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  • On my other blog, I announced our new pets. At that time, we only had two Guinea Pigs, but now we have five female Guinea Pigs. I wanted to share experiences about owning them since seeing these sort of stuff online.

    This is one of our Guinea Pigs named Bun Bun. We put this shirt on her only for the picture because she has a heart shape on her left ear. It reminds me of the heart shaped birthmark I have on my right leg. This is one of the first Guinea Pigs we purchased with another named Putina. They didn't get along which was why we had to keep them separated for a long time.

    This one is called Coco. This day, she was sick and needed to be separated from the others in order to be brought back to health. She loves her treats in which you can only find at Walmart. Our family bought her from Petco. She was surrendered by her previous owners, but before thinking poorly about the owners, we were told why she was given away. Coco does not get along with other Guinea Pigs, in fact she is very violent toward others. Our other Guinea Pig, Putina, she pulled out the fur from her back and wouldn't allow our other Guinea Pigs to eat in the cage with her. I do notice when you separate them for a few days and reintroduce them, they usually become submissive. If they do not, it does seem a new Guinea Pig is needed in order to mellow out the troublesome Piggy.

    The yellow thing on the left is their toilet. We are trying to potty train our Piggies, but they get very mean and currently does not want to be potty trained. We're still working on it though as you can see. 

    If you are wondering which one is Putina, she is the one in the corner in the left nearest to the camera. The one with the white body and brown face. In this picture, you can see Bun Bun not sharing the food. She would bite anyone who tried to eat anything out of the pan too. 

    We recently bought two more Guinea Pigs, which is the ones you see in the right corner farthest from the camera in the last picture. The brown one is Caramel and the black and white one is Baby. Actually, you can also see them in the first picture.

    I have to say, it is a lot of work caring for Guinea Pigs. There's a lot of clean up, training, feeding, grooming and supervising. When we reintroduce them together, we must always watch them carefully to monitor their behaviour between each other. Training and supervising them can be time consuming. I do recommend Guinea Pigs to people who does have the time to actually deal with them all day. My family has a ton of stuff to do, but they can get you away from what you have to do everyday if you're a busy person.

    I didn't realize this at first, but I noticed our Guinea Pigs must be trained, almost similar to a dog due to their identical behaviour. They are very destructive and mischievous animals who needs constant reminder who is boss. Since Guinea Pigs go by rank, they often tend to challenge the owner. A stern no and disciplined training will keep them from turning on their owners. Now I realize my family must treat our Guinea Pigs differently than we treat our other pets. When spoiling them too much, they tend to become very mean and it reverses the training.

    Our Guinea Pigs are always fighting for dominance, which makes me question are they really social animals. Putina, one of our Guinea Pigs prefers to be in a cage by herself and becomes territorial when putting other Piggies with her. She's a lot different though from when we first brought her home. She was a very mean bully, but then turned into a passive and submissive Piggy to all of the other Guinea Pigs. 

    Our Piggies goes into rebellion stages almost everyday where they'll refuse to eat and become picky on what is fed to them. They eat lots of lettuce, and can run through about six lettuces in a few hours. They eat quite a lot all day since they are grazers. They just seem like very greedy animals who does not like to share at all.

    We clean the cage everyday due to the mess they make. During their dominance fights, they spray each other which can be disgusting that they urine in each other's faces for dominance. They have other strange behaviours for dominance as well. This causes lots of problems though. It can be frustrating too when we just washed them, only to spray each other again and they return to smelling and being dirty. I do notice Piggies tend to always have a weird odor to them.

    One thing I didn't realize was the many diseases Guinea Pigs carry, and it can be transmitted to a human through the feces, urine, saliva, bites or scratches, according to King County. I notice developing nosebleeds each time we clean out their cages or is in direct contact with them. This is why we usually do not hold them without a puppy training pad. The bad part is that they eat their own feces and being that they urine on each other, contaminating their bodies and mouth, it can give a higher risk of infections and other contamination. That is a major reason I don't recommend kissing a Guinea Pig or allowing any part of them in your mucus membranes (mouth, ears, nose and eyes). This is with most small mammals, being that they are in the rodent family. It can also be bad since they shed off lots of fur everyday. Our family can now find their fur on our clothes and furniture, which was why I started combing and brushing them.

    One behaviour which I found was strange, was when our Piggies place their mouth and nose together and move their heads up. When Googling it, it was said this was a good sign they are playful and happy with each other, but I learned this is not always the case. Well, our Piggies, they do this to establish rank and before they begin fighting.

    I will make sure to give more updates on our Piggies soon.

    Guinea Pig Updates

  • Here is a post for Insecure Writer's Support Group; if anyone wants to learn more about it, visit here:

    What's the strangest thing you've ever googled in researching a story?

    I guess the strangest for me were googling real demons to include in my projects. It almost can seem like I'm obsessed with demons and the occult, but it's only for stories and to educate others on these topics. From the research, I have a few documents listing the demons I found. For some years now, I have been researching this through google and other sources.

    In the past, I have googled medieval torture devices and ways of tortures. I immediately stopped googling lots of things, especially in 2016, I received a message from Google informing me they are looking at my Google searches and for now on to watch what I google. This was not the only reason why I received that warning, but it allowed me to realize I couldn't just Google anything, especially since Google was trying to get me deported out of the United States. Not sure if they thought I was interested in torturing people. 

    IWSG: November 6 2019

  • Hope everyone is doing well. I wasn't going to post for today, but something compelled me to. I am spending my Halloween a bit differently this year. Well, during this time, it does inspire me to work on projects that can fit into the Halloween and Harvest season. However, I'm in reflection after recently finding out one of my favourite Youtuber passed away. The Channel is called Grandpa Kitchen, where Narayana Reddy cooks a variety of foods to feed to children in India. My family has been watching this channel for some time now and grown quite fond of seeing Narayana. Here is the video where I found out.

    My family were all saddened to know he passed away, but you can tell this was inevitable since he no longer did the cooking or anything on the channel. It can be interesting how someone you never met can impact you so, but he has impacted many lives. Narayana spent these years being a service to others which takes a lot of courage. There's just not many people in the world who cares about others and it's hard finding those who would give their time to helping those besides themselves. He can inspire others to be more considerate for less fortunate individuals.

    This is one of many reasons why I'm in reflection today. I just had to at least say something about Grandpa Kitchen when I've watched this channel for years. It's gonna be awhile to get over the news. 

    I just wanted to post about this. I'll post again soon.

    For this Halloween...

  • So, I received some questions I wanted to answer because I am unsure when I'll be able to get back on my computer.

    I received a few questions wondering if anyone ever showed me a picture of how bad my organs seem to be, especially my stomach. The answer is no. I was a bit curious after seeing one doctor obviously horrific by what he saw when looking at my stomach. This is when he told my entire stomach was literately bleeding. But then with the very poor communication and everything, I doubt they would let me see a picture.

    As for the cancer risk, I hate how I found out because no one told me. I found out by going on this site called MyChart where you can see your health records, but I feel it was impersonal and rude to remain silent about my obvious health problems. Well, it is my liver, and it seems I am on the brink of having liver cancer. It does seem the cancer can be reversed or prevented though.

    I do wish I was warned beforehand the problems of not having a gallbladder, but nothing was said to me. I learned it is dangerous for me to skip meals, in which I was use to eating one time a day before the surgery. If I do skip a meal, my entire body trembles and there are symptoms similar to a diabetic. That is why my family thinks I may be developing diabetes due to me not having a gallbladder. Many foods I cannot digest anymore such as sweets/sugar, caffeine, fatty foods, pasta, tomatoes, salads and several other things. This limits what I can eat significantly. I also have permanent blurred vision and sensitivity to lights and different colors; confusion and poor memory, which did suggest there is a neurological problem as some have suggested.

    The other stuff I'm not sure about due to my other ongoing health issues.

    I am still pursuing becoming a Living Doll, but must wait until my health problems are dealt with first.

    Another question that's unrelated, and the answer is, yes, I will start posting some stuff in Turkish and Russian. Right now, I can only write these languages on my phone and everyone knows I suck at writing on a phone. I have live streamed in Russian on Twitch plenty of times and I will do this in the future. Thank you for your interest in my ancestral culture, and I will share what I learned about it. I think I am tapped out, and have to share this in another post though. 

    Before I forget...

  • I just posted so everyone would know I'm not dead since that last post of being a cancer risk and having trouble with my heart. I wasn't really sure what to post, but I realized how long it's been since I posted something.

    Well, I have been continuing migrating from Google Docs to OneDrive where I will write for now on. It's been a long process since I have many projects, in which this made me realize the number of projects I have. Do to this, I've been still working on taking my work off Google Docs. I think I am just about done, but just have the manga projects.

    Also, I have been trying to get the hang of Twitch. I'm still new to live streaming, and I'm trying to improve our internet. I learned living up north as I do can affect the internet and we do get lots of internet disconnections. Recently, we've been getting frequent blackouts.

    Well, I'm not sure what else to write and so I'll end it there.  

    A Random Update

  • Merhaba to anyone who is reading this. Today was the only day I was able to post, but I cannot get over the poor quality care I've been receiving. No, I am not feeling any better, and everyone's lack of concern is getting ridiculous now. I am disappointed how I've been treated by every healthcare professional I seeked help from.

    Since I continue to have pain and complications even after my surgery, it is fair to say the problem was never resolved. I just hate how the surgeon and plus the doctor I recently made my primary doctor, had ridden me off and assumed they would be done with me after the surgery; neither were listening as I mentioned ongoing problems, as long with serious complications related to the surgery. While one told me those problems were for the primary doctor, the other insisted I see the surgeon about my complications, but both making it perfectly clear they had no interest in having me as a patient again. I recently removed the doctor as my primary doctor due to this, although he denies what his staff already relayed to me.

    I recently went for an MRI as I stated before in a previous post, but I never really heard anything back nor for my blood test. I did this with the specialist, but now I constantly get results from my blood test in the mail. However, how is someone suppose to understand the results if they do not work in the lab? What annoys me is how everyone continues to say everything looks perfectly normal; but this mirrors the prior incident, where they kept telling me nothing was wrong even though I needed surgery.

    When going on MyChart, I saw five health issues that was claimed I currently have. This is weird since no one contacted me at all about any of these findings. That's how it's been the entire year. There is very poor communication with everything, where I'm left in the dark about everything. For every test and procedure, they are silent, never explaining anything to me or giving me any papers that shares information about the test or procedure I just had. Plus, for tests, they all wait for a long time to decide to tell me what was found.

    One problem, Arrhythmia, affects the heart where it claims my heart has a malfunction in the electrical system. I read about it and this perfectly matches my symptoms. Reading on the treatment, according to the Mayo Clinic, Arrhythmia requires a doctor's care and sometimes can be solved with surgery.

    Second, Anemia, which was something my mom knew I had for years. The other three relates to the upper abdomen, which does need a prescription and some hospitalization (being a huge cancer risk), but I do not trust to be under a hopsital's care how I've been treated by everyone. I was very angry no one told me anything about what was found, instead, I keep being told there were no findings at all. I wonder why are they trying to cover up the obvious health problems I have?

    The specialist who performed the endoscope procedure seemed horrified by what he saw, claiming to have seen erosions, ulcers and inflammation in my entire stomach, wondering why I took Aleve. Well, I was told to take Aleve for pain; in addition, no one was willing to give me anything for the pain, not caring I was in severe pain. Dr. Sandozi said this, but afterwards he was silent as everyone else. He never was willing to help with the healing process with my stomach. No one did, which I felt was immoral to completely drop me as a patient after finding this.

    I am still in severe pain and is gravely ill, but I've been figuring out things on my own and dealing with these problems without help. For my experiences, I do not recommend anyone trust the company Allina with their health. 

    This is Ridiculous Now...

  • It's time for another Insecure Writer's Support Group post. If you would like to learn more about it, please visit here:

    It's been said that the benefits of becoming a writer who does not read is that all your ideas are new and original. Everything you do is an extension of yourself, instead of a mixture of you and another author. On the other hand, how can you expect other people to want your writing, if you don't enjoy reading? What are your thoughts?

    I do agree with that because I noticed when I listened a lot to the self-proclaimed writing experts, I found myself getting inspiration from the books I read, since they all tell you, you have to read being a writer and you're suppose to only read modern books similar to your genre. I do see how when you're reading as a writer, you often take things from the books you read either unintentional or intentionally. 

    I honestly only read classic books which is why sometimes I pick up 19th century spelling, words and phrases. This is pretty much it what I pick up from reading these books. I do worry about accidentally developing characters or my stories similar to other writer's work. Well, when I was a teen, I often had difficulties not taking inspiration from the stuff I read such as writing style and characters, but now that I'm older, I am able to read things without taking any inspiration or accidentally recycling ideas. 

    I do prefer classic reads although these experts advise against reading classic books, and how writers should read more modern books than older one; I enjoy classic books than modern books. Well, I do prefer to carefully choose my books and not waste my time on books with topics I don't like reading about. I usually though do not read in my genre, but I tend to read more educational books where I'm learning something about a topic I'm writing about. 

    I do however notice it can be beneficial to at least read something, but I don't think it has to be in the same genre you're writing in because I don't read in none of the genres I write in. I found myself creating my own phrases, story development and finding my own writing style instead of copying other's writing styles. 

    Well, I don't think it's bad if writers choose to read or not being a writer. People are different and must do whatever is best for that individual...

    IWSG: October 2, 2019

  • I didn't realize how long it has been since I posted. It just has been still hard for me to post anything due to my health; that makes it a bit hard keeping the blog active. No, I won't give up blogging, but I'll just have to post when I can. Yes, the problem with my health never changed. In fact, I felt it get worse for the past few days. At this point, I am unsure what to do since every single doctor I went to hasn't been willing to help me; treating me like an after thought. If  no one is serious in getting the care I need, I'm stuck wondering how to resolve this problem without a physician. I continue to be disappointed by my poor quality care.

    I haven't been well enough to work on trying to polish my Polar Qimuktis book, but I am starting the process of migrating from Google Docs. Due to Google removing many of their departments, I just wanted my work to be somewhere I feel is more secure. So, I decided to work on OneDrive although I've been experiencing some difficulties doing so. That's why I looked up other places that allows you to write books, but I just don't trust companies I've never heard of before or don't know enough about. First too, I like to see their stocks and how the company is doing to make sure my work won't be lost. It does seem Microsoft is more secure than other companies.

    My health did delay my book being released. However, I recently believed releasing it during the winter season would be more appropriate.

    It has been hard to post for one blog, let alone three. I will try to post something for the two other blogs as well when I can. That's all I can write.  

    Just Wanted to Share an Update...

  • I haven't been able to do any writing or work on my computer, but I just wanted to post something for the week just in case I can't post later.

    First, earlier I had a test called endoscopy where a long tube goes down the throat to examine the organs in the upper abdomen. I was nervous, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. The worse part was prepping because I had already gotten stuck the day before twice for blood work. Although, I won't know the results of the biopsies, I was able to know what's most of my problem right away. When I woke up, the procedure was over, and I learned I my entire stomach has erosions, ulcers and inflammation, and that my stomach is bleeding throughout the entire organ. Now I know I have about five damaged parts, my liver, pancreas, throat, stomach and gallbladder which was why my gallbladder was removed. All of this damage was caused by taking Aleve. However, I took this only from another physician's orders, which made my problem worse. I was told by the doctor to stop taking Aleve immediately. They also found an infection, in which my UTI was never treated because no one has been willing to treat the infection. Well, there was signs of candida too.

    To confess, it was also caused by eating processed food, which does show how harmful American food is. It is being made with inedible chemicals and synthetic ingredients not safe for human consumption. Obviously, the advertising departments of these food companies manipulates viewers to be attracted to the ads. This is in order to make the food enticing. In America, no one cares anything at all about the citizens just as long as they could make money while short changing its people.

    So, I am just trying to recover from the test/procedure, in which I am having symptoms of complications. Thursday, I go in for an MRI and if I am well enough, I can share the findings this week.

    As far as for writing updates, in spite of my health, I have been trying to work on stuff but found myself unable to. This week, I couldn't work on editing Polar Qimuktis, but I've been trying to see if I can work on OneDrive.

    My health also prevented me from wearing my Lolita and Kawaii clothes. So, to make up for skipping the year, I now wear kawaii themed braids. I wanted a kawaii twist to a traditional hairstyle. which are Turkmen. Since learning about my ancestry, I've been wanting to get into who I really am.

    I can't write anymore since I am in severe pain. So, I'll end it there.   

    What's New...

  • Recently, I've been getting into the final editing of Polar Qimuktis. It has been hard, but I try to do a little everyday. During editing, it was pointed out I use lots of non-American spelling, words and phrases when writing. I'm not sure where this habit originated from; perhaps reading classic books all the time? I have noticed these books having the same spelling and words that I now use in writing.

    I was told I would feel better after surgery, but I don't feel better. In fact, I am feeling worse. I notice my family worrying since learning I was close to death. Before surgery, I did feel myself losing energy and life draining from me. My mom told me a bunch of crows surrounded the house, almost as if they knew I was dying. I felt weaker and weaker each day, but I didn't realize I was actually dying. A few days later, the same ill feelings return, especially this strange pain in my upper abdomen. I am not sure what this pain is since the surgery did not solve anything. I realized perhaps I'm not out of the woods yet.

    Some asked to see the incisions, and so here is one...

    The stitches are inside the incision, which allows you to see inside of these deep cuts. I now have a problem where 3 of the incisions are reopening and I feel the stitches busting. I have been doing things against what I'm suppose to do after surgery. Yes, I confess to lifting things heavier than 10 pounds, which can cause serious injury.

    So, I am trying to figure out why I feel the same after my surgery.

    I am in bad shape; so I just wanted to post for the week unless I decide to share another health update this week.

    New Random Updates

  • It's time for another Insecure Writer's Support Group. If you would like to learn more about it, please visit this link:

    If you could pick one place in the world to sit and write your next story, where would it be and why?

    I am a person who loves peace, and so I would like to write in a place with the most peace. This isn't a wish though, but a dream that I'm working on making a reality soon. I just have to find that place in the world where I can just live in peace and write. 

    I would prefer to return to one of my ancestral homes, or return to the country my mom came from before she was adopted. It would be nice to write in a place with lots of beautiful landscape scenery, especially where I feel spiritually connected to. 

    Perhaps it would be either in Istanbul, Ankara or Trabzon Turkey or Russia in the Volga region. It can be sort of hard for me to choose, but perhaps I would pick Russia because there are very beautiful and serene looking scenery that would be perfect for a writer. I wouldn't mind writing in a simple place with quietness and serenity.

    IWSG: Sepember 4 2019

  • It's been 15 days since my surgery, yet I still struggle with recovering. The surgery has slowed me down significantly to the point it's really hard caring for my new rabbit and other pets my family has. It wasn't until now did I realize how much work it is caring for a rabbit. It's a good thing I get help from my family.

    It's even hard writing posts, but I  just tried to post something in order to keep the blog active. Unfortunately I haven't been well enough to post for my other two blogs, but I'll post whenever I'm able to. I know I haven't posted since surgery.

    It really sucks when you find out you're not as healthy as you thought you were, and these are one of those cases with me. So apparently, I have a few other health problems and so I do have an appointment to further examine my upper abdomen, where my problem is. I may need another procedure done, but I am hoping I don't have to go through another surgery. I am still regretting having my first surgery.

    Despite this, I am still trying to get my book Polar Qimuktis released, but it has been hard doing so. I just need to make sure it is completely polished before sending it out there. In spite of my health, I am still determined to finally become a published writer. I didn't work this hard just to give up. Well, my family's been my source of encouragement because I've struggled to pursue being a writer. I think I would feel better if I was to publish something.

    So, I can only write this for now. I'll make sure to share more updates soon.

    A Few Random Updates

  • Around 8:45 a.m., I went for my appointment at the Unity Clinic to see the surgeon/doctor who removed my gallbladder. Walking there was really hard for me, but I paced myself and got help walking into the clinic.

    I spent more time with the nurse than with the surgeon. I did answer the question was I still in pain, and the answer is yes, I am still in a lot of pain. The doctor though never offered me more pain medicine. In fact, I felt the whole appointment was rushed and as usual, I was being over talked about how I felt. Well, both said the incisions look good, but it is normal I still have pain since it's only been a week after surgery. I really hated that he pressed into my stomach, causing me more pain. I think also I spent more time in the lab for a blood test than in the room, where this woman kept saying I looked like someone she knew. I then wondered if she ever went to the school I attended before I was homeschooled.

    This is one of the incisions. As you can see, it's small which is pretty good, but that doesn't mean the pain isn't still severe. Now, I see some of the incisions trying to reopen, but I'm trying to prevent that from happening.

    I am continuing to just take Tylenol and Aleve for pain. Since I am still recovering, my boss allows me to just do paperwork until I feel better. I've been however trying to at least get back into writing, but I can do it only for a few minutes at a time and then take a break, and then I return back to it.

    I do have to say, I am very disappointed in the healthcare service I received all this year. This was the reason why I disliked going to the doctor and I prefer to only go when it's serious. Being a healthcare professional myself, it's a shame I don't have faith in the quality of our healthcare and other professionals. I hate how healthcare professionals seem to not care at all about their patients, and they lose sight of why they even become healthcare professionals in the first place. If they had of stalled one more month, I found out I would've been dead, and no one seemed to even care. I dislike all of these disparities within the U.S. healthcare system in every way. With my experiences, I would like to continue speaking out regarding this serious problem of how people receive mediocre and poor quality services. During the 8 or 9 years I've worked as a Nursing Assistant, I learned it shouldn't matter where a person comes from, their colour, their economic background or how they dress; the important thing is that you treat everyone with the same respect, dignity and you make sure you give them the services they need.However, most healthcare professionals wishes to know all of these facts and treat the patient according to a person's economic background, their job, nationality, race and any other reason they may give patients different care.

    With my experiences this year, I am not sure about going back to another physician. If so, I would not want to see the same doctor who went on vacation without leaving me in another doctor's care when I have something life threatening health problems. If I ever need this sort of care, I wouldn't go to Allina and I may not want to be seen here in the United States. 

    Day 8 of Recovery

  • It's been 6 days since my gallbladder surgery and I wanted to share an update. Posting about this has helped me get through my recovery process. These past 6 days has been really hard for me. I've been in excruciating pain and I haven't been able do much of anything. I've been too weak and not being able to eat anything. For the first few days, I haven't eaten in two days, but my mom kept trying to get me to eat, but I couldn't get pass a nauseous feeling. I could only sip a bit of water, but my mom kept introducing me to food. I had to gradually return to eating since in the hospital I wasn't allowed to eat anything, but that got me in a habit of not eating at all. Now I have been eating, but I think I've been eating the wrong foods because my stomach has been very irritated.

    I assumed this surgery would get rid of the episodes of pain in my upper abdomen, but it did not. Strangely, I am still experiencing this severe pain in my stomach. This made me think Dr. Cody was right in stating he doesn't think the gallbladder was the only reason to my problems, and it was one of a few things that gave me trouble. My whole digestive system seemed ruined from the gallbladder and how it was made very differently than other people's gallbladders, and that's why it was advised to get my gallbladder removed.

    Well, day 6, I am still in severe pain and I am out of my pain medicine prescribed to me. However, since this serious drug abuse epidemic in America, most physicians don't like refilling prescriptions even if they see the patient really needs it. Well, I don't think Dr. Cody gave me enough because 15 wasn't enough for someone who just had surgery. Luckily, my family has pain medicine at home, but it hasn't been too helpful. Well, sometimes is has helped me go to sleep and I felt I needed the sleep.

    I've tried pushing myself in returning to my daily work and activities, but I only set myself back when doing this. I know it was advised that I be extremely careful because I am a huge fall risk, which was why I had to be constantly monitored in the hospital. Each time I got up to use the bathroom, a nurse came into the room to make sure I wouldn't fall and injure myself. The same thing sort of has been happening at home where my family makes sure I don't have anything in the way to prevent any injury.

    I have four bandages on my stomach. Would you like to see?

    Here it is. The on lowest is covering my naval. One of the incisions were in my naval, causing soreness in my naval now. I would like to get them changed, but I was told I wasn't suppose to change the bandages at home. The surgeon is suppose to change my bandages on the 26 when he examines my incisions. These incisions are very painful and it's been hard walking, in which, I've been walking hunched over. Plus, I can only rest sitting up and not lying all the way down. When returning home, I tried laying down on the bed on my back, but it was a disaster. I found myself unable to get back up and I had difficulty breathing as it was in the hospital. I noticed when I'm lying flat down, my chest and neck closes up.

    I was told my throat will be sore for awhile due to the tube pushed down my throat to help me breathe during surgery. My throat is still sore, in fact, there is a sore at the top of my mouth that doesn't want to heal. It's more like a gash at the top, which makes it hard to eat and drink. The gash is now hot to touch and I know these are signs of an infection. Despite this, I do have to say, this new Apple Juice by Honest that I do know was created by Jessica Alba has helped during my recovery process.

    So, I'll give more updates on my recovery progress. 

    Day 6 of Recovery

  • I have to say, these has been the worst few days of my life. Currently, I am at home, but before my discharge time because of a mean nurse that seemed to spoil the bunch. She was very nasty and our boss advised to put a complaint out on the nurse. So, we did, especially after the nurse was constantly insulting and for some reason, had something personally against me and my mom.

    First, I will start off with Monday when I went for an appointment at the Fairview clinic in Fridley to see a general surgeon for my gallbladder removal. We did arrive there at 7a.m. even though my appointment was at 9a.m. The Nurse who was supposed to be prepping me before the surgeon, she was yelling at the top of her lungs at us saying we're supposed to have came at 9:00 am, but she was very angry we arrived early. However, I had been in excruciating pain really since January due to misdiagnoses and physicians who were unwilling to help me. I had severe pain during this time and didn't know if I could sit there for too long. So after arguing with this Nurse for a few minutes, before I was even weighed, I told her I just wanted to go without being seen. Nonchalantly, the Nurse said, "Okay." The surgeon never called or anything. I did think going to Marple Grove was too far anyway.

    I just wanted to go home and rest, but my mom insisted that I don't give up. She drove me to Allina Unity Hospital. At the time, my mom and I never heard of the reviews which speaks against seeking care here. I just wanted somewhere closer to home. After the encounter with the Nurse however, I was frustrated and annoyed with everyone because as I stated, I was sick of being treated poorly and people not helping me when I am gravely ill. I was taken in the back immediately to get some vitals. I had a fever, which was a concern at the moment. Now, everyone was finally on board that I had gallstones that needed to be removed. I continued to suffer from a UTI, but it still seemed no one wanted to give anything for the infection.

    I was given another ultrasound before meeting my new surgeon, Dr. Cody who at first the introduction was a bit rocky, but later on, I realized he lightened up and was more diplomatic. I did share my symptoms with him, and he told me he feels the gallstones are most likely not the only problem I have, but it may help with one issue, but not getting rid of all of my symptoms. Usually with just gallstones. there is no pain in someone's entire stomach which made me a bit curious what else was going on.

    My mom told me Dr. Cody said my gallbladder opening was smaller than the average person's gallbladder. Due to how long every physician waited as long as they did, it became very dangerous. I didn't realize how close to death I was.

    This was my very first surgery, in which I never knew what to expect. Well, I did being a healthcare professional myself and research, but not at a personal level. Going under anesthesia wasn't a bad feeling at all. It just felt like my usual tiredness after all night of writing and finally going to sleep. I blacked out, not remembering anything else, but then I found myself waking up and this guy sitting beside my bed, asking how was I feeling. I didn't like the feeling of waking up because I tried hard to wake up, but couldn't wake up as I wanted to. Everything was blurry as well. I was in severe pain, but I don't remember anything else but being brought into a room for post-surgery patients. At that time, I really hated how I felt.

    The first two Nurses who assisted me at night I do have to say were diplomatic and professional, and I do appreciate how nice they were. I mean, they all rushed to me when I said I had difficulty breathing and a very nice woman explained kindly how I will be in some pain and it's going to take some time to feel better.

    However, since there is a complaint, I will share the full experience since this will also be viewed by those in charge at Unity. So, her name was Kathy and the number was 62302 who made the end of the experience bad. As soon as she first stepped into the room, Kathy was yelling about the circulation in my legs and preventing blood clots, in which this was something my mom and I did know being healthcare professionals. I even made a post on leg circulation. My mom was trying to explain to Kathy she's also a nurse and has been a nurse for over 25 years. I stepped in and said she would know that about preventing blood clots, and it was only because of her tone and how she was saying it. I don't like hearing people disrespecting my mom at all. Finally, my mom said she's getting her Master's degree in the healthcare major. Kathy says, "Good for you."

    Next up, she was yelling at my mom about going down to the cafeteria, but rudely insisting on ordering something from the menu.

    Well, the most insulting comment was how Kathy kept yelling at me saying how I need to get up and walk around. I can't just sit in bed all day, which was an insult to someone who's a Nursing Assistant, full time writer, game developer, fashion designer, blogger and who is creating their own e-commerce store. I was like, are you kidding me? I am a home-healthcare Nursing Assistant who goes around helping those with physical and mental disabilities in their home because they don't have anyone else to help them. That isn't anyone who just sits around the house all day. Yeah, she said it as if I don't have a life, a job or anying, but I just lay in bed day-in and day-out, doing absolutely nothing. How would she know what I do all day?

    She asked how would I rate my pain. Honestly, it was excruciating and so I answered truthfully saying it was a 10. Then all of a sudden, she says, "seriously?" Laughing. She said there was no way my pain could be at a 10 and how unrealistic that was, but how did she know how bad my pain was? I already knew how the scale 1-10 worked, I think everyone even non-healthcare professionals does understand how it works and what it means. No, I wasn't being unrealistic and yes, I did know what I was saying, in which it wouldn't have been unrealistic for a person who just had surgery to get their gallbladder removed a few hours ago. Someone who was in agonizing pain, that was very insulting and insensitive to say the least. For hours, I was in pain, but she stalled and didn't want to give me any pain medicine, a good thing my mom had a Tylenol in her purse that I was able to take. She was very nonchalant I was in pain.

    I was supposed to get discharged, but she purposely stalled and waited, knowing I was in severe pain. My medicine I was prescribed hadn't been filled also, and it wouldn't be filled until about 7:00 p.m., which was a long time for someone to wait who just had surgery. I'm not sure what was Kathy's deal and why she hated me so much when neither of us hadn't of did anything to her. So, I just wanted to leave without the discharge papers and the prescription since I was in so much pain and no one was willing to give me anything else. We left, and when we were leaving, the Nurse made a joke out of a tragedy my mom told her about that happened at the Target parking lot. I didn't think a 4 year old boy and his mother getting ran over and drug underneath a vehicle was funny, in which the entire staff behind the counter thought it was amusing. I thought they all were very insensitive and it was inappropriate to have laughed about a child and his mom getting hit by a car being healthcare professionals. Obviously they don't care anything at all about patients and I would feel very uncomfortable being under their care again.

    I just hated how she always had to be right and how she had to be more experienced and more knowledgeable than my mom, and of course, I didn't know anything because I'm nothing but a slob who lays in bed all day without no life or job or career. During the entire time, my mom still tried to get her to lighten up and remained professional and nice to her even though she there seemed to be something about us she loathed. I wasn't sure what it was about us that she disliked, and why she thought she needed to sabotage me and personally attack me and my mom. We never did or say anything that would offend or disrespect her, but every word she spoke, it was insensitive and cruel. 

    I said this whole thing so I could give my full experience and since they did wish for me to share all that happened at this hospital. I was very disappointed at the end. This did make me skeptical about returning to this hospital for anything else.

    So, I am currently trying to recover from surgery. It may take awhile...        

    Surgery-Day and Post-Surgery Day

  • Since I am sharing health updates, some of these posts now may be more frequent. I am glad I started sharing my experiences of getting mediocre care and my illness because this has been getting me more of cooperation by medical professionals. I feel however I shouldn't have to do this in order to receive help.

    So yesterday at 7:00 a.m., I went for an ultrasound for my upper abdomen, where I get most of my pain and these episodes of extreme pain. I went back home and a few hours later, the doctor called saying I had a lot of gallstones that did require surgery. Reading the posts seemed to have caused some guilt since the doctor at first did not have any interest in helping me. I don't care really, I just want to be done with this. So it was theorized I had been passing gallstones this whole time which caused my severe pain and bleeding. I was diagnosed with a very bad UTI (Urinary Tract Infection), but twice, the medicine I was prescribed I wasn't able to take. Well both times, I got allergic reactions to them. The doctor never prescribed anything else for the infection, but it never went away. In fact, it seemed to have spreaded which was a concern. My recent symptoms match an inflammatory pelvic issue, which does cause sterilization if not treated. So, I'm trying to find someone who cares enough to help me with the infection. So far, I can't find anyone who will try to find me medicine I'm not allergic to.

    From the ultrasound anyway, it was also mentioned my liver is not in good shape, but right now, the gallstones have to be taken care of first. It was recommended I have the surgery before Monday. I was told if I have another episode again, I should go to the ER.

    So, I will give updates if something new happens and thank you for reading this. 

    Health Update 3

  • Not how long it has been since I posted, but I haven't been able to turn on my computer since I last posted. I will give these health updates because my family agrees to continue to go public with my story since this is such ridiculous treatment I am receiving.

    So, the current doctor who is suppose to help me, he says I'm at dangerous levels, but then him and the other staff retracts it, saying it's nothing wrong with me. I mean, they know it's something there, but it seems as if they are trying really hard not to help me. Just yesterday, the staff told me the doctor was already on vacation and so a nurse would give me my lab results, in which I got another blood test yesterday. My family and I keep calling because of the severe pain I'm in and how gravely ill I am, but everyone keeps treating me like an after thought. I mean, of course it wouldn't bother them since they are not the ones feeling this severe pain.

    Just today though, the doctor called himself even though he was suppose to be on vacation and said my levels were at a life threatening number and suggested to schedule for an ultrasound. The doctor mentioned I had liver sludge and gallstones, but we were frustrated he decided to wait all this time to share this information. The liver sludge does require surgery, but the medical professionals for some reason stalls in getting me care. I mean, I am doing all of the things they lecture us about doing when these things happens. I tried getting help before it became a life threatening problem, but no one has been willing to help me, but give me half services. Their nonchalance annoys me, especially when I hear everyday how America is the leading country for healthcare, services and technology, but it's a shame I don't have access to these top of the line services. As a Nursing Assistant, it gets hard helping others when I need help myself.

    As far as for my health, I'm not sure what else to do besides go to the appointment for the ultrasound.

    For my writing, I haven't been able to get any work done unfortunate due to my health getting worse recently. Since I did log into my computer today, I'll try to do some work until the severe pain returns. I have started a new project for a game, and that's currently what I'm doing at the moment. I will make sure to give even more updates whenever I can. 

    Health Update 2 (And More)

  • It's time for another Insecure Writer's Support Group post. If you would like to learn more about it, please visit here:

    Has your writing ever taken you by surprise? For example, a positive and belated response to a submission you'd forgotten about or an ending you never saw coming?

    Since I outline, that has eliminated most of the surprise out of the writing part. Well, rereading the Polar Qimuktis book, I was a bit surprised to realize how dark it was. It's not as dark as other work, but there are some dark elements in the series. I am also surprised of how dark some of my writing is. Dark, I mean writing a lot about demons and hell. 

    There has been some changes to a few projects that I did surprise me even though I made those changes. They were just sudden changes. For example, one Thriller project I'm working on, I added a Ukrainian character. This changed the book's theme since I wanted it to be a Western. At first, this was the way I wanted it, but recent changes also changed the book. This isn't the POV, but it is one of the main characters. I'm just keep going to see if I like this version of the book. Some of these surprises are similar. 

    Well, I think those are the only things I can think of.  

    IWSG: August 7 2019

  • I wanted to share some updates on my health, especially since I am uncertain if I will be able to reply to comments right away from the Insecure Writer's Support Group. I'll be able to participate because I write my posts months in advance and they're set for scheduling. I write it as soon as the optional question is changed. I do usually reply to all comments, but there may be a delay this time as it has been delays in replying to messages and other things.

    The main reason to this post was sharing disbelief this became a real life Mystery Diagnosis incident. Since the beginning of the year, I've dealt with severe pain and feeling very ill, but everyone I came to just brushed it off as nothing. That left the problem getting worse. It came to the point where I couldn't function throughout the day. It was frustrating how every healthcare professional acted as if it was all in my head and I was making a big deal over nothing, but it wasn't nothing since I felt this severe pain day in and day out. Well, they wouldn't care since they weren't the ones dealing with this.

    The ER, everyone kept saying they couldn't find anything that could be wrong with me and you know, it's probably just indigestion. This was not indigestion. I wouldn't be wasting anyone's time for some indigestion.

    Although, I received the green light recently at the ER and everywhere else, I went to an appointment yesterday and took a blood test. Hours later, I got a call saying my liver and pancreas levels were dangerously high, but funny, the ER tested me for just that and said I was perfectly fine. It was suggested that I go immediately to the ER. The problem is the ER continues to brush me off. It wasn't until I started sharing my story, did someone take me seriously. I learned today my problem is worse than what everyone else told me, making me believe it wasn't serious. It's actually life threatening, but I'm still not sure what exactly it is. I'll continue to share especially if that means getting the help I need. Since I have been sharing this, I can share the diagnosis.

    I was told to go the next day for testing, but I may be able to reply to comments if I can do so the same day. I will make corrections on any errors whenever I can.

    A Health Update

  • These updates are a bit random as they always are. First though, I am glad to say I'm making more progress with my writing projects. For the second Polar Qimuktis book, the pages are actually going up for the first time! This is really good. I'm trying to pace myself due to my health, but I am still making good progress.

    Recently I went to the ER by ambulance because my mom claimed I went unconscious. I don't remember going unconscious though. Still, no one can pinpoint what the problem is, which I found the ER to be a waste of time. I just wonder why is this such a mystery diagnosis thing?

    I've been trying to get the hang of Twitch as well as YouTube, but I really would like to get my Living Doll appearance together before showing my face. I'm disappointed because my health delays my transformation progress because now no one will approve me for plastic surgery.

    I would like to thank those who view my gameplay on Twitch even though I'm still trying to get the hang of it. I won't add a camera to it until you know, the Living Doll transformation. I will be streaming both in Russian and English. I want to be able to write Russian on my computer, but found it impossible to. I may purchase another computer with Russian keyboard so I'm able to write in Russian, and not just on my phone.

    An important thing, I learned my mom's biological family has been reading my posts as I stated before, and this was how they discovered my family. I do know we have family in different countries, but I see mainly the relatives in Ukraine and Russia trying to contact us the most than any other. I know we should have family in Turkey and other parts of West Asia, which I was getting contacted by people who wanted to give information related to this. I do remember receiving strange messages on the home phone about someone wanting to contact us, but unfortunately, those were the times my family did not pick up the phone. Now we do answer our phone, but I do note we don't pick up from unfamiliar numbers on our cell phones, especially if we see a foreign number. So it's best to try the home phone.

    I've been trying to post stuff so the family could get to know our family, but we also would like to get to know our relatives because we still don't know who you are. However, please feel free to contact us any time, for we are now open to communicating with our real family. Wherever you are from, we accept your communication. I was wondering how many in the family are U.S. Citizens, but it doesn't matter if you're not. We do accept all relatives are who serious in reuniting and trying to get to know each other. I really like having my family as my friends. In fact, I prefer it. I saw a few on Twitch who seemed hesitant to contact me since my other posts says my family have no interest in meeting our real family. I think my family feels differently now, and would be willing to meet our family. So, don't hesitate to contact me on Twitch if you would like to get in contact with our family for a reunion. I would love to connect with more family on Twitch and possibly play games together, hopefully we play the same games.

    I provided for everyone the best ways to contact me through the contact me page on this blog. It would really be nice if someone has information about our family history, ancestry and race, but that is also fine if you don't have this information. If you would like to learn more about my family, you can continue reading these posts, but also feel free to read from my other two blogs that may share a bit more personal stuff. Mixed Race Blog and this one Paranormal and Lifestyle Blog.

    That's pretty much it, but I'll make sure to post more updates and random stuff soon. As usual, I'll fix any errors later on.

    Some New Updates

  • Lately, I haven't been able to share project updates since I haven't made any progress with my writing nor publishing. I always strive to get a lot done, but I was ending up doing less than desired. I am glad to say my recent work has made progress. Even if it's slow, I think it's better than no progress. I was happy to see page numbers actually move this time. However, I wish to write more as I use to because I could write an entire chapter in one session. The only problem was that I felt that I never had publish worthy material. Now my writing did improve a whole lot. I know you can't tell when I'm posting things with errors, but I tend to write differently for projects and blog posts. I just tend to see the error after I post.

    Although I'm not a hundred percent, I've been taking some pain medicine so it won't be too severe. It has helped (not really), but nothing has actually solved the problem. I guess because no one figured out what it was. I wish to find out why I have severe pain so it can be resolved finally. I do have to get back to writing.

    Anyway, I am in the process of rereading the first book of Polar Qimuktis, and working on the second as usual. That's nothing new, but I put one of my books together. It's the one I have mentioned before that has a demon POV. I wrote only the highlights first in one document. At first, they were just random ideas that seemed disorganized especially trying to figure out which book to put what in. I did plan this one out as I always do, but I had some ideas I had to write down before I forget them. Now, I turned this one into a trilogy and organized the scenes.

    Writing this particular one is something I never thought I'd do. I never thought I would write a book with a demon as the main character due to my religion, and we're always taught to stay clear away from things of this such. It can feel stranger knowing the main character is based from a real demon, many of the characters are. To give a little hint, it's a male demon and so the main character is male. Strangely, after one day finding this demon, I haven't been able to find it again. The demon is perfect for the main character, but it can be hard trying to learn more about this demon. I don't have trouble for the other demons though. I always worry about summoning him by obsessing over this demon. I do know some facts about it, and that the demon is a beastly type with several different forms.

    For manga updates, I pretty much have the first volume planned out. I actually pulled up an older outline, realizing the older one was better than the newer version. I know there's not many pages you have to do for manga, but I'm not sure why it's taking so long finishing it. Again, this is a Shounen which is my favourite categories in manga. This series has many of the elements in typical Shounen manga in order to follow tradition, but it's a different story and stuff like that. I know how much I hated short manga/anime series, and so I am working on making a long series.

    I have started new game projects, wrote some notes down, but placed them on hold for now. I am glad my projects have increased since having just a couple of games to work on.

    I hope to be able to get more work done. I will keep sharing updates when I have any to share. 

    Getting More Work Done...

  • So for those who have been reading my posts, you know I've dealing with a prolonged health issue. This problem prevents me from posting as I use to and limiting my writing time. It's a bit of a personal story, but I just wanted give this example to show others how poor of services that's provided in the United States. This is especially when I viewed a video regarding the healthcare services in Russia, and how despite it being free, the services are poor. What many outside of the United States fail to understand is America may be considered top when it comes to healthcare, the citizens do not receive this top of the line care as assumed by others. The video wasn't the reason why I wanted to share this, but due to recent incidents.

    So lately, my symptoms have gotten worse to the point it is hard for me to function. I have been dealing with this for the entire year of 2019, perhaps longer than that, but I dislike how the pain increased and has intensified significantly. I didn't really want to be seen for it, but my mom insisted that I see what was the problem so I am able to do my work. I went to a few appointments only by her suggestion and concerns. I didn't think it was too serious, but no one really knows what it is. I have been checked by two doctors, but neither of them has gotten to the bottom it.

    Yesterday was a really bad day because the pain was severe, worse than all the previous times. My family tried assisting me in calling for an appointment, but the doctor never got back to us at all, but I felt it was an emergency.

    The worse incident actually happened today. The pain was even worse than yesterday, now feeling as if something would burst in my stomach. My mom was concerned, not wanting anything to happen due to my decision not to get a diagnosis. She suggested to go to the ER, something's she has been suggesting for a while, but I didn't want to go. Despite me being a healthcare professional myself, I personally dislike the hospital. It is different being a Nurse versus being a patient. I just feel I lose control over the situation during hospital visits since lately I've seen less physicians honoring the rule patients have rights to refuse certain care or tests.

    It was hard for me to walk, but I followed my mother's advise and we went to the ER. This one is located in Fridley I believe, the former Allina Unity, but now it is owned by Fairview. The guy at the front desk kept over talking us when trying to explain why I came there. He was nonchalant and didn't allow me to say I don't think it was just a normal belly ache. Everyone treated the situation as if it wasn't serious and not to be taken seriously. My family did research more about my symptoms and it is obvious this is something more than what these "professionals" assume. I do know if this is a prolonged problem it is advised to seek emergency, in which this has been an ongoing issue. This person didn't listen to how the pain is severe. I get severe pain all across my upper abdomen, along with my chest, back and lower abdomen. Being that I can take a lot of pain, I don't complain about something unless it is serious and this was serious. Every time I breath in, it is severe pain. I get very bad chest pains that feels a lot like early warnings of a heart attack or stroke.

    I waited for a long time, and still I sat in waiting room even though the hospital was not busy at all. No one was in the hospital at the time, but they completely ignored that I was in agonizing pain. After waiting for a long time, I told my mom I wanted to just leave because I couldn't sit there any longer. The pain was just too severe and even though I was in the right place, everyone treated me like they could care less and just was laughing among themselves and doing other things. So, we got up and told the guy at the desk I'm just going to leave because the pain is too severe for me to sit there for hours. Very nonchalantly, the guy said, "Okay." Not caring if I get help or not, and so they allowed me to leave the hospital without getting a diagnosis.

    At the urgent care through Walgreens, it was just the same. The workers were very nonchalant and treating it like some joke. The woman kept taking her time and just babbling on about nothing, not even caring I needed an immediate diagnosis. Getting tired of her just arguing with me instead of trying to get me help, I decided I didn't want to see what was wrong.

    Everyday and all day, I'm in severe pain and I've became gravely ill, but I can't even get the medical services I need. This is another disappointment of living in the United States, which made me just frustrated. This story shows how mediocre the healthcare services are in the United States, despite it being the supposedly best country with the top healthcare advances and technology. Yeah, well, the service is very poor, and just like me, most U.S. citizens receive low quality care. Now since several refused to help me, I am left leaving the problem untreated. Nothing has worked to get rid of it, no pain relievers, anti-inflammatory medicine or anything.

    I'm left not knowing what to do, but I really do wish to get back into writing, working on my other projects and my job as I was before this problem. I am not sure if I would have to travel in order to get the diagnosis and the care I need. I may travel outside of the U.S. if this continues and I'm unable to get help. All I have to say is, I am sick of being treated like an outsider, and today made me realize even more how I'm not valued at all as a U.S. citizen. 

    Mediocre Healthcare

  • So, I will begin streaming and recording my gameplay. I did start on Mixer but I wasn't happy about the quality I was receiving and so that's why I am trying to set up Twitch. It's not done yet, but here is my Twitch channel. I'm not too good at working new things, and so I'm trying to learn how to set it up and stuff like that, mainly how to navigate through the website and learning how everything works.

    I was wondering what could I upload on YouTube first and I thought to start with some gameplays. I uploaded one of Lego Indiana Jones: The Original Adventures, but I think I'll redo it because that was a live stream from Mixer. That's a game I haven't played in a few years, so past the first few levels may be a bit strange. My channel will not just be for gameplay though.

    I really would like to start a thing for sampling and reviewing different tea, coffee and cocoa. I purchased some tea from Russia and never tried it because it was a gift for my mom, but I could do it for a video. I just have to have a tea set from Russia and a Kawaii one from Japan. I will be doing the baking stuff too steered towards Kawaii looking food.

    Recently, I found something I wanted to make and that's Syrniki, Russian styled pancakes. I was drawn to this because the pancakes are miniature, more fitting the type of food I will show on my channel. I just have to get the kitchen ready and gather my Kawaii appliances.

    I noticed the Japanese language goes hand to hand with Kawaii stuff. Evidently, since it originated from Japan, and so I've been recently trying to get back into learning Japanese. I will be using both Japanese and Russian though.

    UPDATE: So, the first Twitch live stream was a huge fail because I forgot how to play Lego Indiana Jones: The Original Adventures which was a disaster. My mom advised me to not live stream a game I haven't played in years to not look stupid. That makes sense.

    YouTube and Streaming updates

  • Here is a Q and A since I received some other questions. As usual, I am willing to answer questions and I will answer them on the blog to fill in some blanks about me.

    Q: Do You Enjoy Your Work?

    A: Of course I do. My greatest motto in life is doing something you love doing, if you don't enjoy what you do, you minus well not even waste your time on it. I always strive to work for my passion.

    Q: When will your book be available? You are a writer for fantasy adventure?

    A: Due to health issues, it's a delay, but my book will be available this year. I do write lots of Fantasy Adventure and the first series I will publish falls into that genre. I am not limited to just Fantasy Adventure. I also write Horror, Science Fiction, Western and other genres. My work tends to lends more towards adventure and action though.

    Q: What made you write a book based upon Native American culture?

    A: Purely by my upbringing. I was raised to be very familiar with the Native Americans and their culture. I've spent years learning about their culture which developed a passion for these people. I am grateful to have known the Indigenous people and I would say they were the only good thing that came out of not being raised to know my real family. I was simply interested in the culture and wanted to write what interested me.

    Q: Do You Live in Minneapolis? What is it like living there?

    A: I was raised in Minneapolis, but I now live in Columbia Heights. It's often called Minneapolis instead, but please know those are two different cities. I live in a small town surrounded by lots of factories and eateries. It is a close knit community and very old fashioned. Most who live here are seniors. It can be quiet, well, it use to be quiet and peaceful, but now crime has went up. The neighbors can be a pain if you're lucky to get trouble making and confrontational neighbors. It's a town stuck in their old ways and doesn't like too much change or diversity nor different cultures. However, that is sort of changing since different cultures have been moved into the town, not willingly though.

    Q: Are You Really a Model?

    A: I am starting a modelling career after transforming myself into a Human Doll. I'm modelling only for Lolita and Kawaii fashion. I won't release any photos until my Living Doll appearance is complete for that's what I want to be known for.

    Q: Can You be Considered a Human Barbie?

    I guess someone could if they wish to simplify things. However, I am not a Human Barbie because there are too many Human Barbies. I want to be a different type of Living Doll. I wouldn't mind if anyone calls me a Human Barbie though.

    Q: What is your favourite type of Lolita?

    A: I think it has to be Classic Lolita. I like how it looks more vintage.

    Q: Are you a cosplayer? What is your favourite cosplay?

    A: Not really, but I have cosplayed before. My favourite would be Peachette from the game New Super Mario Bros U Deluxe I watched from a video. I love the dress when she turns into a human. I love cosplay that's similar to Lolita dresses. I also love the cosplay from Love Live! School Idol Project, in which I have cosplayed a few characters before. I will cosplay Peachette very soon.

    Q: Are you still a gamer? What kind of games do you play? What game would you like to play?

    A: Yes, I like a variety of different type of games. I love casual games, games with kawaii styles, but I also love dark, horror games. I play stuff like Crash Team Racing Nitro Fueled, Doom Eternal, Halo series, Lego series and a few others. I did like Minecraft, but I was never good at building anything and so I gave up. I am currently trying to find more games that's worth my time. Wait, my all time favourite is Don't Starve. I would really like to play Dark Deception. Horror games doesn't scare me at all. However, I also would love to play the Mario games, but I don't have a Nintendo.

    Q: There's a Russian Population in Washington, would you visit it?

    A: That's really cool. I never knew that. Yes, I would be interested in visiting someday. I know this person really wanted me to visit his state Washington, especially this town he told me about where Russians seems to flock to. Yes, I can visit Washington, especially now I have to see Amazon headquarters in Seattle.

    Q: How Are you able to speak Russian? Why do you need to learn it then?

    A: I did explain on the other blog in this post. I honestly cannot explain how I'm able to speak Russian without learning the language. Someone told me about the Collective Unconscious theory and I do believe that's the reason why and how. Just like the theory, at random times I can even read Russian. I am learning the language so I can read it automatically and all the time, and to better understand the grammar and everything. I do find it strange I can speak it fluently without learning Russian though.

    Q: Why do you look different than your mom and sister? Why do you look European? Is it true you were born with blonde hair and blue eyes?

    A: Many people wonder that, and the answer is because our family is mixed race. This often happens when you mix races. I have to disagree. I don't think I look European. There are lots of people from the West Asian region who looks like me. Yes, it's true, but my eyes changed to a light brown from an unusual reddish colour. I learned about the Kalash people of Pakistan who often have blonde hair and blue eyes. I do think it's because my mom's family who are European.

    Those are the questions I can answer for now. Many are using Linkedin to ask questions, and they can ask on any site I'm active on.

    Q & A 2

  • It's time for another Insecure Writer's Support Group post. If you would like to learn more about it, please visit here:

    What personal traits have you written into your character(s)?

    From years of research, I learned mostly that was an incorrect way of developing characters, for it's best to detach yourself from your characters. That's what I've heard many experts advise and so I tried to detach myself from my characters as much as possible. Later on, I have noticed some traits from myself and my family slipping into some of my characters. For me specifically, I guess I use the interest of photography which is also my interest. For the book I'll publish first, Polar Qimuktis, I've included some pieces of my interests and personal traits into characters, but not that much. I guess I can say unintentionally my introverted personality I've made characters also introverted such as myself. 

    I noticed there weren't too many homeschooled characters and so I do have one of the main characters from Polar Qimuktis a homeschooled teen. I disliked how our entertainment just teases and badly comments about homeschooled people because it's not bad at all being homeschooled. This way, I can allow others to see a realistic homeschooled life, and that is someone who becomes more education and career oriented, which I feel is a personal trait of mine that I have used a few times. 

    Well, I also would love to see more characters wearing the type of clothes I wear, and so I wanted to create characters that has the same style. 

    Well, I'm not sure if this counts, but many of my characters were based from personal interests and traits I guess. My major personal trait I do repeatedly include is my strive to be self reliant and strong. I prefer to write female characters as a mirror of my family and my upbringing of being independent, to be my own hero and to be tough. I know my clothes doesn't read the same thing, but I strive for this and have always favored these sort of female characters. I get easily annoyed by female characters and I must carefully develop them into a character I can be proud to stand behind and for others to read. 

    IWSG July 3rd 2019

  • As an upcoming Living Doll, I have been doing some more research on becoming a Living Doll. Well, trying to because I feel the Google search results are not very relevant to this lifestyle because it often associates this with off topic things. I hope to allow others to better understand Living Dolls.

    I read one description saying Living Dolls are women who dresses, talks and looks like a porcelain doll which sounds like my ideal lifestyle. I don't feel my look is finished and polished and so I have been trying to reach that point where I could be satisfied with how my porcelain appearance is. I will completely transform myself into a doll or either anime character.

    On Tumblr and Wikihow, there are a few tutorials on how to become a Living Doll. Yes, it was emphasized on how most Living Dolls are European or Asian, but Asian, these sites only referred to East Asian (e.g. Chinese, Japanese etc.). I do agree and must state no, you don't have to be European or East Asian to transform yourself into a Living Doll. Since getting this question as to what Living Doll would I be, I am still not sure what race should I be categorized as. This is why I've been trying to figure that out.

    The other major steps are keeping a good skin care, hair care, nail care and makeup routine. I have gotten out of this tomboyish habit of not caring about this and just leaving out the door, but in order to become a Living Doll, this takes a lot more than just soap. I have added facial routines, skin care routines that I am also experimenting with things I find online and well, I am working on nail polish. I don't polish my nails, but that is sort of an important step as well.

    Obviously, you must keep up a routine to make sure you have even toned skin or no flaws or blemishes. The goal is to have porcelain skin which is flawless. Now, porcelain, I mean only flawless. It's good to have no blemishes, unevenness or scars. Since I was a tomboyish girl, I didn't care too much about scars but now I do. Now I have some scars on my hands, arms and legs. One is a dog bite, some are from skateboarding and handling dogs like Huskies and stuff as a wannabe musher.

    I was told since I have pale skin, it is crucial to keep my pale complexion because dolls do not have tans or any uneven skin tones and stuff like that. No skin damage or anything like that. My family has a garden and we work in the spring, summer and fall, but I will make sure I don't get a tan or any skin damage.

    Another interesting thing I've read was how we need to end the dumb girl stereotype. In order to do that, we need more educated Living Dolls. Well, I think probably since I am not just a Living Doll, that may help in ending the stereotype. It was suggested to learn a language, but I think you don't have to know another language if that isn't that person's interest to. I know most Living Dolls can speak Japanese, but I haven't been studying Japanese lately. Since I could speak Russian, I have been learning Russian only so I can automatically read it and know the grammar and to better understand it. Instead of Japanese, I notice my theme changing from Japanese to Russian and Turkish. I guess this is okay. If I do not learn Japanese in time for my complete look, I may write and speak Russian instead. Well, Russian is getting more into parts of my own ancestral roots. However, I will get back into learning Japanese.

    The other important step is personality, in which you must have the personality to fit a Living Doll. I have been told by others my personality naturally suits this which is how they feel I would fit into this lifestyle. Yeah, I am shy, calm spirited person and I do strive to be nice. Being kind and happy is the major personality traits, but also to have the mentality of being innocent as well. Living Dolls have sweet voices and I never liked my voice because I thought it was too soft, but it turns out it's perfect for becoming a Living Doll. The key is to have a sweet, soft voice.

     So, this is what I wanted to share about this...

    Rules in Becoming a Living Doll

  • Recently, I've been viewing tutorials on getting a YouTube Channel started. Yes, I am currently getting my channel together and everything, and that does include getting use to talking to a camera. I will make sure to post what I learned and as I become an expert on creating YouTube Channels. My YouTube Channel will have a slight different theme from my blogs and the usual Tikaani Moon brand. I will keep a consistent theme of the Wolf, but since I am an upcoming Living Doll, it will be more focused on Kawaii lifestyle. I wish there were more videos about being a Living Doll. I mean, more channels on the life and related topics. I will give a tour of my bedroom when the transformation is complete. I hope soon I will be satisfied with my appearance. I also like wearing historical clothing and so I will make videos about that as well.

    I know the Kawaii lifestyle leans towards a Japanese theme and yes, I will share the items I purchase from Japan that fits into the Kawaii stuff. I've been trying to continue my Japanese studying, but I know more Russian than Japanese. So I may interchange and use both languages. I love being international and not focused on one culture. For my Living Doll style, I sort of borrowed from different fashion styles from a few countries.

    I have viewed some videos of other Living Dolls and those who just loves the Kawaii lifestyle. These videos inspired me to get going on my transformation and lifestyle. I will make sure to show my Lolita outfits in one of the videos too because I really love my beautiful dolly clothes. Also, I'll show my accessories, wig collection and skin care routine when I finally get one I like. I am still trying to change from my life as a tomboyish person.

    My goal is to bring the Tikaani Moon brand into a human version, which would bring it to an Anime theme. I guess I don't mind that although I at first didn't think of becoming a real life Anime character until recently. However, I still like the Ellowyne Wilde Doll and would love to become a real life Ellowyne Wilde. I won't stop until I look closeness to a doll. When people see me, I want them to say, "She looks exactly like a doll."

    I just wish I knew other Living Dolls or either women who wears Lolita and Kawaii fashion.

    I will make sure to post updates about that and as usual, I will answer any questions anyone ask.

    Concluding This With A Q&A 

    Q: Do you have any children? Are you Married?

    A: I have no children nor am I married due to my introversion. I wanted to address a message from a mother who sympathized I may be incapable of having children. Thanks, but I'm perfectly fine if I can't have children.

    Q: Are you Japanese? Are you Asian?

    A: Technically, I am considered Asian according to my West Asian and Romani/South Asian ancestry. There can be a possibility I have some Japanese percentage, but for certain, I do have traces from Southeast Asia.

    Q: Can you share more about your Russian background? 

    A: As I shared before, I found out I have family members who are Russian, but also other Eastern Europeans. I believe half are Turkish and the other half are Slavic. I learned my ancestry originates from Russia even though I have ancestry from the Mediterranean region, but not sure how. There are hints my biological grandma was from Russia and my mom has a few Russian siblings. I would love to learn more about this. When I learn more, I will share it.

    Q: Which Middle Eastern country is your ancestry from?

    A: Recently, I found traces from North Africa and the Middle East. It's hard to tell since I see traces from different countries, but most of the percentage goes to Morocco, Iraq and Turkey.

    Q: Are you still moving to Japan?

    A: I know I've been planning it for a few years now, but I was trying to do more research to make sure Japan would be the best country for my family to live in. I recently had an interest to live in Germany after learning more about the country. I am just trying to pick the safest country to move to. Plus, I would like to wait until some tensions have calmed.

    Lastly, I wanted to answer a question regarding my health. I don't think it's a too serious problem, but I still don't know why I have severe pain. There were a few theories it was inflammation, an injury or an ulcer. I heard ulcers were painful to have since this means having open wounds internally, but most of the time they are caused by long-term use of pain relievers.

    And, I will be willing to answer any other questions. Thank you for reading and for your interests in my ancestry, especially thank you for your interests about the Russian culture and people with Russian ancestry. To those who sent messages saying they love Russian culture, I also love the culture, the language, the music, the people and fashion. 

    Upcoming YouTube Channel (and Q&A)

  • Since it is Friday night, I thought to post at least something to keep the blog updated. First, my Living Doll transformation was unfortunately put on hold due to my ongoing health issues. It's not a serious issue I think. I went to an appointment Wednesday and there was some suspicion part of my problems come from a reproductive complication. It doesn't bother me if I am unable to have children, but I'm bothered by the fact it affects my overall health and ability to write. It has been really hard doing my job and I can't get much writing done. I must wait for 2 months to see if things have improved or I won't get approved for plastic surgery, which frustrates me. That I learned is only part of my problem, but not all of it and so trying to see what else it wrong.

    Speaking of writing though, I have took this time to learn more about publishing. I have been trying to get at least some pages done everyday, but I find myself unable to reach those goals. Since I turned on my computer now, I may use the time to write some stuff after posting this. Not much has changed with my Polar Qimuktis projects, but I have a new idea for a new manga project. I am just writing down notes and ideas for that. I also added more ideas for a game project. This would fit into the Horror category which has been my latest game ideas I've noticed. My progress annoys me because I would like to have the second book and the other books to the series also done. It's taking longer than I want it to.

    After getting that postcard in the mail from Russia, I've been doing a lot of thinking. I know I've said my mom nor myself wouldn't want to meet our real family, but I guess we wouldn't reject it if someone is trying to contact the family. For the past few days, I observed the celebration of Navy Day and Victory Day in Russia, just thinking of the country I wasn't able to know. For years, it has been my dream to see Russia and it's still a dream. Honestly, I would liked to have known my mother's family, my family. I felt both families missed so much of each other's lives, and now if we meet, it would feel like meeting strangers. At first, we were fine without ever knowing anything, especially the family. I've been trying to find the truth about who I am since growing up taking the African American race as my own identification, but I recently learned I'm not African American. Going through life not knowing your race or your ancestry is hard, not knowing who you are. I had to figure it out and get the information on my own.

    After a lot of thinking, I guess I would like to get to know our real family. Now that I know some of my mom's biological family reads my posts, I would like to say my family would accept the family trying to reunite. I would appreciate if anyone has information regarding our full ancestry and where we fit into the family tree. All I know is that I'm an Arab/Turkish admixture, which suggests perhaps my family came from the Turkish population of Russia. I do know also there are other family members in other countries. Well, where ever the family is from, we will accept communication. I hope it won't be a quick visit, but I prefer if the family were serious in us getting to know each other. If you keep reading, I will post more things so the family would get to know my family, but it would be nice to also get to know you. I think also it would be better to visit Russia with family who live there.

    ...Oh I almost forgot about pet updates which I have gotten a few requests about getting updates on our pets. Recent incidents made me realize it isn't just Toto being a jerk, but also Scotty. I was hoping we'd be able to get our dogs to get along soon, but we ended up having to put up gates to separate each dog. They now have their own space in the house, where Toto is in the living room and Scotty has the kitchen, back porch and master bedroom. They are territorial, in which yes, we were warned about this when getting two male dogs, but I still prefer this over getting stuck with a bunch of puppies no one wants to buy. I honestly can't imagine having more than 2 Terriers in the house.

    Recently too, I've gotten news how allergies change over time from my appointment. I've always wanted to own a cat, but never was able to. June 25th, I have an appointment for an Allergist and I would like to see if I'm still allergic to cats. I have always preferred cats over dogs, and so I hope I can have one now.

    And so, here are the pretty random updates... As usual, if there are any errors, I will fix them later.

    Some Random Updates

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