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  • Since I am sharing health updates, some of these posts now may be more frequent. I am glad I started sharing my experiences of getting mediocre care and my illness because this has been getting me more of cooperation by medical professionals. I feel however I shouldn't have to do this in order to receive help.

    So yesterday at 7:00 a.m., I went for an ultrasound for my upper abdomen, where I get most of my pain and these episodes of extreme pain. I went back home and a few hours later, the doctor called saying I had a lot of gallstones that did require surgery. Reading the posts seemed to have caused some guilt since the doctor at first did not have any interest in helping me. I don't care really, I just want to be done with this. So it was theorized I had been passing gallstones this whole time which caused my severe pain and bleeding. I was diagnosed with a very bad UTI (Urinary Tract Infection), but twice, the medicine I was prescribed I wasn't able to take. Well both times, I got allergic reactions to them. The doctor never prescribed anything else for the infection, but it never went away. In fact, it seemed to have spreaded which was a concern. My recent symptoms match an inflammatory pelvic issue, which does cause sterilization if not treated. So, I'm trying to find someone who cares enough to help me with the infection. So far, I can't find anyone who will try to find me medicine I'm not allergic to.

    From the ultrasound anyway, it was also mentioned my liver is not in good shape, but right now, the gallstones have to be taken care of first. It was recommended I have the surgery before Monday. I was told if I have another episode again, I should go to the ER.

    So, I will give updates if something new happens and thank you for reading this. 

    Health Update 3

  • Not how long it has been since I posted, but I haven't been able to turn on my computer since I last posted. I will give these health updates because my family agrees to continue to go public with my story since this is such ridiculous treatment I am receiving.

    So, the current doctor who is suppose to help me, he says I'm at dangerous levels, but then him and the other staff retracts it, saying it's nothing wrong with me. I mean, they know it's something there, but it seems as if they are trying really hard not to help me. Just yesterday, the staff told me the doctor was already on vacation and so a nurse would give me my lab results, in which I got another blood test yesterday. My family and I keep calling because of the severe pain I'm in and how gravely ill I am, but everyone keeps treating me like an after thought. I mean, of course it wouldn't bother them since they are not the ones feeling this severe pain.

    Just today though, the doctor called himself even though he was suppose to be on vacation and said my levels were at a life threatening number and suggested to schedule for an ultrasound. The doctor mentioned I had liver sludge and gallstones, but we were frustrated he decided to wait all this time to share this information. The liver sludge does require surgery, but the medical professionals for some reason stalls in getting me care. I mean, I am doing all of the things they lecture us about doing when these things happens. I tried getting help before it became a life threatening problem, but no one has been willing to help me, but give me half services. Their nonchalance annoys me, especially when I hear everyday how America is the leading country for healthcare, services and technology, but it's a shame I don't have access to these top of the line services. As a Nursing Assistant, it gets hard helping others when I need help myself.

    As far as for my health, I'm not sure what else to do besides go to the appointment for the ultrasound.

    For my writing, I haven't been able to get any work done unfortunate due to my health getting worse recently. Since I did log into my computer today, I'll try to do some work until the severe pain returns. I have started a new project for a game, and that's currently what I'm doing at the moment. I will make sure to give even more updates whenever I can. 

    Health Update 2 (And More)


  • It's time for another Insecure Writer's Support Group post. If you would like to learn more about it, please visit here:

    Has your writing ever taken you by surprise? For example, a positive and belated response to a submission you'd forgotten about or an ending you never saw coming?

    Since I outline, that has eliminated most of the surprise out of the writing part. Well, rereading the Polar Qimuktis book, I was a bit surprised to realize how dark it was. It's not as dark as other work, but there are some dark elements in the series. I am also surprised of how dark some of my writing is. Dark, I mean writing a lot about demons and hell. 

    There has been some changes to a few projects that I did surprise me even though I made those changes. They were just sudden changes. For example, one Thriller project I'm working on, I added a Ukrainian character. This changed the book's theme since I wanted it to be a Western. At first, this was the way I wanted it, but recent changes also changed the book. This isn't the POV, but it is one of the main characters. I'm just keep going to see if I like this version of the book. Some of these surprises are similar. 

    Well, I think those are the only things I can think of.  

    IWSG: August 7 2019

  • I wanted to share some updates on my health, especially since I am uncertain if I will be able to reply to comments right away from the Insecure Writer's Support Group. I'll be able to participate because I write my posts months in advance and they're set for scheduling. I write it as soon as the optional question is changed. I do usually reply to all comments, but there may be a delay this time as it has been delays in replying to messages and other things.

    The main reason to this post was sharing disbelief this became a real life Mystery Diagnosis incident. Since the beginning of the year, I've dealt with severe pain and feeling very ill, but everyone I came to just brushed it off as nothing. That left the problem getting worse. It came to the point where I couldn't function throughout the day. It was frustrating how every healthcare professional acted as if it was all in my head and I was making a big deal over nothing, but it wasn't nothing since I felt this severe pain day in and day out. Well, they wouldn't care since they weren't the ones dealing with this.

    The ER, everyone kept saying they couldn't find anything that could be wrong with me and you know, it's probably just indigestion. This was not indigestion. I wouldn't be wasting anyone's time for some indigestion.

    Although, I received the green light recently at the ER and everywhere else, I went to an appointment yesterday and took a blood test. Hours later, I got a call saying my liver and pancreas levels were dangerously high, but funny, the ER tested me for just that and said I was perfectly fine. It was suggested that I go immediately to the ER. The problem is the ER continues to brush me off. It wasn't until I started sharing my story, did someone take me seriously. I learned today my problem is worse than what everyone else told me, making me believe it wasn't serious. It's actually life threatening, but I'm still not sure what exactly it is. I'll continue to share especially if that means getting the help I need. Since I have been sharing this, I can share the diagnosis.

    I was told to go the next day for testing, but I may be able to reply to comments if I can do so the same day. I will make corrections on any errors whenever I can.

    A Health Update

  • These updates are a bit random as they always are. First though, I am glad to say I'm making more progress with my writing projects. For the second Polar Qimuktis book, the pages are actually going up for the first time! This is really good. I'm trying to pace myself due to my health, but I am still making good progress.

    Recently I went to the ER by ambulance because my mom claimed I went unconscious. I don't remember going unconscious though. Still, no one can pinpoint what the problem is, which I found the ER to be a waste of time. I just wonder why is this such a mystery diagnosis thing?

    I've been trying to get the hang of Twitch as well as YouTube, but I really would like to get my Living Doll appearance together before showing my face. I'm disappointed because my health delays my transformation progress because now no one will approve me for plastic surgery.

    I would like to thank those who view my gameplay on Twitch even though I'm still trying to get the hang of it. I won't add a camera to it until you know, the Living Doll transformation. I will be streaming both in Russian and English. I want to be able to write Russian on my computer, but found it impossible to. I may purchase another computer with Russian keyboard so I'm able to write in Russian, and not just on my phone.

    An important thing, I learned my mom's biological family has been reading my posts as I stated before, and this was how they discovered my family. I do know we have family in different countries, but I see mainly the relatives in Ukraine and Russia trying to contact us the most than any other. I know we should have family in Turkey and other parts of West Asia, which I was getting contacted by people who wanted to give information related to this. I do remember receiving strange messages on the home phone about someone wanting to contact us, but unfortunately, those were the times my family did not pick up the phone. Now we do answer our phone, but I do note we don't pick up from unfamiliar numbers on our cell phones, especially if we see a foreign number. So it's best to try the home phone.

    I've been trying to post stuff so the family could get to know our family, but we also would like to get to know our relatives because we still don't know who you are. However, please feel free to contact us any time, for we are now open to communicating with our real family. Wherever you are from, we accept your communication. I was wondering how many in the family are U.S. Citizens, but it doesn't matter if you're not. We do accept all relatives are who serious in reuniting and trying to get to know each other. I really like having my family as my friends. In fact, I prefer it. I saw a few on Twitch who seemed hesitant to contact me since my other posts says my family have no interest in meeting our real family. I think my family feels differently now, and would be willing to meet our family. So, don't hesitate to contact me on Twitch if you would like to get in contact with our family for a reunion. I would love to connect with more family on Twitch and possibly play games together, hopefully we play the same games.

    I provided for everyone the best ways to contact me through the contact me page on this blog. It would really be nice if someone has information about our family history, ancestry and race, but that is also fine if you don't have this information. If you would like to learn more about my family, you can continue reading these posts, but also feel free to read from my other two blogs that may share a bit more personal stuff. Mixed Race Blog and this one Paranormal and Lifestyle Blog.

    That's pretty much it, but I'll make sure to post more updates and random stuff soon. As usual, I'll fix any errors later on.

    Some New Updates

  • Lately, I haven't been able to share project updates since I haven't made any progress with my writing nor publishing. I always strive to get a lot done, but I was ending up doing less than desired. I am glad to say my recent work has made progress. Even if it's slow, I think it's better than no progress. I was happy to see page numbers actually move this time. However, I wish to write more as I use to because I could write an entire chapter in one session. The only problem was that I felt that I never had publish worthy material. Now my writing did improve a whole lot. I know you can't tell when I'm posting things with errors, but I tend to write differently for projects and blog posts. I just tend to see the error after I post.

    Although I'm not a hundred percent, I've been taking some pain medicine so it won't be too severe. It has helped (not really), but nothing has actually solved the problem. I guess because no one figured out what it was. I wish to find out why I have severe pain so it can be resolved finally. I do have to get back to writing.

    Anyway, I am in the process of rereading the first book of Polar Qimuktis, and working on the second as usual. That's nothing new, but I put one of my books together. It's the one I have mentioned before that has a demon POV. I wrote only the highlights first in one document. At first, they were just random ideas that seemed disorganized especially trying to figure out which book to put what in. I did plan this one out as I always do, but I had some ideas I had to write down before I forget them. Now, I turned this one into a trilogy and organized the scenes.

    Writing this particular one is something I never thought I'd do. I never thought I would write a book with a demon as the main character due to my religion, and we're always taught to stay clear away from things of this such. It can feel stranger knowing the main character is based from a real demon, many of the characters are. To give a little hint, it's a male demon and so the main character is male. Strangely, after one day finding this demon, I haven't been able to find it again. The demon is perfect for the main character, but it can be hard trying to learn more about this demon. I don't have trouble for the other demons though. I always worry about summoning him by obsessing over this demon. I do know some facts about it, and that the demon is a beastly type with several different forms.

    For manga updates, I pretty much have the first volume planned out. I actually pulled up an older outline, realizing the older one was better than the newer version. I know there's not many pages you have to do for manga, but I'm not sure why it's taking so long finishing it. Again, this is a Shounen which is my favourite categories in manga. This series has many of the elements in typical Shounen manga in order to follow tradition, but it's a different story and stuff like that. I know how much I hated short manga/anime series, and so I am working on making a long series.

    I have started new game projects, wrote some notes down, but placed them on hold for now. I am glad my projects have increased since having just a couple of games to work on.

    I hope to be able to get more work done. I will keep sharing updates when I have any to share. 

    Getting More Work Done...

  • So for those who have been reading my posts, you know I've dealing with a prolonged health issue. This problem prevents me from posting as I use to and limiting my writing time. It's a bit of a personal story, but I just wanted give this example to show others how poor of services that's provided in the United States. This is especially when I viewed a video regarding the healthcare services in Russia, and how despite it being free, the services are poor. What many outside of the United States fail to understand is America may be considered top when it comes to healthcare, the citizens do not receive this top of the line care as assumed by others. The video wasn't the reason why I wanted to share this, but due to recent incidents.

    So lately, my symptoms have gotten worse to the point it is hard for me to function. I have been dealing with this for the entire year of 2019, perhaps longer than that, but I dislike how the pain increased and has intensified significantly. I didn't really want to be seen for it, but my mom insisted that I see what was the problem so I am able to do my work. I went to a few appointments only by her suggestion and concerns. I didn't think it was too serious, but no one really knows what it is. I have been checked by two doctors, but neither of them has gotten to the bottom it.

    Yesterday was a really bad day because the pain was severe, worse than all the previous times. My family tried assisting me in calling for an appointment, but the doctor never got back to us at all, but I felt it was an emergency.

    The worse incident actually happened today. The pain was even worse than yesterday, now feeling as if something would burst in my stomach. My mom was concerned, not wanting anything to happen due to my decision not to get a diagnosis. She suggested to go to the ER, something's she has been suggesting for a while, but I didn't want to go. Despite me being a healthcare professional myself, I personally dislike the hospital. It is different being a Nurse versus being a patient. I just feel I lose control over the situation during hospital visits since lately I've seen less physicians honoring the rule patients have rights to refuse certain care or tests.

    It was hard for me to walk, but I followed my mother's advise and we went to the ER. This one is located in Fridley I believe, the former Allina Unity, but now it is owned by Fairview. The guy at the front desk kept over talking us when trying to explain why I came there. He was nonchalant and didn't allow me to say I don't think it was just a normal belly ache. Everyone treated the situation as if it wasn't serious and not to be taken seriously. My family did research more about my symptoms and it is obvious this is something more than what these "professionals" assume. I do know if this is a prolonged problem it is advised to seek emergency, in which this has been an ongoing issue. This person didn't listen to how the pain is severe. I get severe pain all across my upper abdomen, along with my chest, back and lower abdomen. Being that I can take a lot of pain, I don't complain about something unless it is serious and this was serious. Every time I breath in, it is severe pain. I get very bad chest pains that feels a lot like early warnings of a heart attack or stroke.

    I waited for a long time, and still I sat in waiting room even though the hospital was not busy at all. No one was in the hospital at the time, but they completely ignored that I was in agonizing pain. After waiting for a long time, I told my mom I wanted to just leave because I couldn't sit there any longer. The pain was just too severe and even though I was in the right place, everyone treated me like they could care less and just was laughing among themselves and doing other things. So, we got up and told the guy at the desk I'm just going to leave because the pain is too severe for me to sit there for hours. Very nonchalantly, the guy said, "Okay." Not caring if I get help or not, and so they allowed me to leave the hospital without getting a diagnosis.

    At the urgent care through Walgreens, it was just the same. The workers were very nonchalant and treating it like some joke. The woman kept taking her time and just babbling on about nothing, not even caring I needed an immediate diagnosis. Getting tired of her just arguing with me instead of trying to get me help, I decided I didn't want to see what was wrong.

    Everyday and all day, I'm in severe pain and I've became gravely ill, but I can't even get the medical services I need. This is another disappointment of living in the United States, which made me just frustrated. This story shows how mediocre the healthcare services are in the United States, despite it being the supposedly best country with the top healthcare advances and technology. Yeah, well, the service is very poor, and just like me, most U.S. citizens receive low quality care. Now since several refused to help me, I am left leaving the problem untreated. Nothing has worked to get rid of it, no pain relievers, anti-inflammatory medicine or anything.

    I'm left not knowing what to do, but I really do wish to get back into writing, working on my other projects and my job as I was before this problem. I am not sure if I would have to travel in order to get the diagnosis and the care I need. I may travel outside of the U.S. if this continues and I'm unable to get help. All I have to say is, I am sick of being treated like an outsider, and today made me realize even more how I'm not valued at all as a U.S. citizen. 

    Mediocre Healthcare

  • So, I will begin streaming and recording my gameplay. I did start on Mixer but I wasn't happy about the quality I was receiving and so that's why I am trying to set up Twitch. It's not done yet, but here is my Twitch channel. I'm not too good at working new things, and so I'm trying to learn how to set it up and stuff like that, mainly how to navigate through the website and learning how everything works.

    I was wondering what could I upload on YouTube first and I thought to start with some gameplays. I uploaded one of Lego Indiana Jones: The Original Adventures, but I think I'll redo it because that was a live stream from Mixer. That's a game I haven't played in a few years, so past the first few levels may be a bit strange. My channel will not just be for gameplay though.

    I really would like to start a thing for sampling and reviewing different tea, coffee and cocoa. I purchased some tea from Russia and never tried it because it was a gift for my mom, but I could do it for a video. I just have to have a tea set from Russia and a Kawaii one from Japan. I will be doing the baking stuff too steered towards Kawaii looking food.

    Recently, I found something I wanted to make and that's Syrniki, Russian styled pancakes. I was drawn to this because the pancakes are miniature, more fitting the type of food I will show on my channel. I just have to get the kitchen ready and gather my Kawaii appliances.

    I noticed the Japanese language goes hand to hand with Kawaii stuff. Evidently, since it originated from Japan, and so I've been recently trying to get back into learning Japanese. I will be using both Japanese and Russian though.

    UPDATE: So, the first Twitch live stream was a huge fail because I forgot how to play Lego Indiana Jones: The Original Adventures which was a disaster. My mom advised me to not live stream a game I haven't played in years to not look stupid. That makes sense.


    YouTube and Streaming updates

  • Here is a Q and A since I received some other questions. As usual, I am willing to answer questions and I will answer them on the blog to fill in some blanks about me.


    Q: Do You Enjoy Your Work?

    A: Of course I do. My greatest motto in life is doing something you love doing, if you don't enjoy what you do, you minus well not even waste your time on it. I always strive to work for my passion.

    Q: When will your book be available? You are a writer for fantasy adventure?

    A: Due to health issues, it's a delay, but my book will be available this year. I do write lots of Fantasy Adventure and the first series I will publish falls into that genre. I am not limited to just Fantasy Adventure. I also write Horror, Science Fiction, Western and other genres. My work tends to lends more towards adventure and action though.

    Q: What made you write a book based upon Native American culture?

    A: Purely by my upbringing. I was raised to be very familiar with the Native Americans and their culture. I've spent years learning about their culture which developed a passion for these people. I am grateful to have known the Indigenous people and I would say they were the only good thing that came out of not being raised to know my real family. I was simply interested in the culture and wanted to write what interested me.

    Q: Do You Live in Minneapolis? What is it like living there?

    A: I was raised in Minneapolis, but I now live in Columbia Heights. It's often called Minneapolis instead, but please know those are two different cities. I live in a small town surrounded by lots of factories and eateries. It is a close knit community and very old fashioned. Most who live here are seniors. It can be quiet, well, it use to be quiet and peaceful, but now crime has went up. The neighbors can be a pain if you're lucky to get trouble making and confrontational neighbors. It's a town stuck in their old ways and doesn't like too much change or diversity nor different cultures. However, that is sort of changing since different cultures have been moved into the town, not willingly though.

    Q: Are You Really a Model?

    A: I am starting a modelling career after transforming myself into a Human Doll. I'm modelling only for Lolita and Kawaii fashion. I won't release any photos until my Living Doll appearance is complete for that's what I want to be known for.

    Q: Can You be Considered a Human Barbie?

    I guess someone could if they wish to simplify things. However, I am not a Human Barbie because there are too many Human Barbies. I want to be a different type of Living Doll. I wouldn't mind if anyone calls me a Human Barbie though.

    Q: What is your favourite type of Lolita?

    A: I think it has to be Classic Lolita. I like how it looks more vintage.

    Q: Are you a cosplayer? What is your favourite cosplay?

    A: Not really, but I have cosplayed before. My favourite would be Peachette from the game New Super Mario Bros U Deluxe I watched from a video. I love the dress when she turns into a human. I love cosplay that's similar to Lolita dresses. I also love the cosplay from Love Live! School Idol Project, in which I have cosplayed a few characters before. I will cosplay Peachette very soon.

    Q: Are you still a gamer? What kind of games do you play? What game would you like to play?

    A: Yes, I like a variety of different type of games. I love casual games, games with kawaii styles, but I also love dark, horror games. I play stuff like Crash Team Racing Nitro Fueled, Doom Eternal, Halo series, Lego series and a few others. I did like Minecraft, but I was never good at building anything and so I gave up. I am currently trying to find more games that's worth my time. Wait, my all time favourite is Don't Starve. I would really like to play Dark Deception. Horror games doesn't scare me at all. However, I also would love to play the Mario games, but I don't have a Nintendo.

    Q: There's a Russian Population in Washington, would you visit it?

    A: That's really cool. I never knew that. Yes, I would be interested in visiting someday. I know this person really wanted me to visit his state Washington, especially this town he told me about where Russians seems to flock to. Yes, I can visit Washington, especially now I have to see Amazon headquarters in Seattle.

    Q: How Are you able to speak Russian? Why do you need to learn it then?

    A: I did explain on the other blog in this post. I honestly cannot explain how I'm able to speak Russian without learning the language. Someone told me about the Collective Unconscious theory and I do believe that's the reason why and how. Just like the theory, at random times I can even read Russian. I am learning the language so I can read it automatically and all the time, and to better understand the grammar and everything. I do find it strange I can speak it fluently without learning Russian though.

    Q: Why do you look different than your mom and sister? Why do you look European? Is it true you were born with blonde hair and blue eyes?

    A: Many people wonder that, and the answer is because our family is mixed race. This often happens when you mix races. I have to disagree. I don't think I look European. There are lots of people from the West Asian region who looks like me. Yes, it's true, but my eyes changed to a light brown from an unusual reddish colour. I learned about the Kalash people of Pakistan who often have blonde hair and blue eyes. I do think it's because my mom's family who are European.


    Those are the questions I can answer for now. Many are using Linkedin to ask questions, and they can ask on any site I'm active on.

    Q & A 2


  • It's time for another Insecure Writer's Support Group post. If you would like to learn more about it, please visit here:

    What personal traits have you written into your character(s)?

    From years of research, I learned mostly that was an incorrect way of developing characters, for it's best to detach yourself from your characters. That's what I've heard many experts advise and so I tried to detach myself from my characters as much as possible. Later on, I have noticed some traits from myself and my family slipping into some of my characters. For me specifically, I guess I use the interest of photography which is also my interest. For the book I'll publish first, Polar Qimuktis, I've included some pieces of my interests and personal traits into characters, but not that much. I guess I can say unintentionally my introverted personality I've made characters also introverted such as myself. 

    I noticed there weren't too many homeschooled characters and so I do have one of the main characters from Polar Qimuktis a homeschooled teen. I disliked how our entertainment just teases and badly comments about homeschooled people because it's not bad at all being homeschooled. This way, I can allow others to see a realistic homeschooled life, and that is someone who becomes more education and career oriented, which I feel is a personal trait of mine that I have used a few times. 

    Well, I also would love to see more characters wearing the type of clothes I wear, and so I wanted to create characters that has the same style. 

    Well, I'm not sure if this counts, but many of my characters were based from personal interests and traits I guess. My major personal trait I do repeatedly include is my strive to be self reliant and strong. I prefer to write female characters as a mirror of my family and my upbringing of being independent, to be my own hero and to be tough. I know my clothes doesn't read the same thing, but I strive for this and have always favored these sort of female characters. I get easily annoyed by female characters and I must carefully develop them into a character I can be proud to stand behind and for others to read. 

    IWSG July 3rd 2019

  • As an upcoming Living Doll, I have been doing some more research on becoming a Living Doll. Well, trying to because I feel the Google search results are not very relevant to this lifestyle because it often associates this with off topic things. I hope to allow others to better understand Living Dolls.

    I read one description saying Living Dolls are women who dresses, talks and looks like a porcelain doll which sounds like my ideal lifestyle. I don't feel my look is finished and polished and so I have been trying to reach that point where I could be satisfied with how my porcelain appearance is. I will completely transform myself into a doll or either anime character.

    On Tumblr and Wikihow, there are a few tutorials on how to become a Living Doll. Yes, it was emphasized on how most Living Dolls are European or Asian, but Asian, these sites only referred to East Asian (e.g. Chinese, Japanese etc.). I do agree and must state no, you don't have to be European or East Asian to transform yourself into a Living Doll. Since getting this question as to what Living Doll would I be, I am still not sure what race should I be categorized as. This is why I've been trying to figure that out.

    The other major steps are keeping a good skin care, hair care, nail care and makeup routine. I have gotten out of this tomboyish habit of not caring about this and just leaving out the door, but in order to become a Living Doll, this takes a lot more than just soap. I have added facial routines, skin care routines that I am also experimenting with things I find online and well, I am working on nail polish. I don't polish my nails, but that is sort of an important step as well.

    Obviously, you must keep up a routine to make sure you have even toned skin or no flaws or blemishes. The goal is to have porcelain skin which is flawless. Now, porcelain, I mean only flawless. It's good to have no blemishes, unevenness or scars. Since I was a tomboyish girl, I didn't care too much about scars but now I do. Now I have some scars on my hands, arms and legs. One is a dog bite, some are from skateboarding and handling dogs like Huskies and stuff as a wannabe musher.

    I was told since I have pale skin, it is crucial to keep my pale complexion because dolls do not have tans or any uneven skin tones and stuff like that. No skin damage or anything like that. My family has a garden and we work in the spring, summer and fall, but I will make sure I don't get a tan or any skin damage.

    Another interesting thing I've read was how we need to end the dumb girl stereotype. In order to do that, we need more educated Living Dolls. Well, I think probably since I am not just a Living Doll, that may help in ending the stereotype. It was suggested to learn a language, but I think you don't have to know another language if that isn't that person's interest to. I know most Living Dolls can speak Japanese, but I haven't been studying Japanese lately. Since I could speak Russian, I have been learning Russian only so I can automatically read it and know the grammar and to better understand it. Instead of Japanese, I notice my theme changing from Japanese to Russian and Turkish. I guess this is okay. If I do not learn Japanese in time for my complete look, I may write and speak Russian instead. Well, Russian is getting more into parts of my own ancestral roots. However, I will get back into learning Japanese.

    The other important step is personality, in which you must have the personality to fit a Living Doll. I have been told by others my personality naturally suits this which is how they feel I would fit into this lifestyle. Yeah, I am shy, calm spirited person and I do strive to be nice. Being kind and happy is the major personality traits, but also to have the mentality of being innocent as well. Living Dolls have sweet voices and I never liked my voice because I thought it was too soft, but it turns out it's perfect for becoming a Living Doll. The key is to have a sweet, soft voice.

     So, this is what I wanted to share about this...

    Rules in Becoming a Living Doll

  • Recently, I've been viewing tutorials on getting a YouTube Channel started. Yes, I am currently getting my channel together and everything, and that does include getting use to talking to a camera. I will make sure to post what I learned and as I become an expert on creating YouTube Channels. My YouTube Channel will have a slight different theme from my blogs and the usual Tikaani Moon brand. I will keep a consistent theme of the Wolf, but since I am an upcoming Living Doll, it will be more focused on Kawaii lifestyle. I wish there were more videos about being a Living Doll. I mean, more channels on the life and related topics. I will give a tour of my bedroom when the transformation is complete. I hope soon I will be satisfied with my appearance. I also like wearing historical clothing and so I will make videos about that as well.

    I know the Kawaii lifestyle leans towards a Japanese theme and yes, I will share the items I purchase from Japan that fits into the Kawaii stuff. I've been trying to continue my Japanese studying, but I know more Russian than Japanese. So I may interchange and use both languages. I love being international and not focused on one culture. For my Living Doll style, I sort of borrowed from different fashion styles from a few countries.

    I have viewed some videos of other Living Dolls and those who just loves the Kawaii lifestyle. These videos inspired me to get going on my transformation and lifestyle. I will make sure to show my Lolita outfits in one of the videos too because I really love my beautiful dolly clothes. Also, I'll show my accessories, wig collection and skin care routine when I finally get one I like. I am still trying to change from my life as a tomboyish person.

    My goal is to bring the Tikaani Moon brand into a human version, which would bring it to an Anime theme. I guess I don't mind that although I at first didn't think of becoming a real life Anime character until recently. However, I still like the Ellowyne Wilde Doll and would love to become a real life Ellowyne Wilde. I won't stop until I look closeness to a doll. When people see me, I want them to say, "She looks exactly like a doll."

    I just wish I knew other Living Dolls or either women who wears Lolita and Kawaii fashion.

    I will make sure to post updates about that and as usual, I will answer any questions anyone ask.


    Concluding This With A Q&A 

    Q: Do you have any children? Are you Married?

    A: I have no children nor am I married due to my introversion. I wanted to address a message from a mother who sympathized I may be incapable of having children. Thanks, but I'm perfectly fine if I can't have children.

    Q: Are you Japanese? Are you Asian?

    A: Technically, I am considered Asian according to my West Asian and Romani/South Asian ancestry. There can be a possibility I have some Japanese percentage, but for certain, I do have traces from Southeast Asia.

    Q: Can you share more about your Russian background? 

    A: As I shared before, I found out I have family members who are Russian, but also other Eastern Europeans. I believe half are Turkish and the other half are Slavic. I learned my ancestry originates from Russia even though I have ancestry from the Mediterranean region, but not sure how. There are hints my biological grandma was from Russia and my mom has a few Russian siblings. I would love to learn more about this. When I learn more, I will share it.

    Q: Which Middle Eastern country is your ancestry from?

    A: Recently, I found traces from North Africa and the Middle East. It's hard to tell since I see traces from different countries, but most of the percentage goes to Morocco, Iraq and Turkey.

    Q: Are you still moving to Japan?

    A: I know I've been planning it for a few years now, but I was trying to do more research to make sure Japan would be the best country for my family to live in. I recently had an interest to live in Germany after learning more about the country. I am just trying to pick the safest country to move to. Plus, I would like to wait until some tensions have calmed.


    Lastly, I wanted to answer a question regarding my health. I don't think it's a too serious problem, but I still don't know why I have severe pain. There were a few theories it was inflammation, an injury or an ulcer. I heard ulcers were painful to have since this means having open wounds internally, but most of the time they are caused by long-term use of pain relievers.

    And, I will be willing to answer any other questions. Thank you for reading and for your interests in my ancestry, especially thank you for your interests about the Russian culture and people with Russian ancestry. To those who sent messages saying they love Russian culture, I also love the culture, the language, the music, the people and fashion. 

    Upcoming YouTube Channel (and Q&A)

  • Since it is Friday night, I thought to post at least something to keep the blog updated. First, my Living Doll transformation was unfortunately put on hold due to my ongoing health issues. It's not a serious issue I think. I went to an appointment Wednesday and there was some suspicion part of my problems come from a reproductive complication. It doesn't bother me if I am unable to have children, but I'm bothered by the fact it affects my overall health and ability to write. It has been really hard doing my job and I can't get much writing done. I must wait for 2 months to see if things have improved or I won't get approved for plastic surgery, which frustrates me. That I learned is only part of my problem, but not all of it and so trying to see what else it wrong.

    Speaking of writing though, I have took this time to learn more about publishing. I have been trying to get at least some pages done everyday, but I find myself unable to reach those goals. Since I turned on my computer now, I may use the time to write some stuff after posting this. Not much has changed with my Polar Qimuktis projects, but I have a new idea for a new manga project. I am just writing down notes and ideas for that. I also added more ideas for a game project. This would fit into the Horror category which has been my latest game ideas I've noticed. My progress annoys me because I would like to have the second book and the other books to the series also done. It's taking longer than I want it to.

    After getting that postcard in the mail from Russia, I've been doing a lot of thinking. I know I've said my mom nor myself wouldn't want to meet our real family, but I guess we wouldn't reject it if someone is trying to contact the family. For the past few days, I observed the celebration of Navy Day and Victory Day in Russia, just thinking of the country I wasn't able to know. For years, it has been my dream to see Russia and it's still a dream. Honestly, I would liked to have known my mother's family, my family. I felt both families missed so much of each other's lives, and now if we meet, it would feel like meeting strangers. At first, we were fine without ever knowing anything, especially the family. I've been trying to find the truth about who I am since growing up taking the African American race as my own identification, but I recently learned I'm not African American. Going through life not knowing your race or your ancestry is hard, not knowing who you are. I had to figure it out and get the information on my own.

    After a lot of thinking, I guess I would like to get to know our real family. Now that I know some of my mom's biological family reads my posts, I would like to say my family would accept the family trying to reunite. I would appreciate if anyone has information regarding our full ancestry and where we fit into the family tree. All I know is that I'm an Arab/Turkish admixture, which suggests perhaps my family came from the Turkish population of Russia. I do know also there are other family members in other countries. Well, where ever the family is from, we will accept communication. I hope it won't be a quick visit, but I prefer if the family were serious in us getting to know each other. If you keep reading, I will post more things so the family would get to know my family, but it would be nice to also get to know you. I think also it would be better to visit Russia with family who live there.

    ...Oh I almost forgot about pet updates which I have gotten a few requests about getting updates on our pets. Recent incidents made me realize it isn't just Toto being a jerk, but also Scotty. I was hoping we'd be able to get our dogs to get along soon, but we ended up having to put up gates to separate each dog. They now have their own space in the house, where Toto is in the living room and Scotty has the kitchen, back porch and master bedroom. They are territorial, in which yes, we were warned about this when getting two male dogs, but I still prefer this over getting stuck with a bunch of puppies no one wants to buy. I honestly can't imagine having more than 2 Terriers in the house.

    Recently too, I've gotten news how allergies change over time from my appointment. I've always wanted to own a cat, but never was able to. June 25th, I have an appointment for an Allergist and I would like to see if I'm still allergic to cats. I have always preferred cats over dogs, and so I hope I can have one now.

    And so, here are the pretty random updates... As usual, if there are any errors, I will fix them later.

    Some Random Updates


  • It's June 5th, marking this day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group. If you would like to learn more about it, please visit here:


    Of all the genres you read and write, which is your favorite to write in and why?


    This can be a bit tricky to answer because I am a multi-genre writer. I've experimented in several different genres mainly because I had ideas for stories that happen to be in specific genres. I actually don't read in the same genre I write in. During reading, I prefer only classic books or nonfictional books mainly relating to historic wars, my favorite is about the American Civil War, World War 2 or U.S. Presidents. I do this in order to research topics for my writing. 

    Getting on to the question though, I probably would have to say Fantasy and the reason is that I have created a document listing all of my projects. Many of my writing projects does fit into the Fantasy category, but a lot of my projects are a cross-genre and multi-genre. Early on when I began writing and that was pretty early when I was about 10 or so, my first projects were Fantasy and then I had ideas for Science Fiction and Horror. 

    I like the Fantasy genre gives writers a chance to incorporate any theme and perhaps a cross-genre. From Dark Fantasy to a story that's more a Fantasy Steampunk, I'm able to use any theme I wish to. I feel there's more flexibility and less limitations with Fantasy. I learned early on to never limit my creativity and imagination in writing especially Fiction writing, and more specifically, in Fantasy.  

    Throughout my years, I always had a vivid imagination and creativity was my most known trait. I had many ideas and writing in the Fantasy genre helped me get out all of my ideas. It has improved my creativity and allowed me to become an inventive person. Writing Fantasy, I don't have to limit my creativity and imagination, in fact, the more imaginative, the better. 

    I remember my earliest moments of showing my creativity through writing was an assignment from school (before homeschool). The teacher instructed us to come up with our own original short story about anything we wanted. I wrote a Dark Fantasy that related to an undead army and a king I believe. Well, the teacher was saying how the story was too detailed and solid for someone my age to have came up with the story. She kept accusing me of getting the whole idea from a video game or a movie or something when I did not, for that was my original creation as it was instructed. That affirmed what my family suggested for me to become a writer. As you can see through that story, I was always imaginative and my creativity was vast. That was a good way to write the Fantasy book I prefer to read and to bring out my contributions to the Fantasy genre. 

    IWSG June 5 2019

  • Merhaba everyone! In this post, I would like to give updates on my book that will be released this year. I'm still in the editing stage. I just don't want to miss any errors and would prefer to reread it over another time to make sure the book is completely error free. I have also been working on other projects, most importantly finishing the second book to the Polar Qimuktis series. I now have 177 pages for the second book, which I am disappointed I have lesser progress than usual but it's only due to my health that I still have issues with. However, I am trying to get back into writing everyday.

    So I am in the editing stage still because I know I have to put my best work out there, and I'm working hard to do that. It must be worth all of those years of saying one day. I have been studying the French language for this series. I do include French dialogue and some Fantasy words are French based. With this fact, I was checking to make sure the French is correct.

    I have also been trying to learn Cherokee and the Lakota-Sioux language. The Native American culture and languages plays a major role in the entire series. I use many words and names from different tribes, mainly the Sioux and Cherokee. I do find it harder trying to learn Indigenous languages since they're not that accessible to everyone, but I managed to get what I could for the series and I'm still gathering useful materials I can include. The POV of the first 8 or 9 chapters is a Native American woman of the Sioux tribe. This was such a coincidence I chose this tribe before the issue with the pipeline and the Standing Rock tribe, and this way, I can also honor this tribe. I made a story like this mainly for my fascination of the Native American culture. Through my years of being raised to know the Native Americans from my mom's adoptive family, I was able to see their culture just as they see it. I needed to show how beautiful their cultures, languages and names are, but without grouping Native Americans in one big category, without grouping every Indigenous ethnic group in one basket. Other non-Indigenous ethnic groups argue how they're not all the same, but I feel we should also respect that not all Indigenous groups are the same as well. I hope to have presented them well. This series does not mock them nor say how they're "savages". This series is to show a side to their culture that most cannot see due to a lack of understanding and education. The Polar Qimuktis starts off my career in bringing awareness to Native American culture.

    My studies of ancestry, I learned I'm not entirely different from the Indigenous people as I first assumed. I read an interesting article that claimed the Turkic population in Russia have connected DNA with the Native Americans. Even the Asian Pacific are connected a bit through DNA. I was shocked to learn having Turkish and Southeast Asian in my ancestry connects me to Native Americans.

    While editing the first book, I've been working on other projects such as the same Epic Fantasy I mentioned in other posts. I realized this particular series will be the darkest I've ever written with the darkest main character being that the POV is a demon, based upon a real demon I found. I have also been working to get the second book finished like I said, and also the other books to the series.

    During the time I am working on those projects, I've began working on myself in attempting to get my Living Doll lifestyle going. I started picking out the decorations for my bedroom so I can have a completely Kawaii lifestyle. Even though I say complete Kawaii, I gather some things from different cultures and not just Japan. I began to purchase items from Russia and some kitchen appliances I will snap a picture of soon, but realized my theme was changing from the Kawaii style. I fortunately picked items that can actually fit into the Kawaii theme. The kitchen set I really want is a Pikachu set! I got started, but I would like a complete set of Pikachu because I am a huge fan of Pikachu. I mean I'm a fan of the Anime version of Pikachu, not the weird live action, "Detective Pikachu". I found a few sets from Japan!

    To prepare myself for my lifestyle, one is eating healthier. Being a vegetarian doesn't necessary mean you stop eating unhealthy and I am guilty of this. I admit to becoming a processetarian, eating processed food all the time. I would like to get out of this habit, but it's hard to get rid of my snacks and cereal I like. I'm currently working on that.

    I am setting up my Youtube channel as well. The channel will feature my Living Doll life, but also it will include my writing and other stuff I share. I will have a room tour when my bedroom is complete, show of my outfits including the outfits I design and make, and teas and snacks I buy from around the world. I may purchase different tea sets for this, not sure yet. Anyway, I am currently trying to practice with my camera, video editing and also speaking in front of a camera, in which I'm not use to doing. I am trying to drop the accent and talk normally without an accent. It just happens randomly, but I want to talk in my videos without the accent. Going back and forth speaking in Russian, Turkish and Japanese has returned this accent I did learn to drop years ago, but that's where I am at the moment.

    Lastly, since some likes me including the pet updates, I will end it with the pet updates. Toto, our puppy is an okay pup, but he still has behavioral issues that needs to be addressed. There are three major issues. One, being destructive and destroying everything in his path, which is a problem. He's biting up furniture, clothes, blankets, beds and even the wall! I tried the vinegar thing, which worked, but I figured my family didn't want everything to smell like vinegar. Second, the biting which has to stop. His bites are really hard and painful and they do draw blood. My hands and arms are covered in bruises and bite marks due to it. My sister started calling him Little Vampire because many of his bites look like a Vampire bit you. At the time, it's not funny because I don't like him biting me, but unfortunately nothing has worked to stop him from doing this... yet. Third, is that Toto is a bully to our other dog, Scotty. Some examples are, when Toto is on the bed, he will bully Scotty off the bed and not allow him to sit on the bed also. He bullies him as to where he wants him to be, which I know is a disaster waiting to happen because a few times recently, we had to scramble to stop the two dogs from fighting. I would really hate if the two dogs had to be separated all the time. I hope Toto can be disciplined out of that behavior.

    And, these are the updates I wanted to share... As usual, I will make sure to fix any errors later.

    New Book Updates (and More)

  • I'm still not a hundred percent but I realized a week went by without posting anything. I wanted to share some updates for writing and I decided to include pet updates here since I haven't been able to write up one for the pet updates. Here, I will also answer some questions I've been receiving. Anyone is able to ask their questions so I can answer them in a post...


    Writing Updates


    Recently, I have been trying to get some writing done. I haven't worked on releasing the first Polar Qimuktis book, but I have been working on finishing the second book. Well, trying to. I am currently at 176 pages. I know it's slow progress, but I'm trying to get back into a steady pace and a habit of writing everyday. Yes, I have a long way to go, but since I have the entire book outlined and planned out, it wouldn't take that long to figure out what to write. 

    Well, this isn't the only writing project I've been working on recently. I recently titled my Epic Fantasy with the demon POV and I finished outlining 3 of the books for this project. 


    Pet Updates & Cairn Terrier Review



    Toto some days have been a hand full. No, we still haven't been able to get two of our dogs to get along, which means it still has to be monitored every time they're in the same room. It is hard to tell if Toto wants to play with our other dog Scotty or is he trying to fight him since he all of a sudden tries to chase Scotty. Also no, we haven't stopped Toto from play biting, in which nothing has worked to stop him. He has a lot of energy which makes me wish sometimes my family was able to have a cat instead of a dog. Unfortunately, we're allergic to cats. My family has been getting Toto use to walking free and oddly he behaves better off a leash than he behaves on a leash in the house. However, outside, we must always have him on a leash because he is a runner and doesn't come when called. 

    Since I added the pet updates to this post, I'll just share my review of the Cairn Terrier now. As I read after buying the dog, this breed is rough and tough and has lots of energy. I can tell this is a hunting dog how Toto tries to hunt our exotic animals. I am unsure if I would ever get another Cairn Terrier though because of how hard it is dealing with them. I'd say it's difficult to train the Cairn Terrier with specific things, but Toto looks for guidance which indicates the dog is teachable. I notice how stubborn Toto is though, and how quick he'll challenge the person trying to discipline him. He enjoys spending hours outside and running around. He is also an explorer, but that also means, he loves getting into everything. Because of this, it's required to keep a closer eye on this one. I think that's how most Terriers are. I know Terriers are feisty, rough, energetic and some can have a meanness, but it's something that attracts me to Terriers. They're one of my favourite breed types. However, I only recommend Terriers to those who are willing to deal with a dog who will get into everything, loves to explore, loves getting into loads of trouble, is feisty, can be overly hyper and is a rougher dog. I guess I like these dogs because their resilient, tough, entertaining and even though they can be a hand full, it's something about them that makes their mischievous behavior worth it.  


    Some Questions to Answer


    I noticed some questions I wanted to answer now before I forget to. 

    Are you Russian? Can You Speak Russian?

    I get this question a few times, especially since people tell me I look more European. First, I must note I am American, but I recently learned I have lots of Russian relatives and I do have some percentage of Russian. I am unsure of the percentage though, but I only know most of it comes from the Turkic population. Well, I am not entirely sure about that.

    I can speak Russian, and many have noticed I greet and thank them in Russian, which is something that has became instinctive. I write all of my posts in English due to my computer that doesn't accommodate Cyrillic or other special characters. So I am only able to write in Russian on my phone, but I can't write very well on my phone for some reason, especially long texts. I know it's strange, but this is the reason I have to write posts on my computer. However, I can verbally speak Russian fluently.

    To answer the other questions, I am currently learning Turkish as well and I can speak some Turkish. Also, I am mixed race and would prefer to be identified as biracial or mixed race because I do have mixed ancestry. Most cover the Mediterranean region.  

    For now, I can only answer those questions. I will add more to this later. I just don't feel too well but I am trying to keep the blogs active especially since I am going to be a newly published writer, and will finally have a book available.

    If there are any errors, I will fix them when I feel better...

    Writing and Pet Updates (and More)

  • Around 3:00 a.m. was the only time I turned on my computer to get work done. I
     haven't been able to get any writing done since May 1. It's a huge disappointment my health prevented me from working on my projects. I think it's been ruled out I don't have pneumonia, but currently I'm getting a series of tests to figure out what it is.

    I also wanted to announce I deactivated my Facebook account again. I'm not sure if I should keep Facebook or not for my writing career, not sure how useful would the site be for me. I am very disappointed how unprofessional Facebook is. I just got fed up with constant messaging and calling me on my phone from like thousands of men. I work on my phone, but Facebook interrupted me every 5 seconds with someone calling me. I already blocked literately thousands of accounts. This is not exaggerating, I was able to keep number due to the thousands of friend requests I received everyday, which I found weird. That's how it works. Someone sends a friend requests, and most of the time, they send a seemingly innocent message. It can be a simple wave, hi or something of that sort. Then next, there they are sending inappropriate pictures and/or videos, or keep harassing you with dating related topics. Even when asking them to leave you alone, or no, you're not interested, they constantly keep the harassment going until leaving you no choice but to block them.

    To be honest, I didn't wish to attract any of those people to my blogs for I am seeking to build a legit, professional networking and audience. I realized most on Facebook are not as professional and business oriented as Facebook pretends they are. I am just not sure what to do with my account, if I should keep it deactivated or log back on for the sake of my writing. Well, again, I don't want to attract these sort of people who are spamming and do not have legit motives in connecting.

    I noticed adding specific languages to your profile as languages you can speak, this attracts unwanted attention as well. This is why I removed Turkish off my profile, but then since I left Russian, the harassment continued. I will make sure to post about this ongoing problem on my other blog, but now, I voice my frustration how people of specific ancestral backgrounds, races or even simply being a woman, this is an invitation for people to flood you with spam and harassment.

    My family has used Facebook for our family history and ancestral search, but only because I've read stories where people found Facebook useful for this. I found some groups related to ancestry and family tree stuff, but I'm not sure if Facebook is worth it. Well, the last straw was when Facebook felt my blocking was excessive, not sure why when clearly I was being harassed constantly.

    So, unfortunately, my progress for the second book of Polar Qimuktis hasn't moved. I will have to work on this when I'm able to. I hope soon to release the first book because I know I've been talking about it since the beginning of this year I believe. Currently, I've been viewing documents through my phone, doing research, writing down notes and ideas, and naming characters I didn't have names for. Since I couldn't work on my computer, I used my phone to help develop the plots, settings and characters for various of projects.

    I will post pet updates in a post dedicated to our pets because I'll give a review on the Cairn Terrier. 

    Updates for May 14


  • It's time for another, Insecure Writer's Support Group post. If you want to learn more about it, please visit here:

    I usually answer the optional question, but I couldn't properly answer it. So I will just give an update on my writing and stuff like that this time. I didn't realize I didn't have anything prepared for May 1st. I've been really busy and haven't been able to get any writing nor blogging done. I haven't had enough time to do anything else but my PCA work and of course dealing with our new puppy, Toto. Again, we decided to rename our new puppy Toto because we like the Wizard of Oz film. In another post, I will make a special review on the Cairn Terrier breed and updates on our pets.

    Working as a PCA seemed to have doubled in energy draining. Due to my writing career, I am skeptical about furthering my healthcare career. Well, I'm unsure about working in a hospital or clinic setting. With my current job where I do home visits to patients, this is a bit better and gives me more time for working on my writing career and other stuff. Plus, I do think it's nice to help those who cannot help themselves.

    I'll stick to writing since this is primarily for writing, and so unfortunately though, I haven't had time to finish up the first Polar Qimuktis book and release it. I guarantee it will happen this year, but there's a delay unfortunately due to time.

    The delay may be due to my health as well. I have shared my journey in transforming myself into a Human Doll, or you can either call it a Living Doll or Real Life Doll. My Living Doll lifestyle and career has became a major part in my author brand and career as well, and so this is important to maintain my dolly appearance and develop it even more. However, I've been struggling with strange but severe pain and so my mom insisted I get an appointment. That appointment didn't help in finding out about the pain in my chest and back, but some of the symptoms seems to sound like pneumonia or something like a chest cold. This does set me back from having plastic surgery which annoys me because I've been wanting to complete my Living Doll appearance for my author brand.

    My new laptop hindered me from getting much done and so I had no choice but to switch laptops. Yes, that means I had to get a new one and I am now working on my new laptop which is an HP, one I didn't really want to have again, but I decided to test out the HP computer again. I recently got a tablet to help with my designing in character outfits. No, I can't draw digitally at all, but I think I can only draw in an Anime style. I am serious about getting started on my fashion designing career and this is why I got this tablet. I wish to better design outfits for my manga characters and the tablet would assist in this. It's still too early to say if I'm satisfied with my new laptop and tablet but I'll make another post sharing updates on them.

    As usual, I'm writing this in the middle of the night during the time I've been working on my new writing projects. I haven't actual wrote anything, but I am just writing notes, character profiles, setting details, research stuff and the outline. I like to map out the story before actually writing it.

    For my manga projects, I plan to get my Shounen, Paranormal, Action/Adventure series illustrated and published first. I think it's more developed than any other manga project. I took classes and learned how to mimic Japanese manga exactly and have learned how to write Japanese styled comics. Well, I learned this so extensively, I cannot create American styled comics.

    One recent project in particular is another Fantasy book. I decided to make the main character a person of Middle Eastern descent because I am a bit disappointed there aren't many characters representing my family's life. I would like to reach the ones like me who Christians because not all people who are Middle Eastern are Muslim, and I do wish to show a side that most people can't or don't see. Not every story has to involve terrorists if someone who is Middle Eastern is involved either the main character or one of the main characters. Also, from a random thought, I have begun adding Jewish and Eastern European characters in my recent projects. In particular, I do feel there is a similar stereotype when it comes to Russian characters. Finding out about my ancestry (a tad) and whole adoptive background issue, it changed the way I feel about Russian people and disliked the stereotypes in entertainment. Well, in a way, I can say the same thing about Native Americans in how existing entertainment seems to just stereotype or take jabs at these people and their culture. With my Polar Qimuktis book, I hope to show a beautiful side to Native American culture, the languages, names and people. Not that they are "savages" or anything negative, but bringing awareness through six books. I hope to have represented the Native American in a way they can be proud of this time. 

    I am unsure how this would be arranged about the puppy, but I do know the importance of releasing the first book that I've been talking about for years and also working hard on for about 14 or more years. I think it was best to improve on my writing skills and upgrade the story; soon I wish for my hard work to finally pay off.

    IWSG: May 1 2019

  • Like I said, I wanted to give more updates, this does include pet updates. First, I must give writing updates and I am disappointed I haven't had time to do any writing at all. This is due to our new puppy Tomo. He is quite the hand full and by the time he's sleep, I'm too tired to get any writing done. I want to push myself in order to get some writing done. This is really important that I especially get the first Polar Qimuktis book together and get it released. It's a guarantee it will be available this year, but there's a delay due to not getting enough time to actually sit down and work on it. I do have to finish the other five books to the Polar Qimuktis series.


    I am very glad Tomo has adapted to his new home and new family well. He is running around playing and showing obvious happiness. He has some behavioral issues I know my family must address before he gets older. One thing is that he's starting to play bite and due to his tiny needle like teeth, his bites hurt and now he's starting to break skin. I have cuts and holes in my hands, legs and arms and one time on my face due to his biting. I know the number one rule is to not allow play biting. I know with Scotty, we didn't stop his play biting which resulted in him play biting as an adult. With Tomo however, it is extremely important to stop this due to his bites breaking skin and drawing blood.

    I looked it up for Scotty years ago on how to stop your puppy to stop biting and the experts advised to make a loud high pitch noise to let the dog know they bit you too hard. Then you stop playing with the dog. I will let everyone know that it NEVER worked and it isn't effective in stopping a dog to stop biting. I did that, but the dog actually likes for me to make a noise and I think it's because of the dog toys that makes loud high pitch noises which makes them play more, and this is what both of our dogs do. I am currently trying to get Tomo to stop his biting.


    Scotty here is still avoiding Tomo, but he is better than we expected. He shares his food, water bowl and toys with Tomo, but this is something we're trying to stop Tomo from doing because we notice Tomo feeling as if he is dominate. Since Scotty was here first, my family feels Scotty shouldn't be second to Tomo. This is another big problem we need to take care of before Tomo is big to prevent any fighting or Tomo being a bully to Scotty. He is trying to test Scotty and I dislike this. We have considered getting rid of Tomo, but we do love him already but we won't allow him to bully Scotty. We won't get rid of him just as long as he stays in his place and be nice to Scotty. I really love Scotty and don't want anyone being mean to him, no human or animal.

    We will be getting some more pets. Definitely more snakes and a lizard. I wanted to have a pet goat or pig, but I found out many of the States and cities in the United States prohibits people from owning a pig, even a mini pig. I do love unusual and exotic animals and would continue to collect exotic animals. The United States is not a good country for owning exotic animals that much because most are illegal to own.



    This is a BTS K-Pop plushy. I always liked this one and had to own at least one plushy. Isn't it cute?The bottom picture on the right is Rilakkuma, the Japanese character mascot brand. 


    Kawaii Rilakkuma pillow and blanket I bought for my mom. Below is a St. Petersburg Russian pillow that I purchased from Russia. I thought this was cute and so I had to get this for my mom. 



    Our dog's new toys. We are having them to share these toys.


    We put up some Easter decorations...


    And this was suppose to spell "Happy Easter" but as you can see it is misspelled and says "Happy Aester". I was thinking, we had to get the one that was misspelled. Exclusively at Walmart because only Walmart would have something like this.

    Speaking of Easter, I did share before how I've been working on a Fantasy book series based upon different holidays and mostly Easter. I was recently trying to get this book series together to get the books I want to publish in order. Yes, I do have a publishing list of what I want to publish. I've looked at the older outlines and the older documents and piecing it together. I also had ideas for even more books and games, but I've only been able to write a bit of notes about them and select names for characters. Some have been in the Horror category while some in Children's literature genre. For the games, they were all under the fantasy, adventure and action category. I am currently trying to develop the ideas for these new projects.

    And for April 14th, up here in Minnesota, we have lots of snow, shovelable snow. Just when I thought we'd finally have a Springy Easter, we get gelid weather and piles of snow. Also freezing rain. I observed others and their weather around the world and noticing a huge difference. I feel like I'm in the Arctic, but one thing to note about living in Minnesota is that you don't get many hot or warm days. Most of the year is on the cooler side. To us, a good day is about 60 or 50 degrees. That's the main temperatures of Minnesota. But we can get hot summers, but there's not many days where you'll get a warm summer day.

    So, these are the updates I wanted to share and I'll make sure to share more updates soon. Also, I'll make sure to keep the blogs active. I'm writing this in the middle of the night, so if there are any errors, I'll make sure to fix them as soon as possible...

    Updates for April 13th-14th 2019

  • Reluctantly, I got back on Facebook to announce my upcoming book, but I'm beginning to get tired of the recent issue. I feel every time, there's something wrong with Facebook. Now recently, I've been having a problem where males and females, but mostly men sending me constant harassing messages. They send naked pictures or hearts, constantly ask to date when I simply say no and they are sending inappropriate pictures. This is an unfortunate issue because I do like networking and connecting with humans from all over the world and I have nothing wrong with anyone from any country. Now this has made me caution who I connect with.

    This is only because of the pattern I notice from people originating from specific countries harassing me, which made me wary of others who send friend requests who also come from these countries. It has been a problem with people from the Middle East, Africa and South America.

    I have been trying get inform Facebook of this issue, trying to explain this is one of the reasons why I didn't want my personal information on social media. They have ignored me as usual and refused to allow me to take off some of the information from my profile. Every time I try to make parts of my profile private, it goes back to being public. Facebook forced me to put my face on my profile along with my gender and other information which has attracted unwanted attention. I'm not satisfied in how unprofessional Facebook has gotten.

    Yes, I have added other languages, the languages Russian and Turkish on my profile, which also drew unwanted attention. Knowing my workplace, Prohealth Care has also attracted problems. This issue makes me frustrated because I am only there to have a professional experience and to network. Also, I think this makes other people of Middle Eastern descent look bad on Facebook and social media. Because so many of these people are behaving inappropriately, everyone assumes they are all spam, pests and have bad intentions on social media. I have fully realized this is what Facebook's assumptions were coming from that they automatically assumed I am fake and is a spam person. I dislike the stereotype these people have created for themselves because it ruins it for those who are just like me, seeking for professional networking and have innocent intentions on these sites. I can see it's even harder to have an online presence as a female Middle Easterner.

    It has became annoying that just because of my mixed ancestry, people see me as "exotic" and they feel the need to harass me with their inappropriate pictures and videos, and constantly asking to date and all that other annoying things. This is one of the major issues when being mixed race. People often don't treat you as a human being who deserves respect but as some trophy or bragging rights where they can say, "I'm dating a mixed girl."

    This recent problem has gotten so bad, I block people everyday. It is disruptive because I often work on my phone as well and I get interrupted by the notification or if someone tries to constantly call me. I don't do video calls or things of that sort unless it is business related. I feel Facebook needs to do a better job at cracking down on these of that sort. Women and children deserve to have a safe area where they can network without harassment.

    So, I'm not sure what to do with my Facebook account. I know I just got it back, but this issue has gotten really annoying. I have used Facebook to post my blog posts, promote myself and my book, but I'm not sure if it's worth it. I am currently debating. In the meantime, I will make sure to screen everyone who sends a friend requests for now on. I use to accept everyone's friend requests, but now I don't. It's unfortunate because I know it causes some sort of false conceptions of people and assumptions because I have to block those who looks suspicious as well. I don't friend people who has iffy profiles, not enough information filled out, no activity posted on their walls; I also examine their friend's list and do not accept if I see a bunch of girls wearing skimpy clothes or has iffy photos. It's unfortunate too because it can be hard to tell if the person will harass me or not, but I have begun taking these steps first.

    If anyone who is reading this is on Facebook, I would appreciate it if you explain to me you are either have connected with me on other social media sites or you read my posts because iffy profiles I have had to block. And that's pretty much it...

    Facebook Update 3


  • It's the first Wednesday of April which makes it time for another Insecure Writer's Support Group. If you would like to learn more about it, please visit here:

    If you could use a wish to help you write just ONE scene/chapter of your book, which one would it be? (examples: fight scene / first kiss scene / death scene / chase scene / first chapter / middle chapter / end chapter, etc.)

    This can be a hard one but perhaps the end scene for one of my WIPs. This is a Historical Fiction Horror, Dark Fantasy series and I've been having difficulties figuring out the right words in order to compose it to be more dramatic. I tend to know how the story or series will end so I can know where I'm going with my work, but I can't seem to get it to sound as good as I picture it in my head. I don't really have problems with writer's block or anything, but sometimes making the scene how I imagined it. However, this particular ending, I do find the dialogue dull and not as I want it. It would be nice to have the right words. I think the scene is fine, it's just the dialogue is weak. 

    The ending has to be solid and I can't seem to put the dialogue together. Since I don't have to do the ending right now, I just continued to outline and plan out this book until I get to that point. I just worry it won't be good enough. This book again is a Historical Fiction based in 1885. So I have been doing lots of research about this timeline which is something I really love doing. I love history and so I think Historical Fiction is perfect for me. This book will reveal most of the things I learned about demons and hell. The information I am saving for this particular book. Perhaps it will be the darkest book I write, but probably not because I have started other Horror, Dark Fantasy projects. I do find this my darkest because it gives a deep insight of demons and hell. This will give lots of detailed descriptions of each level of hell and about the demons from each level. I will reveal my discovery of how many levels there actually are in hell in this book and in other books.  

    Anyway, this is one particular thing I would wish for help with. I guess I have to call it the ending dialogue or ending scene.

    IWSG: April 3rd 2019

  • I never realized how hard it is owning more than one dog, now I do. My sister wanted another dog and so my family has been looking for puppies for sale recently. Please note, we now have a puppy, I am simply sharing the story of searching for a puppy. I didn't realize neither how hard it is finding a dog for a reasonable price. It gets even harder when searching for a specific breed. My sister wanted a Japanese Chin or any breed that originated from East Asia because she loves everything related to East Asia.

    I know how people lecture others on adopting a dog instead of purchasing from a breeder. However, the animal shelters do not make it easy for people to adopt animals. Again, I will mention the irrelevant questions on the applications like how long have you lived in your house, your work address and phone number, who are all in the household with full names, gender and age, among other questions I feel has nothing to do with adopting an animal. Most of the dogs were about 2 years old or older and never was potty trained, which is way too old to teach a dog this. Plus, they must get a house visit before they determine if they should give you the dog or not. I feel the animal shelters are way too uppity and their system turns off people from adopting animals. Well, it certainly turned me away from adopting.

    I highly recommend "Four Paws and a Tail" pet store which is located in Blaine, Minnesota in the North Town Mall because this is where we purchased both of our puppies from. It was quick and convenient. This is the reason why I prefer to buy my dogs here or either from another pet store or breeder to eliminate the unnecessary headache animal shelters put you through in order to adopt a dog.

    There is another huge factor and that is best to buy a puppy with a clean slate without any bad experiences. I remember my family adopted a Jack Russell Terrier from an abusive home. He aggressively attacked my mom the very first night he was brought home, and he ended up having severe aggressive issues to the point he needed to be put down, which is another reason I didn't know about adopting dogs. My family also had bad experiences when the dogs are raised around their parents, siblings and the breeder or person selling a dog. Due to this practice, in which the breeder assumes it is socializing the dogs, but it is getting them too attached to their environment, parents and siblings. I remember purchasing dogs like this and ended up having to give them back because they never adjusted to their new home and new family. In fact, I remember one in particular named Wolf, he never liked our family and wanted to return back home. So I believe the pet store environment gives them no chance to bond with the breeder and their family, so they will easily move into their new home. This is why I recommend Four Paws and a Tail.

    So, here is the story...


    We set up the cage to go to Four Paws and a Tail. After having such a hard time purchasing a dog, we decided to go back to this place.


    We got the puppy from the mall and had to immediately be washed after pooping in the cage. This is one of the first pictures taken of the puppy. He is a Cairn Terrier and if you don't know this, this is the very same dog breed used in Wizard of Oz known as Toto. My sister wanted him to have a Japanese name in honor to the Anime she watches and her love for Japanese culture. She originally picked the name Tomoaki but everyone else had a hard time pronouncing it, all but me because I am studying Japanese and learned Japanese words and names are easy to pronounce. However, we found a shorter and easier name and that's Tomo. So his name is Tomo which is still a Japanese name and it sounds similar to Toto.



    Due to having a new puppy, it is a lot like having a newborn baby. Tomo didn't whine as much at first, but now he whines quite a bit. My family hasn't been able to get much sleep with him around. I haven't been able to get any writing done at all because by time he's sleep, I am too tired to do anything else but go to sleep myself. It's best to take a nap whenever he's sleep or you'll miss the chance to get rest. I want to get back into releasing my book, Polar Qimuktis but it's hard to squeeze in time for writing.

    It can be hard taking care of more than one dog in the house. The first day is good, but when their personality comes in, which is in a few days or a week, most of that excitement of getting a puppy vanishes. They're cute online, but you must factor in it's a big responsibility. I usually stay up at night writing, but now my family is caring for Tomo. He adjusted well into his new home and adjusted to us quickly.

    I will give a review on owning these dogs. First, I noticed Tomo behaves a lot like our current dog, Scotty. Both dogs are watching television which I think getting the channel, DogTV is a good way in training your dog to watch tv.


    Scotty is a Morke which is a designer dog, Maltese + Yorkie mix and he also was purchased from Four Paws and a Tail pet store in the mall. He is now 2 years old, but I remember his first day.


    Scotty was a baby and I will always see him as a baby. We had just lost our dog, Tangie and it was hard to get another puppy then. We just decided one day to get one from the mall. It was an emotional day because we weren't over the loss of our previous dog who was a Yorkie. Scotty was mischievous just as Tomo is now and he loved to play bite which brings me to the topic...

    It is best to start early on grooming and preventing food aggression. Also I did learn it's good to not allow a puppy to bite you, in which Scotty and Tomo did as puppies. If not, they won't grow out of it and might bite you too hard, breaking skin which it becomes less playful to the person. People often make the mistake of thinking puppy bites are harmless and cute and never teach the dog not to bite. I learned it's best to gently redirect the puppy into biting on toys and bones instead of on you. Tomo wasn't doing anything the first couple of days, but now his personality came out. He loves to run around, explore and play. Yes, as I read about the Cairn Terrier, he has the potential to dig and that's a big no-no since my family has a garden.

    Cairn Terriers are known to being feisty and hard to train. This is true. I do believe the Cairn Terrier is a difficult dog breed to train and it is a breed only for experienced dog owners who has dealt with stubborn and difficult dog breeds. Like what I read how hard it is to potty train them, this is true. Tomo refuses to be potty trained, in which smaller breeds are able to be pad trained like Scotty is. Tomo is not yet, but I am training him. He's an adventurous exploring puppy who loves to get into everything and bite on everything in sight. He never chewed up anything because I don't give him the chance.

    Our experience of owning a Morkie is that I noticed how stubborn Scotty can be. He is a good dog though and perhaps would recommend it to inexperienced dog owners. I noticed the Morkie behaves a lot like Jack Russell Terriers. He has a personality that reminds us of our previous dogs. The Morkie has a sensitive stomach just as the Yorkie. He's very playful and intelligent and would make a good guard alert dog and companion.

    He hasn't been eating his puppy food, but my family does not believe in starving the dog until they do. Puppies are like babies and cannot go without eating in 24 hours. We don't put our dogs on a schedule because my family believes it is not necessary to. Our dogs get 24/7 access to water and food due to them having access to the bathroom all the time as well.

    Scotty avoids Tomo which is a good thing. It's better than what my family expected because we thought he would attack him. We found out he is unsure and I do know a nervous or scared dog is unpredictable. So we make sure they keep their distance until they warm up to each other. Introducing a new dog to the current dog can take time and needs to be handled with caution and patience. You must make sure it's in a controlled environment when getting them to meet. Do it slow so nothing bad would happen. Like we always have Tomo on a leash and since Scotty poses no threat to Tomo, we do not leash him but still caution the time they look and are near each other. Tomo is on a leash so we can always snatch him up just in case. Scotty is nervous around Tomo which was why we allowed both of them to have their own space until they are friends. No, I don't believe in the "expert" advice in getting a male and female dog in order for the dogs to get along. My family had to do what was best for our house and getting two males were to avoid being stuck with a bunch of puppies. No, we also don't believe in neutering our dogs and this I noticed has prevented our dogs from having the humping behavioral problem, versus one of our previous dogs who were neutered and developed this problem.

    Having more than one dog means double the clean up and double shedding. We are trying to get Tomo use to grooming because he is a dog breed that requires fur trimming again to prevent aggression later. It is really good to stop behavioral issues and getting them familiar with things early on.

    So anyway, I hope Tomo and Scotty gets along soon. Due to our new puppy, I haven't had enough time to post or write, but I'll make sure to keep three of the blogs active. I will post more pet updates as well.

    Pet Updates

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