Friday, September 30, 2016

Living in Columbia Heights Minnesota

This is my family's experience living in Columbia Heights Minnesota. It's located in Anoka County of northeast of the State. I will add pictures later. Well my experience wasn't entirely good. I prefer to share how bigoted Columbia Heights really is.

Back in 2003, my family moved into our house, which is the haunted house I write about. I will not put emphasis on the town too much in the book. So, first I would like to say, the part I liked about the town was that it was small, quiet, had city ordinances, calm and had an old fashioned theme. It's like traveling back to the Retro era. Believe me in every way. There was no diversity and the town however still seemed segregated. I was always uncomfortable going out because my family were the only minorities and everyone stared at us strangely. Yes, of course there was also racism. We were often refused service; subjected to eyes rolling, rude behavior and yelling. One time in particular, my family sat at a restaurant. The owner of the place did not take our order nor did she cook anything for us. She actually refused to. This wasn't the first time we visited, so I guess they got sick of us coming there. We noticed we couldn't order at any of the restaurants. I already posted about the church, so yeah, the church was also bigoted.

It was the same when going to school, before I was homeschooled. I was one of few minorities attending the schools. What I was taught I believed to be sort of abusive to minorities and girls. We were often told how Whites are superior, bad events to keep minorities down, and girls were taught we are inferior, worthless and our roles are only to breed and be a housewife. Girls were excluded out of things related to jobs, careers and leadership. Minorities were always described as poor victims who never accomplished anything. Today, this reminds me of the teachings of the extremists, White Supremacists. How can someone not become depressed over hearing that? Also teachers never gave me good grades only because of my race. I never followed what they said about girls. Instead I wanted to do something with my life. I was redirected that I belong in the house. This is another reason they lowered my grades, because I would not say what they wanted me to say.

Well, years past, diversity was slowly moving in. You know how much bigots love this. Of course some of our neighbors blame us. It never changed anything. Racism remained. Actually it increased the extremists in the town. There are a lot of angry and violent bigots who tries to keep minorities out, in control and wants their town less diverse. My family was too much for them. We often sneak out of our house and sneak to work in the yard. This is due to the KKK members that live in the town. When they say they are peaceful and nonviolent, this is not true. Many places we are unable to go to because of ill-treatment. This includes the many events they hold in the town. We work in the only diverse job. Yes, most are Muslim, or are of Middle Eastern descent. However, now I see a few more African Americans and Europeans who were hired recently. Not many though. It's bad though. If you work at Pro-Health Care, they automatically assume you are Muslim because only Muslims work there. Also the false assumption that all Arabs are Muslim. I learned it is impossible looking for jobs in Columbia Heights as a minority unless you are hired by other minorities. We are directed to stay with our own kind, no diversity. This leaves us working with Muslims, ordering only Halal foods, and associating with Muslims. Indians as well. My family tends to stick to the Chinese community more.

We were just looking for a job awhile back. People would not hire us because of our race. Some were not as straightforward while others made it perfectly clear of that. One man for example told us he didn't want to hire us because of ISIS, terrorists attacks and terrorists groups. We didn't understand this until realizing he suggested he doesn't want to hire terrorists.

This reminds me of one of the most embarrassing moment in the town. My family was filling out forms for a passport; then some woman told me I am going to blow up the plane. Making sure I heard her correctly, I asked, "what did you say?" She loudly repeated, "You're going to blow up the plane." Everyone turns to look at me. My mother talking with an Arabic type accent didn't make things any better. Pretty awkward. Only because I was wearing a Salwar Kameez. My family is unable to wear certain clothing in Columbia Heights for this reason. We don't purposely wear these clothing. I found out we happen to have the same style as our Indian heritage.

I thought the Columbia Heights police was good until failing us many times. They have not helped us, even when Klan members harassed us. People have put sugar in our gas tank, released their dogs to attack us and have threatened to kill us. I loss all trust in the police, especially due to the police shootings. The worst time was when they told us a KKK member has every right to bust down our door. That did not make sense. Everyone always tell you to call the police, but calling the police is the last thing I would do.

The funniest thing about Columbia Heights though, there is food and restaurants everywhere. I never got the chance to properly count the establishments, so here I go:


  1. MCDONALD'S
  2. 2nd McDonald's
  3. Sonic
  4. Taco Bell
  5. Denny's
  6. Burger King
  7. Dairy Queen
  8. White Castles
  9. Ember's
  10. Starbucks
  11. LeeAnn Chins
  12. Noodles and Company
  13. Pizza Hut
  14. Papa John's
  15. Domino's
  16. Jimmy John's
  17. Chipotle
  18. Fish and Chips 
  19. Applebee's
  20. Beagle shop
  21. Halal Restaurant
  22. Halal Pizza
  23. Flame Burger
  24. Dragon House
  25. Cub Foods
  26. Mexican Restaurant
  27. 2nd Mexican Restaurant
  28. Jewish Food
  29. Subway
  30. Target store
  31. 2nd Chinese Restaurant
  32. Indian Restaurant
  33. Halal Food Market
  34. Tasty Pizza
  35. Pizza Man
I just can't count them all, it ends at 35. It's hard not to become obsese with food on every inch of the town.

So yeah, I don't have much nice things to say about Columbia Heights. My family will look forward to moving. Then I will share which city we decided to move to next. I am hoping Blaine. Let us see how this goes. I will add more later. I'm still practicing writing on a phone. 

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Statement for my Living Doll Career

I wanted to make this statement because there are a lot of misconceptions and stereotypes about being a human doll. Also I think humans worry too much about other's opinions.

What many may misunderstand is that, my motives are different. I am not into that society where I am obsessed in pleasing people, obsessing over what men want or obsessing over being accepted by society. If I was and if I cared about other's opinion, I wouldn't transform myself into a human doll. The reason is, we get more bad comments and more bad criticism than good. That is why I disabled comments. I learned to drown out the opinions of others.

Feminists have became enemies with Barbie for years. This is not recent disapproval. It goes back to the mid 1960s. Of course the criticism never changed. Now since we have human dolls, feminists have also made it their priority to criticize us. They measured Barbie, saying it's impossible for someone to become a doll; it gives girls and women impossible and hopeless dreams of becoming perfect, look like a Barbie, live in a fantasy dream as so they think we're doing; girls are being taught to become depressed over their weight, appearance and they are taught to become passive, or what society expects. I'm not going to explain what we are. They are always going to find fault in us, even when you try to let them understand. Then there are comments like this (by Demi Lovato):

"I don't have the body of a model or Barbie. My main thing about being in the spotlight with my fans is, I want to be real to them. I have my problem areas, but I'm happy in my own skin. I'm not going to sacrifice my mental health to have the perfect body."

I respect everyone's opinions, but most people don't give you the same respect. That doesn't matter to me. Really this is something I am doing for myself, no one else. I will transform myself because this is how I define beauty. Like I said before, everyone has their own views of what they think is beauty. I respect it, even if I don't agree. I don't care what society expects and I don't care to live up to society's expectations.

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Staying Out of the Sun



I don't have a favourite season, they all are equally beautiful. What I like about Summer is gardening, beach pictures, the weather (not humid weather), reading and writing outside, and watching trees blow in the wind. I like observing many things in the Summer. My favourite observations are humans, animals and lakes. Usually I have my phone or notebook to write down my favourite moments to add in books.

Recently, these past summers I have done extra steps to make sure no sun touches any skin. Have you noticed the skin complexion of a standard Barbie? Yes, as a living doll, the goal is to maintain that. My skin is a bit on the pale side. However, the lighter you are, the better your living doll career will be. At least for me. It's better if you already are light skinned, you keep that complexion. Getting a tan is a big no-no. Some can say I'm old fashion about this. In the old days, being lighter skinned meant youth and wealth. No, I'm not that extreme in those views. I still wish for a porcelain complexion. The other valid reasons for staying out of the sun, is avoiding skin damage. I noticed the amount of damage it could cause. Also, this is to avoid skin cancer. We have to be cautious not to ruin clear skin. The way to do this, is less outdoor activities in the summer, always staying in the shade and wear as much clothing as possible.

These are sacrifices I make to turn myself into a real life Ellowyne Wilde doll. The results make it worth everything. 

Photography and Haunted Houses Don't Mix

Have you ever wondered what's it like to try to take pictures in a haunted house? Well living in a haunted house, photography can be the most annoying activity. This means your photos are often in low quality. Also, those times when the ghosts wants to make themselves known. I have one picture as example. I tried taking a photo of my new clock. Not only did they take the quality, but demon faces appeared. Here is the photo:


Do you see on the left? Strange demonic faces in the poster?



This is the demon face you see on the top



This face looks more like a dog/cat demon.

You see, this is what I go through everyday. I need to take more pictures for my living doll career, but how can I when this keeps happening? My favourite locations for photography are historic places, for a antique feel. I just wish to exclude the ghosts. Hopefully, I will move to a house with larger space and no spirits. When moving, I'm sure the photos will be of better quality. 


Being Mixed: When Family Members Don't Look Related

One of the most issues of being mixed may be the uncertainty. No one is 100% of how they will turn out, or which of their races they will take after. That is appearance wise. This includes facial features, eye colour, hair colour, hair texture, and also skin tone. I find the Black mixes a bit more interesting than my own. I have seen humans with darker complexions, but blonde or straight hair; also those with lighter skin complexions but with African American hair texture. You'll never know. That is an example of this uncertainty. Also keep in mind, those single digits in a DNA can make a huge impact.

I have even seen others (speaking of all crosses now) where their siblings never resemble each other. There may be siblings who have lighter skin tones, but others have darker tones. Also, when they look nothing like their mother or father.

My family have this issue. My sister took after our Balinese and Indian trait. Balinese is referring to the Bali location in Indonesia. They are considered as Islander people. She also resembles Egyptian women, along with Tamil Indians. My mother also takes after her Indian/Pakistani trait. Other times she looks like women from Qatar. Me on the other hand, looks completely different. I took after our Turkish trait. Then sometimes, I resemble Libyans, Egyptians, Persians in Iran and Pakistani people. The light-skinned ones of course. I suppose my blonde hair came from the Irish, British, Russian trait. For years, my step-grandma tried convincing me I resemble Native Americans. I actually do when I braid my hair or put feathers in my hair. I learned Uzbek, Tajik and Turkmen humans can resemble Native Americans a lot. Anyway, any mixed person would know this gives you issues. Often people questions if you were adopted. Plus, they don't believe you when claiming your family is really related. Sometimes, they continue to say you were adopted.

One time for example, a girl kept asking was I adopted. Even when repeating, no, she didn't believe me. This is just one example of what we go through everyday.

I recently discovered my exact traits. For reference, I can share it. I also would like to share about being a living doll in the summer. The upgrade is still being worked on. Until the upgrade for the blog is done, I will continue to blog. This is my source to perfecting my writing skills.  

Friday, September 2, 2016

Reasons Being Mixed is not Easy

A mixed person is someone you would label a multi-heritage or multi-cultural human. Most when thinking of mixed, they think of Black/White mixture. Yes, this is most common. However, there are different crosses human beings don't recognize as much. I have heard many assume being mixed is not difficult at all. In fact, it can be the opposite. I've even overheard humans who wish they were mixed. Going through life as a mixed individual may not always be easy. Well, not as easy as others assume. Here are the most common issues:



Being Called Mulatto or Other Names

 

Mulatto is not necessarily for Black/White mix. This is a term used for anyone who is mixed, especially multi-heritaged. There are also more names. Purebreds often consider mixed humans as "half-breeds" or "mutts". Also, many of our own race often don't accept us, because we are mixed. Then this statement, "if you can't speak the language, you don't count as one". This is quite offensive. It's like, you think I like being mixed? Not entirely. I would love to be a purebred.



People Who Don't Believe You & Having to Explain Your Mixed Issue

 

The minute you truthfully share what you are mixed with, most assume you are lying. Also, many can believe you have misinformation. It can be quite annoying. I say, I'm Turkish, Arab, Russian, Asian, Indian, Irish, British and Indonesian mix (South and Central Asia, amoung other mixes). It can get confusing, because then Iranian, Pakistani, Uzbek, Afghan are not Arabs. The reaction is, "you can't be mixed with all of that". What they fail to look at are the percentages. Then sometimes I try to shorten the list. I identify with the race I mostly take after. A revised version; I'm Turkish + Arab + Indian + Russian mix. Of course, most assumes you're referring to Native American when hearing Indian. I have to explain, no, I meant India. I can never go into details about which Arab heritage I'm referring to. Actually, I never mention my Arab trait. I know many humans who are unaware I'm Arab (also Turkish). No one ever believes me when I tell them anyway. I get lectured how the Middle East is not the same. I study maps and countries, so I am aware of that. Also, I must be confused and why am I giving them such a broad generalization? To be safe, I share only one or two. I just say Saudi + Egyptian mix. The real problem is when I don't remember saying another trait. They tell me, "But you told me you have Iraqi traits". The Middle Eastern mix is the most complicated. It's even more complicated when you're mixed with multiple Middle Eastern countries. Only those of multi-heritage can understand this.



What Race Do You Identify With 

 

At first, my family were unaware of our race. Now it can be difficult to choose which race in the box for applications. I get stuck about that section or that question. When there is no mixed or other option, I pick which race I am that is listed. Some people can claim I lied to them because I said I was another race somewhere else. Then I have to explain I'm mixed. It's extremely difficult to figure out which race to identify with, without being inconsistent. To be safe, I select my Pacific Islander mix. I identify with my Indonesian and Filipino trait. For years though, I selected African American and identified with that race. No one bought that. My family was raised by an African American family. So I was told to do this. It's actually a complicated story behind that.  



Other Mixed People Who Are Jealous

 

I didn't realize this, but many mixed people would love to have more "exotic" mixes. They claim we have the most beautiful eye and hair colours. This is to the point they become envious. I have problems mostly with those who are Black + White mix. To them, their mix is not special enough. It is not a competition. Some complain how our hair texture must be the best. I would like to address this. Actually, a Turkish + Arab + Indonesian mix can give you the same curly hair. This is especially when the Arab mixes consists of Libyan and Egyptian. The most interesting eye colours originates from Middle East + European mixes. I also love the Indian + Asian mixes. The women are very beautiful. Regarding eye colour, I learned it's not always easy having abnormal eyes. People were often afraid of me because of my blood red eye colour. My eyes tend to glow in the light. This is when people would get alarmed. It can be awkward and annoying. For years, I wasn't sure why I had red eyes. That was until I learned humans in the Middle East can get these eye colours. However, I never flaunted anything or bragged how better I am. I think all of the mixes are equally unique.



Taking From Each Culture

 

Mixed humans often picks up cultures, habits and customs from a little bit of all of their backgrounds. I would love to post different culture habits my family relates to the most. It can be quite interesting. Many can't understand how we can take these habits when we are not in those countries, nor do we have any connection to our cultures. As strange as it seems, this can happen.  

Since this is a long list, I will continue this soon... 

Buying Circle Lenses

Circle Lenses is essential for a living doll. Instead of getting plastic surgery, we use these special contact lenses to make our eyes look larger. Yes, there is such cosmetic surgery. I don't think that is wise thinking for long term. I question, would I want larger eyes for the rest of my life? No. I found many stores from South Korea, China and Japan. Circle Lenses are common in these countries. You can't find anything close in the United States. These are Circle Lenses:


As you can see, the eyes are enhanced with eyelashes. They give our eyes more of an anime, doll type appearance. People think our eyes are the most creepy. I don't think so. It's amazing, it's beautiful. Anyway, I will be purchasing Circle Lenses soon. My favourite colours are pink, green and purple. I love Circle Lenses with kawaii designs the most. These I will collect.

My purchases will start when I move. I will make sure to take pictures... 



Thursday, September 1, 2016

Human Dolls: A Never Ending Trend!

I came across many people who wonder when will this human doll trend come to an end. When will young women stop transforming themselves into real life dolls? I hope never. Some say it only teaches us to be superficial and vain. They believe so, because our goal is to maintain a perfect and beautiful appearance. We wish to reach perfection like a Barbie doll. Is this too much of an expectation for women? On the contrary, it never taught me that. The major thing I see it teaches living dolls, is to become more self confident.

Most people criticize and judge things they don't understand. The living doll world is one of them. No one would truly understand. While other girls wanted a Barbie, we are the ones who wanted to be Barbie. People think this is strange thinking and fault our parents. Some criticize our family for supporting such "Weird" behaviour. I believe more family members should support this decision.     

I disagree when they say it's creepy, scary and not normal. Tell me, what is "normal"? I don't know anymore. When will everyone realize it's beautiful, not creepy? People have tried convincing me to not proceed with my transformation. Here's a hint, no one can change my mind. After being introduced to the living doll world, I'm never going back. I think it is fun to dress like a doll, dress in cosplay type styles, and wear doll makeup everyday. Many don't realize it's practically the same as the Japanese Sub-Culture. Well, people even thinks Japanese culture is abnormal. I strongly disagree.

I think we get too much criticism, so I will try to post more about living dolls. If no one thinks we're in reality, then allow us to stay in our fantasy world! 

Blog Upgrade Update (and More)

Due to the long process and work moving, I decided to wait until I move to upgrade my blog. After the move, I will resume with the art proj...