Saturday, February 13, 2016

What It Means To Be Mixed

I am only writing about this because I discovered issues especially with my ethnic mixture. Also how ethnic traits conflict with the other trait of another background.

When my family found out what we were, and my extensive research about each trait, personality and everything, I discovered many conflicts. I found out some are not a good mix, and should never be mixed, but they are anyway. I am sharing my experience and difficulties I have with conflicting traits and personalities. I am sharing the issues and accuracy in being mixed with different ethnicity groups. Also, this will assist with trying to comprehend my weirdness. If anyone ever speaks to me, this would explain if anyone finds something strange.

I find myself dealing with emotional conflicts due to the conflicts between two of my ethnic traits in particular. Well, Asian and Arab certainly does not mix well. I was shocked and had mixed feelings when I found out I have a high percentage of Arab traits. Honestly first time I found out (just recently), I had an emotional breakdown. I find myself crying over it sometimes (a bit pathetic). I was not going to share this with anyone, but Facebook, Twitter, Google and my job made it difficult to hide, near impossible. I know due to racial issues and disapproval that it was best not to share. With everyone instinctively knowing already, it's only denial. When finding out I had many Asian traits, it only explained many things. It honestly broke my heart and still does to discover I have no Native American trait. The trait I thought was Native American was actually from East Asian and Arabian Peninsula. A lot of my European trait would explain my bright blonde hair, and my eye color changing seasonally. In the summer, my eye color is a brighter brown. When I was younger, my eyes were a bright reddish brown which use to scare my sister. My eyes are still a reddish brown, but my sister is no longer afraid. I guess because it is a darker shading.

After reading many accurate research for both traits, I discovered where emotions can conflict and have many emotional downfalls. For my Asian American trait, I discovered that is why independent learning and homeschooling was better for me. I learned more and better. Many Asian Americans do better outside of the American public school. That would explain a lot.

In social and work situations, it is natural for Asian Americans to allow others to speak and take the lead in a conversation. They often observe more than interact and speak. They like to listen, and they are great listeners. However the Arab trait is conflicting, because this is not natural. It is natural to react first, comment first, often take the lead in conversations, often assertiveness, quick in response and reaction. It is also natural to wish to share things like news and stuff first. Arabs may not be perfect with listening as much. I also discovered it is not best to try and hold a conversation when Arabs are preoccupied. Assertiveness is not natural for Asian trait. Passiveness, over politeness, respect, sometimes shyness, sensitivity to others, and submission is natural because this is natural in Asian countries. Due to how complicated the Arab trait can be on its own, often it is not wise to cross especially with Asian. The downfall is when the Arab trait overrules in situations, the Asian trait makes my family and myself feel guilt and a need to apologize. It depends on situation, but also leading to an emotional breakdown because it is a conflict to nature. When speaking to other Arabs, my Asian trait often kicks in. Never the Arab trait kicks in. This explains why I can feel uncomfortable with the natural Arab trait. Yes, I have many emotional conflicts with a lot of my trait is also Arab. European and the natural American trait can be a bit overwhelming because many do not practice the same as Asians do.

Both however have a need for success, perfection. Arab has a need to feel achievement and success related things, Asians are overachievers and becomes obsessed in high education and success. Also may have a competitive trait for success related situations. This mixture can lead to a higher anxiety, depression and downfall of emotions than the average human being if failing to achieve this. This would explain why my family and myself go into deeper emotional issues when failing at something. I myself is not pleased to remain unpublished. This is to the point where I spend all hours of the day and night without rest trying to achieve this. However with a high perfectionist trait, this has been difficult finishing a book.

Many may wonder why I spell and word things different than the average American. Well, I found out I have UK trait, and so it is natural to write, speak and to strongly believe in British grammar and spelling than American. Also I read only classic books, and I have many writing habits from Old English and 1700s-1800s. I may have grammatical issues due to me trying to correct my old fashion and British grammar. It is kind of hard for me to write modern, although many do not understand old fashion wording. Why I address people as humans? It's natural because for years I portrayed as a wolf.     

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