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Archive for 2017

  • You know, I am a huge fan of video games. My family owns Xbox One, Playstation 4, Xbox 360, Playstation 2, Nintendo and others. I am open to almost any game. I just hate short games, I feel cheated when finding out it was a short game I was playing. Recently, I find myself playing less due to my studying and work. I still try to find the time to play. My favourite games:

    1. Mortal Kombat 
    2. Halo series
    3. Diablo 3
    4. Baldur's Gate: Dark Alliance
    5. Champions of Norrath
    6. Lego series
    7. Dead Rising series
    8. Mario series
    9. Sonic series
    10. Resident Evil series
    11. Tekken series
    12. The Legend of Spyro 
    13. Don't Starve Together & Don't Starve
    14. Castle Crashers 
    15. Aqua Kitty UDX?
    16. Portal 2
    17. Pang Adventures
    18. Call of Duty series
    19. Gears of War series
    20. Cuphead
    I love many more games. Those are just the ones I can remember. Mostly I like dark, horror, fighting, action/adventure and strategy type games. I like new and old games. PC games I am not a fan, but I sometimes play games on my phone. Not recently though. When I do play them, I prefer anything with cute animals.

    My video game personality: I tend to be a serious gamer, who plays for 16 hours a day. I'm kind of random, I'm either too serious or giggly throughout the entire gameplay. I get easily frustrated with things however. When I play with others (which is mostly all of the time), I tend to collect the coins and stuff, forcing the other player to do all of the work. That or vice versa usually. It's usually the other way around, but I don't mind doing all of the work. Recently though, I've been having equal gameplay where both players are doing equal amount of work, which makes better progress.

    Yes, I'm a Gamer!

  • Lately, I have been practicing the dolly makeup as suggested. I am not quite there with the whole kawaii makeup, but I will start practicing again.

    Also, I've been mostly doing minor cosmetic stuff such as removing scars. 

    Since I will be a new human doll, I will be sharing my transformation updates more. So, my family and I officially began our search for a plastic surgeon. Not just any plastic surgeon. I'm looking for someone who is experienced, and who would accept that I wish to look like a real life doll. I feel if you are willing to pay, plastic surgeons should give customers what they ask for.

    This is something I've been wanting for years now. I am 100% I will love looking like an Ellowyne Wilde doll for many years. I have been living my life in a very kawaii style, all I need is the complete dolly look.

    I'm extremely grateful for my family who has supported my decision and lifestyle as a new living doll.

    So I will give more updates until my living doll transformation is complete.

    Living Doll Transformation Updates

  • For years, I have studied Germany during World War 2. I was obsessed with this history. Unfortunately, I realized only learning about the past can allow negative views to continue. I never really had an opinion regarding Germany or any country. Some can't let go of the past regarding the war between the U.S. and Germany. However, I believe some wounds have healed very well. I also discovered the German language can be beautiful when discovering German music. I am now learning German and learning more about modern day Germany. I really love Germany's holidays, especially that Good Friday and All Saints' Day is celebrated. Most importantly, my favorite is the German architecture. I really love the buildings in Celle. I discovered that most Whites in the United States actually have German ancestry. Very interesting.

    I think the second most underrated culture is the Turkish culture. I recently found myself growing more interested in Turkey. I have been learning Turkish. The reason is for my fascination in everything related to Turkey, and I believe the Turkish language is one of the most beautiful languages. That's how I became sort of obsessed with Turkish pop. I find the people of Turkey unique. Having an origin from an Asian Mongolian tribe, which makes them technically Asian, but then they are like Italians or Greeks, but then they can be related to the Middle East. These blends of cultures distinguishes Turkish people from other cultures. I never met a Turkish person before, so I cannot fairly agree nor disagree to what I heard about Turks. However, I think others should invest the time to learn more about Turkey. It can be pretty awkward in America because most has never heard of Turkey before. Most think I am referring to Thanksgiving Turkey when I say Turkey. I recently discovered I may have some Turkish ancestry. So I am currently trying to confirm and find it.

    As usual, I am still learning Japanese for my fascination in the Japanese culture. Japan is one of my favorite countries, and that's why I wish to become fluent in Japanese. I love the Japanese calligraphy, and would like to learn it.

    Also another useful language to learn is Spanish. Yes, I will soon begin learning Spanish. I think Spanish or Latino culture is another underappreciated. Also, Latin pop is underappreciated, but wonderful music. I have been finding the incredible side to Spanish culture.

    This is still not confirmed yet, but I have been considering learning Russian. It's only because I have been catching myself speaking in Russian by accident. I'm not sure how it could happen, but it does almost everyday. Anyway, I know this is a wound that hasn't healed regarding the rivalry between America and Russia. It probably won't happen in my lifetime, but I hope one day Russians and Americans can get along and stop fighting. Especially now with nuclear war becoming imminent. I find the Slavic architecture one of my favorites, but I admire it from a great distance. Who knows, perhaps they will always be rivals/enemies.

    So that is my recent language studies. I believe every country and culture is unique and beautiful in its own way. Also, these languages can be rewarding to learn.

    My Recent Language Learning and Study of Cultures

  • Recently, I learned and realized a lot regarding music. Yes, unfortunately, it's another topic related to race and nationality.

    Music is important to me. I listen to music when I write and doing other work, so in a way this is in relation to my writing inspirations. I actually cannot write without listening to my playlists on Spotify. Whenever me and also my family listened to music, I never looked at race or anything. I never even bothered to know anything about the artist. I just listened to music I thought was great. It never occurred to me that the people making the music cared so much about race, and who was actually listening to their music.

    I visited Tumblr and ran across a page for Rock music appreciation. I read a post about too bad the bands they like are racist bigots. I was thinking, racist? So I clicked to read the comments, and read how many of these bands are actually Neo-Nazi. They of course were willing to continue listening to their music. The comments made me think, these people wouldn't have a problem with it because these are the audience Rock bands want. It's people like me who they hate.

    That's why I conducted some research, and found many articles that said White Supremacy still has a huge role in Rock and Metal bands. Most of them are actually affiliated with this, but they declined to reveal who they were. The articles said they are popular and well known bands. People gave suggestions on how to screen a band. However, I'm not willing to go through all of those bands, examining their symbols, looking at their tattoos, viewing their interviews and stuff. I don't normally go and bother to know everything about an artists. So I decided to ditch that genre. Unfortunately, it's not just these genres, but also Indie and the Christian music artists. Actually, I learned the Christian artists are worse than the non-Christian artists.

    I mean, I respect it if anyone doesn't want me to listen to their music. I believed they were very talented with the guitar and vocals. However, I don't have to listen to Rock ever again. There are so many other genres and music out today. Just one note, did they really think only Whites listen to Rock? I've seen so many people from all walks of life and from all over the world a fan of Rock.

    I now only listen to World music. I prefer Foreign music anyway. Like this, not only Koreans listen to Kpop, not only Turkish people listen to Turkish pop, for example. I have even seen Whites listen to Kpop and other World music. I never care or mind when others are interested in one of my cultures. I've seen others wear Punjabi suits because people thought they were beautiful clothes. I agree. I have even seen others eat at Halal Restaurants. I just don't understand racist people going to these places or wearing these clothes.

    For example, one time my family were waiting for our order, when we saw Whites entering the restaurant. I noticed they were staring, so I gave a smile to be friendly. Then a man rolled his eyes, saying he hates people from the Middle East. I was like, are you serious? He's in a Halal restaurant.

    The point I really wanted to say, is that I feel when it comes to someone else's culture, they tend to be exclusive. When it comes to our culture, we are expected to be inclusive. Well, in the US, it is often considered bizarre to listen to World music. I disagree. I love World music as much as I love Classical music. This is the most underappreciated music in the world. I think Classical music is beautiful. No one can claim Classical music as theirs. It is universal for everyone to appreciate. I love Opera and Classical, and everyone from all walks of life can appreciate this music.  However, World music is the only music I listen to while working.

    This reminds me of a few years ago when Tommy Hilfiger, a fashion designer, said he wouldn't have designed clothes if he knew Blacks would wear his clothes. Basically, he didn't want Blacks to wear anything he designed. My family was offended by this because we bought a lot of his clothes. Since targeting Blacks, I knew he also meant all non-White people. So, my family threw out everything from Tommy Hilfiger, and never bought any of his brand again.

    All I have to say is, I'm done with Rock and Indie music. 

    What I Learned About Music

  • For the past 2 weeks, I have been working on new projects. Although I have written down ideas for writing projects, the ones I will be discussing is not writing related, although it probably could be.

    Recently, I have been wanting to start a few projects to bring awareness to a few things I find important.

    First, I would like to bring awareness to adoptions and mixed race people. I feel there isn't much dedicated to mixed race people, or to people who were adopted from foreign countries. There is much about people adopting children from foreign countries, but not much to dedicate stories to the people who were actually adopted. Most assume mixed race means being White + Black, but that is not always the case. I plan to work on a new blog for this, even though I'm not done upgrading this one. I hope to keep that blog updated daily.

    Next important awareness, is for Native American culture, languages and people. I would like to bring more awareness to all Natives around the world. I feel if one group is oppressed in a country, then we are all not free. Native culture is the most overlooked and underrated, and overshadowed, but I hope to change that. Yes, I have decided to become also an activist for Native Americans. It has been an honor getting to know Native culture from my mother's adoptive family.

    The other is to bring awareness to body modifications. I think society criticizes these people too much. Being an upcoming living doll, I also could help by sharing my transformation journey and my lifestyle as a real life doll.

    Last awareness is for service dogs. They are the most overlooked, and not given the respect they deserve. Service dogs don't choose to serve people, but they are chosen by people and trained to do so.

    The other project is an upcoming business my family are starting together. We have so many ideas for products that is currently being worked on. Already we have spoken to Walmart and other retail stores, and they are interested in selling our products in stores soon. It will also be an online store. I am currently developing the logo and writing down ideas. We are doing the process of patenting products and everything. The store will sell a variety of items, including cosplay stuff, edible stuff, pet supplies, and other stuff.

    I am developing a new kawaii character that is much like Rilakkuma or something.

    I know it is a lot to do, but I feel it's a good way of bringing something of value to the world. Also, I like keeping myself busy.

    Recent Projects

  • Back in 2003, my family moved into a haunted house in Minnesota. The very same day, my family experienced activity. The activity was unusual and quite disturbing. So, I started writing down everything my family experienced in 2005. So, I had to write down everything that happened back in 2003 and 2004. Later on, I decided to write about my family's experience.

    I know most people don't believe ghosts exist. That is why families like mine feel if though we often can't mention our experiences. Most victims of paranormal hauntings feel if though people who never experienced paranormal activity, criticise us. Doctors and Therapists question our sanity and they just want to give us medicine and throw us in the nut house. So that's why it can be nice when my family watched shows like A Haunting, When Ghosts Attack, Ghostly Encounters and almost any other shows that share other's paranormal experiences. Recently, someone recommended a few movies to my family. They recommended The Conjuring and A Haunting in Connecticut. I agreed my family related to the movies.

    Anyway, while I am finishing the first book to my six book series, I am converting the paranormal log into a book. I experienced many things I will never forget, and that deserves to be documented and shared. I hope sharing my family's story will help others combat skepticism. It perhaps can let other victims know it is real what they are experiencing. 

    From a Paranormal Log to a Book

  • I am a huge fan of music, especially when I write, design clothes and when I'm doing other work. This post however was to discuss being an international fan. You know, being a fan of music not in your native country or language. I wonder how many actually listen to foreign music like I do? I actually began only listening to foreign music when I write. I no longer listen to rock.

    My favourite music is Jpop, which is the first foreign music I listened to. Also, I'm a fan of Kpop, Turkish pop, Arabic pop, Chinese pop, Persian music, Russian pop, German pop, French pop, Bollywood music, Latino pop, Croatian pop and a few others I can't remember at the moment. My playlists are international as you can see. My favourites are Jpop and Kpop though.

    Many believe it's strange, but I think music can bring others together. It can let you better appreciate different cultures. These cultures have some beautiful music, especially the instrumentals. It makes you appreciate languages, and it allows you to hear how beautiful these languages are. Because they are different than how our own music sounds, that's what makes this music amazing.

    I will soon share my favourite bands and artists.

    Being an International Fan (Music)

  • I am at the near final moments of finishing my book. It seems so simple and close, but yet it's not. I am still filling in sub scenes and proofreading the finished parts.

    I have worked on this book since 2004 or earlier. Yes, I started it back in my very first and earlier stages of writing. I find myself going over older work and making them better instead of ditching my ideas all together.

    I know writing is not easy, believe me, I know. I spent a lot of crying, frustration, sacrifice and even days sick through my writing. However, this is just the beginning. This is only one book of my six book series I am near finishing.

    I came to discover it can be difficult for writers not getting distracted by the internet. With me, Spotify can also distract me. Also, staring into space can soak up precious time I can be actually writing. Like again, I am posting this when I could be writing.

    I am a perfectionist and that has set my book back so many times. I also obsess about being accurate in my writing. I also have so many other ideas for other projects. I have a habit of working on different projects at a time, when I should be focusing on the project I want published first. So far, I came up with nearly 40 entirely different projects. I learned that isn't nesseccarily a bad thing. It's nice to know I will have something much more to offer the publishing and entertainment industry. However, it can be a struggle to work solely on one project, finishing it and not getting a little bored of it. I learned writing a book is about finishing what you started without quitting.

    Being a writer is also about ignoring those stuck up experts who tries to discourage you from finishing your work and from publishing. Not to mention those published authors who looks down upon new and young writers. I'm not saying all are that way, but I ran into many of these sorts of writers. Their disdain only makes me work even harder.

    Lastly, I came to discover the difficult business of writing. It isn't as easy or simple as non-writers assume. The process of writing alone is tough, but when you put in the process of literary agents, editors, publishers, marketing etc, it's serious work. That's why I like to address it as business.
    So, I will be glad when I at least finish the final draft. Anyway, I will try to post things more relevant to writing. However, I will continue to post about my living doll transformation journey. 

    Writing Progress: Almost at the Finishing Line

  • This is one of my favourite Sweet Lolita skirt, which is one of the first kawaii skirts I ordered.

    My second favourite skirt that I wear daily. These symbolize one of few of my interests as a Lolita wearer.  You know, kawaii things like ice cream, lollipops, donuts etc. I will share more of my outfits. 

    Two Favourite Sweet Lolita Skirts

  • Earlier today (although it is midnight) there was a drill for a nuclear attack. We heard the police also doing drills for a nuclear attack. We were given instructions on what to do, but it wasn't like if North Korea sends bombs, it was a matter of when. The seriousness was a bit interesting. They said the drills were to test to get us ready for a nuclear warning. It was said how much time we would have to get to safety.

    I watched documentaries about the fear of a Russian invasion. It is theorized that both Russia and North Korea would attack the United States.

    My family watched the CNN special about North Korea. It was interesting to hear their extreme hate towards Americans. However, North Korea isn't the only country to have ill wishes for America. In fact, I feel Americans are the most hated and targeted than any other by most if not every county. Even our allies. So, I'm sure there are many who actually are looking forward to North Korea and Russia turn America into ash.
    Today, my family and those in town were warned to take North Korea's threats seriously. They also warned of an attack on Hawaii which would no doubt sink the entire land, similar to Hiroshima. The threats were repeated today, how North Korea wishes to make sure there is no trace of the United States on the map. There was also a reminder about Russia wanting to annihilate America in one attack.

    An interesting fact, America hasn't had an invasion since War of 1812. Pretty long time. I am cautiously watching this crisis. It's just a shame that the normal citizens pay for whatever the government does. Since I am a writer, I have been documenting these historical events.  

    Today's Nuclear Drill I Can't Ignore

  • My family has been following incidents regarding this race war in America. Also, I read things most don't notice what's happening. I posted this due to the ongoing harassment from Neo-Nazis and the limited choices we have to resolve this.

    Patriotism is now being used for fascism, which has stirred many away from the flag. Now in America, my family notices the American flag is often associated with fascism. It is the equivalent of a Nazi flag. It's becoming a bit disturbing. Like, everyone of authority expects 100% loyalty and devotion to the country. You can't even refuse to stand during the national anthem.

    America is slowly becoming more like a communist country. It is where freedom of speech and religious freedom or any other freedom is quickly disappearing. I found that it's a low tolerance or accepting land. It's the reason I can't wear my Lolita clothes, because people tend to harass those only for being different. It is where you don't have rights to your opinions.

    Due to this constant harassment my family endures, it's like someone really has it out for us. We are targeted for no reason. What's worse is that no one is willing to stop these bigots from harassing my family. There is literally no one to help you or who is on your side. Many of them feel invincible because they have someone in the White House. It doesn't help when the president himself is encouraging this behavior.

    I hate how companies like Century Link has so much power over my family's electricity. They turn off our electricity almost everyday due to their freedom to discriminate. Also, companies use these uncle Tom minorities to convince us nothing racist is going on. However, it's quite obvious. The customer service is purposely poor only because of someone's race.

    Now, my family is almost in hiding because of these incidents. That is why I believe it's worth sharing.

    America: Changing for the Worst

  • My new anti-dusk masks arrived from Japan. It is common to use these masks for fashion, which is what I plan to use my new masks for. This fashion is considered bizarre in the US, but it's unique and fun fashion to wear everyday. Often too, cute decorated gas masks are worn as fashion as well. This one above is from Love Live!

    This mask is a One Piece anime one, which is my favourite anime series. This is the only anime series I watch. Well, Dragon Ball Z is my second favourite.

    Asuna from Sword Art Online. I don't watch the anime, but I think Asuna is a cute character.

    The last mask is a bear mouth. It's cute, and that's why I had to purchase this.

    I have a ton of Lolita outfits, but I am unsure which of them would match these masks. I'm currently going through my outfits. Anyway, it's fun to wear these masks for fashion. However, some might associate it with some illness or disease, but I will still wear this due to my love of Decora or Harajuku fashion. More should wear these to normalize this fashion accessory. 

    New Accessories for Decora Fashion from Japan

  • I have been going through physics courses when running across an article that claims professors have proved ghosts don't exist. Particularly this professor named Brian Cox because he believes our particles cannot exist in the spirit world. Also, the ghosts world would be overcrowded. Also too that mold can cause paranormal delusions. Scientists aren't alone in believing ghosts are fake. Most Pastors and Christians also don't believe ghosts exist. Yet, they believe in the holy ghost.

    Having experience growing up in a haunted house, this I know is simply inaccurate. There are many paranormal investigators who captured physical evidence of ghosts. Let's just face it, science doesn't pair well with spiritual matters. It's a heated argument about this. Due to their so called evidence, humans are programmed to believe ghosts don't exist. That is not true at all.

    I think people who disclaim ghosts are those who never experienced anything. So for those who haven't shouldn't really give comments. It is unfair to people like my family who has been living with ghosts for years.

    I am unsure why people wish to disclaim the paranormal. Some say it's because it is beyond the laws of science and human understanding. I think they hate to admit there is something beyond death, and that unseen beings can be real.

    Yes, the paranormal and life after death is one of the most misunderstood and puzzling subjects in the world. That is why we call it the unexplained. I have also spent years since 2004, studying the paranormal and life after death. It is most puzzling, but no one should debunk it as a hoax or mold only because you haven't seen a ghost. There are a few things that exist many hasn't experienced.

    I am prepared for the criticism that is to come once I release the full story of my family's experience of living in a haunted house. We already get plenty of criticism.  I understand kind of to claim something you haven't personally seen as fake, because we live in a fake world surrounded by fraudulent people. However, I know what my family experienced. It was not some delusion. I need not the public or a scientist to determine what my family endured for years.

    Another note, I wanted to add that the spirit world is overcrowded. You have no idea that many spirits walk among us everyday, everywhere we go. Their skepticism makes me continue my research proving ghosts are indeed real. It also strengthens my belief in my paranormal studies.

    Science Trying to Prove Ghosts Don't Exist

  • Yesterday, my family discovered a site called Instacart. It is where you have shoppers to go to your local stores and shop for you. First, you find the items you need on the site, you pay for the items after putting them in a cart and then some person is assigned to go and basically go get the items and deliver them to the house.

    I thought it was bizarre at first, and my family felt weird about using that service. Yesterday, we gave it a try however and saw it was a useful service to have. If certain items you pick out are not in the store, they offer something similar to replace it with. You can accept it, or either you can see other options. The entire time, there is an option of chatting with your shopper. You can always add other items if needed. My family was reasonable though, and tried not to be difficult.
    It is important to have your phone available for when you are contacted. They may ask you questions at any time. Also, they inform you when they are done shopping. Different shoppers goes to different stores. Like my family has Target, Cub Food's, Whole Foods and Petco. Yeah, they can even shop for pet supplies. I found the shoppers professional, neat and fast. They deliver your groceries the same day. Also, the items are carefully bagged.

    My family will be using this service a lot more then.

    Instacart Review

  • Those neo-Nazis are at it again. Yep, trying to make my family's life in town horrible. I believe this time, our neighbors and even company workers are doing their part for the race war cause. My family is being targeted for obvious reasons. Just for being a minority.

    For a few days, my family noticed our internet connection was off and our electricity wasn't working properly. We later learned that someone went to the main power source to cut off our internet and electricity. It is uncertain which bigot did this, for there are many surrounding my family for us to look at only one person. I recently read how neo-Nazis are doing these sorts of acts to harass non-Whites.

    Also, the UPS and FedEx workers have been opening our packages and purposely damaging/breaking the items we purchase online. This has grown to be a personal and a big problem. My family shops online daily and we hope to solve this problem soon. Lately too, companies are ruining our internet shopping and online experiences. Our computers do not work as they should. There were laws reversed, allowing companies to discriminate against minorities and women. Also they have more ways to harass my family.

    The most annoying harassment takes place online mainly on social media. Often neo-Nazis spam minorities and women with adult/inappropriate images and fake spam accounts to follow minorities. They do this to get under our skin, to bother and harass us any and everyway possible.

    I don't understand this constant harassment and personal attacks from neighbors and workers. It is only because my family are non-White and are women. There has also been a rise of misogynist. People assume neo-Nazis only target non-Whites, but they tend to have a strong dislike for women as well. Typically, the average neo-Nazi has no respect for women and they follow primitive but biblical teachings. This is when women couldn't even speak unless spoken to, it was forbidden for women to learn, they were sold like cattle, it was forbidden for women to preach and women were taught to be submissive to males. Yes, these are Christian teachings, which can show Christianity is not entirely for gender equality. It makes no sense for this constant harassment, because my family stays out of everyone's way, we let the racists and sexists have the space they want and we never do anything to deserve such ill-treatment. My family treats everyone with fair and equal respect. It can be quite depressing to be treated as if you are less of a human, you are of no value, and you are like diseased only because of your ethnicity or gender.

    I believe all of this daily harassment is plain unnecessary and ridiculous. I wish soon it will come to an end. I'm just waiting for everyone to calm down a bit.

    Ridiculous Harassment from Neo Nazis

  • First, I have been wanting to convert a historical story into a manga. However, my mother and I are debating which things I should include or dump out of my version of the story.

    I didn't want to write Ecchi, and I don't want to be labeled as an Ecchi writer. It is just that, some material I am considering keeping would unfortunately fall into the Ecchi/Harem category. Also some primitive customs are questionable now. I wanted it to be a Shounen manga series. So, I am trying to keep the Shounen theme.

    I just wanted to discuss this after being asked in a conversation. It was pretty awkward in a business setting. I actually dislike Ecchi Anime, and it's the main reason why I stopped watching anime. So I don't want people to think all of my manga will have this sort of material in it. I just have this one series which is based upon a historical, nonfiction story.

    No, I'm not Really an Ecchi Writer

  • This is artwork of Smile Dog, from the Creepypasta. Since there were several curious about my entry on Deviant Art, I decided to post this. I will not share the fictional story of Smile Dog, but only share my findings. If you would like to read the fictional story to see who is the fictional Smile Dog, here is a link:

    My encounter of Smile Dog was worth sharing. Yes, I am willing to share my encounter and my discovery of this beast. The name Smile Dog is actually fictional, but I am trying to find its real name. I don't believe in talking to demons, so I won't do something like using Wicca and conjuring it. That would be pretty dumb.

    Anyway, this post was to promote the study of demonology, as I have been doing for a few years. Also, it was to confirm my old post about Smile Dog. Yes, there are other Smile Dogs, and no, it is not really a dog. Despite of the criticism, I stand behind my findings. Many don't realize I have studied demons long enough, and I lived in a haunted house to know what I am talking about. No, the Creepypasta story is not true, nor is the name Smile Dog. I am saying this was based upon a real demon. However, this demon does have a Husky dog form. The Google images would be similar to how he really looks, but this is not his true form.

    Smile Dog Artwork for Demonology

  • Wow, I have never seen these many bigots driving on motorcycles and walking the streets in my life. I am aware of the risk of me posting about this, but it's difficult to ignore. There must be some rally in Minnesota too, for it wouldn't be these many Neo-Nazis out. My family was looking out our window and saw a bunch of them on motorcycles, with Nazi bands on their arms and showing other White Supremacist symbols. They are all around the house, forcing my family to stay inside for our own safety.

    This causes me to look back on the posts I made about the American Civil War. Well, unfortunately I am unable to travel to the historical sites due to these large rallies and violence against non-Whites. Also there have been increased violence against women (by Neo-Nazis), which makes it double for me. It's bad enough I cannot visit many different countries now due to the increased hatred towards Americans, it is even worse when I cannot go anywhere in my own country. Or even worse that I can't leave outside my own house. Everyday, people treat my family like we don't belong in America. It can be hard when America is all you know. Like, where do I belong then?

    I continue to study the American Civil War, although I am noticing bigotry from other Civil War researchers now. They behave as if the American Civil War is only for Whites to learn. Also they get angry when my knowledge on the Civil War surpasses theirs. It is unfair to exclude others who are genuinely interested in learning about the war. I feel now this is another reason why minorities do not study the American Civil War. However, education is for everyone, not just for White Americans. I have spent about 7 years studying the Civil War, and know quite a bit about it. I find history interesting; also, it is nice to know about the country you live in. That is why I am continuing my research and writing about the Civil War.

    It's unbelievable. While most are saying other States are bad for its bigotry, Minnesota should be at the top of the list for the most racist States in the United States. I guess that's all.

    Hundreds of White Nationalists Seen

  • So after the recent brand change, as I stated before, the Tikaani Moon brand will be combined with my living doll career brand. I know it's a complete change from my original brand, but I had to improvise.

    Tikaani Moon use to be a quite dark and mysterious theme. Now it sort of shifted to more like a dollie theme. I will continue to use the wolf because that is the brand of Tikaani Moon. As planned, I'm transforming myself into a real life Ellowyne Wilde doll until I can bring out my own original character brand. I do more like role playing, like I have been doing all this time. I plan to get more involved with my role-playing. I will soon share my full idea on how I will role play as Tikaani, but for now, I will role play for the Ellowyne Wilde doll. Well, most of the time.

    I plan to continue sharing my living doll transformation journey on this blog because it is a part of my role-playing brand. Also, it is a part of my author brand. I am going to keep up with the Tikaani Moon brand, but just I will not bring out my character design which I'm going to dress as soon.

    I just wanted to share this too. All I have to say is, I'm looking forward to completing my Ellowyne Wilde doll look transformation.

    Combining Tikaani Moon Brand with Living Doll Brand

  • I decided to post about customer service because I am into business, and importantly, it has became poor. I have to admit, the customer service in America has gone down to a mediocre level. I mean in everything, to restaurants, Directv, stores and everywhere else. That is the main reason my family stopped ordering fast foods, including cutting off many Halal restaurants. I don't want to exempt these sorts of restaurants because they too can have poor customer service. I feel it's not worth the money if your order is always wrong, you get too much lip and attitude and not being treated like a valued customer. It is most convenient during break, but I whether drive all the way back home for lunch than to order anything else. That and the common fast food eateries (like Burger King, Sonic, etc.) I discovered what they actually put in their food. They are the reason I became a vegetarian. Here is a hint, I didn't want to keep eating rats and horses.

    I also find poor customer service in nail salons, shipping and packing services (UPS, FedEx), Directv (The worst), Century Link, and shopping stores. Of course there are many others, but I needed to list the ones that desperately needs to improve their customer service systems.

    I feel many workers fail to realize they are providing a business and a service to others. If you cannot understand this, working with people is the wrong job for you. Even myself, who is an introverted individual knows how to treat people during work.

    The most common excuse I hear is that the person either wasn't trained in customer service, or they had a bad day. To me these are poor excuses. First off, you don't have to be trained in customer service to know you should treat and talk to people the way you would like to be treated or spoken to. Second, the problems you may have in your life has nothing to do with the job nor the customer. For years, I learned to separate personal and business. Never would I take my frustrations or anything else out on an innocent customer. I mean, what do they have to do with the issues you have at home? Nothing. It makes no sense to me, and that is never a good excuse to provide poor customer service.

    Poor customer service is bad for business. It turns customers away from using your services, and perhaps they will spread the word about your poor customer service. I came to discover that customer service is key, but it's the number one thing that lacks in the world. You may have a good service/company, but if the customer service is poor, you are eventually bound to fail. Maintaining excellent customer service is a right way of making sure customers get what they pay for, and it's also about treating humans with respect.

    Customer Service Lacking

  • Learning more about game creation and writing a game has made me fully think of the hard work that is put into making games. Playing games is one thing, but it's entirely different when you are actually making them. I recently learned more about the arts of game writing. What I read puts things in perspective, especially how game writers or Narrative Designers work with a team of people. They must learn teamwork and collaboration with the people who will help bring the game to life.  Speaking of that, isn't it amazing how your written ideas can be visually brought to life?

    I learned the role of a game writer. They pretty much come up with the dialogue, story line, character arcs and other things. However, being a book writer already, writing these things won't be a problem for me. Other people may not have the patience to actually write for a lengthy time. I also read about how many items can be left out or required of being changed, and how things must fit the budget and time. Learning behind making games can help you better appreciate them, and think about how much time they put into actually creating the games. Drawing on a computer is hard enough, and believe me, I tried too many times. Several tutorials later and I still draw like a 2 year old. I am better able to draw on paper than on a computer. Anyway, programming and other work into making the games also requires much hard work. It also requires huge dedication.

    I have finally decided to write JRPG or Japanese role playing games. I find the anime styled Japanese games more visually appealing to make. It also fits the style where I was already going with my games. How I make the games is that I sort of create upon what I find missing in other games, or what I wish other games had. I appreciate more open world games, more character selections or being able to choose the character you wish to play, having a lot more to do, more full coop optioned games and a bit more lengthy games. I dislike short games, as much as I dislike the idea of short Manga/Anime series. Writing manga will be discussed further in another post. When playing a game or just simply watching someone else play, now my mother and I are thinking of ways the developers could have improved the gameplay. Also, we discuss what we want for our games. 

    Another announcement. After a discussion, I plan to develop my console idea instead of ditching it. I guess that's all I had to share for now. 

    Being a Game Writer

  • This is my new One Piece, Tony Tony Chopper sewing machine. I ordered it a while back from Japan, but this is the first time I opened the box. I will soon start using my new sewing machine to make dollie and historic clothes I will wear for my living doll career.

    This is the instruction manual that came with the sewing machine. As you can see, everything is in Japanese! I thought that was so cool. It is also a good way for me to practice reading Japanese as I do all the time.

    For years, I drew original clothing. My family insisted that I do something with my fashion designs, and so I plan to use them to make my living doll outfits that are original. I also plan to make Harajuku, Victorian dresses, lolita outfits, other dollie outfits, Audrey Hepburn clothes and also a few Salwar Kameez outfits I have designed. To me the Indian clothes are so beautiful. I get to see these outfits everyday because my mother wears Sarees, Kurtis and Salwar Kameez which is my favorite.

    I like the Harajuku that is inspired by the 80s and 90s fashion. These are the kinds I plan to make first. For lolita, there must be lots of bows, ruffles and lace. Also layers.

    I have also always loved Victorian dresses. My favorites are the Civil War era dresses. I like authentic 1800s dresses, in which those are the ones I replicate. My other favorite is the authentic retro fashion. I really look forward to making these outfits, especially replicating Audrey Hepburn's clothes and accessories. I find her style to be my favorite.

    When I begin my projects, I will make sure to take pictures of my progress. I first must choose which outfit I want to make first.

    My Tony Tony Chopper Sewing Machine

  • It's like suddenly the process of starting my doll transformation is going fast. Last week, I went to see if I am physically able to have plastic surgery. As I was at the clinic, my heart was almost pounding out of my chest. The nurse caught that, and she was a bit alarmed about my heart rate. It indicated I was not calm. I was a tad in disbelief of finally starting my living doll transformation. Yes, this is what I wanted, but I couldn't help being a little nervous.

    Currently, my mother and I are looking for a plastic surgeon who would be willing to do everything I want. This is especially remove 5 ribs. Yes, I decided 5 instead of 4. Any other procedures I may need, I will continue in Japan.

    I recently found out my sister owns a few Japanese magazines that shows Gyaru tutorials. So I asked to borrow them when I am putting on my makeup. I haven't been wearing my dollie clothes, but Salwar Kameez clothing. My mother insisted that I stop and start wearing my dollie stuff. I will pretty soon. It just takes so long to get ready, putting on the dresses, the makeup, the wigs and the accessories. It takes a few hours to get ready. However, this is something I know I must eventually do again in order to keep up my dollie lifestyle. It is fun to do anyway. So, I agreed to wear it for my next appointment.

    I am just so glad my doll transformation is beginning now. This is an opportunity to officially brand the Tikaani Moon author brand. I will further discuss this. However, I chose to become an Ellowyne Wilde doll due to the style I like. It is elegant but yet edgy.

    Getting Approved for Plastic Surgery

  • Finally, I reread the draft to my first soon to be finished book. I found out, most of the revising was done, so I did a lot of copying and pasting to the final draft. Now, I am at the process of filling in sub scences because I am one to outline my projects.

    For learning French for my series, I brushed up on my notes and the things I already learned. I understand now the importance of practicing speaking, reading and writing in this language was. Everything is coming back to me, but I am still going over my notes on the French language. I can read many French words and sentences, and I also understand audible things.

    Pretty soon I will be finished and ready to get started on publishing in Japan. I find this better since in Japan, they have publishing companies that can publish different types of writing projects. For instance, the one to publish books can be the same one who can publish a manga or deal with scripts. This is not quite so in the United States.

    I am just looking forward to getting everything finished.

    Writing Updates

  • To me, culture is important. I guess the reason is that for years I didn't know my own culture. I think from my background, I found how important and fascinating ancestry and culture can be. It also plays a huge role in my writing projects. For instance, I love to explore different cultures for research and writing purposes. I like to learn how other people live, especially if it's different than how I live. In this post, I will share thoughts about the countries I find interesting, and what interest me the most about them.

    My first real interest was long ago, when I developed an interest in the UK. I loved everything related to the country. I didn't really pick a favourite; England, Ireland, Wales, Scotland, I loved them all. Well, maybe I did; Perhaps I favoured England. Everything about the UK I loved, especially those accents! I love British, Irish, Scottish and Welsh accents equally. I have always wanted to hear that accent in person. No, I have never met someone from the UK. I also prefer the UK spelling, wording, history, entertainment, and culture. I have even fantasized living in the UK instead of the US. 

    Of course, I also started an interest in Germany, and I have collected several books about the country. Unfortunately, I only knew about Germany from World War 2, which was obviously through the Nazis. I became almost obsessed in learning about Germany during these times. That was until I discovered a more fascinating side to Germany, meaning what it's known as today. My interest officially came recently when I discovered German music. I recently became interested in learning the German language.

    Recently, I grew an interest in all things Japan. My sister has introduced many Asian cultures to my family. I believe this is how I became interested. However, it officially started when I listened to Vocaloid. My sister tried enticing me to watch anime for years, but I never was interested. However, Japan is a living doll's dream place to live. It has became mine as well. I am looking forward to my family's move to Japan, as soon as everyone learns fluent Japanese. Also, when I have learned all of Japan's laws. For many reasons, Japan is first on my list of favourite countries. I guess my family has became sort of obsessed by all day watching of subtitled movies, obsessed in fitting into Asian sizes, purchasing a ton of items from the country, keeping packages and wrappers only because it has Japanese writing on it and/or it came from Japan, listening to Jpop or Kpop all day and dedicating entire rooms to our obsession. I love Japanese street fashion, the kawaii subcultures, cosplay, innovation and Japanese publishing options. I love how Japan is loyal to their traditions, cultures, history, language and religion. I also admire how hard working Japanese people in Japan are. Their way of life I am willing to adopt as my own.

    While Japan and South Korea are the top two favourites, Turkey would have to be my third. I guess what draws me to this country is the Turkish language, music, culture and Istanbul's shopping centre. I'm fascinated with the Turkish history, food, tea and I suppose Turkish people. My family recently found a Turkish restaurant I will further discuss in another post. I never knew there were Turkish people around in Columbia Heights before until seeing them enter the restaurant. Like what an internet meme I came across mentioned about how "brown" people tend to stare at people of their own kind, I also have this habit. It's just an instinctive habit that I watch the Turkish people. Of course yes, I also have a habit of staring at other Arabs, Somali and Indian people. This is merely out of fascination in them. Also, I never seen a Turkish person before in particular, nor have I met one. 

    Recently, I discovered Croatia, especially the music and became interested in learning more about the country. Currently, I was reading about the culture and how they try to preserve their historic buildings. Well the ones that were not destroyed or damaged.

    Lastly, I developed a fascination in Russia. I was amazed by Russia's architect and art. To me, almost every building in Russia is so beautiful. I love how they pay attention to detail. My favourite is the Kremlin. I have also developed an interest in Russian fashion, their scarves, music, the language and I guess just observing them. I just find them very distinguished from the other European races. Since learning Russians don't feel the same about America and Americans, I try to observe from afar. I just wish to respect their views. It has been my family's dream to visit Russia, but with the US and Russia on the brink of nuclear war, there is no way I would travel there. I just have this phobia of getting stuck in a foreign country, which is why I haven't traveled anywhere yet. With the increasing sightings of Russian military planes over my head as well, I suppose I developed what others may view as a nervousness regarding Russian people. I'm certainly afraid of their president. With that stated, I do find it fascinating to learn about living in Russia. No, not because I want to live there, but because of pure curiosity and interest. I'm also fascinated with the Russian language and became obsessed with Russian music. I love their accents, although recently I noticed their accents being more similar to the British, French and Turkish accent. More like a combination of the three. The Russian accent remains to be one of the most distinguished. I just sort of wonder why their accents suddenly sounds different. Most importantly, I find the Russian and also Ukrainian women are so beautiful. It amazes me how many resemble dolls. No, the most interesting part about Russia was when my mother and I watched something regarding their historic buildings. I really admire how Russians make an effort to preserve their history and culture, what I wish America did.  

    So I will share more countries and cultures I find interesting later.


    My Curiosity About Different Cultures

  • I know I said the next post would be about my music interests, but something that I watched greatly interested me even more. I will discuss writing and music soon.

    My mother was watching tv when she called me into the living room. I took a break from working to find out she wanted me to see the human Barbie on Botched. This is a tv show my family often watches due to our interest in getting plastic surgery. My mother told me it's the living doll who got six ribs removed for a small waist. This is a person who got plastic surgery to look like a real life cartoon. I have heard of this woman before prior to the show, but this was the first time I watched her in real time. I thought she was really beautiful and she greatly inspired me. Although I have ran across so much criticism about her, I don't think of her as weird and dumb for wanting to look like a real life cartoon. It's nice seeing that there are others who thinks like me, and who wants the same as I do. It's also very nice to have a mother who supports my decision in becoming a living doll.

    My mother then was discussing with me about my plastic surgery goals. She was concerned about the number of ribs I wish to have removed. I confirmed I am 100% certain I want 4 or 5 ribs removed on each side, to have a dollie waist. She approved still, but what displeased us the most were the scars in the back. I worried about how big or much of a scar would it leave me as well. I am still certain I want the ribs removed in the back as well. Still, I'm thinking about the scar it will leave. The only two things I won't get done, and I agree with my mother is getting bigger lips and bigger boobs. I don't think it suits me. For my face however, I plan to get a little bit of rhinoplasty. My mother explained to me that the plastic surgeon is actually breaking the nose in order to do this. I am accepting that for my desired dollie appearance. My mother recently discussed getting the ribs removed in the back, and despite the risk of a scar, I will proceed. Some wear corsets too, but I'm not sure about that.

    The human cartoon girl who got six ribs removed, she did inspire me and my mother on my goals. For me, I want to look like an Ellowyne Wilde doll or Anime character. I recently heard that there are many plastic surgeons in Turkey who has performed living doll surgery. If I would travel though, I would select Japan. However like what I said before, I am settling to get started with my appearance in the United States. Like the human cartoon, this is my dream as well. To look beautiful and porcelain and dollie. I want to look like a real life doll because it's beautiful to me.

    I guess that's all. I just wanted to post about how this woman who is a real life cartoon or Barbie inspired me even more to pursue my own dream to become a human doll.

    Just Watched Botched (Plastic Surgery Show)

  • Again due to how random my mind is, I gotten off topic a bit. As originally an author blog, I will try to start posting related topics. I will continue to post about my living doll career and other random things that comes to my mind.

    After a year or two of taking a break from my writing projects, I am recently trying to get motivated again. Since I have countless projects, I rarely go through writer's block. I however go through daily distractions and interruptions. For me, I concentrate better when things are mellow, quiet or semi quiet and when I'm able to hear my music. It can be hard finding those times where I can really get into my research and writing without distractions. My house is hardly ever quiet, especially for hours. There's always some loud noise or something to tear me away from my concentration. After I lose it, I may lose my motivation to continue working. Sometimes I can ignore the loud noises in my house, but if they are constant (most of times they are), I cannot ignore them. It's pretty funny, because there is almost always loud talking, shouting, loud music, singing, excessive dog barking, someone asking me a question. The house gets quiet briefly during 1:00 p.m. This is for about 30 minutes. I take advantage of the quietness.

    I am currently working on my six book Fantasy series. This is the series I plan to publish first. Now I'm continuing my research and rereading the second to final draft. It's nice to remember I have to rewrite everything one last time. Through the years, my first series underwent over twenty revisions and rewrites. So I'm glad when I finally finish this up. My next step for research is learning French. I have pushed all other language learning aside to study Japanese. This I felt was necessary since my family plans to move to Japan, and I understand the importance of knowing Japanese. Also, Japanese will be one of the main languages I will use for my career. So I soon will get back into learning French. Also, I am currently learning about France and the French culture.

    However, my biggest step is getting pass distractions. I am usually able to work better around 2:00 a.m. until sunrise or about 4:00 a.m. This is usually when everyone else is asleep, and it's semi quiet. That's unless everyone is still up or someone wakes up. My family tends to go to bed pretty late. So this means I am often wide awake working on my projects during as what the paranormal investigators call it, "witching hour". This is a time between 1:00 a.m. until 4:00 a.m., when spirits are most active. Yes, this means my house is most active during this time with paranormal activity as well. It can get quite unnerving, but I have gotten use to this. If I see, feel or hear something, I just write it down and resume to my other work. I have a paranormal log from the years of my family's experiences in the haunted house. I will share this later in another post. During the witching hour, there is a cold breeze, the feeling of being watched and a dark eeriness throughout the house. Sometimes I even witness ghosts or a lot of times demons walking about. This doesn't scare me, I tend to shrug it off. This is normal to me. Sometimes at night, I watch to see what sort of weird things I would see walk through the back door. During these times, I'm up trying to get work done. I do find this time however the most inspiring.

    After staying up all night, when the sun is coming up, I take a nap. When my family is up and wide awake, I'm dozing off. Sometimes it can be hard to sleep due to the noise in my house as well. However recently, I have found inspiration during the day even if I stayed up all night.   

    So now I am gradually getting back into writing. I read some piece about how to actually do this. Many authors suggest even if you don't feel like writing, write anyway. So this I've been doing or trying to do. I will be interested in sharing more about my music inspirations and my music taste soon.

    Trying to Get Back Into Writing

  • Awhile ago, a Chinese woman gave my family advice about staying thin. She compared the difference between Americans and the Chinese, and how so many Americans are overweight.

    She explained that Americans eat mostly 1-3 times a day, but it's a large portion of food. While Americans do this and gain weight, the Chinese eats all day (5 times) but in much smaller portions. It is more like snacking and not having a large meal. Every time you would see the woman, she had some sort of snack. They were not always healthy snacks but she did eat in small portions. It made sense to me, so I started adopting this diet. My family always seemed to snack more than eating a large meal before. Now we make sure to keep this up. With that stated, this is most helpful when you are active as well. Yes, don't just lay in bed all day eating snacks.

    I have tried Japanese snacks which seem healthier than American snacks. I try to get accustomed to eating vegetarian sushi in which I like, but I don't see myself eating it all the time.

    I also began eating only Halal foods. I noticed that it's almost like eating nothing, meaning there is no real heaviness felt. There seems to be a difference between Halal foods and American food, like McDonald's. My family orders a small meal from the menu. Then we continue with the Chinese diet. 

    I just always wanted to try Turkish food, but the first try didn't go well at all. So my family found another Turkish restaurant and became almost addicted to the food. 

    Anyway, I find this way of eating better. I have more energy and I find that I don't feel a undesirable heavy feeling. For now on, I will eat in smaller portions, although I never have eaten big meals.

    Diet Advice

  • The more days pass, the more I wish to have my complete living doll transformation. Since moving back into our house, my dollie clothing, accessories, wigs and makeup returned. I have to now sort the boxes out to find all of my things. The movers did not handle my items with care, which I'm not too happy with. I'm currently trying to repair my damaged wigs.

    I began purchasing and collecting dolls, kawaii decor, plush things, and anything I can collect that fits my living doll lifestyle. If people are wondering, yes, I actually live my life like a real life doll. I practice this everyday by decorating all my surroundings like a dollhouse. Every inch of the house must be kawaii. Also, I am required to always wear dollie clothing, accessories and makeup. Most importantly, I'm never caught out of character. This is a 24/7 lifestyle that I love. Of course there are always room to improve. My goal is to finally complete my appearance and to live wholly kawaii. I have to become completely cute. I find it fun and it most fits me to live as a real life doll. I will further share how I actually live as a doll. Many other girls express interest and amazement, and also that they are certain their parents would never allow them to do something like this. This makes me even more grateful my mother is heavily into body modifications, and that she approves of me to live like a real life doll. One has said I remind them of the song Barbie Girl. This seemed interesting to me.

    I have purchased a lot of clothing, but I must make more clothing. Currently, I am designing original outfits for my official living doll brand. Most of my designs are Lolita or Victorian. The item I mostly need are more shoes. When looking at kawaii styled shoes, most of them have heels. No, I cannot walk in heels, but I'm willing to practice.

    Pretty soon, I hope to find a plastic surgeon who can help with my doll appearance. I believe the most invasive procedure is getting 4 or 5 ribs removed for a doll waist. To most it sounds really painful and extreme, but it's not as bad as it sounds. Of course, I need other procedures done. I'm 100% sure I will be satisfied with the results. I'm not deterred by pain or price. Yes it is all necessary to look completely porcelain. Pretty soon, I hope to purchase an Ellowyne Wilde doll to start my Ellowyne collection, and for plastic surgery reference. I now am settling for a plastic surgeon in the United States only with exceptions. The plastic surgeon must be willing to give me what I want, and what I'm paying for. Recently, I have been reading other living doll's stories about how much they paid to look like a doll. The answer is yes, I'm also willing to pay thousands to look like a real life doll; well any amount to get the results I want.

    I may give a plastic surgeon an anime character or doll as reference or a neutral reference. That's because I just remembered I really would love to become an anime typed living doll. It is an original brand and character, but it's anime themed.

    Like I said I would mention, since I like different cultures, I plan to use different cultures for my clothing and decorating. So far, I have incorporated the Native American culture into my decorating. Soon I hope to add the Moroccan, Turkish and Russian themes. I just love vivid colours, attention to detail and originality that some of these cultures have. My favourite though is the Japanese and Korean culture and decor for obvious reasons. The more quirky, whimsical, kawaii, vivid and unique the better.

    Soon I will further explain my daily routines and my daily preparations to having a life as a living doll. I just find this world fun, whimsical, stress relieving and something not everyone understands. However, it is my form of expressing true beauty and art. It becomes more so like art when culture is included into the lifestyle. 

    Living Doll Transformation Progress

  • I learned of the few required steps taken in order to become a living doll. It can be a process, in which some things can take longer than others. The end results make the process worth it. My step is continuing to plan out my living doll brand. This is especially important to me since I'm using my living doll lifestyle for my writing projects too. I have written down notes of the type of living doll I wish to be, my clothing and style selection and other things. While I was discussing things with my mother and viewing dolls, I noticed there are too many styles to select just one.

    For instance, I reflected upon the memories I have of Barbie. Also Barbie is the doll to begin the trend of girls transforming themselves into dolls. Most importantly, I remember always being obsessed with Barbie. However, I don't want to become a human Barbie. I will sometimes dress like Barbie because I love her style. I also love the theme of the color pink. The other I remember are the Bratz dolls. Although some clothing is a bit too plain for me, there are styles I would love to wear. I discussed being a Bratz doll with my mother, but she didn't think it was a good idea. When I thought about it I agreed; to look exactly like a Bratz doll I would need much larger lips. That is one procedure I would regret. Recently, I found the vintage doll Madame Alexander. I really liked the dresses, and not really the face of the doll. I mean not to look like. With that stated, I wanted to become an Ellowyne Wilde doll. Well I will portray as the Ellowyne doll until I am able to reveal my own dollie style. I am still working on it. I realized now I would be actually transforming myself into more like an Anime styled doll.

    No, I don't really remember watching Anime. I remember it, but I never watched Anime until recently. However, I stopped watching Anime in 2015. I lost interest in watching Anime and reading manga. Although I am not interested in Anime that way, I love the cosplay, the appearance of many girl characters and the style of the Japanese fashion. I became more interested in Japan, Japanese culture and the Japanese language. So I am currently designing clothing for my lifestyle. My favourite is lolita and also Decora. Decora is when girls wears multiple hair accessories in their hair, buttons, often too stickers on their faces and other whimsical accessories and clothing. The key is to wear almost as many accessories as you can. I love Decora because I'm drawn to things that are different and unusual. In my opinion, this fashion is whimsical, fun and a great way to wear your accessories. It's also a good excuse to purchase and make more accessories.

    Lolita is one of my favourites to wear everyday because this style mostly fits dollie wear. I love the dresses with lots of lace, layers and details. My other favourite style is the Gothic Lolita and plain Goth. Black is a beautiful color and Gothic Lolita is a beautifully unique style. I own a few Gothic Lolita dresses, tops and skirts. I love Gothic Lolita because it's dark, but yet has a whimsical, dollie and fun twist to traditional Goth. I recently discovered a style called Pastel Goth. Instead of black and dark colors, whimsical and colorful things are worn.

    For makeup and fashion, I love the Gyaru look. The makeup perfectly matches living doll makeup. This is why I only wear Gyaru makeup. I don't mean the style where girls sort of make their skin look orange, but I mean the cutey, dollie style of Gyaru. I recently discovered the Korean makeup style, Ulzzang. Like Gyaru, Ulzzang looks dollie and this is why I also practice this type of makeup. I have lots of clothing and accessories from South Korea. This let me discover Korean fashion. I find it sort of similar to Japanese fashion, cute, but it has its own style. Purchasing these items has started an interest in Korean culture, fashion and music. My sister was obsessed with South Korea and everything Asian way before I liked Asian culture. No one can be more obsessed than her. I always had an interest in England.  

    My second favourite style is vintage. I love wearing clothing from the Retro and Victorian era the best. There are many styles and themes I like. They all have to be interesting, whimsical and doll styled. Lastly, I am interested in traditional dresses, and I will start making these outfits soon. My favourites is Ukrainian, Russian, Bulgarian, Latvian, Native American, Korean, Japanese, Chinese, Mnong and the most favourite is Czech. I will wear traditional dresses from my family's culture as well. I have been mostly running across burkas, but found a few clothing that I can make fit my lifestyle. Mostly I found Portuguese, Indian, Turkish and Russian traditional clothing. I will also make and wear Native American accessories and clothing to honor my step-grandma's culture. I also think the Native American traditional clothing is beautiful.

    So these are my preferred styles for my living doll lifestyle. I hope soon to get back to wearing the clothing I love, and I hope to make a lot of clothing for my collection.   

    Living Doll Plans: Favourite Styles

  • As you probably notice for those who viewed our house, my family decided to remove it off the market, as I mentioned before. We have many people calling and visiting to see the house, but no one was brave enough to purchase a haunted house. My family felt it was fair to disclose that information to be honest. If I knew that the house was haunted when my family purchased it, I wouldn't have wanted to move into the house. However yes, we received a flow of people wanting a tour of the house. There were many Russians coming from Russia just to see the house. I never met a Russian, so it was an interesting experience meeting one, two to be exact. There was a man and a female realtor who came into the house at night. The introduction was a bit awkward and weird though. Every time my mother would tell them her name, they both greeted us in Arabic. They thought we were Muslim for some reason. They kept repeating the greeting, which became awkward. It was even more awkward that everything we said, they thought we were speaking in Arabic. Weird. It's kind of funny now, which is the reason why I'm sharing it. At the time though it was confusing and awkward because everyone was obviously confused about the whole thing. Other than that, despite of the stereotypes about Russians, these two sure smiled alot. Also they were friendly, interested and the opposite of cold and distant. After that strange greeting, my family had a weird connection to them. They treated us as if we were one of them, seemingly knowing then of our connection to Russians. The two realized my family had Russian accents, we liked the same things that people in Russia likes and oddly had the same color choices and styles. Anyway, that was one story of when I first met Russians. Everyone who made a connection to the house expressed a great fear, and did not return. So I am uncertain if I will reconsider registering the house in the historic records.

    Since my family has no plans to move now, I will begin my process of transforming myself into a real life doll. Although not original plan, I am considering turning my bedroom into a dollhouse. I just have to compact my ideas into a smaller space, that's fine. I will update my progress of my transformation. This is something I really want, and believe me, I thought about it before proceeding with my transformation. My mother even warned me that if I transform myself into a doll, I couldn't go back. In reality, I wouldn't want to go back. Although most of the world criticizes, being a living doll is beautiful art to me. I want to be a doll, a real life doll. For years, I have wanted this, and I cannot wait any longer. My living doll career also is a part of my author career/brand as well. During plastic surgery, yes, I will proceed with the removal of a few of my ribs. This is to have a Barbie sized waist. I will get 4 or 5 ribs removed. My goal is not to become only one type of doll, but a versatile living doll. I shall further explain this in another post, with my diet plan I am following.

    I was dormant on DeviantArt due to my busy schedule. I didn't have time to check on the artists too much or start another project. However, I will make sure to assure everyone I haven't forgotten about the projects. This is art to upgrade my blog anyway. The projects will be put on hold unfortunately a bit longer. I am in the process of gathering my research for writing projects, which I have returned to. I haven't been able to work on anything for a long time. It was a bit difficult getting anything done in a haunted house, but I'll get it done. 

    I look forward to pretty soon showing my complete transformation. I just have to master the dollie makeup, dollie dressup, and dollie lifestyle. I will get back to planning my projects, especially my living doll transformation. Soon, I am going to post about my other plans for that. This is especially now that I am considering becoming an Anime type living doll.   


    New Plans

  • Due to the long process and work moving, I decided to wait until I move to upgrade my blog. After the move, I will resume with the art projects on DeviantArt and other sites. I am now just writing down notes for later.

    Recently, I am getting back into learning Japanese. My schedule has been too busy to squeeze in language learning and working on projects. I was even forced to take a break keeping up with my living doll appearance. Mostly, I am writing a lot of ideas down for my living doll career, books and the new business. I continue to view Gyaru tutorials. I have planned enough, now all I need is my makeup, clothing and accessories. As soon as I move, I will be in the process of my transformation to become an official living doll. The transformation process mainly involves makeup, eyelashes, doll like clothing, circle lenses, dieting and plastic surgery.  

    The Tikaani Moon blog will have to be planned out a little more for a cohesive design. This blog will be the English version for my living doll lifestyle. So, somehow, I will combine the two designs. I felt it was better to continue writing in English, since I have been doing so all this time. Soon, I will have a Japanese, Korean and Chinese blog. This is when my transformation is complete.

    For other projects, I have been doing a lot of reading and studying. My first novel series will be rewritten as soon as I finish unpacking. The series requires that I learn French. For the business, I learned quite a bit about owning a business. Now, I am currently just writing down a plan to begin.

    So, currently I am still in the process of moving and planning my projects. I hope to upgrade my blog soon. 

    Blog Upgrade Update (and More)

  • Recently, the harassment and hate is escalating ten times worst than ever, than I had ever seen in my life. I wasn't going to post regarding this topic anymore, but it's so bad my family are prisoners in our home. We cannot go outside without increased harassment and confrontation with an extremist. Now, they are beginning to become more violent and hostile. No matter how we try to avoid this, it's impossible. It's like now just sitting in our vehicle is illegal, we can't go into the stores or even stand in our own yard. I mean, this is an everyday, all day agenda which I wish would end. I will list all of the incidents that my family has experienced to let everyone see how things has changed during and after the election.

    I read on many sources that the Neo Nazis are badly targeting Indian people. With my mother's and sister's appearance giving it away, they have targeted us as well. I'm targeted because also of my foreign appearance. Now that my hair is currently black (not dyed), I have an even more Turkic and Asian look. I have this issue now where people thinks I'm 100% Asian. My eyes tend to slightly slant like Asian eyes. My family all looks foreign born, which made us doomed to be targeted. I have mentioned the bigotry in Columbia Heights Minnesota before. However, it has gotten worse since Trump became president. I can't completely understand this bigotry when this is a fairly diverse community now. Yes, it wasn't diverse when my family first moved into the town, but now it is. Yet fascism grows stronger here than ever. I thought since people of my kind lives in the community as well now, that I was okay, but how wrong was I. Since the new president, there are many from the older generation who feels empowered and feel as if they can get their town back from people like us. Although the racism is from the older generation, meaning older (maybe in their 60's and up), I see racism among younger people. They are around the ages maybe of college student ages, even teenagers and even children. I will share this because things have gotten really bad, it has been taken far back to the 1960's, and my family's encounters are frequent and becoming dangerous. I fear it could easily escalate even to violence, leading to someone dead. The Neo Nazis said they wished to start a race war, and here it is.

    For the weekend, Saturday and Sunday, the KKK had a massive rally celebrating their leader. I lived close to where the rally was, in Saint Paul, Minneapolis, Saint Cloud and Sauk Rapids. I noticed most Whites were either not in town or wreaking havoc. This is when I learned of their rally. I also learned this KKK rally happened all across the country. My family had gotten a warning to stay away from the cities above, and to stay inside our homes for our own safety. This I thought was going back so far. There were many reports of non-Whites being randomly attacked and even killed. Since we are surrounded by racist neighbors, my family stayed inside for the weekend. We couldn't even be in our yard, knowing our neighbors were celebrating as well and armed. Yes, my family is also armed, but all we want is peace and we rather stay out of this race war.

    I noticed news channels are being blocked and censored. I also noticed how many movies they show related to slavery, racism, fascism and honoring patriotism. Recently my family gave in and watched Glory, Freedom, Imitation of Life, Hate Thy Neighbor and a few others. I even watched a few movies about Hispanics. It made us realize how far did America go back.  

    Here is the list of incidents:

    Neighborhood Harassment: First I would like to share how our neighbors band together to harass us, and to let us know we are not welcomed here. We are trying to sell our house, but the neighbors are making things difficult. I don't understand why because, don't they want us to leave? The neighbors next door are the epitome of old fashioned racism. These are the ones who has been on the town's committee, and who has lived in the neighborhood since 1952. They are an elderly couple who is also a good example of Minnesota Nice. They are the ones who would smile in your face, and sabotage you behind your back. I say sabotage, because that's all they have been trying to do. These neighbors deserves a paragraph alone, so I will only tell about the other neighbors. When we just sit in our vehicle to wait until a showing is over, they all come outside and behave like they are suspicious and have to watch us. The neighbors gather around from different houses and stare hatefully at us and talk among themselves. They even bring their large dogs outside I think to intimidate us. The neighbors even release their dogs off their leashes so they can walk freely around us. The neighbors shout at us, asking what are we doing sitting in our vehicle. They act like we are doing something illegal. They even show us that they are carrying weapons and threaten to kill us. Recently, they also had no parking signs by the police in front of their house. My family called the police to tell them they are harassing us, and we are only trying to sell our house. This was the only police officer who was on our side. Recently the police signs were removed from the yards.

    Elderly Neighbors: With the next door neighbors on the committee of the town, this makes things worse. They try to band together with others to drive us out of the town. Many times they would turn on racist shows, radio talks and music so we can listen. I would look at them as they laughed and smiled over the racist stereotyping in the programs they showed us. They expected us to laugh at those comments. It's not funny to see and hear someone tell us how uncivilized non-Whites are, and how we should behave. We should be respectful and behave more like White people. The comments were offensive and unfair. They gave us old left over food, expecting us to be grateful for it. Never would they buy and make something fresh and new for us. Whenever we have showings, they would prevent non-Whites from buying the house. They would even demand that we repair things on their house and work for them, like modern day slavery. I found it offensive when one said they have nothing against "our kind". Also, when they would always comment on how they hope to never get as dark as Indian people from India. However, I think the worse was when they were angry my family didn't fix their garage roof. They drew a Swastika symbol on the door of their garage. This was a threat. After this, the couple both give us hateful looks. Everyday now, they mention how many guns they have and how the man is a World War 2 veteran. He knows how to shoot someone, threatening to shoot us. It's unnerving.

    Driving: Just driving around and sitting around in our vehicle, and even parking has turned confrontational and dangerous. People for no reason swear at us, flick us off, roll their eyes, stare at us and call us racist names. They call us Sand N-, plain N-, and other offensive names. The worse encounter was when my mother had to pull out her gun on a man who was yelling at the top of his lungs at us. We were only parked in front of the store, which is now forbidden to do. He was swearing and telling us to park somewhere else. He made a scene, everyone turned around and looked at us yell back at each other. We had been arguing for awhile, but the last straw was when he called us whores. When my mother stepped out of the vehicle to confront him, he challenged her, asking was she going to fight him. He tried to intimidate us like he wanted to beat us up. My mother then told him she has a gun and was pulling it out, when he was raising his hand to hit her. It wasn't like my mother couldn't have fought him though. The man then said we are suppose to make America great again (he backed off, intimidated by the gun). This was when we found out he was a Trump supporter. People ran away and took cover, thinking it would be a shoot out. The store manager pleaded fearfully for my mother to not start shooting. He had a phone in his hand to call the police. We saw how everyone was visibly afraid, and so we decided not to. The manager told the man to leave. That is an example of how things are getting serious. I mean, we will stay out of this, but that doesn't mean we will let bigots treat us any kind of way or kill us.

    People chase and follow us, and write down our license plate. The worse I've encountered was when my family was parked at our favourite Turkish restaurant. There were two women wearing hoods over their heads, the KKK hoods. They drove through the parking lot and wrote down our license plate and was watching us. They then drove off. We learned the two women were staying around close by though. We try not to be seen at Halal restaurants, but we cannot eat from the other restaurants. They spit in our food, throw things in our face, give us old food, yell at us and refuse to serve us. That is why we can only order from our own kind. The most offensive incident was when a construction worker, yes a construction worker was rude to us. He didn't want us sitting in our vehicle in his presence. My mother asked did he have a problem sitting on our own block. He behaved like he couldn't stand the sight of us, he didn't want to be near us; as if we are like disgusting, unclean or we are lepers. I even saw a woman with two girls walking passed our vehicle. One girl spit on the vehicle and did a Nazi salute at us. The mother didn't correct her, but smiled and encouraged this behavior. The most shocking incident was when my family saw our neighbors wearing full KKK robes in the street. It was board daylight, and they didn't care who saw. My family watched as they stepped into their white trucks and drive away. No matter how many times I see that, it always shocks me to see people wearing KKK robes in public. This is every single time we are in our vehicle.

    Stores or Other Public Facilities: My family cannot go to stores or anywhere without facing extreme racism. People roll their eyes, stare at us, speak rudely to us, don't want to touch anything we have touched, don't want to touch us and they even tell their children don't touch something because we touched it. Personally at times, it can be hurtful to be in public and see someone refusing to touch something you have touched or refusing to take something out of your hand. At some facilities they don't allow us to enter. Like recently, I really don't like going into the local Petco because the manager and everyone are very racist. The manager always talked to us like we were children. It was obvious he did not like us. The most offensive time was when he reluctantly returned an item for us. Walking away, I heard him say in a low key how we always come to America and think we can take it over, and run everything. He was sick of us being in the country. We ignored his comments. One time I remember, just recently though, when the workers saw us walking into the store, they turned off the lights like they weren't open. My step-grandma who mostly walks into the stores for us, went inside and they told her they don't open until 3:00 p.m. However, we saw them opening the door only for Whites.

    Police: Last I wanted to mention the police. I am not anti-police, but I'm disappointed how the police changed so much after Trump became president. They were okay at first, but they suddenly changed. The police now rolls their eyes at us, talk rudely and engages in racial profiling. Almost all the time, the police forces us to prove we paid for items in the store when they don't require this from White customers. They even look all through the bags, our purses, pockets and examine the receipt. We are always followed around in stores by guards. Apparently, we are banned from being on the park or any public premises. Every time my family are sitting in our vehicle, they always treat us like we're trying to cause others harm. How cold, detached and biased the police have gotten, my family avoids them. We just stay out of their way, not wanting them to shoot us. The most annoying problem is when the police always suspects we're trying to steal or we already stole something. I read how the extremists are becoming police officers which would explain everything. However, they make all of the police look bad.   

    This is an example of the things we go through as minorities. We cannot speak in different languages, wear ethnic clothing, in the hospitals and clinics they refuse to treat us, we cannot wear anything that can be mistaken as a hijab. I like to get in touch with my own culture and wear Indian clothes, but I cannot wear it in public. Also the most annoying harassment is from the false assumption that all Arabs are Muslim. What people don't understand is that there are many Arabs who are Christians as well. I dislike this race war that has started. I appreciate and respect everyone from all cultures, religions and backgrounds. I actually like getting to know different cultures. I also like meeting people from different countries.

    Last, I have to mention the Native Americans who are invisible to America. It's a beautiful culture and I have been witnessing when Native Americans are getting beaten by Neo-Nazis only because they are Native American. Also, their history, heritage or culture is not being respected at all. The treaties about the land is also not being honored. Please preserve their culture.            


    Escalating Hate in America

  • It would seem most writers have at least someone who they've admired and who has inspired them for their career. Although the only support I received was from my mother and sister, there are a few I have admired. Mostly I took inspiration from music and different songs. Some songs can seem like the lyrics were written for you. At the end of this I will share the artists and songs who have inspired me. Now I would like to mention the individuals who have gained my admiration.

    Since I am a writer I will first share other writers who I admire. My favourite writer is Sir Author Conan Doyle, the author of Sherlock Holmes. Unfortunately, there are not many modern day authors I really admire or modern books I enjoy reading. The classic authors like Charles Dickens and Jack London are the authors I admire for their writing styles and stories. It amazes me how they were capable of writing works that have outlasted their time, despite of their age.

    I don't admire many actors or actresses, but there is one who has always inspired me. I'm sure Robert Downey Jr. won't wish to remember his past, but it's his beginning and present success that inspired me. Yes, he made a lot of mistakes in his past which led him to trouble. Many doubted the future of his acting career due to these mistakes. However, it inspired me how Robert Downey Jr. was capable of pulling himself out of the rocky start and become a successful actor. I am just drawn to those who are labeled as underdogs and who the world underestimates. If someone like Robert Downey Jr. or anyone else can become something, I feel as if me, someone who has the world against me can prove everyone wrong and actually become a success myself. This is another reason I loved the Shounen Anime like Pokemon, Naruto and others. I also admire the young people who make something of themselves. Me being young, people always are disdainful and tries to convince me someone my age cannot write over 40 books and start as many projects I have started. I have had old men harass me online telling me how there's no way I can write over 40 books, 100 manga and get published by my age. Before I even start, they are already counting me out and saying I cannot become a successful writer. As a lone wolf, I need not the acceptance or approval of anyone else. My family supports me and that is all I need. Also, the people who proves the negatives wrong that underdogs can become great. We are not delusional, but ambitious.

    I also have a favourite film director/producer which has to be Tim Burton. His style is whimsical, original, quirky, weird, but yet brilliant and captivating. I love the uniqueness of Tim Burton's movies, which is why I admire him. Because of Tim Burton, it makes me feel like my weird and my different style can also be accepted. I always strive to be different, interesting and original. I won't publish anything until I have created a perfect masterpiece. This is why I've worked so hard for years on all of my works. Even my living doll career he has inspired me for. I wear clothing that people perceives as taboo and not normal for them. I find it nice to be different. I love wearing Victorian, Lolita, whimsical and vintage clothing. This is why I also admire Kyary Pamyu Pamyu, who always wears whimsical clothing. Most of society believes becoming a real life doll is too strange, but these are the people who inspires me to believe it's fine to be quirky. Actually, it is possible to make anything out of a career, even as something as whimsical as being a living doll.

    Okay, lastly I will share which music artists and songs that inspires me. Music is an essential part of my writing and living doll career. I will share the full playlist for each of my projects soon, but now I will only share the most inspiring artists. They are Paramore, Red, Breaking Benjamin, and a few others. The songs are:

    • Back for More - Five Finger Death Punch
    • I Will Not Bow - Breaking Benjamin 
    • My Turn - Hoobastank
    • High Heels - Brave Girls 
    • Now or Never - Digital Summer
    • The Pride - Five Finger Death Punch 
    • Aggression - Palisades 
    • Stronger - Through Fire 
    Later I may add to this, but these are just my inspirations. 

    Biggest Inspirations

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