowed into their society. The thing is, it is not their society or land. It is not our land neither. The land belongs to the Native Americans.

Anyway, it seems to me Americans have become so paranoid that they go to extremes to keep themselves safe. Unfortunately, we are the victims of their paranoia.

Thursday, July 21, 2016

Proud Land, The House of Death

July 19 was when my entire perspective of the house changed. This is the day, our dog Tangie was killed by the spirits. The family is not taking it well. We are a bit angry. I mean, I don't think it was fair to make our dog gravely ill and suffocate him to death. Yes, the house was known for killing our pets, but I believed from what I was expected to believe, Tangie, our dog was protected. Obviously this wasn't true.

Tangie never deserved to die in a manner that he did. We were trying to move out of the house as soon as possible, but unfortunately Tangie did not make it. He was only 3 years old, but we spent merely one whole year with him. After killing our dog, I no longer feel the same way about the house. This is especially after giving us pneumonia. That is how Tangie died. The Vet said there was no explanation to his death, even if he was sick. They are trying to kill us next.

I will continue the book about Tangie, unfortunately it will have a sad ending. After his death, the spirits continue to torment us by mimicking him. What more do they want? They already killed him. My family is leaving the house. I don't think this was necessary at all. Now we know what it's like for an entity to kill a pet. I mean we already did. The spirits were killing many of our exotic pets. Never did I think that the ghosts would kill our dog however.

We will all miss Tangie. In fact, the entire family is depressed again over the lost of a dog. I feel he was taken from us too early. His death was by far the worse event that occurred in the house. Now the ghosts are trying to kill my family, it suits the title House of Death. Also, for some reason the ghosts is targeting me for the worse physical harm. Not only me however. My mother has been targeted as well. I was shocked on the amount of physical damage they are capable of doing. With me though, they scratch me, leaving ugly scars. This is why I have to avoid entering my bedroom and the basement. It is upsetting because I cannot have scars being a living doll. These events caused us to question our religion a bit. It is harder when we don't have a church to go to. I am disappointed, but I'm afraid to leave Christianity. I just don't understand why so many things were allowed to happen for years (Not all about the dog or the house. A part of it though). My family can't fully comprehend that.

We have never gotten support but criticism for living in a haunted house. It isn't like we specifically searched for a haunted house. Christians I've spoken to told me it was a sin to even be in the house. Were they going to pay for us to leave the house? My family put a lot of money into the house; we couldn't just up and leave. They say that like it's that simple. Also, ghosts do not exist. I believe the only ones who truly say that are those who never experienced it.  

My family will be happy when we are able to move out of the house. Still, nothing will bring Tangie back to life. He was the best dog my family had. I am unsure what occurred in the past in the house, but whatever happened, this is the result.                                                                                                 


Living Doll Plans: Favourite Styles

I learned of the few required steps taken in order to become a living doll. It can be a process, in which some things can take longer than ...