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Archive for December 2016

  • Since my mother and I have been discussing my human doll career, I wanted to post about being a human doll and my plans. It's not only about looking like a doll, but being a human doll is also about living as a doll. I collect dolls and things that fits my lifestyle, wear doll clothes, decorate my bedroom like a dollhouse and most importantly, wear doll makeup.

    I have been viewing more kawaii makeup, hoping to practice again soon. My mother and I agreed to later on to start a few blogs in Japanese, Korean and Chinese. I noticed my living doll career is perceived better by Asians, and since we were doing business in Japan anyway. I will tweet and make YouTube videos in Japanese as well.

    I will keep this blog for my living doll career and the Tikaani Moon brand. The reason I decided to combine the brands is because I will be showing who I am, which is the real life doll.

    Also, I have decided to become more of a versatile living doll. Yes, I am mostly an Ellowyne Wilde doll only because I happen to sort of resemble the doll already. However, I love the classic Hollywood, Audrey Hepburn, Evelyn Nesbit, and other vintage styles. I like wearing Victorian dresses everyday. Later I will post about the Victorian style because I think it's beautiful.

    I admire my mother's style, which comes from the Indian side of my family's heritage. She takes a little bit from our Russian trait. I think the traditional clothing is beautiful. Mainly I love Russian, Syrian, Turkish, Filipino, Balinese, Brunei and Moroccan. So that is why I prefer to mostly be labeled just a human doll. That way, I wouldn't be stuck being an existing doll. I would love to become a human doll from my own style. Also a mixture of things I like.

    Anyway, I have been practicing doll poses, of course the makeup, vintage and Gyaru hairstyles, talking, and being a human doll. I currently say, "I am a living doll" with a weird accent coming out. I can't seem to talk without an accent. I guess it's no big deal though. The only thing that matters is that I am becoming a real life doll. I'm extremely grateful for my family who has supported me and helped me fulfill my dream to become a living doll.

    So I am now working on studying the Japanese language and sticking to a diet. I will post about a diet suggestion from a Chinese woman. It really helps me fit into the Asian clothing sizes.

    To Live as a Doll

  • My family was discussing the issue of mental illness after watching something on the topic. I wanted to discuss this because it's a serious problem what humans face with mental illness, depression and doctors. I think people don't address it properly and enough. First thing, mental illness and depression is not a joke. I have witnessed many people who treat mental illness like a crime, joke, and a shameful disgrace.

    My family heard a man ask why people with mental illness never get help. The fact is even in the United States, they are unable to receive the proper help they need. Like what I have said, it is treated like a dangerous crime. When I watch the news, I always overhear reporters say how lawmakers being more aggressive, and the offensive assumption about terrorists are the same as people with mental illness.

    My family has been victims of doctors and therapists. It's a good thing my mother knows the system and is familiar with the game of the doctor's traps. Her knowledge has spared us from countless trips to the psych ward. This started my distrust of doctors, and that is why I don't go to the doctor anymore. Doctors I feel lack understanding, respect, and proper professionalism. They can be rude, uppity, arrogant and plain unprofessional.

    My mother wasn't allowed to leave a doctor's appointment only because she got a new tattoo. The doctor, like always take words out of context, and out of proportion. A woman was brought in the room and tried befriending my mother to gain our trust. Then she wouldn't let us leave the room, saying we are a danger to ourselves and others. It was upsetting because this woman pretended to simply have a conversation with us. She used our like for tattoos out of context. You know how it feels when someone tells you, you aren't going home? I will share because doctors and everyone don't understand until it happens to them. It can be a scary and hopeless feeling to know you are going to a hopeless, dooming and prison like place. That is if they don't send you to prison. Psych Ward's, prisons they are the same. However, it is true you can be sent to straight prison.

    They trap you in a room and then police are called to remove you. Then the police handcuffs you, dragging you out the clinic or hospital, where the court will be involved. If you think you can run, you can't. The police would even take you from your house. You are next drilled like you are a criminal who had just committed a heinous crime. They starve you for hours until you tell them all they want to know. Everything you say however is used against you. It can be humiliating when you are forced to share your most personal things, only for everyone in the courtroom to know your business. No matter how private or embarrassing it is. To me at least, mental illness is humiliating and embarrassing. No one is able to do anything to get you out of the system and out of the psych ward or jail.

    I get annoyed by those who tells you, you can get help, and why haven't you seeked for help. Unfortunately, doctors treat celebrities differently than normal people. They wouldn't give them electric shock treatment like they would us, and celebrities have the privilege of leaving whenever they wish. We don't. Most likely, we stay in the psych ward for years. Most importantly, they are not abused and mistreated. I read many stories and even from my mother working on the psych floor, it's like an orphanage and prison. I will give more details in a few books where I mention the real treatment in psych wards.

    My mother and family was depressed because our dog just died and other things, but the doctor took it wrongfully out of context. This was the time a therapist tried trapping us again. Plus, she called the gun range my mother purchased her guns from. Then she encouraged us to visit the gun range. My family wasn't stupid. This was only because they knew we owned guns, and so they treated us like terrorists or something. I know they were racist about this issue. The doctor personally sent us a letter, encouraging us to return to him. There was no way my family would let him fool us. My family has many more stories like this.

    I haven't gotten any help because for the simple fact, you can't tell anyone, and there is no real help. They pretend like they want to help you, they understand and care about you, but it's nothing but a lie. Also most people, especially in the medical field doesn't believe in ghosts. They wouldn't have believed that my haunted house was responsible for my depression. Most of religious people don't believe in ghosts neither. I learned ghosts can cause depression, mental illness, self harming, fatigue and other things.

    The other thing is ruining your record for life. The law would fix it so people with mental illness are unable to get jobs. They label them a danger to themselves and others, and is unable to be around the general public and society. So that is shunning them, and excluding them from everyone. Why is it a heinous crime to become depressed a few times? Why is it dangerous to be emotionally broken? I lived with a secret for awhile of mental illness, knowing I wasn't able to get help. Mentioning ghosts would have put me deeper into the hole. Once you are in the psych ward, I feel your life is gone and hope is gone as well.

    My family didn't want to be treated like nothing, every 2 hours flashlights in our face at night, being yelled at, someone always watching you and even having someone standing in the bathroom each and every time. Also you get privileges, meaning you can't talk to anyone until a long time when they feel you deserve it. That is if they feel you do deserve it. I wouldn't want to be beaten, shocked with electricity, chained to a bed and sedated all day. Who wants to always be drugged too? Who wants to always feel like a vegetable so you are never aware of anything as years past you by? As your life is being drained from you? The annoying thing is that the therapists force you to face what triggers you to self harm or anything associated with mental illness. My family sure doesn't want that for our life.

    I wish to address the serious annoyance and misunderstanding. Everyone falsely claims, especially doctors and therapists that those who self harm are an even bigger threat to society. They are considered dangerous and will most likely harm others. It's annoying and offensive. The truth is, most who self harm do not desire to harm others. That is a ridiculous statement. Self harm is not only about cutting, but burning, pinching, punching/hitting and a lot of other ways.

    This is a serious problem that I feel needs to be addressed and fixed. My mother and I thought due to our experience, I should speak out against the mistreatment of those like my family. 

    Serious Topic About Doctors and Mental Health

  • During this time, I have been learning more about my real culture and also reading about living in Japan. This post was to discuss what I learned about working there. Obviously once moving to Japan, my family will be looking for jobs. I learned the importance of being able to speak and read Japanese, but also writing it manually. Not always on a computer or phone. Specifically, I looked into the healthcare jobs to perhaps continue my healthcare career. I read of an application and test that is hand written and it's only in Japanese. I also realized how important to know how to read and write the dates (time, month, day, year) on paper. Japanese is written differently than how you see it on a screen. This is also for Kanji, which can make things a bit more complicated. There are over 200 Kanji characters to know.

    I have been practicing my Japanese calligraphy to not make any mistakes. It's incredible about the importance of writing identically the same as shown in tutorials. One little difference, and it can be saying something entirely different.

    It is required that those who usually seek for a healthcare job worked in the field at least 3 years or more. I learned having work experience outside of Japan really has little relevance for the job you're applying for. 

    It seems also that new workers are usually paid not at the full salary. You have to be there for awhile. I also learned it can be expensive living in Japan. The mortgage can be the same amount as your salary. That is why it seems best for more than one person in the household to provide income. 

    However, I was given a warning to never give your passport to an employer. If you do, they do not give it back. This is a scheme to trap people at the job and in the country. Also, someone told me it wasn't best to become an English teacher. The reason is that it can be difficult and almost impossible to switch fields or to get another job doing something else. Not sure if that is credible, but I never had an interest in teaching English anyway. 

    I am not saying being in Japan will be some great, fairy tale dream. No country is perfect. I just like Japan's publishing options and business opportunities. 

    Working in Japan (What I Learned)

  • Since researching about my family's heritage, I have found inspiration for my living doll bedroom. For my living doll career, I will take from my following cultures: Persian, Russian and Turkish. Oh most importantly, Moroccan. I learned my backgrounds happens to be the perfect style for the Ellowyne Wilde doll.

    About the cancelled travel plans, due to events, my family decided to cancel our plans to visit countries. Turkey will always be one of my favorite countries, but I am unsure how safe it is to visit. I feel unsafe about Middle Eastern countries. So even if there was a time my mother's real family wanted to meet us, I would be too scared to visit. 

    To me and my family, Russia has some of the most beautiful architect. My family has always wanted to see it in person and see the beautiful country. However, I am really uncomfortable now with the US and Russia not being on good terms, or speaking terms. I will continue to purchase clothing, accessories and food from Russian stores. That's about it unfortunately. It's even more complicated being half Turkish and part Russian due to the recent incident and tensions. 

    Well, at least I found decorating ideas. I will give more updates on how I will incorporate my cultures into my living doll career. That is with keeping the Japanese dollie style as the main theme.

    Inspiration From Around the World & Cancelled Travel Plans

  • Anyway, it took awhile but my family finally purchased a new puppy. He is a Yorkie Maltese mix named Scotty.

    I took this on my phone. He is cute, but mischievous. The purpose of this post was to share what I learned about dog adoptions. After searching for a dog, I am iffy about animal shelters. Here's why...

    In September was when my family decided to look for a new puppy. Yes, everyone, including experts lecture you on how it's better to adopt from shelters. From my research, I believed this to be right. However, I soon learned animal shelters can put you through unnecessary trouble just to adopt a dog. My family filled out adoption applications, but I don't see why shelters need to know so much personal information about you before they determine if you should adopt a dog. I fully understand that sometimes these animals don't go to right homes. This doesn't mean they should ask the following questions:

    • Detailed information on everyone in the household. 
    • List all previous and current pets
    • Do you live in a house? How long have you lived at your current address? Do you own or rent?
    • If you rent, give out your landlord's full name, age, occupation and contact information.
    The list goes on. Most of the questions on the application I feel have no relevance to adopting a dog.

    One experience with an animal shelter was the worst. So I will share. First, I don't recommend the shelter homeward Bound. My family filled out an application for a puppy we were interested in adopting. Along with the application, we were asked a thousand questions which was unnecessary. The company said they determine if they want you to have the dog or not. After waiting for an approval, they said the dog had been adopted. We accepted the news. The most pointless thing about this, is that the company kept giving us the run around, saying either the dog had been adopted or they will allow someone else to see the puppy first. We are not dumb. The second reply meant they had no interest in giving us the dog. Each time they rejected our application, they forced us to refill it out. I'm unsure how many times we sent in the same information, which was again irrelevant. It was also a waste of time sense they kept this information on file from the first application. Well, they kept telling us the dogs were either in the process of getting adopted or they feel we shouldn't have the dog. This is when we decided to not adopt any of their dogs.

    Second trip, we went to Petco for their adoption day. Every time my family held the dogs and walked around with them, they would shake in fear and wished to return to their temporary owners. I feel many of these dogs are too attached to the previous owner, that when someone comes to adopt them, it's almost impossible to end their attachment to them. My family have adopted many dogs who whined all day and night, and never learning to like their new home.

    This is why my family purchased our new puppy from the mall. He never whined, showed he wanted to return to his previous location, and he immediately took to us. 

    What I Learned About Adopting Dogs

  • I wanted to discuss the truth about being biracial with personal experience. The reason to this specific topic is the past and growing issues biracial or mixed humans like myself go through. Also I don't find much dedicated for the problems mixed people face in their lives. This is especially when I don't find much for my quite unique mix and adoptive background.

    I read all the time about non-Whites being adopted by White families. It has interested me about their experiences, but no one ever mentions people like my mother, sister and myself being adopted by an African American/Native American family. Although I shared some of my experience, I wanted to discuss this again due to recent growing racial tensions and it's not talked about much.

    From the past few months, I have been extensively studying about my real family's true heritage. I started a board on Pinterest to learn more about my family's background: My Ancestry 1

    I also created this board to separate my findings. I pin a lot about India due to the Roma/Romani/Gypsy people descending from India: My Ancestry 2

    Obviously I am biracial and multicultural. It can be difficult dealing with people who are strongly against mixing races. I haven't heard anything from people of Middle Eastern descent because most people are unaware I am Middle Eastern. I know I have ran across many posts wondering why Arabs don't identify with their race. I have been hiding it to avoid even more racism. I only identify myself as a light skinned African American with blonde hair, like my mother and sister identifies themselves. For years, I really thought I was African American and Native American from what I was told. Anyway, I have came across those who believe it's betraying your race for being biracial.

    Because of my bright blonde hair and pale skin, and also appearance, many assume I'm White. That is only when my hair is Blonde though. When this happens, often people get disgusted and give me and my family lectures about me being half White. Even my sister for years thought I was White, and even the adoptive family assumed this as well. I was subjected to so many racist name calling because many times I'm White passing, and my adoptive family is strongly against race mixing, especially with Whites. It can be really hard when you look White around African Americans and Native Americans. My hair style, colour and texture plays a huge role in how I look. I will further discuss this in another post.

    As you can imagine, it's hard connecting with your races when your physical appearance doesn't match. I find the hardest race to connect with is my Asian Filipino culture. Yes, Filipinos are in fact Asian. Often Asians don't accept you if you are not 100% Asian or you do not look Asian. However, many Filipinos do not actually look Asian themselves. From many stories of what I read, also Middle Eastern descent people can have the same views about race mixing as most Europeans. They often reject biracial people. I'm introverted, which spares me of most criticism. However, I can't avoid all criticism. These negative comments and jokes about mixed people is offensive. It can be difficult living as a mixed person for the following reasons:

    1. Everyone treating you like you are not a human or you are less of a human. 
    2. When people asks your ethnicity all the time, and especially when they don't believe you when you tell them.
    3. People guessing your race and almost always guessing it wrong (I hate it when people don't ask me first, but they just assume I'm whatever race they think I am). 
    4. Feeling as though you can't fit in with any of your ethnic backgrounds. 
    5. When people of your own race rejects you.
    6. Having an accent but unable to speak a different language. 
    7. People who are against race mixing. 
    8. People always assume you were adopted. 
    9. When family members don't look related.
    10. Being excluded out of everything because you're only half. 
    11. Not knowing about your racial backgrounds.
    12. People who mistake you for Hispanic or any other race. 
    13. Being considered exotic.
    14. People who don't like you because one of your races (i.e. I've came across people who discriminated against me because they dislike Turkish people, Arabs, Indians or Russians).
    15. Being considered a mutt or a half-breed. Also, any other name people come up with.
    It can be strange, but I notice my family have accents. I wonder if others have unexplained accents without knowing another language. This was way before my family began studying languages. The accents change from Arabic type accent, Turkish, Russian, Indian and at times German. 

    There are a lot of things us mixed people go through. This is just a bit more insight of how difficult it can be being adopted and plus being mixed. I just feel we should not be treated like only half a human. We deserve the same respect as purebred people; it isn't like we chose to be mixed. 

    Problems About Being Biracial and Mixed-Race

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